A teenager suspects that his new neighbor is a vampire.

Jerry Dandrige: [to Peter] Look at you all grown up. Welcome to Fright Night. For real.
[Peter tries to shoot him but misses]
Jerry Dandrige: You've got your mother's eyes.
[Peter misses again]
Jerry Dandrige: And you're father's aim.
Ginger: Good show tonight right, baby-cakes?
Peter Vincent: You were late again on the "Devil's Torture Chamber".
Ginger: I have something for you, look.
[she gives him the middle finger]
Ginger: You were early again. In the bedroom.
Peter Vincent: Fuck you!
Ginger: I will fuck myself. Someone's gotta do it.
Peter Vincent: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. That doesn't narrow it down. That's like, mini-golf and sushi.
Charley Brewster: You read way too much Twilight.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: That's fiction, okay. This is real. He's a real monster and he's not brooding, or lovesick, or noble. He's the fucking shark from Jaws. He kills, he feeds, and he doesn't stop until everybody around him is dead. And I seriously am so angry you think I read Twilight.
Evil Ed Thompson: Oh, you're so COOL, Brewster!
Charley Brewster: Wait a minute. You get deliveries this late?
Peter Vincent: Yeah. Um, no. I don't know.
Charley Brewster: Oh, shit. No. You said that guy could come in. That's a...
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [interrupting] That's an invitation, airhead.
Peter Vincent: You think I'm hanging out with Dracula? And the Easter Bunny? Fuck off!
Peter Vincent: Ginger, we got a delivery.
Ginger: [eating ice cream] I'm watching my program! You get it!
Peter Vincent: You're TiVo-ing it, you lazy cow!
Charley Brewster: Ed came to me, and I turned my back on him.
Amy: How were you supposed to believe him?
Charley Brewster: I mean, he begged me. I mean, he really... And he was my best friend.
Amy: I know but, Charley, people, they change.
Charley Brewster: Yeah, and I just changed into a dick.
Peter Vincent: How did you get in here?
Charley Brewster: Well security is a little lax since everybody got their throat torn out.
Jerry Dandrige: [to Ed] You've been watching me. I've been watching you. It seems fair.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but that guy, your neighbor; yeah, he's a vampire man.
Charley Brewster: My neighbor?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Yeah.
Charley Brewster: Next door?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Yeah.
Charley Brewster: Jerry. I just met him.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Okay. Jerry.
Charley Brewster: That is a terrible vampire name. Jerry?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I didn't name him, man. I'm just reporting the facts.
[after Jerry blows up the Brewster house]
Jerry Dandrige: I don't need an invitation if there's no house.
Peter Vincent: Let's kill something.
Peter Vincent: I'm a great date. Get me drunk, and I'll try anything.
Jerry Dandrige: Welcome to Fright Night! For real.
Amy: Charley's going to come. He's gonna find me.
Jerry Dandrige: I'm counting on it.
Peter Vincent: [grabbing his crotch] Leather, it doesn't breathe, you know? Fucking rashes are fucking killing me!
Charley Brewster: You think if you live and we all die, you'll be able to get us out of your head?
Peter Vincent: No, I know I won't. I never could after the first time. So I told myself that I made it up. I was a kid. Figured it was easier to believe in monsters.
Charley Brewster: Made what up?
Peter Vincent: The vampire that killed my parents, but not me. You think I collected all this stuff because it was bitching?
Jane Brewster: You know, getting what you want can be stressful. Especially when you're not used to getting it. More to lose.
Jerry Dandrige: This girl tonight. She's a handful, you know? Women who look a certain way, they... they need to be managed. It's true. Your dad ducked out on you, huh? Your mom, she didn't exactly say, but there's a kind of... neglect. Gives off a scent. You don't mind my saying, you got a lot on your shoulders for a kid. The two of you, alone. And your girl... Amy. She's ripe. I bet there's a line of guys dying to pluck that. Your mom, too. You don't see it. Maybe you do, but she's putting it out. It's on you to look after them. You up for that, guy?
Charley Brewster: I think I can manage.
Jerry Dandrige: Good. Because there's a lot of bad people out there, Charley. Everyone's got to look after his own business.
Peter Vincent: [brandishing a crucifix] Back, spawn of Satan!
Jerry Dandrige: [chuckles] Oh, really?
[Dandridge grabs the cross, crushes it, and throws it aside]
Jerry Dandrige: You have to have faith for this to work on me!
Peter Vincent: [to Charley] I'm gonna pop your cherry.
Peter Vincent: Mrs. Brewster. My God, the phone lines have been cut.
[Evil Ed arises from under the bed sheets with a wig on]
Evil Ed: I know.
Evil Ed: I DID IT!
Peter Vincent: Where is Charley's mother?
Evil Ed: [removes the wig] Oh, well, she's working nights. BUT!... she left a note.
[He chuckles like a speed freak as he removes the note from his pocket. He reads it]
Evil Ed: Mmmmmm mmm! His dinner... is in the oven!
Jerry Dandrige: I'll catch you later.
[repeated line]
Jerry Dandrige: Hey, guy.
Peter Vincent: I have just been fired because nobody wants to see vampire killers anymore, or vampires either. Apparently all they want to see are demented madmen running around in ski-masks, hacking up young virgins.
Charley Brewster: Look, Detective Lennox, Jerry Dandridge is vampire!
Detective Lennox: Yeah, sure, and I'm Dirty Harry!
Jerry Dandrige: Mr Vincent. I've seen all of your films. And I found them... very amusing!
Jerry Dandrige: You smell that? It's your fear.
[Jerry hisses at a ray of sunlight]
Jerry Dandrige: It's intoxicating. It's a very specific scent, Charley.
Charley Brewster: [entering Peter's penthouse and seeing his artifacts] Wow. This is all his stuff?
Ginger: He started collecting tarots and Ouijas. Gateway stuff. Now scholars, they call him for answers. Those books, the forgotten texts, the Agrippa. He's read them all.
[Charley tries to touch an item]
Ginger: No, no. Don't touch anything. He's PMS-y today. Sensitive little girl. Over there, that's haunted antiques. Cursed stuff! And that's... that's Peter's honorary degree from LVSU. But he got it off the internet.
Jane Brewster: Ed called. Again.
Charley Brewster: Oh yeah?
Jane Brewster: I'm tired of making excuses for you, Charley. If you don't want to talk to him, just tell him.
Charley Brewster: Kind of defeats the purpose.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: You know, I expected more of a fight from you, Brewster. Girl's made you lazy in the head. Pussy will do that.
[first lines]
Announcer: Defy reason. Defy everything you know. A mind blowing experience of the occult and supernatural. Peter Vincent. A magical tour de force. Peter Vincent. Welcome to Fright Night. Onstage at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.
Jane Brewster: Hey, kid. Don't leer at the neighbors.
Charley Brewster: Hey, she's the one that put the word on her butt. I'm just reading it.
Charley Brewster: Jesus, I warned him!
Evil Ed: He got me, Charley! He bit me! You know what you're gonna have to do now, don't you? Kill me. Kill me, Charley... before I turn into a vampire, and... GIVE YOU A HICKEY!
'Evil' Ed Thompson: You know Adam's missing, right?
Charley Brewster: What do you mean Adam's missing?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I keep trying him. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. I don't know if you were paying attention to roll call, but he's not the only one that's gone.
[Peter Vincent has just hurt the vampire Evil Ed with a crucifix]
Evil Ed: The master will kill you for this! But not fast. Slowly! Oh, so slowly!
'Evil' Ed Thompson: What the fuck happened to you? We were inseperable.
Charley Brewster: Yeah, well you know when my life started to get better? When I stopped being friends with you.
[Jerry Dandridge has cornered a terrified Evil Ed into an alley]
Jerry Dandrige: Hello, Edward. You don't have to be afraid of me. I know what it's like being different. Only they won't pick on you anymore... or beat you up. I'll see to that. All you have to do is take my hand.
Jane Brewster: [as Jerry's hand tries to grab her] Charley, fucking kick him!
'Evil' Ed Thompson: You want me to go tell your pals how well we really know each other? The LEGO contests, the Farscape conventions, the costumes?
Charley Brewster: Please, stop.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Or how about that one time you took my Stretch Armstrong so you could tie it around your balls and jerk off for an hour?
Jerry Dandrige: [making a veiled threat to Charley] See you... soon.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Peter, over intercom] Hey, are you enjoying your panic room, master of darkness? God, you are such a pussy. I love it!
[Charley turns to a now believing, now terrified Peter Vincent for help fighting vampires]
Peter Vincent: That's just a character I played in a movie! Peter Vincent's not even my real name!
Mark: Man, that was some fucked up night.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Charley] Really, can we pretend for one minute that you're not a complete douchebag?
Jerry Dandrige: What were you thinking, Charley? That you were just going to walk in here with your little crossbow and put to bed 400 years of survival? No, Charley. Not likely.
Jerry Dandrige: It takes a real man to wear Puce.
Evil Ed: Charley, that wasn't the only murder. Second in two days. And get this...
Evil Ed: Both of them had their heads chopped off.
Evil Ed: Could you believe it?
Charley Brewster: You're sick.
Jerry Dandrige: What's the matter Charley? Afraid I'd never come over without being invited first?
Evil Ed Thompson: And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?
Peter Vincent: I am Peter Vincent, vampire killer!
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [after Charley grabs an axe] Nice weapon there, Squid Boy!
Jerry Dandrige: You shouldn't lose your temper, Charley. It isn't polite.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Mark] Don't you have some sluts to go fuck?
Billy Cole: [Billy lunges out and surprises Charley as Charley is opening the basement storm door] Hey, Kid! What are you doing?
Charley Brewster: Nothin'...
Billy Cole: [Smiling menacingly] Oh, yeah? Well, just see that it stays that way... Kid.
Jane Brewster: The whole house looks like that show Dark Shadows.
[last lines]
Amy: Will you promise me, now we'll finally be alone?
Charley Brewster: I promise.
Amy: Promise?
Charley Brewster: I promise, promise, promise.
[two bouncers take away Charley and Amy]
Club Rate Bouncer #2: I got him!
Jerry Dandrige: He's mine.
Club Rate Bouncer #1: You want chicken, man, you go someplace else.
Jerry Dandrige: Out of my way!
Club Rate Bouncer #1: Move me!
[Jerry's hand changes, his eyes glow red, and reveals a set of fangs]
Club Rate Bouncer #1: LEON!
Amy: It was just evil messin' around again... Cut it out evil, it's not funny!
Charley Brewster: What if he was really in trouble?
Amy: Charley, you're not gonna let him sucker you in again are you?
Billy Cole: Well, what do we have here? Vampire-killers?
[Billy begins to ascend up the stairs, and Peter draws his gun]
Peter Vincent: Stop... Stop, or I'll shoot.
[Billy ignores him and continues to walk up the stairs]
Peter Vincent: I'm warning you. Don't force me to shoot!
[Billy still ignores him, and Peter shoots him point blank in the head. His body collides down the stairs as Jerry begins to sneak up behind Charley and Peter. Charley turns around and draws out his cross]
Charley Brewster: STOP!
[Jerry covers his eyes, whimpering]
Charley Brewster: We have him.
[Jerry removes his arm from his eyes and looks down at Billy's body at the bottom of the steps]
Jerry Dandrige: Do you?
[Jerry smiles and retreats; Charley and Peter are confused]
Charley Brewster: What did he mean by that?
Peter Vincent: Nothing! He was just bluffing.
[Behind them, Billy rises... from the dead!]
Charley Brewster: [after getting fooled by Evil Ed in the alley] You're gonna get yours someday.
Evil Ed: Oh, yeah. When? When I'm bit by a vampire? There are no such things as vampires, fruitcake!
Evil Ed: So, did she find out what you're really like?
Charley Brewster: Get lost, Evil!
Evil Ed: Oh, call me anything you want. Only you're the one failing trig, not me.
Charley Brewster: That bastard! Why didn't he tell us there was going to be a pop quiz?
Evil Ed Thompson: That's the point of a pop quiz, Brewster... to surprise you.
[after Evil Ed fails to listen to Charley's warning]
Charley Brewster: No vampire's gonna want him anyway. Probably give him blood poisoning.
Jerry Dandrige: Now we wouldn't want to wake your mother, would we Charley? 'Cause then I'd have to kill her too, RIGHT?
[Dandrige throws Charley across his room and picks him up by the throat]
Jerry Dandrige: Do you realize how much trouble you've caused me, Charley? Spying on me. Almost disturbing my sleep this afternoon. Telling policemen about me! You deserve to die, boy. Of course... I can give you something I don't have. It's a choice. Forget about me, Charley. Forget about me, and I'll forget about you. What do you say, Charley?
[Charley pulls out a small cross from his pocket, but Dandridge catches him and twists it from Charley's hand before he can raise it to Dandridge's face]
Jerry Dandrige: Fool!

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