The G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence.

Roadblock: In the immortal words of Jay-Z: "Whatever deity may guide my life, dear lord don't let me die tonight. But if I shall before I wake, I'd accept my fate."
Joe Colton: You alright?
Lady Jaye: Yeah. Are you alright?
Joe Colton: My cholesterol's a little high.
Captain Duke Hauser: Drive it like you stole it!
Roadblock: As your good friend, you need a new catchphrase.
Captain Duke Hauser: Anyone ever tell you, you fight ugly?
Roadblock: Not from their backs, they don't.
Lady Jaye: My dad could see me now...
Flint: What are you talking about?
Lady Jaye: He wouldn't believe it.
Flint: Why?
Lady Jaye: Third generation military. He desperately wanted a fourth. And my mom had me.
Flint: Well he must be really proud of you then.
Lady Jaye: He didn't believe in female soldiers. I finally asked him why. He said he didn't want to put his life in the hands of a woman. I enlisted the next day. Spent the next seven years trying to outrank him so he'd have to salute me.
Flint: Did it work?
Lady Jaye: He died before I got the chance.
Flint: I'm sorry.
Roadblock: That's on the rise. Like your panties.
Captain Duke Hauser: You love my panties.
Roadblock: That's an interesting choice of a joke. Of all the things you could say...
Captain Duke Hauser: Alright, okay, I'm just saying...
Roadblock: You love my panties?
Captain Duke Hauser: Are you going to shut up?
Roadblock: What does that mean?
Joe Colton: [offering his minitank] It idles a little rough in neutral.
Roadblock: I ain't gonna be in neutral.
Joe Colton: Hoo-ah.
Roadblock: What about you?
Joe Colton: DOD says I can't come out of retirement. They didn't say anything about reenlisting.
Roadblock: [seeing Mouse is nervous] My first drop, I popped a live round into my mouth. It keeps your teeth from chattering. Give it a shot.
[gives him a bullet, which he puts into his mouth]
Mouse: Delicious.
Roadblock: Attaboy.
Cobra Commander: Destro... you're out of the band.
Zartan: You know, they call it a waterboard... but I never get bored!
Roadblock: Damn ninjas.
Roadblock: [to Snake Eyes, after planning to take down Cobra Commander] Snake Eyes, how's all of that sound?
[Snake Eyes is silent]
Roadblock: That's what I thought.
Zartan: [greeting Cobra Commander] Cool mask!
Cobra Commander: Someone took his time.
Zartan: Not easy to sneak out of that big, white, 11-bedroom, 35-and-a-half bathr...
Cobra Commander: Just don't forget who put you there.
Firefly: Or the rock you crawled out from.
Zartan: Firefly, it's good to see we're not running low on crazy. Still have all ten fingers?
[Firefly wiggles his fingers, then flips them off at Zartan]
Roadblock: I came here when I was fourteen, with a life expectancy of thirteen. I was bounced around from home to home until this... became my home. Guys would line up outside that door to fight me. They whooped my skinny ass so much I started to enjoy it. Until one winter, I grew eight inches, gained sixty pounds, punched a guy so hard he couldn't move his arm to tap out. Then when the Joes came recruiting to the hood, I'd already beaten down half of it. I became a Joe to serve. In the field. So if we're fighting uphill, we take the hill.
Joe Colton: [sneaking up behind the Joes] I'll take two boxes of Thin Mints and a box of Chuckle Lucks. Lower your weapons.
Joe Colton: It's not like I don't hear what you're saying. But an impostor president?
Flint: Well how come when the general says it, it sounds crazy?
Flint: We have to assume that there's no one we could trust.
Roadblock: There is one man. He's the reason we call ourselves Joes.
Lady Jaye: [in disguise] Mr President, Amy Vandervilt from Fox News.
Zartan: Oh, Fox, of course. That's why you look so firm and bounced.
Joe Colton: Need anything?
[offers Storm Shadow some blades]
Storm Shadow: [shows off his blade] I brought my own!
Joe Colton: Nice.
Firefly: [punches the President] That was for the tax high.
Zartan: Like you pay taxes.
Firefly: Ain't always about me.
Warden Nigel James: Snake Eyes. Last place I thought I'd see you. Warden James. It's a pleasure. I'm a very big fan. I love the black. It's very Johnny Cash.
French Leader: You will have to answer for this... to your Congress... your courts.
Cobra Commander: Correction: They will have to answer to ME.
Indian Leader: What is it you want?
Cobra Commander: I want it all!
Zartan: You know, they say this is a thankless job. But yesterday, I hung out with Bono. My new secret service, they want to burn the constitution, literally. Do you know my favorite bit? I get to blow stuff up.
President: I bet that endears you to the people.
Zartan: Well, that's the thing. Your approval ratings climbed nine points. Apparently, America wants someone who looks like you but acts like me.
Firefly: Making more things go boom before 9 AM than most people do all day.
[last lines]
Roadblock: Where can we find you, general?
Joe Colton: Just need my orders.
Roadblock: You know we'd make a hell of a team.
Zartan: [as President] Well the good news is no global warming summit next month. Unless one of us cares enough about his place in history to unilaterally disable his warheads. You know, in the name of the children.
Firefly: [beating Roadblock] I want to see that face. The one where you realize today's the day. It's the face all those pretty little Joes had in the desert when I lit them all up like fireworks!
[from trailer]
Roadblock: Let's move! The world ain't saving itself!
Warden Nigel James: Did you know that during REM sleep the human body produces a neural chemical which paralyses every muscle in the body but the heart and the eyes? This prevents us from acting out our dreams.
Warden Nigel James: Listen to me. I sound like a real estate agent. I'm not here to sell you anything. Except maybe hopelessness.
[breaks out of prison]
Storm Shadow: Welcome to hell!
Roadblock: General.
Joe Colton: Call me Joe.
Cobra Commander: The Cobra revolution has begun. By pressing that button, Zartan initiated an auto-drop sequence. My Zeus satellites are moving into position over your six remaining countries. The same button that begins this can end it. But I only press it for a price: total allegiance.
Cobra Commander: [after escaping from the prison, Storm Shadow's back is badly burnt from the explosion] Take him to the mountains to heal. I'll need him for the war I'm about to start.
Zartan: Where's the prison that holds Cobra Commander and Destro?
President: Is this where I ask you what you have planned?
Zartan: Why does anyone want to be president? Everybody wants to rule the world.
[first lines]
Lady Jaye: Hustle up guys. You've got to get that defector and get the hell out of there. No delays.
Flint: [watches as Cobra Commander escapes by helicopter] Block, Cobra Commander's bugging out. No sign of Firefly.
Roadblock: [watches Firefly coming] I've got him.
Zartan: [as President] On my orders, the covert special forces unit, codenamed Cobra, terminated with extreme prejudice Joe command, facilities, personnel. The GI Joes... are no more.

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