Howard the Duck

Howard the Duck Quotes

A sarcastic humanoid duck is pulled from his homeworld to Earth where he must stop an alien invader.

Howard T. Duck: No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!
Dr. Jenning: It was just a routine procedure, meant to measure the density of the gases that surround Alpha Centauri. However, partway through the experiment, there was a deviation, and, uh... we lost control of the laser spectroscope.
Howard T. Duck: What do you mean, "lost control"?
Dr. Jenning: Some unknown force was redirecting the laser beam from its original target, so that it hit your planet instead.
Howard T. Duck: Hit my planet? How about 'hit my living room'? Talk about an invasion of privacy!
Howard T. Duck: Bev, I am not a real sentimental guy.
Beverly: No. I bet you were born from a very hard-boiled egg, Duckie.
State Trooper: I wanna see your license, "Jack"!
Dr. Jenning: [as the Dark Overlord] I have no license. I am *not* Jack.
[electrocutes state trooper]
Beverly: You got some place to go?
Howard T. Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.
Dr. Jenning: [setting fire to the diner] If you can't take the heat, get out of that kitchen!
Howard T. Duck: We've got a saying on my planet. If God intended us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.
[Beverly is seducing Howard]
Howard T. Duck: [flustered] I've got a headache...
Beverly: And I got the aspirin...
[Howard and Phil have landed in a pond]
Howard T. Duck: Philsy, help! Philsy, help me!
Phil Blumburtt: Never heard of a duck that couldn't swim.
Howard T. Duck: Shut up and save me!
Howard T. Duck: That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.
Beverly: I was worried about you. I missed you.
Howard T. Duck: Well, sex appeal. Some guys got it - and some guys don't.
[Howard has escaped]
Lieutenant Welker: How the hell am I gonna explain a manhunt for a duck?
Officer Hanson: It's a duck hunt.
Lieutenant Welker: Ah, yes, please don't, don't, don't start, please, please...
Howard T. Duck: I can't believe this planet. Fried eggs - yuck!
Beverly: I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happier there. This world didn't treat you very good, but you saved it, didn't you?
[Howard is being strip-searched]
Howard T. Duck: On my planet, we never say die, we say... NOT MY SHORTS!
[Phil Blumburtt hangs into the sea from the bottom of a flying machine as Howard's driving]
Howard T. Duck: This is no time for watersports!
Dr. Jenning: [at the diner, as the Dark Overlord] I have disguised my true form, which would be considered... hideous and revolting, here.
Beverly: Lucky for the people eating.
Howard T. Duck: No duck is an island. And if fate sent me here to save Earth, then Howard the Duck is ready to fight!
Dr. Jenning: In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?
Howard T. Duck: Yeah. Where are my pants?
Howard T. Duck: I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!
[notices Beverly's behind]
Howard T. Duck: Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!
Beverly: Howard, you really are the worst!
Howard T. Duck: Goodbye, Duckworld.
Howard T. Duck: Every duck has his limit, and you scum have pushed me over the line!
Beverly: I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that I've never been around a... Um, I mean, I've never even had any pets or anything, you know. They seem like such a hassle - you know, feeding 'em, cleaning up their little poo-poos, and...
Howard T. Duck: I'll try to be careful.
[referring to Howard]
Beverly: He's my boyfriend!
3rd Trucker: That's disgusting!
[Jenning has almost crashed into a diner]
Howard T. Duck: You think that's funny, Jenning?
Dr. Jenning: I'm not Jenning anymore! The transformation is complete. I am now... someone else.
Howard T. Duck: Try telling that to your insurance company.
Dr. Jenning: It feels like something inside me, gnawing at my guts... what's wrong with me?
Beverly: Well... what did you have for lunch?
Howard T. Duck: What is this place?
Beverly: Uh... Cleveland?
Howard T. Duck: Cleve-Land? U-huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.
[last lines]
Howard T. Duck: Not bad for a duck from outer space.
Beverly: You were great, Duckie!
Howard T. Duck: [to Bev] Of all the alleys in the world I could have fallen into that night, why did it have to be yours?
[Howard, Beverly and Dr. Jenning (aka The Dark Overlord) enter the diner]
Hostess: [to waiter] This is why I hate the night shift.
Ginger Moss: Mallard in the side pocket!
Dr. Jenning: [In demon form] Eat claw, duck!
Phil Blumburtt: [working on the ultralight] Did you find the toolbox?
Howard T. Duck: Yeah, I know why you want a toolbox - you got a screw loose.
Skin Head: [notices Howard] I've been doing too much toot!
Dr. Jenning: You are about to make history a second time, my little friend.
Howard T. Duck: Thanks. But once was plenty.
Dr. Jenning: I told you, bird-brain, I am not Jenning anymore! I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe.
Beverly: Hmm, Dark Overlord of the Universe?
Howard T. Duck: That must be quite a responsibility.
Howard T. Duck: Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!
Dr. Jenning: The world is in great danger.
Howard T. Duck: Yeah, it certainly is when *you're* out on the highway.
Lieutenant Welker: [to Howard] You are gonna go play sitting duck in a jail cell.
Officer Hanson: Lieutenant - what's the charge, sir?
Lieutenant Welker: Illegal alien!
[the mob is trying to slaughter Howard]
Howard T. Duck: Jenning! They're seasoning me!
Phil Blumburtt: Howard, in prehistoric times you flew. Fly, Howard! Find your instincts, trust your birdness, FLY!
Hostess: I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.
Howard T. Duck: Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.
[the diner has turned into turmoil]
Dr. Jenning: [as the Dark Overlord] An evil unlike any you can imagine is about to engulf the Earth.
Waitress: Oh, no, no, we are fighting here all the time.
Beverly: Make yourself at home.
Howard T. Duck: Make myself at home? I wish.
Phil Blumburtt: DUCK!
Howard T. Duck: And proud of it!
Beverly: Excuse me, are you in charge here?
Lieutenant Welker: Yeah, why?
Beverly: Well, I want to know why they're harassing Howard.
Lieutenant Welker: Who's Howard?
Beverly: He had nothing to do with it. Howard, Howard is just an innocent, um...
Lieutenant Welker: "Thing"?
Beverly: No. Duck.
Lieutenant Welker: Just an innocent duck?
[Beverly nods]
Lieutenant Welker: [to Officer Hanson] No wonder why I'm asking for early retirement.
Beverly: Hiya, Duckie.
Howard T. Duck: Hi, Toots.
Waitress: You know, hostility is like psychic boomerang.
Howard T. Duck: It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!

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