Heavy Weights Quotes
Plump kids are lured into joining a posh fat camp with the promise of quick weight loss and good times, only to find that the facility is a woodland hellhole run by a psycho ex-fitness instructor.
[Josh is posing for a "Before" picture, and by doing so, he put his finger in his nose]
Lars: Please put your fat finger down!
[Josh does so, and turns to the wall and stretches the "Before" sign across his bottom, causing Lars to get so aggravated that he snaps the camera valve in his hand too many times, causing it to not work anymore]
Lars: [He pushes the valve seeing if it still works, and it doesn't] You've broken my camera!
Lars: Please put your fat finger down!
[Josh does so, and turns to the wall and stretches the "Before" sign across his bottom, causing Lars to get so aggravated that he snaps the camera valve in his hand too many times, causing it to not work anymore]
Lars: [He pushes the valve seeing if it still works, and it doesn't] You've broken my camera!
Roy: Headed to fat camp?
Gerry: No... Why do you say that?
Roy: 'Cause your fat... 'That your dad?
Gerry: No... W-why do you say that?
Roy: 'Cause he's fat too!
Gerry: Well, so are you.
Roy: I know, that's why I'm going to fat camp. I'm Roy.
Gerry: I'm Gerry. Yeah I guess I am going to fat camp.
Roy: I knew it! And that's your dad too, right?
Gerry: Hell no!
Roy: Well you're gonna love camp, man, camp is awesome. Plus, nobody picks on you because YOUR not the fat kid, EVERYBODY'S the fat kid. Just stick with me, Gerry, because I'm the man!
Gerry: No... Why do you say that?
Roy: 'Cause your fat... 'That your dad?
Gerry: No... W-why do you say that?
Roy: 'Cause he's fat too!
Gerry: Well, so are you.
Roy: I know, that's why I'm going to fat camp. I'm Roy.
Gerry: I'm Gerry. Yeah I guess I am going to fat camp.
Roy: I knew it! And that's your dad too, right?
Gerry: Hell no!
Roy: Well you're gonna love camp, man, camp is awesome. Plus, nobody picks on you because YOUR not the fat kid, EVERYBODY'S the fat kid. Just stick with me, Gerry, because I'm the man!
Gerry: Who's this?
Roger Johnson: Hi, Gerry. "Roger Johnson." Islander's fan, huh? Team of the future, I'd say.
Gerry: Uh, yeah. Whatever, I'm out of here.
Maury Garner: Hold those horses, cowboy. Mr. Johnson is your guest, and he's here to talk to you about a very special summer camp.
Roger Johnson: A camp designed just for you, Gerry.
Gerry: Summer Camp? No way. I have plans for the summer. I'm gonna hang out!
Mrs. Garner: Come on, Honey. He's got a videotape for us to watch. Why don't we just take a little peek?
Gerry: Why don't we not?
Roger Johnson: Hi, Gerry. "Roger Johnson." Islander's fan, huh? Team of the future, I'd say.
Gerry: Uh, yeah. Whatever, I'm out of here.
Maury Garner: Hold those horses, cowboy. Mr. Johnson is your guest, and he's here to talk to you about a very special summer camp.
Roger Johnson: A camp designed just for you, Gerry.
Gerry: Summer Camp? No way. I have plans for the summer. I'm gonna hang out!
Mrs. Garner: Come on, Honey. He's got a videotape for us to watch. Why don't we just take a little peek?
Gerry: Why don't we not?
Tony Perkis: You've been a good guard, Nicholas. Fair and strong. I want to reward you with this chocolate kiss.
[holds out the fake candy to Nicholas]
Nicholas: Throw it over!
Tony Perkis: Then it would smoosh... we wouldn't want that.
Tony Perkis: [Nicholas goes to grab the candy and Tony puts him in a headlock] Looks like London Bridge is falling down!
[holds out the fake candy to Nicholas]
Nicholas: Throw it over!
Tony Perkis: Then it would smoosh... we wouldn't want that.
Tony Perkis: [Nicholas goes to grab the candy and Tony puts him in a headlock] Looks like London Bridge is falling down!
Tony Perkis: [first time seen] Can you smell it? There's a life force in here tonight. Do you feel it? Hmm? I look around this room, and I see potential.
[to Gerry]
Tony Perkis: I see the future chairman of a Fortune 500 company.
[to Roy]
Tony Perkis: I see a famous rap artist.
[to Nicholas]
Tony Perkis: I see the president of the United States of America.
Gerry: He's from England!
[to Gerry]
Tony Perkis: I see the future chairman of a Fortune 500 company.
[to Roy]
Tony Perkis: I see a famous rap artist.
[to Nicholas]
Tony Perkis: I see the president of the United States of America.
Gerry: He's from England!
Gerry: It's a fat camp! Are you crazy? No way! I'm not going to camp with a bunch of fat loads!
Mrs. Garner: Gerry!
Roger Johnson: Now that's not kind, Gerry.
Maury Garner: We're doing this for your own good. We gatta nip this thing in the bud.
Gerry: I'm fine. This is a joke right? You're fatter than I am why don't you go to fat camp.
Mrs. Garner: You show your father some respect.
Maury Garner: First I think we should have a little pow-wow, and then we will call you with our decision.
Gerry: I'll give you my decision right now. I'm not going.
[Cut to a jetliner taking off]
Mrs. Garner: Gerry!
Roger Johnson: Now that's not kind, Gerry.
Maury Garner: We're doing this for your own good. We gatta nip this thing in the bud.
Gerry: I'm fine. This is a joke right? You're fatter than I am why don't you go to fat camp.
Mrs. Garner: You show your father some respect.
Maury Garner: First I think we should have a little pow-wow, and then we will call you with our decision.
Gerry: I'll give you my decision right now. I'm not going.
[Cut to a jetliner taking off]
Pat Finley: Did you talk to child services?
Julie: Yeah, they said they'd like to come out and investigate but they can't come for two weeks.
Pat Finley: That's too long. Tim, what did your lawyer say?
Tim: No hard evidence.
Pat Finley: Hard evidence? Tony's hard evidence, just look at the guy!
Tim: It's what the lawyer said.
Julie: Yeah, they said they'd like to come out and investigate but they can't come for two weeks.
Pat Finley: That's too long. Tim, what did your lawyer say?
Tim: No hard evidence.
Pat Finley: Hard evidence? Tony's hard evidence, just look at the guy!
Tim: It's what the lawyer said.
Gerry: [writing a letter] Dear Grandma... someone once said, "War is hell." They've never been to fat camp. I knew the food would be bad...
[shows a revolting-looking lunch being passed out]
Gerry: ... but even worse...
[shows Lars stabbing the Blob with a spear]
Gerry: ... today he killed the Blob.
Gerry: [goes to the go-kart track, closed and with people putting the karts in a pile] As for the go-karts, well... may they rest in pieces. I'm writing you because nobody else seemed to care.
Maury Garner: [on the phone] I did not send you to 'go-kart' camp!
Tony Perkis: [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Gerry: Tony Perkis tries to lead by example...
Tony Perkis: [shows Tony on a bed of nails, and two guys placing an ice block on his stomach] This is the 18th level of the PerkiSystem. You'll all be doing this by Labor Day! All right, do it to it, Lars!
Lars: [standing by with a large hammer at the block] It's my honor, Tony.
[Lars breaks the ice block while the campers freak out. Tony is unharmed]
Gerry: ...but we're afraid to follow.
Tony Perkis: [nighttime, the campers are around a large fire along with Tony] I know each and every one of you - because I WAS you!
Gerry: Once a day, the kids from Camp MVP, drive by and make fun of us.
MVP camper: [shows the MVP counselor and two campers driving by in a motor boat]
[Into a megaphone]
MVP camper: You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Gerry and Roy are ducked down in the water]
Gerry: At night...
[shows some more MVP campers at the dock carrying cans of paint]
Gerry: ... they vandalize our camp.
[Pat is scrubbing it all off]
Gerry: [looks at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out... where there's food. We have to resort... to more desperate measures.
[Shows the campers chasing cows and shouting]
Gerry: Tony's arranged a dance with the girls' camp... so he can humiliate us into losing weight. Pray for me, Grandma. Love, Gerry.
[shows a revolting-looking lunch being passed out]
Gerry: ... but even worse...
[shows Lars stabbing the Blob with a spear]
Gerry: ... today he killed the Blob.
Gerry: [goes to the go-kart track, closed and with people putting the karts in a pile] As for the go-karts, well... may they rest in pieces. I'm writing you because nobody else seemed to care.
Maury Garner: [on the phone] I did not send you to 'go-kart' camp!
Tony Perkis: [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Gerry: Tony Perkis tries to lead by example...
Tony Perkis: [shows Tony on a bed of nails, and two guys placing an ice block on his stomach] This is the 18th level of the PerkiSystem. You'll all be doing this by Labor Day! All right, do it to it, Lars!
Lars: [standing by with a large hammer at the block] It's my honor, Tony.
[Lars breaks the ice block while the campers freak out. Tony is unharmed]
Gerry: ...but we're afraid to follow.
Tony Perkis: [nighttime, the campers are around a large fire along with Tony] I know each and every one of you - because I WAS you!
Gerry: Once a day, the kids from Camp MVP, drive by and make fun of us.
MVP camper: [shows the MVP counselor and two campers driving by in a motor boat]
[Into a megaphone]
MVP camper: You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Gerry and Roy are ducked down in the water]
Gerry: At night...
[shows some more MVP campers at the dock carrying cans of paint]
Gerry: ... they vandalize our camp.
[Pat is scrubbing it all off]
Gerry: [looks at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out... where there's food. We have to resort... to more desperate measures.
[Shows the campers chasing cows and shouting]
Gerry: Tony's arranged a dance with the girls' camp... so he can humiliate us into losing weight. Pray for me, Grandma. Love, Gerry.
Alice Bushkin: Harvey and I are saddened and dismayed to announce that we are no longer the owners of Camp Hope.
[the whole crowd gets shocked in disbelief]
Harvey Bushkin: Sometimes, in life, things don't work out the way you planned, and in those situations, sometimes you file chapter 9 bankruptcy.
[shreiks in agitation]
Harvey Bushkin: [struggling to get his voice] We worked our whole life, and what do we have to show? Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
[sobs]
Alice Bushkin: Harvey, please stop.
[to the crowd]
Alice Bushkin: Okay, kids, out with the old, and in with the new.
[you hear some sobbing and shocks]
Alice Bushkin: Now, your new owner is gonna introduce himself in a minute. But, you know what I would like? Please, could you give us just one more Camp Hope "Hi, hi, hiya"?
Crowd: Hiya.
Alice Bushkin: God bless all of you.
Harvey Bushkin: One word of advice, NEVER LET ANYONE SIGN YOUR CHECKS!
[the whole crowd gets shocked in disbelief]
Harvey Bushkin: Sometimes, in life, things don't work out the way you planned, and in those situations, sometimes you file chapter 9 bankruptcy.
[shreiks in agitation]
Harvey Bushkin: [struggling to get his voice] We worked our whole life, and what do we have to show? Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
[sobs]
Alice Bushkin: Harvey, please stop.
[to the crowd]
Alice Bushkin: Okay, kids, out with the old, and in with the new.
[you hear some sobbing and shocks]
Alice Bushkin: Now, your new owner is gonna introduce himself in a minute. But, you know what I would like? Please, could you give us just one more Camp Hope "Hi, hi, hiya"?
Crowd: Hiya.
Alice Bushkin: God bless all of you.
Harvey Bushkin: One word of advice, NEVER LET ANYONE SIGN YOUR CHECKS!
Lars: [tied to a tree, campers come at him with lit torches] AHHHHHH!
Dawson: Shut up! Hey Lars, guess what? We're in charge now. You know what we found out? We found out that if you don't have a job
[laughs]
Dawson: You get deported! So Lars, buddy, you with us, or against us?
Lars: I'm with you.
[turns to other camper]
Lars: I love you.
Dawson: Shut up! Hey Lars, guess what? We're in charge now. You know what we found out? We found out that if you don't have a job
[laughs]
Dawson: You get deported! So Lars, buddy, you with us, or against us?
Lars: I'm with you.
[turns to other camper]
Lars: I love you.
