HouseSitter

HouseSitter Quotes

Con artist Gwen moves into Newton's empty house without his knowledge, and begins setting up house posing as his new wife.

Gwen: Oh, grow feathers and go shit in a tree.
Becky Metcalf: Do you know why I said no to you that day? It's because you scared me, building this house, putting a big ribbon around it... I didn't want to marry a dreamer. I'm not that brave. But when I see you through Gwen's eyes you look very different to me.
Newton Davis: How?
Becky Metcalf: Well, I could see how a dreamer, with somebody who believes in him, could do great things.
Newton Davis: Don't you remember the time I... I... I had myself delivered to you in a box for your birthday? And... and the guy I paid to deliver the box screwed up and delivered me to the wrong apartment? And... and how the... the lady who opened the box... uh... freaked out and started screaming? And I ran out of there just as you poked your head into the hall. And... and the next thing I know, this one's bashing me for having an affair with her neighbor, and this one's bashing me for being some kind of gift-wrapped pervert? And... and all I had to protect myself was... was a dozen roses. And... and... and you never even read the note.
Bus Driver: What did the note say?
Newton Davis: I... I'll tell you what it said... it said... marry me, Gwen, I'm lost without you.
Newton Davis: Half the things we tell ourselves are fiction.
Moseby: What kind of work are you in, Bernie?
Ralph: I'm retired.
Moseby: Oh? From what?
Ralph: From all the big hairy bullshit.
Newton Davis: What do you say, Gwen? "Gwen" do you get off... and "gwhere" can we "gwo"?
Newton Davis: Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.
Marty: Of marriage?
Newton Davis: It's not a marriage! It is a simple arrangement in which I will share my house with her and in exchange for which she will argue with me in public and generally make my life incredibly terrible.
Marty: That's marriage.
Gwen: I really didn't intend for it to get this elaborate, it's just that everyone around here keeps treating me like I'm somebody... except you.
Newton Davis: I PUNCHED A TOTALLY INNOCENT HUNGARIAN!
Newton Davis: Where did all this furniture come from?
Gwen: Bigelows.
Gwen: I don't want your goddamn money.
Newton Davis: No, just my goddamn house.
Marty: What are you, insane? Why didn't you just kick him in the balls and tell him he has ugly children?
George Davis: What she told us was how sorry you were, like the other week, when you cried? No shame in it, son. Just don't do it too often. Nobody likes a cry baby.
Gwen: I don't want your money. I will take the furniture, though.
[final lines]
Newton Davis: I love you, Gwen.
Gwen: Actually, it's Jessica.
Newton Davis: Tell me why for God's sake did you come here?
Gwen: I just wanted to see what it would be like to live in that picture.
Newton Davis: So, what do you think, can you show this to Moseby?
Marty: Ah... you'd better do it.
Newton Davis: Why? He likes you.
Marty: Davis, if I take that in there and Moseby starts carrying on about how brilliant it is... I'm going to take the credit.
Newton Davis: What?
Marty: Mmm hmm.
Newton Davis: You're my friend, where are your ethics?
Marty: My ethics are that I know this about myself, so I'm not going to take this in there and screw you over.
Gwen: Don't yell at me, we're only pretending to be married!
Gwen: I think this marriage is worth saving.
Newton Davis: WHAT MARRIAGE?

Popular Movies view all

The Shawshank Redemption The Godfather The Godfather: Part II The Dark Knight The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Schindler\'s List Pulp Fiction Fight Club 12 Angry Men The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back Inception