Hot Tub Time Machine Quotes
A malfunctioning time machine at a ski resort takes a man back to 1986 with his two friends and nephew, where they must relive a fateful night and not change anything to make sure the nephew is born.
Nick: Just like Cincinatti.
Lou: What?
Adam: You're gonna bring that up?
Lou: We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?
Jacob: Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?
Adam: Yeah!
Lou: What? That's fucking admissible!
Nick: You keep it in the closet?
Adam: What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.
Nick: You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?
Adam: How do I know which one it's supposed to be?
Jacob: Is it a fetus?
Nick: My friends are ridiculous.
Lou: What?
Adam: You're gonna bring that up?
Lou: We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?
Jacob: Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?
Adam: Yeah!
Lou: What? That's fucking admissible!
Nick: You keep it in the closet?
Adam: What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.
Nick: You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?
Adam: How do I know which one it's supposed to be?
Jacob: Is it a fetus?
Nick: My friends are ridiculous.
Nick: Lou, why would he do this?
Adam: Why? I mean make a list. He's an alcoholic, he's divorced, his wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
Nick: He's failed at every jived ass money hustle he's ever tried.
Adam: He has a mountain of debt.
Nick: He hates his mother.
Adam: Hates himself, hates everybody.
Nick: He has erectile dysfunction.
Adam: He's got halitosis.
Nick: He's got that right ball! One less ball, shriveled up
Adam: Oh yeah!
Nick: ...like a... spoiled grape.
Adam: I don't know. It's just like an accumulation of punishment.
Lou: [Throws a pillow] FUCK YOU GUYS!
Adam: Why? I mean make a list. He's an alcoholic, he's divorced, his wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
Nick: He's failed at every jived ass money hustle he's ever tried.
Adam: He has a mountain of debt.
Nick: He hates his mother.
Adam: Hates himself, hates everybody.
Nick: He has erectile dysfunction.
Adam: He's got halitosis.
Nick: He's got that right ball! One less ball, shriveled up
Adam: Oh yeah!
Nick: ...like a... spoiled grape.
Adam: I don't know. It's just like an accumulation of punishment.
Lou: [Throws a pillow] FUCK YOU GUYS!
Adam: One little change has a ripple effect and it effects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes or there's a tsunami, in like, you know, somewhere.
Jacob: Yes exactly. You step on the bug and the fucking internet is never invented.
Lou: Oh then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
Jacob: Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.
Lou: Yeah. No. I don't care about that.
Jacob: Yes exactly. You step on the bug and the fucking internet is never invented.
Lou: Oh then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
Jacob: Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.
Lou: Yeah. No. I don't care about that.
Nick: [Nick is having sex with Tara in the bathtub in order to keep the events of the past unchanged. Nick is crying about cheating on his wife] Courtney.
Tara: Tara.
Nick: Courtney.
Tara: Tara.
Nick: Courtney.
Tara: No seriously my name is Tara.
Nick: Not you, my wife.
Tara: You're married?
Nick: No, not yet, she's nine.
Tara: Tara.
Nick: Courtney.
Tara: Tara.
Nick: Courtney.
Tara: No seriously my name is Tara.
Nick: Not you, my wife.
Tara: You're married?
Nick: No, not yet, she's nine.
Adam: Listen to me, man. That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again.
Nick: He made you his little bitch!
Adam: He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.
Lou: None of this is helping me at all.
Adam: I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.
Nick: Patience.
Adam: Maybe you're supposed to do something different...
Blaine: What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.
Adam: You're better than him!
Blaine: America!
Adam: Maybe not by a lot, but a little. You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
Blaine: The moment's over. Let's go!
Adam: You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!
Nick: Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.
Adam: You love that song, don't you?
Lou: I love that fucking song!
[Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]
Adam: Shit.
Lou: God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!
Nick: He made you his little bitch!
Adam: He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.
Lou: None of this is helping me at all.
Adam: I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.
Nick: Patience.
Adam: Maybe you're supposed to do something different...
Blaine: What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.
Adam: You're better than him!
Blaine: America!
Adam: Maybe not by a lot, but a little. You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
Blaine: The moment's over. Let's go!
Adam: You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!
Nick: Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.
Adam: You love that song, don't you?
Lou: I love that fucking song!
[Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]
Adam: Shit.
Lou: God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!
