Hook Quotes
When Captain Hook kidnaps his children, an adult Peter Pan must return to Neverland and reclaim his youthful spirit in order to challenge his old enemy.
Peter Banning: [sees Tinkerbell on the Peter Pan statue] Tink!
Tinkerbell: Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.
Peter Banning: I believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell: You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?
[Peter nods]
Tinkerbell: That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
Tinkerbell: Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.
Peter Banning: I believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell: You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?
[Peter nods]
Tinkerbell: That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
Rufio: Boil-dripping, beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!
Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!
Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
Rufio: You are fart factory, Slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
Kids: [in unison] Ugh!
Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.
Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
Rufio: Mung tongue.
Peter Banning: Math tutor.
Rufio: Pinhead.
Peter Banning: Prison barber.
Rufio: Mother lover.
Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.
Rufio: In your face, camel cake!
Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.
Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you eat me! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?
Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's the paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!
Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.
Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!
Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose.
Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!
Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
Rufio: You are fart factory, Slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
Kids: [in unison] Ugh!
Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.
Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
Rufio: Mung tongue.
Peter Banning: Math tutor.
Rufio: Pinhead.
Peter Banning: Prison barber.
Rufio: Mother lover.
Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.
Rufio: In your face, camel cake!
Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.
Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you eat me! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?
Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's the paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!
Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.
Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!
Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose.
Peter Banning: [to Rufio, who pulls a sword at him] Okay, mister. All right, show's over. Now, you put that thing away! Now, put it down before you poke somebody's eye out.
[the Lost Boys all laugh]
Peter Banning: You're not old enough to shave! What are you doing with a sword? And flying around... this is an insurance nightmare! What is this, some sort of "Lord of the Flies" preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge, here?
[the Lost Boys all point to Rufio, who bows]
Peter Banning: No! No, Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. You are just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grown-up!
Rufio: All grown-ups are pirates!
Peter Banning: Excuse me?
Rufio: [smiles] We kill pirates.
Peter Banning: I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.
Rufio: Kill the lawyer!
Lost Boys: [drawing their weapons] Kill the lawyer!
Peter Banning: [backs away nervously] I'm not that kind of lawyer...
[the Lost Boys all laugh]
Peter Banning: You're not old enough to shave! What are you doing with a sword? And flying around... this is an insurance nightmare! What is this, some sort of "Lord of the Flies" preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge, here?
[the Lost Boys all point to Rufio, who bows]
Peter Banning: No! No, Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. You are just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grown-up!
Rufio: All grown-ups are pirates!
Peter Banning: Excuse me?
Rufio: [smiles] We kill pirates.
Peter Banning: I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.
Rufio: Kill the lawyer!
Lost Boys: [drawing their weapons] Kill the lawyer!
Peter Banning: [backs away nervously] I'm not that kind of lawyer...
Captain James Hook: [holding a pistol to his head] No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee.
Smee: Oh, not again.
Captain James Hook: This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee, try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your ass. Get over here, Smee!
Smee: I'm coming. I'm coming.
Captain James Hook: Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide!
[Smee triggers the gun away from Hook's head, sinking the model ship in the pool]
Captain James Hook: Don't ever frighten me like that again.
Smee: I'm sorry.
Captain James Hook: What are you, some kind of a sadist?
Smee: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you feel now?
Captain James Hook: [sighs] I want to die.
Smee: Oh, now, now.
Captain James Hook: There's no adventure here.
Smee: [hold out Hook's gun] You call this no adventure?
Captain James Hook: Death is the only adventure I have left, Smee.
Smee: Oh, not again.
Captain James Hook: This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee, try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your ass. Get over here, Smee!
Smee: I'm coming. I'm coming.
Captain James Hook: Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide!
[Smee triggers the gun away from Hook's head, sinking the model ship in the pool]
Captain James Hook: Don't ever frighten me like that again.
Smee: I'm sorry.
Captain James Hook: What are you, some kind of a sadist?
Smee: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you feel now?
Captain James Hook: [sighs] I want to die.
Smee: Oh, now, now.
Captain James Hook: There's no adventure here.
Smee: [hold out Hook's gun] You call this no adventure?
Captain James Hook: Death is the only adventure I have left, Smee.
[Peter recalls a memory from his childhood]
Wendy Darling: Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than twenty. I grew up a long time ago.
Young Peter Pan: No, no, no! You promised!
Wendy Darling: I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed.
Peter Banning: [voiceover] When I saw her lying there sleeping, that moment, something changed in me forever.
Young Peter Pan: I shall give her a kiss.
[takes out a thimble]
Wendy Darling: No. No, Peter. No buttons. No thimbles. I couldn't bear to see Moira's heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you.
Young Peter Pan: No. I mean a real kiss.
Wendy Darling: Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than twenty. I grew up a long time ago.
Young Peter Pan: No, no, no! You promised!
Wendy Darling: I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed.
Peter Banning: [voiceover] When I saw her lying there sleeping, that moment, something changed in me forever.
Young Peter Pan: I shall give her a kiss.
[takes out a thimble]
Wendy Darling: No. No, Peter. No buttons. No thimbles. I couldn't bear to see Moira's heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you.
Young Peter Pan: No. I mean a real kiss.
Tinkerbell: Well, whoever you are it's still you, 'cause only one person has that smell.
Peter Banning: Smell?
Tinkerbell: The smell of someone who has ridden the back of the wind, Peter. The smell of a hundred fun summers, with sleeping in trees and adventures with Indians and Pirates. Oh remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All it had to be was anything 'cause it was always us.
Peter Banning: Smell?
Tinkerbell: The smell of someone who has ridden the back of the wind, Peter. The smell of a hundred fun summers, with sleeping in trees and adventures with Indians and Pirates. Oh remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All it had to be was anything 'cause it was always us.
Moira Banning: [after throwing Peter's cell phone out the window] I'm sorry about your deal.
Peter Banning: You hated the deal.
Moira Banning: I hated the deal, but I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you, they want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast Peter. It's a few years, and it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.
Peter Banning: You hated the deal.
Moira Banning: I hated the deal, but I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you, they want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast Peter. It's a few years, and it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.
Peter Banning: You're a... you're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs and you're a very nice tiny person and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was; I'm an orphan and I've never taken drugs because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant.
Tinkerbell: Guess again.
[Tinkerbell takes the sheet which makes Peter trip on the floor]
Peter Banning: [disoriented] Oh, look, stars.
Tinkerbell: That's right, Peter, second star to the right and straight on till morning.
[Tinkerbell takes Peter by the strings of the sheet]
Tinkerbell: Neverland!
Tinkerbell: Guess again.
[Tinkerbell takes the sheet which makes Peter trip on the floor]
Peter Banning: [disoriented] Oh, look, stars.
Tinkerbell: That's right, Peter, second star to the right and straight on till morning.
[Tinkerbell takes Peter by the strings of the sheet]
Tinkerbell: Neverland!
Peter Banning: [unearthing his cell phone] Wow. Brad, hi! You been holding this long? Uh huh. I'm incredible. Yeah, Neverland. Uh-huh. Lost Boys. Jim Hook, duel to the death. I'll fill you in later. Listen, I'd love to chat, but I gotta climb a drain pipe right now. Why? Because I ran out of fairy dust, if not I would've flown up.
[surprised he asks]
Peter Banning: Why?
[surprised he asks]
Peter Banning: Why?
Peter Banning: Hook, you let those kids out of that net in less than one minute or you better get an attorney and hope to God he's better than me.
Captain Hook: Who are you?
Peter Banning: I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.
Captain Hook: These are your...
Peter Banning: Children.
Captain Hook: These are your children.
Peter Banning: Yes they are.
Captain Hook: And you are?
Peter Banning: Peter.
Captain Hook: You're Peter?
Peter Banning: Yes?
Captain Hook: You're Peter?
Peter Banning: Yes.
Captain Hook: No.
Peter Banning: Yes.
Captain Hook: You're Peter?
Peter Banning: Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.
Captain Hook: My great and worthy opponent?
Peter Banning: Yes.
Captain Hook: No! Smee, who is this impostor?
Captain Hook: Who are you?
Peter Banning: I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.
Captain Hook: These are your...
Peter Banning: Children.
Captain Hook: These are your children.
Peter Banning: Yes they are.
Captain Hook: And you are?
Peter Banning: Peter.
Captain Hook: You're Peter?
Peter Banning: Yes?
Captain Hook: You're Peter?
Peter Banning: Yes.
Captain Hook: No.
Peter Banning: Yes.
Captain Hook: You're Peter?
Peter Banning: Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.
Captain Hook: My great and worthy opponent?
Peter Banning: Yes.
Captain Hook: No! Smee, who is this impostor?
Don't Ask, Ace: [with the Lost Boys as they get Peter in shape] Pick 'em up! Move 'em down! Pick 'em on up! Move 'em on down! Ain't no time to celebrate! You are old and overweight! Gotta lose a million pounds! Get your fat butt off the ground! Reach on down and touch your toes! How long since you looked at those? Shape up! Lose weight! Get thin! Gotta win! Jumping jacks are good for you! Now your face is turning blue! Swing your arms around your back! Give yourself a heart attack! Gotta train! In the rain! In the sun! In the snow! Ten below! Gotta move! Gotta do! Gotta crow!
Captain James Hook: [to Peter as he traps him and grinds his hook near his face] You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning - a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
Smee: Good Mooooooooooooorning, Neverland! Tie down the main mast, mateys, 'cause here he is, the cunning kingfish, the bad barracuda! A man so deep, he's almost unfathomable.
[pirates stare blankly]
Smee: A man so quick, he's even fast... asleep!
[pirates cheer]
Smee: Thank you! Now, let's give him a very big hand, 'cause he's only got one.
[pirates laugh]
Smee: I give you, the steel-handed stingray, Captain James Hook!
[pirates stare blankly]
Smee: A man so quick, he's even fast... asleep!
[pirates cheer]
Smee: Thank you! Now, let's give him a very big hand, 'cause he's only got one.
[pirates laugh]
Smee: I give you, the steel-handed stingray, Captain James Hook!
Thud Butt: Peter, can I talk to you?
Peter Pan: Sure, Thud.
Thud Butt: I remember Tootles.
Peter Pan: You do?
Thud Butt: He was lost too.
Peter Pan: How could you know Tootles?
Thud Butt: He was a Lost Boy.
[Thud Butt takes out a small pouch]
Thud Butt: These are his marbles. These are his happy thoughts.
[Peter empties out the pouch of marbles into his hand and laughs]
Peter Pan: He really did lose his marbles, didn't he?
Thud Butt: [laughs] Yeah, he lost them good.
[they both laugh]
Thud Butt: Peter, you know what?
Peter Pan: What?
Thud Butt: My happy thought will help you.
Peter Pan: What's your happy thought, Thud?
Thud Butt: Mine's my mother. Do you remember your mother, Peter?
Peter Pan: Wish I could.
Peter Pan: Sure, Thud.
Thud Butt: I remember Tootles.
Peter Pan: You do?
Thud Butt: He was lost too.
Peter Pan: How could you know Tootles?
Thud Butt: He was a Lost Boy.
[Thud Butt takes out a small pouch]
Thud Butt: These are his marbles. These are his happy thoughts.
[Peter empties out the pouch of marbles into his hand and laughs]
Peter Pan: He really did lose his marbles, didn't he?
Thud Butt: [laughs] Yeah, he lost them good.
[they both laugh]
Thud Butt: Peter, you know what?
Peter Pan: What?
Thud Butt: My happy thought will help you.
Peter Pan: What's your happy thought, Thud?
Thud Butt: Mine's my mother. Do you remember your mother, Peter?
Peter Pan: Wish I could.
Captain Hook: You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?
Maggie: Yes!I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!
Captain Hook: Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...
Smee: The 'L' word, Captain.
Captain Hook: Ooh, yes!
[grimly chuckles]
Captain Hook: No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!
[inhales deeply]
Captain Hook: Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
Smee: -And conk you out.
Maggie: That's not true, Jack!
[to Hook]
Maggie: You're a liar!
Captain Hook: [laughs] Lie? Me? Never.
[inhales deeply again]
Captain Hook: The TRUTH is far too much fun.
Maggie: Yes!I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!
Captain Hook: Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...
Smee: The 'L' word, Captain.
Captain Hook: Ooh, yes!
[grimly chuckles]
Captain Hook: No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!
[inhales deeply]
Captain Hook: Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
Smee: -And conk you out.
Maggie: That's not true, Jack!
[to Hook]
Maggie: You're a liar!
Captain Hook: [laughs] Lie? Me? Never.
[inhales deeply again]
Captain Hook: The TRUTH is far too much fun.
Rufio: [falls to his knees holding his sword up in his hands] You are the Pan.
[Peter takes the sword from him, draws a line in the sand between him and Rufio and all the lost boys run over to stand behind him. Rufio stands up walks towards him]
Rufio: [very pleased] You can fly! You can fight! And you can...
[Peter crows and bows to Rufio. Rufio does the same and the lost boys cheer]
[Peter takes the sword from him, draws a line in the sand between him and Rufio and all the lost boys run over to stand behind him. Rufio stands up walks towards him]
Rufio: [very pleased] You can fly! You can fight! And you can...
[Peter crows and bows to Rufio. Rufio does the same and the lost boys cheer]
Pirate: He's stealing second!
[the catcher shoots the base stealer with his pistol and the crowd cheers]
Captain Hook: No, no, no! Now stop it! We're playing this game by Master Jack's rules. Bad form! Sit down, now. Let's resume the game.
[to his lady]
Captain Hook: A very violent sport, isn't it, baseball?
[the catcher shoots the base stealer with his pistol and the crowd cheers]
Captain Hook: No, no, no! Now stop it! We're playing this game by Master Jack's rules. Bad form! Sit down, now. Let's resume the game.
[to his lady]
Captain Hook: A very violent sport, isn't it, baseball?
Captain Hook: You!
[pointing at someone in the crowd]
Captain Hook: You! That's right you! No not you! not you... you... You! You bet against me bringing Pan back here, didn't ya?
Gutless: [Intimidated] No.
Captain Hook: Ahh
[Nods disbelievingly]
Captain Hook: ... tell your captain the truth
Gutless: [Breaks down crying]
Captain Hook: Awww... say it... say it
Gutless: I did...
Captain Hook: Yes... you made a boo boo...
Gutless: I did... I did it...
Captain Hook: Mmm...
[Looks at another pirate]
Captain Hook: The boo box.
Gutless: Not that! Not the boo box!
Captain Hook: [nods] The boo box.
Gutless: NOOOOOO!
Captain Hook: Yes.
[pointing at someone in the crowd]
Captain Hook: You! That's right you! No not you! not you... you... You! You bet against me bringing Pan back here, didn't ya?
Gutless: [Intimidated] No.
Captain Hook: Ahh
[Nods disbelievingly]
Captain Hook: ... tell your captain the truth
Gutless: [Breaks down crying]
Captain Hook: Awww... say it... say it
Gutless: I did...
Captain Hook: Yes... you made a boo boo...
Gutless: I did... I did it...
Captain Hook: Mmm...
[Looks at another pirate]
Captain Hook: The boo box.
Gutless: Not that! Not the boo box!
Captain Hook: [nods] The boo box.
Gutless: NOOOOOO!
Captain Hook: Yes.
Wendy Darling: The stories are true! I swear to you! I swear on everything I adore, and now he's come back to seek his revenge. The fight isn't over for Captain James Hook. He wants you back. He knows that you'll follow Jack and Maggie to the ends of the earth and beyond. And by heaven, you must find a way. Only you can save your children. Somehow, you must go back. You must make yourself remember.
Peter Banning: Remember what?
Wendy Darling: Peter, don't you know who you are?
[Wendy opens up the book and shows an illustration of Peter Pan as Peter looks in disbelief]
Wendy Darling: [whispers] Yes, boy. Yes.
Peter Banning: Remember what?
Wendy Darling: Peter, don't you know who you are?
[Wendy opens up the book and shows an illustration of Peter Pan as Peter looks in disbelief]
Wendy Darling: [whispers] Yes, boy. Yes.
Maggie: But Jack says you're not the really real Wendy.
Wendy Darling: Ahh. Well, do you see where Jack is, hmm? Well, that is the same window and this is the same room where we made up our bedtime stories about Peter and Neverland and scary old Captain Hook. And did you know? Mr. Barrie - well, Sir James, our neighbor - he loved our stories so much, he wrote them all down in a book, oh dear me, eighty years ago.
Maggie: You're really old.
Wendy Darling: That's very true.
Wendy Darling: Ahh. Well, do you see where Jack is, hmm? Well, that is the same window and this is the same room where we made up our bedtime stories about Peter and Neverland and scary old Captain Hook. And did you know? Mr. Barrie - well, Sir James, our neighbor - he loved our stories so much, he wrote them all down in a book, oh dear me, eighty years ago.
Maggie: You're really old.
Wendy Darling: That's very true.
[holding up a sign reading "Run Home Jack"]
Pirates: Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack!
Jack: "Run home, Jack."
Captain Hook: Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around!
Jack: Maggie?
Smee: Switch!
[the pirates fix the sign to read "Home Run Jack." They read it]
Pirates: Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack!
Pirates: Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack!
Jack: "Run home, Jack."
Captain Hook: Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around!
Jack: Maggie?
Smee: Switch!
[the pirates fix the sign to read "Home Run Jack." They read it]
Pirates: Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack!
Peter Banning: [Jack is angry at his Dad and tossing his baseball to the ceiling and catching it] Will you stop doing that? You could break a window.
Jack: They're double-layered, you can't break 'em.
[he demonstrates his point by banging his ball against the glass]
Peter Banning: [confiscating the ball] Give me that!
Jack: They're double-layered, you can't break 'em.
[he demonstrates his point by banging his ball against the glass]
Peter Banning: [confiscating the ball] Give me that!
Peter Banning: I do not believe in fairies.
Tinkerbell: Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.
Peter Banning: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
[Tinkerbell falls down the stairs of the dollhouse unconscious]
Peter Banning: Oh my God, I think I've killed it.
Tinkerbell: Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.
Peter Banning: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
[Tinkerbell falls down the stairs of the dollhouse unconscious]
Peter Banning: Oh my God, I think I've killed it.
Captain James Hook: [contemplating] Smee, I've just had a sublime vision. All the jagged parts of my life have come together to form a complete an mystical... whole. An epiphany.
Smee: A "piphy"-what?
Captain James Hook: My life is over!
Smee: Does that mean you've lost your appetite?
Captain James Hook: Yes. Goodbye.
Smee: A "piphy"-what?
Captain James Hook: My life is over!
Smee: Does that mean you've lost your appetite?
Captain James Hook: Yes. Goodbye.
Captain Hook: Finally, I'm going to kill Peter Pan, that cocky boy who cut off my hand and fed it to the crocodile!
[pirates cheer]
Captain Hook: And who killed that cunning crocodile?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: Who stuffed him?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: Who made him into a quiet clock?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: Who went into the other world and stole Pan's children?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: And who didn't believe I could do it? Who doubted me? Who amongst us does not belong? Someone here does not belong, a stranger amongst the loyal. I will weed you out!
[pirates cheer]
Captain Hook: And who killed that cunning crocodile?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: Who stuffed him?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: Who made him into a quiet clock?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: Who went into the other world and stole Pan's children?
Pirates: Hook!
Captain Hook: And who didn't believe I could do it? Who doubted me? Who amongst us does not belong? Someone here does not belong, a stranger amongst the loyal. I will weed you out!
[Hook hangs Maggie and Jack from a net atop the mast]
Captain Hook: I'll make you a deal, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board. Fly up there and touch the outstretched fingers of your frightened children, and I'll set them free.
Peter Banning: I can't fly!
Captain Hook: Come on, explode out of there! Stop the charade! Free you children!
Maggie, Jack: Help, daddy!
Captain Hook: [Peter whispers to Hook's ear] I beg your pardon?
Peter Banning: [inaudible whisper] I have a real problem with heights.
Captain Hook: You must be joking.
[he laughs]
Captain Hook: Peter Pan has a real problem with heights!
[Hook and the other pirates burst out laughing]
Peter Banning: I'm not Peter Pan.
Captain Hook: I'll make you a deal, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board. Fly up there and touch the outstretched fingers of your frightened children, and I'll set them free.
Peter Banning: I can't fly!
Captain Hook: Come on, explode out of there! Stop the charade! Free you children!
Maggie, Jack: Help, daddy!
Captain Hook: [Peter whispers to Hook's ear] I beg your pardon?
Peter Banning: [inaudible whisper] I have a real problem with heights.
Captain Hook: You must be joking.
[he laughs]
Captain Hook: Peter Pan has a real problem with heights!
[Hook and the other pirates burst out laughing]
Peter Banning: I'm not Peter Pan.
Peter Banning: [while the children are running around making a noise, shouting into the phone] Wait a minute. You're telling me a 10-inch owl has a 50-mile mating radius? Why don't they just fornicate someplace else? What, a five billion dollar deal falling apart because of this? Why doesn't somebody just shoot me in the head?
Jack: [making a gun gesture with his hands] Bang, bang!
Peter Banning: [abandoning call, shouts] Will everybody just shut up!
Jack: [backing away in fright] I'm sorry.
Peter Banning: And leave me alone for one moment! Moira, get 'em outta here, will you? I'm on the phone call of my life!
Moira Banning: [exits Maggie and Jack] Come on, Jack, come on. Out, out out.
Jack: [making a gun gesture with his hands] Bang, bang!
Peter Banning: [abandoning call, shouts] Will everybody just shut up!
Jack: [backing away in fright] I'm sorry.
Peter Banning: And leave me alone for one moment! Moira, get 'em outta here, will you? I'm on the phone call of my life!
Moira Banning: [exits Maggie and Jack] Come on, Jack, come on. Out, out out.
Peter Banning: Jack, my word is my bond.
Jack: Yeah, junk bonds!
[he hits the ceiling door in the plane with his ball, and causes the oxygen masks to drop down and scare Peter half to death]
Peter Banning: What in the hell's the matter with you? When are you gonna stop acting like a child?
Jack: [laughs] I am a child.
Peter Banning: Grow up.
Jack: Yeah, junk bonds!
[he hits the ceiling door in the plane with his ball, and causes the oxygen masks to drop down and scare Peter half to death]
Peter Banning: What in the hell's the matter with you? When are you gonna stop acting like a child?
Jack: [laughs] I am a child.
Peter Banning: Grow up.
Thud Butt: [sadly] Don't leave us Peter, and don't say goodbye.
Too Small: What's goodbye?
Ace: [voice breaking] It's going away, that's what it is. Forgetting about us all over again.
Peter Banning: No, my Lost Boys, I'll never leave you, never. So who will I lead in charge?
[Peter takes out his sword and tries to figure out who will be the new Pan, he chooses Thud Butt]
Peter Banning: Now I want you to take care of everything that's smaller than you.
Thud Butt: Okay.
Too Small: Then who do I look after?
Peter Banning: Neverbugs - little ones.
[Peter backs away and flies off as the Lost Boys watch him as they all smile]
Too Small: That was a great game!
Peter Banning: [flies away] Thank you for believing.
Too Small: What's goodbye?
Ace: [voice breaking] It's going away, that's what it is. Forgetting about us all over again.
Peter Banning: No, my Lost Boys, I'll never leave you, never. So who will I lead in charge?
[Peter takes out his sword and tries to figure out who will be the new Pan, he chooses Thud Butt]
Peter Banning: Now I want you to take care of everything that's smaller than you.
Thud Butt: Okay.
Too Small: Then who do I look after?
Peter Banning: Neverbugs - little ones.
[Peter backs away and flies off as the Lost Boys watch him as they all smile]
Too Small: That was a great game!
Peter Banning: [flies away] Thank you for believing.
[in the Museum where all clocks are destroyed. Hook hands Jack a hammer to destroy his father's watch]
Captain James Hook: You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.
Jack: This is for... never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!
[smashes his father's watch]
Captain James Hook: Good form! Bravo!
[claps]
Smee: Isn't that wonderful?
Jack: This is for never letting me jump on my own bed!
[smashes another clock]
Captain James Hook: Make time stand still, laddie.
Jack: For always making promises and breaking them!
[smashes another clock]
Jack: For never doing anything with me.
[smashes another clock]
Captain James Hook: For a father who's never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship.
Jack: [starts to cry] Who wouldn't save us...
Captain James Hook: Who *couldn't* save you, Jack.
Jack: [tearfully] Well, he - he wouldn't. And he didn't even try. He was there and we were there and he wouldn't try.
[pulls his cap down as he cries]
Captain James Hook: [pulls his cap up] Jack... he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home; that place of broken promises.
Jack: That what?
Captain James Hook: Have I ever made a promise, Jack... I have not kept?
[gives him a baseball]
Captain James Hook: Have I, son?
Captain James Hook: You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.
Jack: This is for... never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!
[smashes his father's watch]
Captain James Hook: Good form! Bravo!
[claps]
Smee: Isn't that wonderful?
Jack: This is for never letting me jump on my own bed!
[smashes another clock]
Captain James Hook: Make time stand still, laddie.
Jack: For always making promises and breaking them!
[smashes another clock]
Jack: For never doing anything with me.
[smashes another clock]
Captain James Hook: For a father who's never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship.
Jack: [starts to cry] Who wouldn't save us...
Captain James Hook: Who *couldn't* save you, Jack.
Jack: [tearfully] Well, he - he wouldn't. And he didn't even try. He was there and we were there and he wouldn't try.
[pulls his cap down as he cries]
Captain James Hook: [pulls his cap up] Jack... he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home; that place of broken promises.
Jack: That what?
Captain James Hook: Have I ever made a promise, Jack... I have not kept?
[gives him a baseball]
Captain James Hook: Have I, son?
Captain Hook: I think your mother reads to you every night in order to stupefy you to sleep. So she and daddy can sit down for three measly minutes without you and your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive and nagging demands. "He took my toy." "She hit my bear." "I want a potty." "I want a cookie." "I want to stay up." I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now... can't you understand child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
[Peter and Hook are dueling]
Peter Banning: Good form, old man.
[Hook traps Peter and grinds his hook near his face]
Captain Hook: You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning, a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, who's obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
Too Small: I believe in you.
Latchboy: I believe in you.
No Nap: I believe in you, Peter.
Maggie: I believe in you.
Thud Butt: You are the Pan.
Jack: You're Peter Pan.
Tinkerbell: I believe in you... Peter Pan.
[Peter pushes Hook off and returns his sword. As Hook takes it, he slices Peter's arm with his hook]
Jack: Bad form!
Ace: Jack, stop!
Peter Banning: Good form, old man.
[Hook traps Peter and grinds his hook near his face]
Captain Hook: You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning, a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, who's obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
Too Small: I believe in you.
Latchboy: I believe in you.
No Nap: I believe in you, Peter.
Maggie: I believe in you.
Thud Butt: You are the Pan.
Jack: You're Peter Pan.
Tinkerbell: I believe in you... Peter Pan.
[Peter pushes Hook off and returns his sword. As Hook takes it, he slices Peter's arm with his hook]
Jack: Bad form!
Ace: Jack, stop!
Maggie: [gets up and grabs Captain Hook's hook] I wanna tear your hook off!
Captain Hook: [looks from Jack to Maggie] Easy.
Maggie: I hate... I hate you, Mr. Hook!
Captain Hook: [laughs] What did I tell you, Smee? No little children love me.
Smee: Yes, they do. Come on, you.
[grabs Maggie]
Smee: You're depressin' the Captain.
Maggie: Jack, you listen to me! Never let him make you forget! Never forget mommy and daddy!
Jack: Maggie.
Maggie: Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home!
Jack: Run home?
Captain Hook: Jack.
[puts his hook in front of his face; Jack's eyes widen a bit]
Captain Hook: You are home.
[laughs]
Captain Hook: Right?
Captain Hook: [looks from Jack to Maggie] Easy.
Maggie: I hate... I hate you, Mr. Hook!
Captain Hook: [laughs] What did I tell you, Smee? No little children love me.
Smee: Yes, they do. Come on, you.
[grabs Maggie]
Smee: You're depressin' the Captain.
Maggie: Jack, you listen to me! Never let him make you forget! Never forget mommy and daddy!
Jack: Maggie.
Maggie: Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home!
Jack: Run home?
Captain Hook: Jack.
[puts his hook in front of his face; Jack's eyes widen a bit]
Captain Hook: You are home.
[laughs]
Captain Hook: Right?
