When a sports agent has a moral epiphany and is fired for expressing it, he decides to put his new philosophy to the test as an independent with the only athlete who stays with him.

Jerry Maguire: [babbling and struggling] I love you. You... you complete me. And I just...
Dorothy: Shut up,
[pause]
Dorothy: just shut up.
[Pause]
Dorothy: You had me at "hello". You had me at "hello".
[Rod has just told Jerry he will keep him as his agent]
Jerry Maguire: That's, that's great. I'm very... happy.
Rod Tidwell: Are you listenin'?
Jerry Maguire: Yes!
Rod Tidwell: That's what I'm gonna do for you: God bless you, Jerry. But this is what you gonna do for me. You listenin', Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: Yeah, what, what, what can I do for you, Rod? You just tell me what can I do for you?
Rod Tidwell: It's a very personal, a very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Are you ready, Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: I'm ready.
Rod Tidwell: I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. Oh-ho-ho! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! A-ha-ha! Jerry, doesn't it make you feel good just to say that! Say it with me one time, Jerry.
Jerry Maguire: Show you the money.
Rod Tidwell: Oh, no, no. You can do better than that, Jerry! I want you to say it with you, with meaning, brother! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line; I bet you he can say it!
Jerry Maguire: Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Show you the money.
Rod Tidwell: No! Not show you! Show me the money!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Yeah! Louder!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Yes, but, brother, you got to yell that shit!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: I need to feel you, Jerry!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Jerry, you got to yell!
Jerry Maguire: [screaming] Show me the money! Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Do you love this black man!
Jerry Maguire: I love the black man! Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: I love black people.
Jerry Maguire: I love black people!
Rod Tidwell: Who's your motherfucker, Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: You're my motherfucker!
Rod Tidwell: Whatcha gonna do, Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Unh! Congratulations, you're still my agent.
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Dicky Fox: If this
[points to heart]
Dicky Fox: is empty, this
[points to head]
Dicky Fox: doesn't matter.
Sign in Locker Room: Success consists of simply getting up one more time than you fall.
Jerry Maguire: Help me... help you. Help me, help you.
Dorothy: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.
Jerry Maguire: I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?
[last lines]
Dicky Fox: Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.
Jerry Maguire: The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray.
Ray: You said fuck.
Jerry Maguire: Uh... yeah... I...
Ray: Don't worry. I won't tell.
Rod Tidwell: Maybe you don't. Because it's not just the money I deserve. It's not just the "coin." It's the... - "the kwan".
Jerry Maguire: That's your word?
Rod Tidwell: Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The package. The kwan.
Jerry Maguire: But how did you get "kwan?"
Rod Tidwell: I got there from "coin," dude. Coin, coin... kwaaaan.
Sign in Locker Room: Dig the well before you are thirsty.
Jerry Maguire: I don't like black people? I am Mister black people.
Ray: D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?
Ray: D'you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is NOT in the Hall of Fame?
Ray: D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?
Jerry Maguire: I... I can't compete with that!
Jerry Maguire: But if anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together! Who's coming with me besides... "Flipper" here?
Sign in Locker Room: A positive anything is better than a negative nothing.
Jerry Maguire: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.
[after Tidwell makes a good play on TV]
Tyson Tidwell: Yeah! That's my mo-fo!
Marcee Tidwell: [gasps]
Tyson Tidwell: [suddenly guilty] Oops.
Marcee Tidwell: Uh-uh. Come here.
Tyson Tidwell: [does, a bit scared]
Marcee Tidwell: How about you be the first man in the family to stop using that phrase, and then maybe we'll let you live.
Jerry Maguire: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?
Dicky Fox: The key to this business is personal relationships.
Jerry Maguire: I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.
Jerry Maguire: Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!
Jerry Maguire: I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.
Dorothy: I'm sorry, I'm just not as good at the insults as she is.
Marcee Tidwell: No, that was pretty good.
Rod Tidwell: No shit.
Marcee Tidwell: [shouting, to Jerry] What do you stand for?
Dorothy: How about a little piece of integrity in this world that is so full of greed and a lack of honorability that I don't know what to tell my son! Except, "Here. Have a look at a guy who isn't yelling 'Show me the money." Did you know he's broke? He is broke and working for you for free! Broke. Broke, broke, broke. I'm sorry I'm just not as good at the insults as she is.
Marcee Tidwell: No, that was pretty good.
Jerry Maguire: What are you doing with me, Rod?
Rod Tidwell: Why?
Jerry Maguire: I'm finished, I'm fucked. Twenty-four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now... I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it. Because I'm cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let's recap: Because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience!
Rod Tidwell: Well, boo-fucking-hoo
Rod Tidwell: Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.
Laurel: You fuck this up, I'll kill you!
Jerry Maguire: I'm glad we had this talk.
Jerry Maguire: That's more than a dress. That's an Audrey Hepburn movie.
Dorothy: I just want to be inspired.
Jerry Maguire: This is going to change everything.
Dorothy: Promise?
Jesus of CopyMat: That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!
Jerry Maguire: I won't let you get rid of me.
Jerry Maguire: We live in a cynical world. A cynical world. And we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You... complete me.
Rod Tidwell: No, I air-dry.
Jerry Maguire: Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!
[Jerry Maguire is lying in bed one morning when suddenly the radio comes on and wakes him up with a jolt]
[flash to Dickey Fox in his office]
Dicky Fox: I love the mornings! I clap my hands every morning and say, 'This is gonna be a great day!'
[flash back to Jerry Maguire who accidentally steps on a toy]
Jerry Maguire: [mutters] I don't believe this. How'd I get myself into this?
Avery Bishop: There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it. I don't cry at movies, I don't gush over babies, I don't buy Christmas presents 5 months early, and I DON'T tell the guy who just ruined both our lives, "Oh, poor baby." But I do love you.
Rod Tidwell: You bet on me like I bet on you.
Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.
[Jerry and Dorothy are in the elevator and a hearing impaired couple gets on. The man of the couple starts talking with his hands, then they get off]
Jerry Maguire: I wonder what he just said.
Dorothy: My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He just said "You complete me".
Dorothy: Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work.
[Looking over an inadequate contract]
Jerry Maguire: I'll go back to them.
Marcee Tidwell: And say what? "Please remove your dick from my ass"?
Jerry Maguire: Rod, think about back when you were a little kid. It wasn't about the money, was it? Was it?
[Questionably]
Jerry Maguire: Was it?
Jerry Maguire: I hated myself... no, I hated my place in the world.
[first lines]
Jerry Maguire: So this is the world, and there are almost six billion people on it. When I was a kid, there were three. It's hard to keep up.
Rod Tidwell: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!
Jerry Maguire: Rod...
Rod Tidwell: I'm from Arizona, Jerry! I broke Arizona records! I went to Arizona State! I'm a Sun Devil, man!
Jerry Maguire: And now you want Arizona dollars?
Rod Tidwell: Exaaaacctly!
Dorothy: On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.
Rod Tidwell: I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. Shit, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh?
Rod Tidwell: You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!
Avery Bishop: You are Jerry Ma-fucken-guire!
Marcee Tidwell: I'm sorry, I'm just a little pregnant here.
Ethan: Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.
Rod Tidwell: Jerry Maguire, my agent. You're my ambassador of Kwan.
Rod Tidwell: Quit using that word. "Quan", that's my word!
Rod Tidwell: Jerry Maguire... How'm I doing? I'm sweating, dude! I'm sweatin' my contract! I'm sweating Bob Sugar calling me, telling me I'm missing the big endorsements by being with you! THAT'S how I'm doing - I'm sweating, dude!
Jerry Maguire: I started talking to Dennis Wilburn about your re-negotiation this morning.
Rod Tidwell: Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Chris Carter... I smell all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the... quan, and you are talking.
Marcee Tidwell: [upon seeing the fax] 1.5 million? Man, we owe more than that!
[Having sex with Jerry Maguire]
Avery Bishop: Don't ever stop fucking me!
Dorothy: I have this great guy. And he loves my son. And he sure does like me a lot.
[Dorothy enters kitchen, catching Laurel eavesdropping]
Laurel: I heard.
Dorothy: No kidding. I looked over and saw the shadow of two curious shoes under the kitchen door.
Laurel: Dorothy, this guy would go home with a gardening tool if it showed interest.
Matt Cushman: [to Jerry] What you do have is my whole word, and it's stronger than oak.
[shakes Jerry's hand]
Rod Tidwell: Who's your motherfucker?
Jerry Maguire: You're my motherfucker!
Dorothy: I was inspired, and I'm an accountant.
Laurel: Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.
Bob Sugar: It's not "show friends." It's show *business*.
Laurel: I'm incapable of small talk.
Jerry Maguire: How's your head?
Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.
Rod Tidwell: You tell me to eat lima beans, I'll eat lima beans
Jerry Maguire: I'm not trying to make history here.
Avery Bishop: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.
Jerry Maguire: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.
Avery Bishop: Well, it worked.
Ray: What's wrong, Mommy?
Dorothy: First class, that's what's wrong. It used to be a better meal, now it's a better life.
Jerry Maguire: You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it, because I'm cloaked in failure!
Rod Tidwell: You're my ambassador of quawn, man.
Rod Tidwell: Is it my imagination or, didn't we arrive in a limo?
Dorothy: He's coming over.
Laurel: Tonight?
Dorothy: He just lost his best client. I invited the guy over.
Laurel: Dorothy, this is not a guy. It's a syndrome. Early mid-life. Hanging on to the bottom rung. "Dear God, don't let me be alone or I call my newly-long-suffering-assistant-without-medical for company settlement." If now all you still want is him to come over, I'm not saying anything.
Dorothy: Honey, he's engaged.
Dorothy: I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.
Rod Tidwell: Thanks for coming.
Jerry Maguire: I missed ya. What can I say? You're all I've got.
Dorothy: Look at me Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.
Avery Bishop: If you ever want me to be with another woman for you, I'd do it. It's not something I'm interested in. Once, yeah, it seemed normal, but it was just a phase, a college thing, like torn Levi's or law school for you. Would you like something from the kitchen? I'm gonna get some fruit.
Marcee Tidwell: [about everyone being so shocked at her anger] Well, I'm sorry but please remove your dick from my ass!
Rod Tidwell: Ya know! Ya know! We're together on this one! Ya know! Ya know!
Jerry Maguire: Oh my god.

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