Holes

Holes Quotes

A wrongfully convicted boy is sent to a brutal desert detention camp where he joins the job of digging holes for some mysterious reason.

Mr. Pendanski: D-I-G. What does that spell?
Zero: [takes shovel and whacks Mr. Pendanski across the face with it] DIG.
Mr. Sir: You girl scouts want to hear a story? Once apon a time there was a magical place where it never rained. The end.
[snickers scornfully]
Madame Zeroni: If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, / The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies. / The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, / And cries to the moon, / If only if only.
Mr. Sir: What're we gonna do?
The Warden Walker: You'll do as I say.
[puts her hat on and leaves]
Mr. Pendanski: What did she say?
Mr. Sir: Not much.
Mr. Pendanski: What do we do?
Mr. Sir: You'll do as I say.
[puts his hat on and leaves]
Mr. Pendanski: But you didn't say anything either.
Mr. Pendanski: You are here on account of one person; do you know who that one person is?
Stanley: Yeah, my no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather, that's who it is.
Mr. Pendanski: No, you.
[repeated line]
Sam: I can fix that.
Mr. Pendanski: Good morning, Theodore!
Armpit: Man, it's Armpit! I don't know no fool named Theodore.
Mr. Pendanski: Well, I don't know no fool named Armpit.
[Hands him water]
Mr. Pendanski: Here's your water, who-ever-you-are.
Zero: I'm not stupid, I know everyone thinks I am, I just don't like answering stupid questions.
The Warden Walker: Stanley, won't you just open it? Just let me see what's inside it, please!
Stanley: Excuse me?
Young Warden: I'm tired of this, Grandpa...
Trout Walker: [shouts] Well, that's too damn bad! You keep digging!
Young Warden: Well, excuse me.
Mr. Sir: There ain't nothing down there. We woulda found it by now.
Mr. Pendanski: I wouldn't tell the queen bee that.
Mr. Sir: I ain't on stupid pills!
The Warden Walker: I am surrounded by cow turds.
Magnet: [about the dog he stole] I would have made it out, too... if my pocket didn't start barkin'.
Zig-Zag: [singing] You got to go and dig those holes. With broken hands and withered souls. Emancipated from all you know. You got to go and dig those holes.
Madame Zeroni: If you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity!
Zig-Zag: Say, I didn't know Marion was a man's name.
Mr. Sir: It ain't.
Trout Walker: [Trout appears, pointing a rifle at Kate] You got five seconds to tell me where you buried the lout!
Kissin' Kate Barlow: I've been waitin' for you, Trout...
[she draws her pistol and aims. Trout hesitates, but then she lowers it]
Kissin' Kate Barlow: I ain't gonna kill you.
[she throws the gun down, and Trout's wife picks it up]
Trout Walker: Where's the loot?
Kissin' Kate Barlow: There ain't no loot.
Trout Walker: Don't give me that! You robbed every bank from Hell to Houston!
Linda Walker: We saw you heading back with a shovel, Miss Katherine!
Kissin' Kate Barlow: Linda Miller? Is that you?
Linda Walker: I've been Linda Walker for the past thirteen years!
Trout Walker: One!
Kissin' Kate Barlow: Aw, Linda, you were such a good student... you must have married him for his money.
Trout Walker: Two!
Linda Walker: Well, it's all gone now! It dried up with the lake. Hasn't rained here since the day they killed Sam! Now you better tell him what he wants, he's a desperate man!
Trout Walker: Three!
Kissin' Kate Barlow: Go on, kill me.
Trout Walker: [smiles crookedly] I ain't gonna kill you. But by the time I'm finished with you, you gonna wish you was dead.
Kissin' Kate Barlow: [chuckles] I've been wishing I was dead for a long time.
Mr. Pendanski: No one cares about Hector Zeroni.
Stanley: I do.
Mr. Pendanski: It smells like puke from a mule been 'ruminating on asparagus for two weeks.
Magnet: Hey. Maybe it'll rain for 40 days and 40 nights, like it did in the Bible.
Armpit: Yeah, maybe we'll have to build an arc.
Squid: We'll get two of every animal...
X-Ray: Yeah, two scorpions, two rattlesnakes, two yellow spotted lizards all that.
Mr. Sir: Stanley Yelnats... the Fourth?
Stanley: Everyone in my family names their son Stanley, 'cause it's Yelnats backwards. It's this little... tradition.
Stanley's Mother: I feel so sorry for the old lady who lived in the shoe, 'cause it must've smelled real bad.
Zig-Zag: What color was it's blood?
Stanley: I-I don't know. I couldn't tell.
Zig-Zag: I wish I'd a seen it. Bam!
Magnet: If Mr. Sir didn't shoot it, Stanley, you'd be in the hole.
Zig-Zag: Don't you know each one's got exactly 11 spots?
Squid: Yeah, man, but if you ever get close enough to count 'em, you're dead.
Armpit: Look, it's the lizards we're workin' for, man. We build their houses for 'em. I mean, yesterday I saw 10 of 'em in one hole.
Squid: We ain't diggin' for no lizards
Armpit: What we diggin' for then man?
X-Ray: Like Mr. Sir said, we diggin' to build some character.
The Warden Walker: This is my special nail polish. I make it myself. You Want to know my secret ingredient? Rattlesnake venom. I just love what it does to the coloring. It's perfectly harmless... when it's dry.
Zero: Did they have red X's on them?
Squid: You got Zero to talk.
Armpit: Hey yo, what else can you do Zero?
[Zero looks at his food]
Stanley: Yeah. Yeah they did.
Kissin' Kate Barlow: The lake goes around for miles. You, and your children, and your children's children, will dig for a hundred years, and you will never find it.
[she picks up a yellow lizard]
Kissin' Kate Barlow: Start digging, Trout.
[She puts the lizard to her arm. It bites her, and she dies, laughing softly]
Mr. Pendanski: They all have their little nicknames, however I prefer to use the names their parents gave them,the names society will recognize them by.
Mr. Sir: [his face has a huge scar] I think I look kinda purty, don't you?
Magnet: Maybe he found Zero. Maybe they're still alive.
X-Ray: Yeah, and maybe the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are still alive.
Squid: Maybe my mom'll stop drinkin' and my dad'll come back.
Twitch: Man when Caveman stole that truck... oh...
Zig-Zag: That was awesome.
Armpit: Yeah, Caveman did have style.
The Warden Walker: [while all the boys are digging out a deep trench, Armpit tries to dupe the Warden into thinking that he has found something which is obviously nothing more than a recently broken TV nob] Are you trying to be funny, or do you just think I'm stupid?
Armpit: No, ma'am. I wasn't trying to be funny.
The Warden Walker: Excuse me?
Mr. Sir: You know something, Armpit? Your little joke has just cost you a week of shower privileges.
Sam: Is something wrong?
Kissin' Kate Barlow: Oh, Sam, my heart is breaking.
Sam: I can fix that.
Mr. Sir: You take a bad boy, make him dig holes all day in the hot sun, it turns him into a good boy. That's our philosophy here at camp green lake.
Mr. Sir: Yeah, keep running! There ain't gonna be no Yelnats the fifth!
[last lines]
Stanley: I guess you have to fill in the rest of the holes yourself.
Stanley: I feel really awkward with you reading over my shoulder like that, so...
Zero: I can't read.
Stanley: Man how did she know my name?
Zig-Zag: Oh, man, she's got the whole place wired. Oh yeah, she has these little cameras and microphones all over the place. In the tent, in the rec room, in the showers.
Stanley: They're not in the showers.
Squid: Oh don't listen to him. I read his file. It said he suffers from, um, oh. acute paranoia.
Magnet: So I guess that means she watches me everyday, huh.
Armpit: Man, he said cameras and microphones, not microscopes.
Stanley: Where's a person go to the bathroom around here?
Magnet: Pick a hole, any hole
Twitch: Jaguar, that's a nice car.
Magnet: Don't even think about it, Twitch.
Twitch: I never mean to steal anything, but when I see a nice car, I just start twitching. You think I'm jumpy now, you should've seen me behind the wheel of that Mustang convertible. Whoo! Vroom!
Zig-Zag: He's not going to take it. Come here - eat the cookie.
Stanley: I stole a pair of shoes.
Squid: From a store or were they on someone's feet?
Zig-Zag: No, he killed the guy first, just left out that little detail, huh?
Mr. Sir: I ain't on stupid pills.
[repeated line]
The Warden Walker: Excuse me?
Mr. Pendanski: I'll have the chicken tenders, Warden.
[falls down again]
[X-ray takes Stanley's shovel]
Magnet: You picked up X-Ray's shovel. It's shorter than the rest of 'em.
Squid: Smaller shovel, smaller hole.
Stanley: You know what I keep thinkin' of?
Zero: What?
Stanley: How fine this Mary Lou must've looked like in a bikini.
Magnet: Nobody messes with the Caveman.
X-Ray: Did you see the Caveman back there?
Stanley: I don't wanna mess with anybody.
Zig-Zag: Come on, Caveman.
Stanley: ...I'm Caveman?
Zero: Better than Barfbag.
Zig-Zag: Did you tell him about the lizards?
Zero: What do you thinks up there?
Stanley: I don't know, a great big Frosty-Freeze?
Zero: Good, 'cause I could use a hot fudge sundae.
Mr. Sir: There's lizards, hot sun, and Rattlesnakes.
Stanley: Rattlesnakes?
Mr. Sir: If you don't bother them they wont bother you and ya wont get bitten and die. Usually.
Madame Zeroni: You should go to America. That's where my son is. That's where your future is, not Myra Menke. Her head's as empty as a flowerpot!
Judge: I could send you to jail and not lose one bit of sleep over it.
Judge: There is a vacancy at Camp Green Lake.
Judge: The choice is yours: Camp Green Lake or Jail.
Stanley: Uh... well, um... I've never been to camp before.
Judge: Eighteen months - Camp Green Lake, son.
[bangs gavel]
The Warden Walker: How about you dig, and Caveman can fill the canteens? So what do you want to do?
Mr. Pendanski: I'll fill the canteens.
Stanley: [in the Court Room] Well, I've never been to camp before...
Stanley Yelnats III: I learn from failure.
Mr. Sir: This ain't a girl scout camp!
The Warden Walker: Is that all you jackasses can dig?
Stanley: Hector, I'm glad you stole those shoes and threw 'em on my head.
Squid: Hey look! A cloud!
[points to it]
Squid: Right there!
Mr. Pendanski: The early mole digs the deepest hole.
Mr. Sir: Keep running, there ain't gonna be no Yelnats the fifth!
Zero: You know, those stars look like a shovel to me.
Stanley: Exactly... Hector, I feel lucky.
Zero: [laughing] The onions have gone to your head.
Stanley: What do you say we dig one more hole?
Armpit: Look at the little fishes... I mean cave pictures.
[first lines]
[Barfbag walks towards a rattlesnake]
X-Ray: Hey, Barfbag. What are you doing?
[Barfbag takes his shoe and sock off and steps on the snake, which bites him]
Barfbag: [yells] Aaaaaah!
Stanley: It's destiny.
Mr. Sir: How did that get there? Did it fall from the sky?
Mr. Pendanski: Stanley, if you've got any questions, just ask Theodore. Theodore will be your mentor. Got that, Theodore?
Armpit: Yeah, man. Whatever, dude.
Mr. Pendanski: I'm depending on you. It should be no labor to be nice to your neighbor.
[after Mr. Pendanski introduced everyone]
Squid: And that's Mom!
[Stanley arriving in the desert]
Stanley: So. Where's the lake?
Guard: Hey. What did I just tell you? Don't be a wise guy!
[when Stanley gets into the truck and he can start it]
Twitch: Come on! Come on! Put it in gear!
Mr. Sir: This ain't no kindergarteners in the sandbox!
Clyde 'Sweetfeet' Livingston: I don't understand what type of person steals from homeless children. You're no fan of mine.
Stanley: Look, it says KB.
Zig-Zag: Yeah... yeah that's Keith Barrenger.
Squid: Who?
Zig-Zag: He was in my math class.
Stanley's Mother: I don't smell anythin'!
Stanley: [Hands Zero an onion] Here, eat this.
Zero: What is it?
Stanley: It's a hot-fudge sundae, just eat it.
X-Ray: Hey Mom, who's the neanderthal?
Mr. Pendanski: Here, Theodore.
Armpit: Man, the name is Armpit.
Madame Zeroni: Morris Menke is a shmuck!
Stanley: [looking at "God's Thumb"] Say, what does that look like to you?
[he and Zero hold out their thumbs, and look at each other]
Mr. Sir: All life begins with water. So think of it this way, I'm givin' you life. Say thank you.
Stanley: Thank you, Mr. Sir.
Mr. Sir: Everything turns to callous eventually. That's life!
Texas Ranger #2: Marion Sevillo!
Mr. Sir: [freezes] Oh, crap.

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