Hatchet Quotes
When a group of tourists on a New Orleans haunted swamp tour find themselves stranded in the wilderness, their evening of fun and spooks turns into a horrific nightmare.
Ben: I'm Ben.
Marybeth: [blandly] Mary Beth.
Ben: Marybeth? That's a great name, because it's, it's actually two names. Most people just have one and that's kinda boring. Like Ben. But Marybeth, that's Mary *and* it's Beth. That's a nice coat.
Marcus: [looks at him puzzled]
Ben: So do you have any pets?
Marcus: [smacks him on the back of the head]
Ben: [to Marybeth] Are you enjoying Mardi Gras?
Marybeth: [blandly] Mary Beth.
Ben: Marybeth? That's a great name, because it's, it's actually two names. Most people just have one and that's kinda boring. Like Ben. But Marybeth, that's Mary *and* it's Beth. That's a nice coat.
Marcus: [looks at him puzzled]
Ben: So do you have any pets?
Marcus: [smacks him on the back of the head]
Ben: [to Marybeth] Are you enjoying Mardi Gras?
Misty: [when they find 2 sets of I.D.s in Shapiro's wallet] So he wasn't a real producer?
Ben: I'd say no.
Misty: [finally realizing she's been had] So he just *pretended* to be a producer, to get us to flash our tits for him?
Jenna: [sarcastically] What a genius! You *do* know the vibrator goes in your *cooch* and not your ear, right?
Misty: Hey, why don't you suck your dad off again, bitch?
Jenna: [sarcastically] I will, right after you're done.
Misty: Fine!
Jenna: Fine!
Ben: I'd say no.
Misty: [finally realizing she's been had] So he just *pretended* to be a producer, to get us to flash our tits for him?
Jenna: [sarcastically] What a genius! You *do* know the vibrator goes in your *cooch* and not your ear, right?
Misty: Hey, why don't you suck your dad off again, bitch?
Jenna: [sarcastically] I will, right after you're done.
Misty: Fine!
Jenna: Fine!
Shawn: [Telling a story about Victor Crowley at the fake house] Victor Crowley, hatchet face! There was a time where his father went nuts and whacked him in the face with a hatchet one night. It had something to do with him being all ugly or...
[looks at card]
Shawn: something... anyways, he died. They say if you get close to the house, you can still hear Victor Crowley crying for his dad at night...
[lowering his voice]
Shawn: daaaaaaaaddyyy...
[gasp]
Shawn: Did you hear that?
[Gulps and lowers his voice again]
Shawn: Daaaaaaaaaaddyyy...
Marybeth: That's not the story!
Shawn: Well, it is. Just go with it.
Marybeth: That's not even the house.
Shawn: Christ's sake! Will you let me do my job?
[shouts in Chinese; stops, seeing he just went out of character and goes back to Southern voice stuttering]
Shawn: How you like fishing?
[looks at card]
Shawn: something... anyways, he died. They say if you get close to the house, you can still hear Victor Crowley crying for his dad at night...
[lowering his voice]
Shawn: daaaaaaaaddyyy...
[gasp]
Shawn: Did you hear that?
[Gulps and lowers his voice again]
Shawn: Daaaaaaaaaaddyyy...
Marybeth: That's not the story!
Shawn: Well, it is. Just go with it.
Marybeth: That's not even the house.
Shawn: Christ's sake! Will you let me do my job?
[shouts in Chinese; stops, seeing he just went out of character and goes back to Southern voice stuttering]
Shawn: How you like fishing?
Ben: Come on, this is gonna be fun.
Marcus: About as fun as crabs.
Ben: You would know.
Marcus: Screw that waitress from Fezzywigs, man.
Ben: You did.
Marcus: I didn't know she had bugs in her bush!
Ben: She was scratching herself all night! What do you mean you didn't know? You can't hook up with itchy chicks, Marcus. Everyone knows that.
Marcus: She said it was a reaction to her fabric softener. I saw it, I asked.
Ben: Fabric softener!
Marcus: Look at you Mister Bigshot. Everyone knows that. When's the last time you got laid?
Ben: ...I have sex all the time...
Marcus: -shut up.
Marcus: About as fun as crabs.
Ben: You would know.
Marcus: Screw that waitress from Fezzywigs, man.
Ben: You did.
Marcus: I didn't know she had bugs in her bush!
Ben: She was scratching herself all night! What do you mean you didn't know? You can't hook up with itchy chicks, Marcus. Everyone knows that.
Marcus: She said it was a reaction to her fabric softener. I saw it, I asked.
Ben: Fabric softener!
Marcus: Look at you Mister Bigshot. Everyone knows that. When's the last time you got laid?
Ben: ...I have sex all the time...
Marcus: -shut up.
Ben: We want to do a haunted swap tour.
Rev. Zombie: I don't do night tours anymore, I'm not allowed to. Insurance got to high after what happened.
Marcus: Too bad. Let's go.
Ben: Wait, wait, what happened?
Rev. Zombie: Oh, you *dont* want to know.
Ben: [eagerly] I so want to know.
Rev. Zombie: I had a tour group, out in the swamp, last Halloween. It was the mist of night, and there was this kid, who looked kind of like you, he was spooked by something in the marsh. He saw two eyes staring at him from the woods, it chilled him to his very marrow. He wanted to get off the boat in a hurry, and he had his foot dangling over the edge. He...
Ben: He fell in?
Marcus: A gator got him?
Rev. Zombie: He slipped, hit his head, on the roof... and sued me for negligence! That cock sucker!
Ben: [disapointed] That's it?
Rev. Zombie: I don't do night tours anymore, I'm not allowed to. Insurance got to high after what happened.
Marcus: Too bad. Let's go.
Ben: Wait, wait, what happened?
Rev. Zombie: Oh, you *dont* want to know.
Ben: [eagerly] I so want to know.
Rev. Zombie: I had a tour group, out in the swamp, last Halloween. It was the mist of night, and there was this kid, who looked kind of like you, he was spooked by something in the marsh. He saw two eyes staring at him from the woods, it chilled him to his very marrow. He wanted to get off the boat in a hurry, and he had his foot dangling over the edge. He...
Ben: He fell in?
Marcus: A gator got him?
Rev. Zombie: He slipped, hit his head, on the roof... and sued me for negligence! That cock sucker!
Ben: [disapointed] That's it?
