Family guy Jack Sadelstein prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister, the needy and passive-aggressive Jill, who then refuses to leave.

Jill Sadelstein: Oh, please! Tell me you don't feel this.
[slaps herself]
Jack Sadelstein: I didn't feel it. Maybe if you did it harder.
[slaps harder]
Jack Sadelstein: Little harder.
[slaps a little more harder]
Erin Sadelstein: No, Jill, stop it. He's kidding
Jill Sadelstein: What?
[Gary punches her, knocks her out of the chair]
Otto: Donkey fight!
Erin Sadelstein: Jill, are you okay?.
Jill Sadelstein: Yeah, no, I'm fine. Gary, that was... He didn't 100% percent connect.
Gary Sadelstein: Feel that, Daddy?
Jack Sadelstein: I... I actually did feel something, there. Pride in my son.
Jack Sadelstein: [to Jill] Don't forget your sweat shadow.
Jill Sadelstein: [after breaking his Oscar] Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! I am sure you have others, though.
Al Pacino: Uh, you'd think it, but, uh, oddly enough, I don't.
Jack Sadelstein: I can't believe this. This is insane, man! You gotta call him!
Jill Sadelstein: Oh, cool your buns. You know I'm still hurting the whole Funbucket fiasco.
Jack Sadelstein: No, but Pacino liked you! I swear to God, he really liked you!
Jill Sadelstein: Oh, will you stop already? You know all he wants to do is play Twister with your sister.
Ted: What's this about a twin?
Todd: Oh, Jack. He has a twin sister.
Ted: Are you kidding me? You never told me you had a twin sister.
Jack Sadelstein: No, no, I mean, she's...
Ted: Identical or fraternal?
Todd: Nocturnal, like a bat.
Gary Sadelstein: What are you gonna wear Daddy... in hell?
Jack Sadelstein: [after Jill's disastrous date that he's responsible for] I am such an idiot!
Erin Sadelstein: You're an idiot? Jack, what did you do?
Gary Sadelstein: Busted! Disgusted! Never to be trusted!
Al Pacino: [after seeing his Dunkaccino commercial] Burn this.
Jill Sadelstein: Why are you so afraid to admit that we are connected? Face it. We shared Mom's womb. We were womb-mates.
Jack Sadelstein: Oh, that is just disgusting.

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