Grandma's Boy Quotes
A 35 year old video game tester has to move in with his grandma and her two old lady roommates.
Alex: Anyway, I was wondering if maybe I could crash here for a while.
Dante: Whoa, I don't know, man. I got a business to run. This is like my office as well as my home. Plus, the lion comes in a couple days.
Alex: You're getting a lion?
Dante: Yeah.
Alex: Why?
Dante: To protect my shit.
Alex: Never heard of a dog?
Dante: Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody fucks with a lion.
Alex: Yeah, that's true.
Dante: Whoa, I don't know, man. I got a business to run. This is like my office as well as my home. Plus, the lion comes in a couple days.
Alex: You're getting a lion?
Dante: Yeah.
Alex: Why?
Dante: To protect my shit.
Alex: Never heard of a dog?
Dante: Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody fucks with a lion.
Alex: Yeah, that's true.
J.P.: All I've ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don't know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk. I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.
Jeff: Do you have bathrooms here, or do I have to shit in a plant?
Shiloh: BAHAHAHA! Stupid FUCKING idiot! Red-shirted ASS! You guys think you're so fucking cool, it makes me sick! "Oh, let's go make fun of the vegans, and their crazy lifestyle!" We're not hurting anyone! Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick!
Shiloh: BAHAHAHA! Stupid FUCKING idiot! Red-shirted ASS! You guys think you're so fucking cool, it makes me sick! "Oh, let's go make fun of the vegans, and their crazy lifestyle!" We're not hurting anyone! Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick!
Josh: I loved them so much...
Alex: You loved who?
Josh: The Girls of Madam Camae's Filipino Palace...
Alex: You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?
Josh: They're not hookers, they're massage therapists.
Mover #2: Yeah, they'll massage your cock for money.
Mover #1: There is a word for that... I think it's hooker!
Josh: You're a hooker!
[movers throw their stuff down and stare at Josh]
Alex: Whoa guys.
Yuri: Alex I make you special deal, I'll give you five minutes to grab all the shit you don't want thrown out, but if you take one extra minute, my friends will take your testicles and remove them, through your anus!
Alex: You loved who?
Josh: The Girls of Madam Camae's Filipino Palace...
Alex: You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?
Josh: They're not hookers, they're massage therapists.
Mover #2: Yeah, they'll massage your cock for money.
Mover #1: There is a word for that... I think it's hooker!
Josh: You're a hooker!
[movers throw their stuff down and stare at Josh]
Alex: Whoa guys.
Yuri: Alex I make you special deal, I'll give you five minutes to grab all the shit you don't want thrown out, but if you take one extra minute, my friends will take your testicles and remove them, through your anus!
Alex: Dude, why don't you pick up your phone? I've been calling for the past half hour!
Dante: Sorry bro, I was putting up my Christmas tree!
Alex: Dude? It's the middle of July.
Dante: Get the fuck outta here! It is?
Alex: Dude? Why are you naked?
Dante: Ooohhh shit! I am naked! Come in.
[turns around]
Alex: Your ass is tanner than my face.
Dante: It's not tan, kid, it's bronzed.
Dante: Sorry bro, I was putting up my Christmas tree!
Alex: Dude? It's the middle of July.
Dante: Get the fuck outta here! It is?
Alex: Dude? Why are you naked?
Dante: Ooohhh shit! I am naked! Come in.
[turns around]
Alex: Your ass is tanner than my face.
Dante: It's not tan, kid, it's bronzed.
Dante: It's cool that I brought some friends from the Crazy Beaver?
[as a parade of bikers and such file into his grandma's house]
Alex: I wish you would have gone a little less on the crazy and little more on the beaver.
Dante: Relax bro, they're people just like you and me. Now hit this joint and have some fun.
[as a parade of bikers and such file into his grandma's house]
Alex: I wish you would have gone a little less on the crazy and little more on the beaver.
Dante: Relax bro, they're people just like you and me. Now hit this joint and have some fun.
Grandma Lilly: [ghostly voice] Ohhh... I died on the floor... and *nobody* helped me!
Alex: You have got to be fucking shitting me.
Grandma Lilly: Ohh it's so cold... when you're dead...
Alex: I swear to God, I would've helped you, Sophie. Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me. I would've helped you. I just wasn't here...
Grandma Lilly: [jumps up] Gotcha!
Alex: Ahh! Oh my God!
Grandma Lilly: You scaredy cat!
Alex: What the hell are you doing, Grandma?
Grandma Lilly: I told you we were going to have fun!
Alex: You have got to be fucking shitting me.
Grandma Lilly: Ohh it's so cold... when you're dead...
Alex: I swear to God, I would've helped you, Sophie. Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me. I would've helped you. I just wasn't here...
Grandma Lilly: [jumps up] Gotcha!
Alex: Ahh! Oh my God!
Grandma Lilly: You scaredy cat!
Alex: What the hell are you doing, Grandma?
Grandma Lilly: I told you we were going to have fun!
Bobby, Co-Worker #1: Challenge.
Jeff: Not now Bobby, Alex's not taking challenges right now. Can't you see he's sleeping?
Bobby, Co-Worker #1: No, I challenge you Jeff.
Jeff: To what game?
Bobby, Co-Worker #1: A little Dance Dance Revolution.
Jeff: That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution so... you're dumb.
Jeff: Not now Bobby, Alex's not taking challenges right now. Can't you see he's sleeping?
Bobby, Co-Worker #1: No, I challenge you Jeff.
Jeff: To what game?
Bobby, Co-Worker #1: A little Dance Dance Revolution.
Jeff: That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution so... you're dumb.
Grandma Lilly: Grace you remember my grandson Alex - our new "roommate."
Alex: [waves]
Grace: How long you stayin'?
Alex: Um, just until I find a new apartment.
Grace: Have a girlfriend?
Alex: No.
Grace: How old are you now?
Alex: I'll be 36 in October.
Grace: My grandson's gay, too. I'll give you his number.
Alex: I'm not gay, but, thank you?
Grace: Denial.
Alex: [waves]
Grace: How long you stayin'?
Alex: Um, just until I find a new apartment.
Grace: Have a girlfriend?
Alex: No.
Grace: How old are you now?
Alex: I'll be 36 in October.
Grace: My grandson's gay, too. I'll give you his number.
Alex: I'm not gay, but, thank you?
Grace: Denial.
Jeff: What's up, shitlips.
Alex: Hey, I need a huge favor.
Jeff: You're not jerking off on my dad.
Alex: Funny. No, I was wondering if you could do some of my levels.
Jeff: No, why can't you do them?
Alex: It's my roommates. They won't stop watching... porn. I can't get any work done.
Jeff: You're dead to me. Over.
[hangs up phone]
Alex: Well, Jeff's a good friend.
Alex: Hey, I need a huge favor.
Jeff: You're not jerking off on my dad.
Alex: Funny. No, I was wondering if you could do some of my levels.
Jeff: No, why can't you do them?
Alex: It's my roommates. They won't stop watching... porn. I can't get any work done.
Jeff: You're dead to me. Over.
[hangs up phone]
Alex: Well, Jeff's a good friend.
J.P.: How do you two know each other?
Samantha: I woke him up here this morning. He fell asleep working late last night.
J.P.: Yeah. Well, that's what old people do. They fall asleep.
Alex: Wow J.P, that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?
J.P.: So funny I forgot to laugh. Ehehe.
Samantha: I woke him up here this morning. He fell asleep working late last night.
J.P.: Yeah. Well, that's what old people do. They fall asleep.
Alex: Wow J.P, that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?
J.P.: So funny I forgot to laugh. Ehehe.
