Johnny Dangerously Quotes
Set in the 1930's, an honest, goodhearted man is forced to turn to a life of crime to finance his neurotic mother's skyrocketing medical bills.
Roman Moroni: I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy cork-soakers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves.
Warden: Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.
Charley: [pretending to be a priest] Are you ready, my son?
Johnny Dangerously: I'm ready if you are, father.
Charley: Dominus vobiscum nabisco. Espiritu sanctum. De gustibus.
Prisoner: [hands Johnny a part of a tommy gun] So long, Johnny.
Charley: Me gustibus. You gustibus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.
Prisoner: [hands Johnny another piece of the gun] Be brave, huh, Johnny.
Charley: When's the next bus?
Johnny Dangerously: [begins putting the gun together behind the wardens back] Always, Nails.
Charley: Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Adeste fidelis.
Prisoner: [gives Johnny another piece] Good luck, Johnny.
Charley: Centra fidelis. High fidelis.
Johnny Dangerously: [struggling to put it together] Why didn't I take shop?
Charley: Post meridian. Ante meridian. Uncle meridian. All of the little meridians.
Prisoner: [adds another piece] Bye bye, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: [adds piece to gun] Bye, Rock.
Charley: Magna carta. Master charga.
Prisoner: [hands piece to Johnny] Spit in his eye, Johnny!
Johnny Dangerously: [finishes putting the gun together] OK, rabbi.
Charley: [opens his bible to reveal the guns clip] Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.
Warden: Any last words, Johnny?
[gun cocks]
Warden: [turns to see Johnny pointing a tommy gun at him] Well said!
Charley: [pretending to be a priest] Are you ready, my son?
Johnny Dangerously: I'm ready if you are, father.
Charley: Dominus vobiscum nabisco. Espiritu sanctum. De gustibus.
Prisoner: [hands Johnny a part of a tommy gun] So long, Johnny.
Charley: Me gustibus. You gustibus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.
Prisoner: [hands Johnny another piece of the gun] Be brave, huh, Johnny.
Charley: When's the next bus?
Johnny Dangerously: [begins putting the gun together behind the wardens back] Always, Nails.
Charley: Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Adeste fidelis.
Prisoner: [gives Johnny another piece] Good luck, Johnny.
Charley: Centra fidelis. High fidelis.
Johnny Dangerously: [struggling to put it together] Why didn't I take shop?
Charley: Post meridian. Ante meridian. Uncle meridian. All of the little meridians.
Prisoner: [adds another piece] Bye bye, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: [adds piece to gun] Bye, Rock.
Charley: Magna carta. Master charga.
Prisoner: [hands piece to Johnny] Spit in his eye, Johnny!
Johnny Dangerously: [finishes putting the gun together] OK, rabbi.
Charley: [opens his bible to reveal the guns clip] Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.
Warden: Any last words, Johnny?
[gun cocks]
Warden: [turns to see Johnny pointing a tommy gun at him] Well said!
Lil: Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?
Polly the parrot: Got it.
[flies away]
Polly the parrot: [arrives at prison mess hall and lands on the shoulder of a prisoner] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner sitting next to him] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner, "telephone" style] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner] Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner]
[unintelligible]
Prisoner: ... at the Savoy. Pass it on.
Prisoner: There's a message through the grapevine, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? What is it?
Prisoner: Johnny and the Mothers are playing "Stompin' at the Savoy" in Vermont tonight.
Johnny Dangerously: Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight.
Prisoner: I didn't say that.
Johnny Dangerously: No, but I know this grapevine.
Polly the parrot: Got it.
[flies away]
Polly the parrot: [arrives at prison mess hall and lands on the shoulder of a prisoner] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner sitting next to him] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner, "telephone" style] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner] Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner]
[unintelligible]
Prisoner: ... at the Savoy. Pass it on.
Prisoner: There's a message through the grapevine, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? What is it?
Prisoner: Johnny and the Mothers are playing "Stompin' at the Savoy" in Vermont tonight.
Johnny Dangerously: Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight.
Prisoner: I didn't say that.
Johnny Dangerously: No, but I know this grapevine.
Johnny Dangerously: Commissioner, there's all the evidence against me, just like I promised you. Use it. I'm ready to pay my debt.
[No response from Commissioner]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about a thank you?
[Johnny notices that the Commissioner is dead]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about me getting out of here?
[Johnny turns to leave but is hit on the head]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about me getting knocked out?
[He falls]
[No response from Commissioner]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about a thank you?
[Johnny notices that the Commissioner is dead]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about me getting out of here?
[Johnny turns to leave but is hit on the head]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about me getting knocked out?
[He falls]
Ma Kelly: Open up! It's Ma Kelly!
Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: [opens her door] What do you want? Get out of here.
Ma Kelly: I got to talk to you.
Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: We don't have nothing to say to each other.
Ma Kelly: We got plenty to say to each other. We got a lot in common.
Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: Yeah, what?
Ma Kelly: We both scrub floors. We're both swell lookers. And neither one of us is Chinese.
Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: [opens her door] What do you want? Get out of here.
Ma Kelly: I got to talk to you.
Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: We don't have nothing to say to each other.
Ma Kelly: We got plenty to say to each other. We got a lot in common.
Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: Yeah, what?
Ma Kelly: We both scrub floors. We're both swell lookers. And neither one of us is Chinese.
Young Johnny: Dr. Magnus, how's my mother?
Dr. Magnus: It's her pancreas again, Johnny. She's gonna need an operation immediately.
Young Johnny: How much is it gonna cost?
Dr. Magnus: $49.95
Young Johnny: $49.95?
Dr. Magnus: This week only.
Young Johnny: Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
Dr. Magnus: Why don't you knock over a gas station?
Dr. Magnus: It's her pancreas again, Johnny. She's gonna need an operation immediately.
Young Johnny: How much is it gonna cost?
Dr. Magnus: $49.95
Young Johnny: $49.95?
Dr. Magnus: This week only.
Young Johnny: Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
Dr. Magnus: Why don't you knock over a gas station?
Johnny Dangerously: [narrating in a flashback] Times were good in America. There was plenty of everything: jobs, security, laughs. America was in great shape, except for the President, William Howard Taft. Was *he* a porker. At 310 lbs. he weighed as much as Teddy Roosevelt and half of William McKinley. Immigrants poured into the country from all over the world looking for a better life for their children. And over 97% of them settled into a 2-block area of New York City.
Desk Sergeant: Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Be on the look out for... now listen to this: Dangerously and accomplices dressed as nuns driving a sedan covered with... oh you'll love this... duckies and bunnies.
Desk Sergeant: Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Come to Dooley's bar and grill. I'm buyin'.
Desk Sergeant: Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Come to Dooley's bar and grill. I'm buyin'.
