Home Alone Quotes
An 8-year old troublemaker must protect his home from a pair of burglars when he is accidentally left home alone by his family during Christmas vacation.
Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.
Gangster 'Johnny': [hears knock at door] Who is it?
Gangster 'Snakes': [Snakes comes in] It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Gangster 'Snakes': All right, Johnny, but what about my money?
Gangster 'Johnny': What money?
Gangster 'Snakes': Acey said you had some dough for me.
Gangster 'Johnny': That a fact? How much do I owe ya?
Gangster 'Snakes': Acey said 10%.
Gangster 'Johnny': [smirks] Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
Gangster 'Snakes': What do ya mean?
Gangster 'Johnny': He's upstairs takin' a bath. He'll call you when he gets out.
[pause]
Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give *you*, Snakes.
[pulls out machine gun]
Gangster 'Johnny': I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property,
[shouts]
Gangster 'Johnny': before I pump your guts full of lead!
Gangster 'Snakes': [wide eyed and calm] All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'!
Gangster 'Johnny': 1... 2... 10!
[starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal!
Gangster 'Snakes': [Snakes comes in] It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Gangster 'Snakes': All right, Johnny, but what about my money?
Gangster 'Johnny': What money?
Gangster 'Snakes': Acey said you had some dough for me.
Gangster 'Johnny': That a fact? How much do I owe ya?
Gangster 'Snakes': Acey said 10%.
Gangster 'Johnny': [smirks] Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
Gangster 'Snakes': What do ya mean?
Gangster 'Johnny': He's upstairs takin' a bath. He'll call you when he gets out.
[pause]
Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give *you*, Snakes.
[pulls out machine gun]
Gangster 'Johnny': I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property,
[shouts]
Gangster 'Johnny': before I pump your guts full of lead!
Gangster 'Snakes': [wide eyed and calm] All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'!
Gangster 'Johnny': 1... 2... 10!
[starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal!
Check-Out Woman: Where's your mom?
Kevin McCallister: In the car.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your father?
Kevin McCallister: He's at work.
Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters?
Kevin McCallister: I'm an only child.
Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?
Kevin McCallister: I can't tell you that.
Check-Out Woman: Why not?
Kevin McCallister: Because you're a stranger.
Kevin McCallister: In the car.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your father?
Kevin McCallister: He's at work.
Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters?
Kevin McCallister: I'm an only child.
Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?
Kevin McCallister: I can't tell you that.
Check-Out Woman: Why not?
Kevin McCallister: Because you're a stranger.
Kate McCallister: Did I turn off the coffee?
Peter McCallister: No... I did.
Kate McCallister: Did you lock up?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did we set the timers on the lights?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did you close the garage?
Peter McCallister: That's it. I forgot to close the garage, that's it.
[She sits back; after a pause]
Peter McCallister: No, that's not it.
Kate McCallister: Well, what else could we be forgetting?
[She sits back again; after an even longer pause, she jumps upright]
Kate McCallister: KEVIN!
Peter McCallister: No... I did.
Kate McCallister: Did you lock up?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did we set the timers on the lights?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did you close the garage?
Peter McCallister: That's it. I forgot to close the garage, that's it.
[She sits back; after a pause]
Peter McCallister: No, that's not it.
Kate McCallister: Well, what else could we be forgetting?
[She sits back again; after an even longer pause, she jumps upright]
Kate McCallister: KEVIN!
Kevin McCallister: [apprehensively] I made my family disappear.
[thinks back to family members saying bad things about him]
Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless!
Linnie McCallister: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents.
Buzz McCallister: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*!
Kate McCallister: There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Frank McCallister: Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*.
Kevin McCallister: [gleefully] I made my family disappear.
[thinks back to family members saying bad things about him]
Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless!
Linnie McCallister: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents.
Buzz McCallister: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*!
Kate McCallister: There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Frank McCallister: Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*.
Kevin McCallister: [gleefully] I made my family disappear.
Neighborhood Police Officer: Hi.
Brooke McCallister: Hi.
Neighborhood Police Officer: Are your parents home?
Brooke McCallister: Yeah.
Neighborhood Police Officer: Do they live here?
Brooke McCallister: No.
[walks off]
Neighborhood Police Officer: No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.
Brooke McCallister: Hi.
Neighborhood Police Officer: Are your parents home?
Brooke McCallister: Yeah.
Neighborhood Police Officer: Do they live here?
Brooke McCallister: No.
[walks off]
Neighborhood Police Officer: No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.
Harry: [knocks on the back door] Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Marv: Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!
Harry: [snickers] We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv: Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.
[Below their heads, Kevin slowly pushes the barrel of the air rifle through the doggie door and takes aim at Harry's groin]
Harry: Be a good little fella now, and open the door.
[PING!]
Harry: [high-pitched] AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...
[Cursing fluently under his breath, he hops around holding his crotch, and falls to his knees]
Marv: What?
[Harry falls down, still groaning and cursing]
Marv: What? What happened?
Harry: Get the little...!
[Marv goes back and sticks his head through the dog door... and sees Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes. Marv smiles lamely]
Kevin McCallister: Hello.
[PING!]
Marv: AH! AHHH...!
[Marv falls back out of the doggie door, clutching his face]
Kevin McCallister: Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!
[He runs off to prepare the next trap]
Marv: The little jerk is armed!
Harry: That's it, that's it! I'm going round the front, you go down to the basement!
[He storms off, swearing under his breath]
Marv: Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!
Harry: [snickers] We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv: Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.
[Below their heads, Kevin slowly pushes the barrel of the air rifle through the doggie door and takes aim at Harry's groin]
Harry: Be a good little fella now, and open the door.
[PING!]
Harry: [high-pitched] AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...
[Cursing fluently under his breath, he hops around holding his crotch, and falls to his knees]
Marv: What?
[Harry falls down, still groaning and cursing]
Marv: What? What happened?
Harry: Get the little...!
[Marv goes back and sticks his head through the dog door... and sees Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes. Marv smiles lamely]
Kevin McCallister: Hello.
[PING!]
Marv: AH! AHHH...!
[Marv falls back out of the doggie door, clutching his face]
Kevin McCallister: Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!
[He runs off to prepare the next trap]
Marv: The little jerk is armed!
Harry: That's it, that's it! I'm going round the front, you go down to the basement!
[He storms off, swearing under his breath]
Kate McCallister: I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to... where the hell am I?
Scranton Ticket Agent: Scranton.
Kate McCallister: [finally letting her aggravation out] I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son. And now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless?
Scranton Ticket Agent: Scranton.
Kate McCallister: [finally letting her aggravation out] I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son. And now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless?
Marv: Out the window?
[Harry starts climbing out onto a zip line]
Marv: I'm not going out the window!
Harry: What're you scared, Marv? Are you afraid? C'mon, get out here.
Marv: [Marv follows Harry and they start across the rope] Ohhh, let's go back. Let's go back, Harry!
Harry: Shut up, Marv!
Kevin McCallister: [Holds a pair of hedge shears to the rope on his end] Hey guys, check this out!
Harry: Huh, oh, go back!
Marv: Oh! Good!
[They start making their way back]
Marv, Harry: [Kevin severs the rope and both of them drop] AHHHHHHHHHH!
[They slam into a brick wall and fall to the ground]
[Harry starts climbing out onto a zip line]
Marv: I'm not going out the window!
Harry: What're you scared, Marv? Are you afraid? C'mon, get out here.
Marv: [Marv follows Harry and they start across the rope] Ohhh, let's go back. Let's go back, Harry!
Harry: Shut up, Marv!
Kevin McCallister: [Holds a pair of hedge shears to the rope on his end] Hey guys, check this out!
Harry: Huh, oh, go back!
Marv: Oh! Good!
[They start making their way back]
Marv, Harry: [Kevin severs the rope and both of them drop] AHHHHHHHHHH!
[They slam into a brick wall and fall to the ground]
Kevin McCallister: The third floor?
Kate McCallister: Go.
Kevin McCallister: It's scary up there.
Kate McCallister: Don't be silly; Fuller will be up in a little while.
Kevin McCallister: I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him, he wets the bed. He'll pee all over me, I know it.
Kate McCallister: [looking disgusted] Fine, we'll put him somewhere else.
Kate McCallister: Go.
Kevin McCallister: It's scary up there.
Kate McCallister: Don't be silly; Fuller will be up in a little while.
Kevin McCallister: I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him, he wets the bed. He'll pee all over me, I know it.
Kate McCallister: [looking disgusted] Fine, we'll put him somewhere else.
Gangster 'Johnny': Who is it?
Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Pizza Boy: Okay.
[leaves the pizza on the doormat]
Pizza Boy: But what about the money?
Gangster 'Johnny': What money?
Pizza Boy: [matter-of-factly but sarcastically] Well, you'll have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Gangster 'Johnny': How much do I owe ya?
Pizza Boy: That'll be $11.80, sir.
[Kevin drops the money from the dog door]
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
Pizza Boy: Cheapskate.
[starts to leave, but is stopped by Johnny's next line]
Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!
[machine gun fire; the delivery boy dashes back to his car and speeds away]
Kevin McCallister: [opens the door and brings the pizza inside] A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Pizza Boy: Okay.
[leaves the pizza on the doormat]
Pizza Boy: But what about the money?
Gangster 'Johnny': What money?
Pizza Boy: [matter-of-factly but sarcastically] Well, you'll have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Gangster 'Johnny': How much do I owe ya?
Pizza Boy: That'll be $11.80, sir.
[Kevin drops the money from the dog door]
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
Pizza Boy: Cheapskate.
[starts to leave, but is stopped by Johnny's next line]
Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!
[machine gun fire; the delivery boy dashes back to his car and speeds away]
Kevin McCallister: [opens the door and brings the pizza inside] A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
Kevin McCallister: So give it a shot, for your granddaughter anyway. I'm sure she misses you and the presents.
Marley: I send her a check.
Kevin McCallister: I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it.
Marley: That's nice.
Kevin McCallister: Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.
Marley: I send her a check.
Kevin McCallister: I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it.
Marley: That's nice.
Kevin McCallister: Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.
Officer Devereux: Hey, you know we've been looking for you two guys for a long time. You guys are always leaving the water running whenever you break in, now we know each and every house you guys have hit.
Marv: Yeah. But remember, we're the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.
Harry: [shouting] Shut up.
Marv: Yeah. But remember, we're the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.
Harry: [shouting] Shut up.
Harry: [Marv brings a load of stolen goods from the Murphy household to the van and Harry sees him laughing] What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again didn't you? You left the water running. What's wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it.
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card!
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits!
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card!
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits!
Harry: [Kevin was almost mowed down by Harry and Marv] Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son. You know?
Kevin McCallister: Sorry.
Harry: Damn!
Marv: [to Kevin] Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.
Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas.
[smiles; his gold tooth glistens; Kevin gasps]
Kevin McCallister: Sorry.
Harry: Damn!
Marv: [to Kevin] Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.
Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas.
[smiles; his gold tooth glistens; Kevin gasps]
[Kevin has just caused a scene in the kitchen and Buzz has him in a headlock]
Kate McCallister: Look, stop, stop! What is the matter with you?
Kevin McCallister: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions and...
Frank McCallister: [wiping dregs of soda off of his pants] Look what you did, you little jerk!
[the rest of the family stare irately at Kevin]
Kate McCallister: Look, stop, stop! What is the matter with you?
Kevin McCallister: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions and...
Frank McCallister: [wiping dregs of soda off of his pants] Look what you did, you little jerk!
[the rest of the family stare irately at Kevin]
[Harry and Marv have caught Kevin in the Murphy's house and hung him on the basement door]
Marv: What are we gonna do to him, Harry?
Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch!
Marv: And smash his face with an iron!
Harry: How about we slap him in the face with a paint can!
Marv: Or shove a nail through his foot!
[Behind them, Marley sneaks in with his snow shovel]
Harry: First thing I'm gonna do is to bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time...
[Marley raises his shovel and knocks Marv out cold, Harry turns around only to be knocked out, too. Marley lifts Kevin off the door]
Marley: Come on, let's get you home.
Marv: What are we gonna do to him, Harry?
Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch!
Marv: And smash his face with an iron!
Harry: How about we slap him in the face with a paint can!
Marv: Or shove a nail through his foot!
[Behind them, Marley sneaks in with his snow shovel]
Harry: First thing I'm gonna do is to bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time...
[Marley raises his shovel and knocks Marv out cold, Harry turns around only to be knocked out, too. Marley lifts Kevin off the door]
Marley: Come on, let's get you home.
[Kate is trying to get a ticket to go to Dallas, Ed is trying to board the plane]
Man in Airport: Come on, Irene, they're boarding.
Woman in Airport: This girl is offering us our first class ticket... if we go Friday plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translater, five hundered dollars and...
Kate McCallister: The earrings, you love the earrings?
Man in Airport: She's got her own earrings, a whole show box full of them dangly ones.
Man in Airport: Come on, Irene, they're boarding.
Woman in Airport: This girl is offering us our first class ticket... if we go Friday plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translater, five hundered dollars and...
Kate McCallister: The earrings, you love the earrings?
Man in Airport: She's got her own earrings, a whole show box full of them dangly ones.
Kevin McCallister: I went shopping yesterday.
Jeff McCallister: You? Shopping?
Kevin McCallister: I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener.
Peter McCallister: No kidding. What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away?
Kevin McCallister: Just hung around.
Buzz McCallister: He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe and he's going shopping!
Jeff McCallister: You? Shopping?
Kevin McCallister: I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener.
Peter McCallister: No kidding. What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away?
Kevin McCallister: Just hung around.
Buzz McCallister: He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe and he's going shopping!
Harry: [timidly] What're you doin', Marv?
Marv: [looking at Buzz's tarantula at rest on Harry; whispering warningly] Harry, don't move!
Harry: [questioningly] Maaarv?
Marv: [a little loudly at first, then to a whisper, then attempts to kill the tarantula with his crowbar] Don't...! Move...
Harry: [timidly again] What, what're you doin'? M - Marv...?
[Marv hits him with the crowbar, but the tarantula escapes into Buzz's room]
Harry: Aiee! Jeez... so... crumbin!
Marv: [hurriedly looking around for the tarantula] Did I get him?
[louder]
Marv: Did I get him? Where'd it go? Where is it?
Harry: [starts wacking Marv with his crowbar, the tossing it aside] Never mind, now how do you like that, *huh*? Ya jerk! Get that kid, Marv, get that kid!
Marv: [looking at Buzz's tarantula at rest on Harry; whispering warningly] Harry, don't move!
Harry: [questioningly] Maaarv?
Marv: [a little loudly at first, then to a whisper, then attempts to kill the tarantula with his crowbar] Don't...! Move...
Harry: [timidly again] What, what're you doin'? M - Marv...?
[Marv hits him with the crowbar, but the tarantula escapes into Buzz's room]
Harry: Aiee! Jeez... so... crumbin!
Marv: [hurriedly looking around for the tarantula] Did I get him?
[louder]
Marv: Did I get him? Where'd it go? Where is it?
Harry: [starts wacking Marv with his crowbar, the tossing it aside] Never mind, now how do you like that, *huh*? Ya jerk! Get that kid, Marv, get that kid!
Kevin McCallister: Everyone in this family *hates* me!
Kate McCallister: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
Kevin McCallister: I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!
Kate McCallister: Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.
Kevin McCallister: *I* don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either.
Kate McCallister: [softly] I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
Kevin McCallister: No, I wouldn't.
Kate McCallister: Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.
Kevin McCallister: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!
Kate McCallister: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
Kevin McCallister: I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!
Kate McCallister: Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.
Kevin McCallister: *I* don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either.
Kate McCallister: [softly] I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
Kevin McCallister: No, I wouldn't.
Kate McCallister: Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.
Kevin McCallister: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!
Peter McCallister: Honey, the pizza boy need $122 dollars plus tip.
Kate McCallister: For pizza?
Peter McCallister: Ten pizzas times twelve bucks!
Leslie McCallister: Frank, you've got money don't you?
Frank McCallister: Traveler's checks.
Kate McCallister: Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
Peter McCallister: You probably have the kind of traveler's checks that don't work in France.
Kate McCallister: For pizza?
Peter McCallister: Ten pizzas times twelve bucks!
Leslie McCallister: Frank, you've got money don't you?
Frank McCallister: Traveler's checks.
Kate McCallister: Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
Peter McCallister: You probably have the kind of traveler's checks that don't work in France.
Kevin McCallister: I don't know how to pack a suit case. I've never done this once in my whole life.
Jeff McCallister: Tough.
Kevin McCallister: That's what Megan said.
Megan McCallister: What did I say?
Jeff McCallister: You told Kevin "tough".
Megan McCallister: The dope was whining about a suit case. What was I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
Jeff McCallister: Tough.
Kevin McCallister: That's what Megan said.
Megan McCallister: What did I say?
Jeff McCallister: You told Kevin "tough".
Megan McCallister: The dope was whining about a suit case. What was I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
Kevin McCallister: I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including inbetween my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.
Kevin McCallister: Santa, hold on. Can I talk to you for a second?
Santa Claus: Yes, but make it quick. Santa's got a little get together he's late for.
Kevin McCallister: Okay. I know you're not the real Santa Claus.
Santa Claus: [his beard is pulled down, revealing his real face] What makes you say that? Er, just out of curiosity.
Santa Claus: Yes, but make it quick. Santa's got a little get together he's late for.
Kevin McCallister: Okay. I know you're not the real Santa Claus.
Santa Claus: [his beard is pulled down, revealing his real face] What makes you say that? Er, just out of curiosity.
Kate McCallister: [about Kevin] He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun.
Peter McCallister: Didn't we talk about that?
Kevin McCallister: Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fish hooks.
Peter McCallister: My NEW fish hooks?
Kevin McCallister: I can't make ornaments out of the old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on them.
Peter McCallister: Didn't we talk about that?
Kevin McCallister: Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fish hooks.
Peter McCallister: My NEW fish hooks?
Kevin McCallister: I can't make ornaments out of the old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on them.
Rod McCallister: Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone?
Buzz McCallister: He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple of weeks. Say... isn't it true that French babes don't shave their pits?
Rod McCallister: Some don't.
Buzz McCallister: But they've got nude beaches.
Rod McCallister: Not in the winter.
[Buzz sulks]
Buzz McCallister: He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple of weeks. Say... isn't it true that French babes don't shave their pits?
Rod McCallister: Some don't.
Buzz McCallister: But they've got nude beaches.
Rod McCallister: Not in the winter.
[Buzz sulks]
Mitch Murphy: Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. I live across the street. You guys going out of town? We're going to Orlando, Florida. Well, actually, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma. Did you know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold there? Do these vans get good gas mileage?
Airport Driver: Gee, kid, I don't know. Hit the road.
Airport Driver: Gee, kid, I don't know. Hit the road.
Harry: [pointing to the McCallister house] That's the one, Marv, that's the silver tuna.
Marv: Oh, it's very gee.
Harry: Very gee, huh? It's loaded. It's got lot's of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs...
Marv: Toys?
Harry: Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash hoarde. Odd marketable securities... Who knows. It's a gem. Hand me a crow bar. Crow bars up.
[they clink their crow bars together]
Marv: Oh, it's very gee.
Harry: Very gee, huh? It's loaded. It's got lot's of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs...
Marv: Toys?
Harry: Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash hoarde. Odd marketable securities... Who knows. It's a gem. Hand me a crow bar. Crow bars up.
[they clink their crow bars together]
Kate McCallister: Have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home?
Gus Polinski: No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once.
[Off Kate's look]
Gus Polinski: Yeah, it was awful. The wife was distraught and we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. All day. You know, we went back at night and apparently he had been alone all day with the corpse. He was okay though, after two, three weeks he came around and started talking again...
Kate McCallister: Maybe we shouldn't talk about this.
Gus Polinski: Well, you brought it up.
Kate McCallister: I'm sorry I did.
Gus Polinski: No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once.
[Off Kate's look]
Gus Polinski: Yeah, it was awful. The wife was distraught and we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. All day. You know, we went back at night and apparently he had been alone all day with the corpse. He was okay though, after two, three weeks he came around and started talking again...
Kate McCallister: Maybe we shouldn't talk about this.
Gus Polinski: Well, you brought it up.
Kate McCallister: I'm sorry I did.
Rod McCallister: [watching Old Man Marley] What's he doing now?
Buzz McCallister: He walks up and down the streets every night, salting the sidewalks.
Rod McCallister: Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
Buzz McCallister: No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies... into mummies.
Rod McCallister: Whoa.
Kevin McCallister: Mummies?
[Marley looks up at the boys]
Rod McCallister: Look out!
[they close the drapes and run]
Buzz McCallister: He walks up and down the streets every night, salting the sidewalks.
Rod McCallister: Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
Buzz McCallister: No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies... into mummies.
Rod McCallister: Whoa.
Kevin McCallister: Mummies?
[Marley looks up at the boys]
Rod McCallister: Look out!
[they close the drapes and run]
