Johnny English Quotes
After a sudden attack on the MI5, Johnny English, Britain's most confident yet unintelligent spy, becomes Britain's only spy.
Pegasus: It's an unmitigated disaster, English.
Johnny English: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Pegasus: Well, we need to get these jewels back, English, and fast. Now tell me about this assailant. Because when they searched the room later, there was no sign of him.
Johnny English: Well, the man was clearly a professional. He must have escaped while the Queen was being sedated.
Pegasus: But he's the only lead we've got, English. We have to find him. Now, come in. This is - This is Roger from Data Support. Please sit down. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?
Johnny English: Um... Well... He was... big.
Roger: Hair colour?
Johnny English: Um... orange.
Pegasus: Orange?
Johnny English: Mmm. And curly. Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing.
Roger: Frizzy.
Johnny English: An eye patch. Broken nose. Very few teeth. Two, I would say at the most. And a scar on his cheek in the shape... of a banana.
Roger: Which cheek?
Johnny English: Both cheeks. They sort of met in the middle.
Pegasus: Are you sure about this, English?
[Pegasus shows him what Roger has done on his computer of the assailant Johnny had described and he gasps]
Johnny English: Oh, yes, that's him. An uncanny resemblance. Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us.
Johnny English: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Pegasus: Well, we need to get these jewels back, English, and fast. Now tell me about this assailant. Because when they searched the room later, there was no sign of him.
Johnny English: Well, the man was clearly a professional. He must have escaped while the Queen was being sedated.
Pegasus: But he's the only lead we've got, English. We have to find him. Now, come in. This is - This is Roger from Data Support. Please sit down. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. So tell us, what did this man look like?
Johnny English: Um... Well... He was... big.
Roger: Hair colour?
Johnny English: Um... orange.
Pegasus: Orange?
Johnny English: Mmm. And curly. Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing.
Roger: Frizzy.
Johnny English: An eye patch. Broken nose. Very few teeth. Two, I would say at the most. And a scar on his cheek in the shape... of a banana.
Roger: Which cheek?
Johnny English: Both cheeks. They sort of met in the middle.
Pegasus: Are you sure about this, English?
[Pegasus shows him what Roger has done on his computer of the assailant Johnny had described and he gasps]
Johnny English: Oh, yes, that's him. An uncanny resemblance. Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us.
Pegasus' Secretary: There are some items you need to sign before your briefing. Here is your new retinal ID card. And this is your Level 9 security clearance. Sign and date, please.
[the secretary hands English a pen, but he puts it down and picks up another, gold-plated pen, pointing it towards the secretary]
Johnny English: Ah, reminds me of the old service-issue ballpoint. I remember every agent would carry a pen that looked just like this. Completely innocent to the untrained eye, but click it twice...
[there is a muffled explosion from the pen and the secretary collapses on the floor]
[the secretary hands English a pen, but he puts it down and picks up another, gold-plated pen, pointing it towards the secretary]
Johnny English: Ah, reminds me of the old service-issue ballpoint. I remember every agent would carry a pen that looked just like this. Completely innocent to the untrained eye, but click it twice...
[there is a muffled explosion from the pen and the secretary collapses on the floor]
[Lorna sees Sauvage the Frenchman standing just behind English, who thinks that he's just another waiter in the party, not knowing that it's truly Sauvage, who also listens to everything they say]
Lorna Campbell: You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Savage.
Johnny English: No, thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.
[English chuckles, then attemps to take a drink out of his glass, but just then notices Sauvage standing right behind him, not realizing that it's actually him instead of just one of the waiters, and that he has just heard English's insult]
Johnny English: [looking over at him] Sorry, can I help?
Pascal Sauvage: [into English's face] Pascal Sauvage.
[Sauvage reaches out to shake Lorna's hand]
Pascal Sauvage: The jumped-up Frenchman.
Lorna Campbell: Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you.
Pascal Sauvage: Enchanté.
[English is now looking dumbstruck and stammering in embarrassment]
Pascal Sauvage: Of course, you are Johnny English. I've heard all about you. And between you and me, I'm not so keen on the French myself.
Lorna Campbell: You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Savage.
Johnny English: No, thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.
[English chuckles, then attemps to take a drink out of his glass, but just then notices Sauvage standing right behind him, not realizing that it's actually him instead of just one of the waiters, and that he has just heard English's insult]
Johnny English: [looking over at him] Sorry, can I help?
Pascal Sauvage: [into English's face] Pascal Sauvage.
[Sauvage reaches out to shake Lorna's hand]
Pascal Sauvage: The jumped-up Frenchman.
Lorna Campbell: Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you.
Pascal Sauvage: Enchanté.
[English is now looking dumbstruck and stammering in embarrassment]
Pascal Sauvage: Of course, you are Johnny English. I've heard all about you. And between you and me, I'm not so keen on the French myself.
[Johnny and Bough are in a dark tunnel]
Johnny English: It may be pitch black, but we can still see.
Bough: Can we, sir? How?
Johnny English: The Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains developed a system of sonic chanting.
Bough: I see, sir.
Johnny English: The sound of their chanting would bounce back off any obstacles, and using their highly tuned ears they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead.
Bough: Brilliant, sir.
Johnny English: However, you must always sing in E-flat.
Johnny English: [singing] Thank you for the music / The songs I'm singing
Bough: Is it working, sir?
Johnny English: Extremely well, thank you, Bough.
Johnny English: [singing] Thanks for all the joy that...
[Johnny hits the tunnel wall]
Johnny English: Ow!
Johnny English: It may be pitch black, but we can still see.
Bough: Can we, sir? How?
Johnny English: The Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains developed a system of sonic chanting.
Bough: I see, sir.
Johnny English: The sound of their chanting would bounce back off any obstacles, and using their highly tuned ears they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead.
Bough: Brilliant, sir.
Johnny English: However, you must always sing in E-flat.
Johnny English: [singing] Thank you for the music / The songs I'm singing
Bough: Is it working, sir?
Johnny English: Extremely well, thank you, Bough.
Johnny English: [singing] Thanks for all the joy that...
[Johnny hits the tunnel wall]
Johnny English: Ow!
Carlos Vendetta: That's a letter of abdication renouncing your claims to the throne and the claims of your entire family. Sign it.
[the Queen reads the abdication sign and puts her pen down]
Queen: Never.
[Vendetta picks up the Queen's dog and threatens to shoot it. The Queen solemnly signs the abdication note]
[the Queen reads the abdication sign and puts her pen down]
Queen: Never.
[Vendetta picks up the Queen's dog and threatens to shoot it. The Queen solemnly signs the abdication note]
Lorna Campbell: Get your car keys. We've got work to do.
Johnny English: Miss Campbell.
Lorna Campbell: Sauvage is heading back to his chateau in France and he's invited 13 of the richest criminal masterminds in the world to meet him there.
Johnny English: I'm sorry, Miss Campbell. I'm off the case. It's been reassigned.
Lorna Campbell: I know. Reassigned to me.
Johnny English: Miss Campbell.
Lorna Campbell: Sauvage is heading back to his chateau in France and he's invited 13 of the richest criminal masterminds in the world to meet him there.
Johnny English: I'm sorry, Miss Campbell. I'm off the case. It's been reassigned.
Lorna Campbell: I know. Reassigned to me.
