I Could Never Be Your Woman Quotes
A mother falls for a younger man while her daughter falls in love for the first time. Mother Nature messes with their fates.
Izzie: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morissette] "Any young girl wants to be a big name. In movies, they must all be the same. She won't need to sing or to act. Just lose all of her body fat. And isn't it moronic? Don't you think? It's insa-a-ane that they lose so much weight. It's young Nicole with no food on her plate. It's her pal Lindsay barfing up a cake. They think they're all cute, stick figures!"
Izzie: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morissette] "It's so hot. Must be 98. For December, that's not so great. While the North Pole is turning to slush, on my TV, there's President Bush. And isn't he moronic? Don't you think? Incredibly moronic. And yes I really do think."
Izzie and her back up singers: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morisette] "He's a pa-a-in, in the whole world's ass. He'd stab his mom, for a gallon of gas. How can it be, we voted him in? I just don't see how, it figures."
Izzie: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morissette] "A pop star, who went on TV. Tells the whole world, 'Kids sleep here with me'. A mother says to her son, 'Neverland Ranch will be lots of fun'. And isn't she moronic? Don't you think? Incredibly moronic. And yes I really do think."
Izzie and her back up singers: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morissette] "It's so la-a-ame, what goes on in her head. Do you think it's smart to loan him your kid? He won't like them when they're bigger."
Izzie and her back up singers: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morisette] "He's a pa-a-in, in the whole world's ass. He'd stab his mom, for a gallon of gas. How can it be, we voted him in? I just don't see how, it figures."
Izzie: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morissette] "A pop star, who went on TV. Tells the whole world, 'Kids sleep here with me'. A mother says to her son, 'Neverland Ranch will be lots of fun'. And isn't she moronic? Don't you think? Incredibly moronic. And yes I really do think."
Izzie and her back up singers: [sung to the tune of "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morissette] "It's so la-a-ame, what goes on in her head. Do you think it's smart to loan him your kid? He won't like them when they're bigger."
[last lines]
Mother Nature: This is good. Now you can settle down and act your age.
Rosie: What's that supposed to mean? Easy listening and orthopedic shoes?
Mother Nature: That sounds about right, yeah.
Rosie: No, I don't wanna do that. I wanna stay passionate. I-I wanna scream at rock concerts, and-and get angry at the news. And - I wanna wear miniskirts!
Mother Nature: You're gonna look ridiculous!
Rosie: Yeah, well, when enough people are ridiculous, it starts to look normal.
Mother Nature: This is good. Now you can settle down and act your age.
Rosie: What's that supposed to mean? Easy listening and orthopedic shoes?
Mother Nature: That sounds about right, yeah.
Rosie: No, I don't wanna do that. I wanna stay passionate. I-I wanna scream at rock concerts, and-and get angry at the news. And - I wanna wear miniskirts!
Mother Nature: You're gonna look ridiculous!
Rosie: Yeah, well, when enough people are ridiculous, it starts to look normal.
Rosie: So that's how it ends? The most powerful male gets the most babelicious female?
Mother Nature: That's right.
Rosie: Well, what if there's a really cute male antelope, or a female that shows signs of leadership?
Mother Nature: Useless.
Rosie: Why?
Mother Nature: Look, there's an order to this mating business.
Rosie: Why can't we change things?
Mother Nature: Haven't you self-centered, pec-loading assholes changed enough? It's not natural!
Rosie: What's so great about natural?
Mother Nature: What?
Rosie: Think about it. Tobacco is natural, Prozac's unnatural. Earthquakes are natural, television's unnatural. Natural sucks!
Mother Nature: That's right.
Rosie: Well, what if there's a really cute male antelope, or a female that shows signs of leadership?
Mother Nature: Useless.
Rosie: Why?
Mother Nature: Look, there's an order to this mating business.
Rosie: Why can't we change things?
Mother Nature: Haven't you self-centered, pec-loading assholes changed enough? It's not natural!
Rosie: What's so great about natural?
Mother Nature: What?
Rosie: Think about it. Tobacco is natural, Prozac's unnatural. Earthquakes are natural, television's unnatural. Natural sucks!
Older TV exec: Courtney Love?
Producer: Drugged-out hag.
Older TV exec: Faye Dunaway?
Producer: Don't call us, we'll call you!
Older TV exec: Sharon Stone?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Geena Davis?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Sigourney Weaver?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Kim Basinger?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Emma Thompson?
Producer: Brit hag.
Older TV exec: Susan Sarandon?
Producer: Red-state-alienating hag!
Older TV exec: Meg Ryan?
Producer: Too much plastic surgery.
Older TV exec: Melanie Griffith?
Producer: WAY too much plastic surgery.
Older TV exec: Patricia Heaton?
Producer: *Pointless* plastic surgery.
Older TV exec: CHER.
Producer: *Insurmountable* amount of plastic surgery!
Rosie: [who's been overhearing all this from the next chair & getting increasingly annoyed, swings round & grabs the Producer by the chin] Listen, you little bird of a man, where do you come off insulting these women? How many hit songs did you sing? How many Oscars do *you* have? Could you look cute next to Warren Beatty? Or live with Don Johnson? Or act with Ted Danson? You're not worthy of kissing Cher's tattooed ass!
Producer: Drugged-out hag.
Older TV exec: Faye Dunaway?
Producer: Don't call us, we'll call you!
Older TV exec: Sharon Stone?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Geena Davis?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Sigourney Weaver?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Kim Basinger?
Producer: Hag.
Older TV exec: Emma Thompson?
Producer: Brit hag.
Older TV exec: Susan Sarandon?
Producer: Red-state-alienating hag!
Older TV exec: Meg Ryan?
Producer: Too much plastic surgery.
Older TV exec: Melanie Griffith?
Producer: WAY too much plastic surgery.
Older TV exec: Patricia Heaton?
Producer: *Pointless* plastic surgery.
Older TV exec: CHER.
Producer: *Insurmountable* amount of plastic surgery!
Rosie: [who's been overhearing all this from the next chair & getting increasingly annoyed, swings round & grabs the Producer by the chin] Listen, you little bird of a man, where do you come off insulting these women? How many hit songs did you sing? How many Oscars do *you* have? Could you look cute next to Warren Beatty? Or live with Don Johnson? Or act with Ted Danson? You're not worthy of kissing Cher's tattooed ass!
Rosie: Putz: noun - a yokel; a jerk.
Censor: My rabbi consultant said it means penis.
Rosie: We're allowed to say penis!
Censor: Yes, you can say penis, but this is the bad penis. Like 'prick'.
Rosie: And... what exactly is the *good* penis?
Adam: [starts to take off his belt and unbutton his pants] Check it out.
[snickers from ensemble of 'You Go Girl' actors]
Censor: My rabbi consultant said it means penis.
Rosie: We're allowed to say penis!
Censor: Yes, you can say penis, but this is the bad penis. Like 'prick'.
Rosie: And... what exactly is the *good* penis?
Adam: [starts to take off his belt and unbutton his pants] Check it out.
[snickers from ensemble of 'You Go Girl' actors]
