After being mortally wounded and taken to the morgue, murderer Jason Voorhees spontaneously revives and embarks on a killing spree as he makes his way back to his home at Camp Crystal Lake.

Axel: [Jason's hand falls on Axel and Nurse Morgan] Jesus Christmas! Holy Jesus! Goddamn! Holy Jesus jumping Christmas shit!
Trish: [in the house with Jason] Tommy! Tommy, get the hell outta here!
[Jason appears. Trish then holds him off with the machete]
Trish: You son of a bitch! I'll give ya something to remember us by.
Sara: I'm going upstairs.
Doug: Are you tired?
Sara: No.
Sara: Do you want to sleep in the bottom bunk?
Doug: Do you want to sleep in the top bunk?
Sara: No.
Jimmy: [shows Tina's panties] Why don't you run this through your computer, Teddy Bear?
Ted: Hey, congratulations, Jimbo.
Axel: [Nurse Morgan starts to leave] Hey, hey. Where you going?
Nurse Morgan: I'll tell you where I'm going! I'm going crazy!
Jimmy: Hey, Ted, where's that corkscrew? You know, that fancy corkscrew for the wine bottle? Ted. Ted? TED! HEY, TED, where the hell is the corkscrew?
[Jason shoves it into Jimbo's hand]
Doug: Sara, I think I'm in heaven.
Sara: I think I'm in love.
Tommy: Die! Die! Die! Die!
Nurse Morgan: Axel, you are the Super Bowl of self-abuse!
Jimmy: He thinks that's funny. He thinks that's a funny thing he's doing.
Tommy: [after watching the teens skinny-dipping] Some pack of patootsies, huh?
Trish: Tommy!
Samantha: Come on, Sara. Strip and dip.
Sara: Sam, I said no.
Samantha: Well then, I'm gonna go under and stay under until you do.
Jimmy: Ted. I think... I think when we get to town I should call Betty.
Ted: Jimbo, calling Betty is definitely a dead fuck thing to do. Look, first rule of love: never get rejected by the same girl twice, I mean that's useless. If you want to make a fool out of yourself, always do it with someone new.
Jimmy: I don't know anyone new.
Ted: Well, sex is a great way to meet them.
Rob Dier: Help. He's killing me. He's killing me.
Ted: You broke up with "B.J. Betty"?
Jimmy: So to speak. And would you lay off her? She's alright!
Ted: I'll say she's alright. That girl wanted to be treated right! You should have treated her *right*!
Jimmy: I did! I treated her right! I treated her right, that's what's driving me so crazy. I mean first she would tell me to call because she had something else she needed to do. Then she wouldn't even take my calls! I mean, can you figure that? What the fuck happened?
Ted: Let me put it into the ol' computer.
Jimmy: No, Ted I'm serious.
Ted: Hey. The computer don't lie, let's see
[Imitates using a computer, pauses, then smiles]
Jimmy: What?
Ted: It says... it says you're a dead fuck.
Jimmy: What? A dead fuck?
Ted: A lousy lay, you know
[limps his wrist]
Ted: a limp dick.
Jimmy: Oh! Don't hold back on me doc, give it to me straight!
Ted: I did not say it, the computer did!
Jimmy: Yeah, well there is no computer!
Ted: Aha! And there's no Betty, either.
Jimmy: And I'm a dead fuck?
Ted: Like I said, the computer don't lie.
Jimmy: [sighs] God, I'm horny...
Ted: And Jimbo, don't be such a dead fuck.
Jimmy: I told you... I told you that I didn't like that.
Axel: I'm free, doll.
Nurse Morgan: And a bargain at twice the price.
Axel: Hey. What's the matter?
Nurse Morgan: I have a headache, Axel. For you, I always have a headache.
Axel: Oh, I can fix that. Meet me in the cold room. I'm closing up for the night. What do you say? Okay?
Nurse Morgan: Axel, I am not going to fake any more orgasms for you.
Officer Jamison: [on TV news] But to answer your question, yes, the man responsible for the murders in Wessex County this past week is at this moment in the Wessex County Medical Center morgue.
Axel: [to Jason's body] Hey. That's you they're talking about on TV, pal.
[Rob nearly attacks Trish by mistake]
Rob Dier: What the hell are you doing here?
Trish: What are you trying to do, kill me?
Doctor: [to Trish] Under extreme duress, people are capable of extraordinary behavior. That's what happened when your brother violently attacked the killer. At that moment, it was perfectly normal for him to act to protect himself.
Sara: I don't know how you do it.
Samantha: I don't know how you don't.
Sara: I mean... you do it with everybody.
Samantha: I do not. I do it with Paul
Sara: Really?
Samantha: Come on Sara, I mean you know how guys are. They lie about that all the time. They say that about everybody.
Sara: They don't say that about me. I mean I don't have a...
Samantha: Ahhh... a reputation.
Sara: I didn't say that.
Samantha: Uh-huh! Look I got my reputation in the 6th grade.
Sara: What does Paul think?
Samantha: Paul thinks I'm great in bed, so that's where I keep him.
Nurse Morgan: [lights click off] Get lost, Axel. I'm busy. I've had more than enough of you for one night.
Nurse Morgan: Read my lips, leave me alONE! AAH!
[Jason grabs her, props her against a wall, and guts her with a scalpel]
Ted: Let me put this into the ol' computer.
Jimmy: Ted, I'm serious about this.
Ted: Hey, the computer don't lie.
Vincent: Is this your last?
Axel: Got one more over there. A real cute girl.
Vincent: Was.
Axel: [Looks at the body] She still is. All you gotta do is go over there and take off...
Vincent: Nice talk, real nice talk. I get the top copy.
Vincent: All dead. Some emergency.
Ted: [to hitchhiker] Hey, honey, you got a sister? Ruff, ruff!
Axel: You got the curse?
Nurse Morgan: If I do, you're it!
Mrs. Jarvis: Someone left the front door open again.
Tommy: We're in the country.
Mrs. Jarvis: Well, what happens if a psycho wanders in?
Trish: He'd probably challenge him to a game of Zaxxon.
Rob Dier: Jason's body has disappeared from the morgue.
Trish: It was stolen.
Rob Dier: It was not stolen. Two people at the hospital are missing. Is this coincidence? He's alive.
Vincent: [looks at Jason's body] This the guy that's been leaving the wet stuff?
Officer Jamison: Yeah. This time he got seven kids and three bikers. This time they got him.
Ted: [to Jimmy] You're a dead fuck.
[repeated line]
Ted: Dead fuck.

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