While drinking at their local pub, three social outcasts attempt to navigate a time-travel conundrum.

[first lines]
Ray: Time travel. It'll turn your brain into spaghetti if you let it. Best not to think about it. Best just to get on with the job in hand. Which is destroying the enemy before they're even born and have a chance to threaten us. We're expecting any resistance to be light, because the ancestors of our enemies have yet to evolve any thumbs... or indeed spines. But that does not change the fact that they may one day evolve into a species that may pose a threat to us. And for that reason, we are going to rain down a fiery death upon them that will turn the surface of their planet into a radioactive desert! Because we are the planetary peace corps! And that is what we do! Now, are you nappy-wearing motherfuckers ready to lock and load, and *get it on*?
Pete: Well, what do we do? I mean this is your shit...
Ray: This isn't my shit. My shit is sitting on my arse reading about this shit...
Ray: Chaos theory is basically the idea that tiny things can have huge consequences. So because you delayed me from going through there, all of the little things that I was going to do have been delayed subsequently, and that has a knock-on effect - which can totally change the future.
Cassie: So... So wait, that means you're going to drink your pint a little bit later, which means... You're going to go to the bathroom a little bit later... My God Ray, you're right! That's terrible, we're all doomed!
Pete: So what do we do now Ray?
Ray: What?
Pete: This is your thing.
Ray: This is not my thing, no my thing is sitting on my arse reading books about this shit not actually being in it
Pete: What about the rules, I mean there's always rules in these things isn't there
Ray: Well yeah, but i mean it depends who you read
Toby: Well even i know some rules
Ray: Like what
Toby: Like you can't tread on any butterflies
Pete: What?
Ray: Don't sleep with anyone, it always ends up being your mum or your gran
Pete: That's just sick
Toby: Ray it's still tonight we haven't gone back to the Blitz
Ray: You asked for rules I'm giving you rules
Pete: OK, don't kill anything, don't fuck anything, what else?
Ray: Don't touch yourself
Ray: Little bit weird, but ummm... turns out everybody in the future, American.
Pete: Holy shit. I will take your time traveling hottie and raise you a pub full of dead bodies.
Ray: Do you have any idea how rare it is to find a girl who's into science fiction, who doesn't have everything pierced?
Cassie: How do you know I haven't?
Ray: It's time travel, shit like that can happen.
Cassie: Ray, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
Ray: Some girls are into science fiction.
Pete: Yeah, that's your problem, Ray. Your ideal girl... is you. With tits.

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