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Lindsay is stuck in the middle of her relationship with Ben and his passion for the Boston Red Sox.
Lindsey Meeks: If you love me enough to sell your tickets, I love you enough not to let you.
[last lines] Al: [voice over] Oh, one more thing. You know that little player to be named later? Ben says if it's a boy, they'll name him Ted Williams Wrightman. If it's a girl, Carla Yastrzemski Wrightman. Let's all pray for a boy.
Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves? Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down. Troy: Huh? Ben: That's right. I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.
Ben: You're gonna get arrested. Lindsey Meeks: You can't sell your tickets! Ben: That's why you ran across the whole field?... Wait, you've got to tell me - was it spongy?
Ben: ...you do this thing... it's so cute I wanna kill myself.
[Ben's friends enter his apartment, to find him re-watching a tape of Bill Buckner's infamous World Series error] Gerard: Oh, my God. Kevin: The Buckner game? Gerard: I thought you took that away from him! Kevin: I did!
Ryan: You love the Red Sox, but have they ever loved you back? Ben: Who do you think you are, Dr. Phil? Go on, get outta here!
[first lines] Al: [voice over] Eighty-six years of bangin' our heads against the big green wall, but we finally did it. That part you know. That part everybody knows. But I got a story you don't know. It's about this schoolteacher friend of mine named Ben.
Robin: He's offering Ben $125,000 for his Red Sox tickets. Sarah: Are you really that rich? Robin: Yes. Sarah: Then why don't you dress better?
Ben: That's not Yankee dancing - that's Devil Rays dancin'!
Lindsey Meeks: So you don't have a cell phone, a pager, a blackberry nothing? What if some sudden crisis occurs like your father has a heart attack or something? Ben: My father died two years ago. Lindsey Meeks: Oh, I'm sorry. Ben: No, actually I just found out this morning so it's been a rough 24 hours. You know, maybe I should get a cell phone. Lindsey Meeks: [laughs] You're funny, Ben... Ben: Wrightman. Ben: You forgot my last name, didn't you? Lindsey Meeks: No, I just... blanked. Ben: No, I bet when you talk to your friends you call me Ben the School Teacher.
Ben: Bucky Friggin' Dent!
Reporter at Spring Training: Where do the Sox rank in terms of importance in your life? Ben: I say the Red Sox... sex... and breathing.
Ben: [while helping sick Lindsay into her pajamas] I won't look - I promise. [pause] Ben: Okay, I looked.
Lindsey Meeks: At what point do you say to yourself, "I'm counting on you to be the one, and I have no fall back plan."?
Ben: Well, let's start the interrogation. Molly: No, no, it's not like that. Ian: [finishes his drink and hands his glass to Ben] Here. It's for the urine sample. Ben: Shoot, I wish you would have told me. I just took a wizz in your bushes.
Ben: You know what's really great about baseball? Lindsey Meeks: Hmm? Ben: You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life you don't have to be great in - business, music, art - I mean you can get lucky. Lindsey Meeks: Really? Ben: Yeah, you can fool everyone for awhile, you know? It's like - not - not baseball. You can either hit a curveball or you can't. That's the way it works... Lindsey Meeks: Hmm. Ben: You know? Ben: You can have a lucky day, sure, but you can't have a lucky career. It's a little like math. It's orderly. Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up. It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh... Lindsey Meeks: Life? Ben: Yeah. It's - it's safe.
Lindsey Meeks: [moans, groans] Oh, just kill me. Just take a hammer and kill me. Ben: [rings doorbell] Lindsey Meeks: Oh, shit. Who is it? Ben: I-It's me, it's Ben. Your date? Lindsey Meeks: Oh, God, no. Oh. [unlocks, opens door] Lindsey Meeks: I'm sick. Come back. I'll call you tomorrow. [closes door] Lindsey Meeks: Go away. Ben: [holds door open] Wait, wait, wait. What kind of sick? Are you okay? Are you in pain? Lindsey Meeks: I - [swallows] Lindsey Meeks: I ate at this new place. I think - [runs to bathroom, vomits] Ben: Are you faking it? Because we don't really have to do this if you don't... Lindsey Meeks: [vomits] Ernie, go away. Ernie, don't eat that! Oh, shit. Ben: So you wanna pull the plug on this thing, or - ? Lindsey Meeks: [vomits, coughs]
Lindsey Meeks: I'm going to Paris, and I'm taking vous! Ben: Moi? Lindsey Meeks: Oui!
Lindsey Meeks: Just take a hammer and kill me.
Lindsey Meeks: I saw you on ESPN. Ben: Oh! We looked like morons, didn't we? Lindsey Meeks: Uh, yah, yah, totally. And - not you so much, but... Ben: Well, it's very hot, you know, it's Florida.
Ben: [to his friends on megaphone] Quick break, everybody. There's some nice Pakistani cold cuts there, courtesy of Mrs. Segal.
Lindsey Meeks: [the Yankee Red Sox game is on] No, it's the game! [holding Ben's ears] Ben: No, I'm fine. It's just a game.
Viv: Johnny Damon, you got the sweetest ass in the league!
[repeated line] Al: Al Waterman, have a sponge.
Ben: I like being part of something that's bigger than me, than I. It's good for your soul to invest in something you can't control. Lindsey Meeks: You're a romantic. You have a lyrical soul. You can love under the best and worst conditions.
Ben: What are you doing? Kevin: Relax. I'm a doctor. Ben: Yeah, well, not to pry, doc, but why are you shaving my balls?
Ben: [hands shaking] This is odd it never happened before. Al: You're havin' a stroke. Good!
Uncle Carl: [after seeing little Ben is liking the Red Sox after his first game] Careful, kid. They'll break your heart.
Stephen King: Hey Ump, get off your knees. You're blowing the game!
Lindsey Meeks: Wow, you have quite a little group here. Ben: Well, it's my summer family.
Sarah: Die, Nazi spin bitch!
Lindsey Meeks: Bertie, no. Bertie don't eat that!
Lindsey Meeks: [Exercising with her friends at the gym] I'm going to be 20+10 and what do I have to show for it... nothing but work!
Lindsey Meeks: You don't see us tangled up in the sheets with the Eiffel Tower in the background. You see the Mariners are coming in, and Pedro's pitching Friday. Ben: No, on Saturday. Schilling's Friday.
Ben: Yeah, she's great. Definitely the best girlfriend I've had. The sex was... [stops because of Ryan] Ryan: Okay, Mr. Wrightman, I gotta bat but let me leave you with this advice - you love the sox but have they ever loved you back? Ben: What are you? Dr. Phil? Get outta here go... go swing the bat.