Honey, I Shrunk the Kids Quotes
The scientist father of a teenage girl and boy accidentally shrinks his and two other neighborhood teens to the size of insects. Now the teens must fight diminutive dangers as the father searches for them.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Your dad will go to jail, your mother too. After all she's the one who paid for it all, that makes her an accomplice. Do you even know what it's like in jail?
Amy Szalinski: I'm not even going to tell you one more time to shut up.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: And then what? Then you'll smack me? You'll go to jail too. I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you. The whole Szalinski family is going to be in jail for life...
Amy Szalinski: Look, my dad's machine works. When we get home and he fixes us all, we're gonna be so rich. You'll regret this.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Um... Amy, you know I've always liked your family. Your dad's a real nice guy. He's not as weird as I thought he was. I love you and Nick like... Like my own brother and sister.
Amy Szalinski: I'm not even going to tell you one more time to shut up.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: And then what? Then you'll smack me? You'll go to jail too. I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you. The whole Szalinski family is going to be in jail for life...
Amy Szalinski: Look, my dad's machine works. When we get home and he fixes us all, we're gonna be so rich. You'll regret this.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Um... Amy, you know I've always liked your family. Your dad's a real nice guy. He's not as weird as I thought he was. I love you and Nick like... Like my own brother and sister.
Amy Szalinski: Russ?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yeah?
Amy Szalinski: How come you never came over before?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I mean, you talked to me once or twice last year. I mean, I would've come by - I wanted to - but... I always thought you were too popular to notice me.
Amy Szalinski: I was too popular to notice. I was stupid.
[they pause then they kiss]
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yeah?
Amy Szalinski: How come you never came over before?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I mean, you talked to me once or twice last year. I mean, I would've come by - I wanted to - but... I always thought you were too popular to notice me.
Amy Szalinski: I was too popular to notice. I was stupid.
[they pause then they kiss]
[Wayne shows Diane the shrunken couch]
Diane Szalinski: [excited] Are you saying... it works? The machine works?
[Wayne nods]
Diane Szalinski: Do the kids know?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, yeah, the kids know.
Diane Szalinski: That's great!
Wayne Szalinski: No, it's not that great.
Diane Szalinski: Why?
Wayne Szalinski: I shrunk the kids.
Diane Szalinski: ...What?
Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Diane Szalinski: *What*?
Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.
[just as Diane grabs hold of Wayne, the doorbell rings. Wayne opens the door to two police officers]
Wayne Szalinski: Yes?
Female Cop: Did uh, you report two missing children?
Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Our children are in the backyard. Right, honey?
[Diane faints]
Diane Szalinski: [excited] Are you saying... it works? The machine works?
[Wayne nods]
Diane Szalinski: Do the kids know?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, yeah, the kids know.
Diane Szalinski: That's great!
Wayne Szalinski: No, it's not that great.
Diane Szalinski: Why?
Wayne Szalinski: I shrunk the kids.
Diane Szalinski: ...What?
Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Diane Szalinski: *What*?
Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.
[just as Diane grabs hold of Wayne, the doorbell rings. Wayne opens the door to two police officers]
Wayne Szalinski: Yes?
Female Cop: Did uh, you report two missing children?
Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Our children are in the backyard. Right, honey?
[Diane faints]
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: I just figured it out, I woke up this morning and this is all a bad dream.
Amy Szalinski: Ron, get up.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: You're just a nightmare. When I wake up this morning, my dad and I'll be going fishing.
Amy Szalinski: I'm warning you.
[hums with his eyes closed]
Amy Szalinski: Okay, Ron, maybe you're right. Maybe this is all just a bad dream. But, if it is, then...
[grabs his ears - hard]
Amy Szalinski: ...would this hurt?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Ow!
Amy Szalinski: [shouting] Get up!
Amy Szalinski: Ron, get up.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: You're just a nightmare. When I wake up this morning, my dad and I'll be going fishing.
Amy Szalinski: I'm warning you.
[hums with his eyes closed]
Amy Szalinski: Okay, Ron, maybe you're right. Maybe this is all just a bad dream. But, if it is, then...
[grabs his ears - hard]
Amy Szalinski: ...would this hurt?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Ow!
Amy Szalinski: [shouting] Get up!
[after his talk with Don]
Mae Thompson: Did you tell him the truth.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [smiles knowingly] Honey...
Mae Thompson: Did they take it okay?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Mae...
[Don honks the horn in 'goodbye' and drives off]
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [furiously] 80 bucks, Mae! NON-refundable! Those kids are GROUNDED!
Mae Thompson: Did you tell him the truth.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [smiles knowingly] Honey...
Mae Thompson: Did they take it okay?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Mae...
[Don honks the horn in 'goodbye' and drives off]
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [furiously] 80 bucks, Mae! NON-refundable! Those kids are GROUNDED!
[Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!
Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne!
Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something, I have got an air hammer in my attic and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the neighbourhood*! Come on, Mae!
[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.
Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!
Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne!
Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something, I have got an air hammer in my attic and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the neighbourhood*! Come on, Mae!
[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.
Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.
[after Wayne and Diane stop Tommy with the lawnmower]
Tommy Pervis: [innocently] Nick said I could cut it, I swear!
Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?
Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?
Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. Really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so late.
Diane Szalinski: [calmly] It's okay, sweetie. It's okay. Why don't you back through our house, it's safer.
Tommy Pervis: [concerned] 'Safer'?
[Tommy stares at Wayne and Diane looking through the cut grass for the kids]
Tommy Pervis: [to himself] I thought MY folks were weird.
Tommy Pervis: [innocently] Nick said I could cut it, I swear!
Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?
Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?
Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. Really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so late.
Diane Szalinski: [calmly] It's okay, sweetie. It's okay. Why don't you back through our house, it's safer.
Tommy Pervis: [concerned] 'Safer'?
[Tommy stares at Wayne and Diane looking through the cut grass for the kids]
Tommy Pervis: [to himself] I thought MY folks were weird.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: He hit a baseball through your attic window...
Amy Szalinski: He what?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: It shouldn't have been closed in the first place. It's a nice day!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: We'll get it fixed okay? We'll take it out of his allowance all right?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: My allowance? Dream on!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Okay, we'll just have dad pay for it huh?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: We'll take it out of my allowance... Now give me my ball back.
Nick Szalinski: Until you pay, no man shall pass.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: You've got nothing to say about it, *space boy*!
Amy Szalinski: Cool it! Nick, take him upstairs and get him his ball. And clean up the mess.
Nick Szalinski: [incredulous] What?
Amy Szalinski: [impatiently] Do it, Nick! I don't have time to mess around.
Amy Szalinski: He what?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: It shouldn't have been closed in the first place. It's a nice day!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: We'll get it fixed okay? We'll take it out of his allowance all right?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: My allowance? Dream on!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Okay, we'll just have dad pay for it huh?
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: We'll take it out of my allowance... Now give me my ball back.
Nick Szalinski: Until you pay, no man shall pass.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: You've got nothing to say about it, *space boy*!
Amy Szalinski: Cool it! Nick, take him upstairs and get him his ball. And clean up the mess.
Nick Szalinski: [incredulous] What?
Amy Szalinski: [impatiently] Do it, Nick! I don't have time to mess around.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Hey Szalinski, ever do anything normal? Like play baseball?
Nick Szalinski: Nope. Baseball is for mortals.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Maybe you could be the base.
Nick Szalinski: Maybe you could be the mound.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Ronald, lug your stuff!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Later, worm.
Nick Szalinski: Nope. Baseball is for mortals.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Maybe you could be the base.
Nick Szalinski: Maybe you could be the mound.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Ronald, lug your stuff!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Later, worm.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [knowing about his kids missing] Don, uh, something's come up. I don't think we're gonna be able to make it. Maybe you better go on ahead.
Donald 'Don' Forrester: What - what do you mean you don't think you'll be able to make it? We're caravanning, good buddy.
Gloria Forrester: [about Wayne flying] Donald, I am telling...
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Not now, Gloria!
[to Russ, Sr]
Donald 'Don' Forrester: And besides, if you're not there by 6:00, you'll lose your deposit.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Confidentially... Mae hasn't been feeling too well - plumbing.
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Plumbing? This isn't the Big Russ Thompson I know. Plumbing would not stop the Big Russ Thompson I know. Especially with an $80 deposit on the line?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Don, hook a big on for me, okay?
[he puts his hand on Don's shoulder which takes off a fish hook accessory off the lifejacket until Russ, Sr. leaves]
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Don?
[Russ, Sr. does the fish with his hand as Don does the same]
Gloria Forrester: Let's roll, Gloria. Come on, get in.
Donald 'Don' Forrester: What's wrong with him?
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Come on.
[Don then sees Wayne flying]
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Mm-hmm.
Donald 'Don' Forrester: What - what do you mean you don't think you'll be able to make it? We're caravanning, good buddy.
Gloria Forrester: [about Wayne flying] Donald, I am telling...
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Not now, Gloria!
[to Russ, Sr]
Donald 'Don' Forrester: And besides, if you're not there by 6:00, you'll lose your deposit.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Confidentially... Mae hasn't been feeling too well - plumbing.
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Plumbing? This isn't the Big Russ Thompson I know. Plumbing would not stop the Big Russ Thompson I know. Especially with an $80 deposit on the line?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Don, hook a big on for me, okay?
[he puts his hand on Don's shoulder which takes off a fish hook accessory off the lifejacket until Russ, Sr. leaves]
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Don?
[Russ, Sr. does the fish with his hand as Don does the same]
Gloria Forrester: Let's roll, Gloria. Come on, get in.
Donald 'Don' Forrester: What's wrong with him?
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Come on.
[Don then sees Wayne flying]
Donald 'Don' Forrester: Mm-hmm.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Um, dad... You know that weights aren't my thing.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Weights aren't your thing. Fishing isn't your thing. Just what is your thing?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I don't know. But I'll keep you posted okay?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Okay, in the meantime, you're trying these weights, and you're coming fishing with the family! IS THAT CLEAR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yes sir.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Weights aren't your thing. Fishing isn't your thing. Just what is your thing?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I don't know. But I'll keep you posted okay?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Okay, in the meantime, you're trying these weights, and you're coming fishing with the family! IS THAT CLEAR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yes sir.
Wayne Szalinski: And given that my machine can substantially reduce the size of bulky payloads... And fuel supplies of the savings to the space program would be staggering.
Professor Frederickson: Mr. Szalinski, are you trying to tell me that suddenly size is no longer relative?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, that's right, Professor Frederickson, and that all matter is made up of not only density but of empty space, and if we can proportionally reduce the amount of empty space in any given object, we can, thereby, shrink the object.
Professor Frederickson: Uh-huh. Where's your proof?
Wayne Szalinski: When Einstein came up with the atomic bomb, did they ask him to prove that it worked?
Professor Frederickson: You, Mr. Szalinski, are hardly Einstein.
[the audience laughs]
Wayne Szalinski: I picked a name.
Professor Frederickson: You have, however, managed to shrink one thing: the size of the audience.
[stands up]
Professor Frederickson: Gentlemen, ladies, I don't know about you, but I'm going to lunch.
[leaves along with the rest]
Professor Frederickson: Mr. Szalinski, are you trying to tell me that suddenly size is no longer relative?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, that's right, Professor Frederickson, and that all matter is made up of not only density but of empty space, and if we can proportionally reduce the amount of empty space in any given object, we can, thereby, shrink the object.
Professor Frederickson: Uh-huh. Where's your proof?
Wayne Szalinski: When Einstein came up with the atomic bomb, did they ask him to prove that it worked?
Professor Frederickson: You, Mr. Szalinski, are hardly Einstein.
[the audience laughs]
Wayne Szalinski: I picked a name.
Professor Frederickson: You have, however, managed to shrink one thing: the size of the audience.
[stands up]
Professor Frederickson: Gentlemen, ladies, I don't know about you, but I'm going to lunch.
[leaves along with the rest]
Nick Szalinski: [sees Quark] It's Quark!
[whistles until Quark sees them]
Nick Szalinski: Oh, no!
Amy Szalinski: What is it, Nick?
Nick Szalinski: [observes the Thompsons' cat jumping from the fence] It's that stupid cat of theirs!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Our cat is not stupid!
Nick Szalinski: [sees Quark being chased back in the house] It just chased Quark away!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: It's Russ's stupid cat...
[his last word turns to panic as the stem tips over]
Amy Szalinski: Hang on, Nick!
Nick Szalinski: I can't! I'M SLIPPING!
[Nick falls into a flower full of pollen]
[whistles until Quark sees them]
Nick Szalinski: Oh, no!
Amy Szalinski: What is it, Nick?
Nick Szalinski: [observes the Thompsons' cat jumping from the fence] It's that stupid cat of theirs!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Our cat is not stupid!
Nick Szalinski: [sees Quark being chased back in the house] It just chased Quark away!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: It's Russ's stupid cat...
[his last word turns to panic as the stem tips over]
Amy Szalinski: Hang on, Nick!
Nick Szalinski: I can't! I'M SLIPPING!
[Nick falls into a flower full of pollen]
Tommy Pervis: [after mowing the lawn] Nick said I could cut it...
Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?
Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?
Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. But really, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be so late!
Diane Szalinski: It's okay, sweetie. It's alright, go home, go on through the house, it's safer.
Tommy Pervis: "Safer"?
[sees Diane and Wayne looking for the kids in the grass]
Tommy Pervis: And I thought my folks were weird.
Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?
Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?
Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. But really, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be so late!
Diane Szalinski: It's okay, sweetie. It's alright, go home, go on through the house, it's safer.
Tommy Pervis: "Safer"?
[sees Diane and Wayne looking for the kids in the grass]
Tommy Pervis: And I thought my folks were weird.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: What do you take me for? A complete idiot?
[Wayne and Diane look at each other]
Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Hang on, Mae. I'll handle this. How did this happen?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, the machine analyzes an object's molecular structure; then through laser inversion, it takes all the...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne... I think the Thompsons need to see the couch.
[Wayne and Diane look at each other]
Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Hang on, Mae. I'll handle this. How did this happen?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, the machine analyzes an object's molecular structure; then through laser inversion, it takes all the...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne... I think the Thompsons need to see the couch.
