Just Friends Quotes
While visiting his hometown during Christmas, a man comes face-to-face with his old high school crush whom he was best friends with -- a woman whose rejection of him turned him into a ferocious womanizer.
Samantha James: [Chris is wrestling Samantha to make her stop using her taser gun on him] Oooohhh yes! Go-Time!
Chris: Hey! Hey! It's not Go-Time! This isn't how it works Samantha! You can't force or... or torture someone into liking you!
Samantha James: [Rolls her eyes] Oooh, the big speech!
Chris: No! You just have to put yourself out there and hope that they like you back! This isn't a game! This is my LIFE!
Samantha James: Oh yeah! This is MY life! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person ever! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor! I'm sorry I...
[Chris starts walking out]
Samantha James: ... I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass! I'm sorry I'm not... Hey! Where you going?
Chris: Hey! Hey! It's not Go-Time! This isn't how it works Samantha! You can't force or... or torture someone into liking you!
Samantha James: [Rolls her eyes] Oooh, the big speech!
Chris: No! You just have to put yourself out there and hope that they like you back! This isn't a game! This is my LIFE!
Samantha James: Oh yeah! This is MY life! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person ever! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor! I'm sorry I...
[Chris starts walking out]
Samantha James: ... I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass! I'm sorry I'm not... Hey! Where you going?
Chris' Mom: [Starts dialing while Chris is on the phone] Joyce? Joyce?
Chris: Mom, I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: Chris? What are you doing over at Joyce's?
Chris: No Mom, I'm in the living room ten feet away from you, and I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: Oh. Well, while I have you on the phone, dear, what would you like for dinner? We have a choice between chicken chow mein or potroast.
Chris: Mom, I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: Chris? What are you doing over at Joyce's?
Chris: No Mom, I'm in the living room ten feet away from you, and I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: Oh. Well, while I have you on the phone, dear, what would you like for dinner? We have a choice between chicken chow mein or potroast.
Chris: Look Jamie. I said a lot of crappy things the other night and I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I'm scared to be your friend, because I'm always going to want more. But then I got to thinking that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.
Chris: [Jamie opens her door] You know that's a lie too.
Jamie Palamino: [Comes outside and closes her door] Why are you back here?
Chris: Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.
Chris: [Chris leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back] Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah!
[Jamie laughs. Chris leans in and kisses her again]
Chris: [Jamie opens her door] You know that's a lie too.
Jamie Palamino: [Comes outside and closes her door] Why are you back here?
Chris: Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.
Chris: [Chris leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back] Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah!
[Jamie laughs. Chris leans in and kisses her again]
Chris: What about Sheila? You making any headway?
Ray: We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today.
Chris: Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't - don't do that. Okay? Don't do lunch.
Ray: Why?
Chris: That's like the express lane to the friend zone.
Ray: What the hell's the friend zone?
Chris: See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.
Ray: I don't want to be a lamp.
Chris: Yea well then don't be her friend, okay? Take that guy for example...
[points to a clumsy guy and a gorgeous girl skating together]
Ray: You mean that couple?
Chris: No, I mean the guy that *wishes* they were a couple.
Ray: What is your point?
Chris: My point is - Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. Move your day date to tonight. Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. 'Cause friends don't kiss.
Ray: We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today.
Chris: Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't - don't do that. Okay? Don't do lunch.
Ray: Why?
Chris: That's like the express lane to the friend zone.
Ray: What the hell's the friend zone?
Chris: See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.
Ray: I don't want to be a lamp.
Chris: Yea well then don't be her friend, okay? Take that guy for example...
[points to a clumsy guy and a gorgeous girl skating together]
Ray: You mean that couple?
Chris: No, I mean the guy that *wishes* they were a couple.
Ray: What is your point?
Chris: My point is - Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. Move your day date to tonight. Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. 'Cause friends don't kiss.
Mike: [Samantha has found out that Chris is seeing someone else] The jig is up! Run!
Samantha James: You son of a bitch!
Chris: Samantha! You're here! Shit!
Samantha James: There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!
Old Woman: Me?
Samantha James: Not you, wrinkles.
[Points at Jamie]
Samantha James: Her!
Jamie Palamino: Who are you?
Samantha James: I'm Samantha James, bitch!
[Shoves Jamie]
Jamie Palamino: Don't shove me!
[Shoves Samantha back]
Samantha James: You're a whore! Santa's little whore! Santa's little whore!
Jamie Palamino: Get off!
Mike: [In an excited, high pitched voice] Cat fight!
Samantha James: You son of a bitch!
Chris: Samantha! You're here! Shit!
Samantha James: There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!
Old Woman: Me?
Samantha James: Not you, wrinkles.
[Points at Jamie]
Samantha James: Her!
Jamie Palamino: Who are you?
Samantha James: I'm Samantha James, bitch!
[Shoves Jamie]
Jamie Palamino: Don't shove me!
[Shoves Samantha back]
Samantha James: You're a whore! Santa's little whore! Santa's little whore!
Jamie Palamino: Get off!
Mike: [In an excited, high pitched voice] Cat fight!
Chris: I can't compete with this guy!
Clark: You can't compete? Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood, you date models! He's Jersey, he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman. It's Dusty Dinkleman.
Chris: Dinkleman?
Clark: Dinkleman.
Chris: Dinkleman?
Clark: *Dinkleman.*
Chris: Dinkleman.
Clark: Dinkleman's going down.
Chris: Dinkleman is going *way* down.
Clark: You can't compete? Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood, you date models! He's Jersey, he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman. It's Dusty Dinkleman.
Chris: Dinkleman?
Clark: Dinkleman.
Chris: Dinkleman?
Clark: *Dinkleman.*
Chris: Dinkleman.
Clark: Dinkleman's going down.
Chris: Dinkleman is going *way* down.
Chris: [thinking] This is it. You're finally going to have sex with Jamie Palamino. Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body. Why are you smiling like a fricken idiot? Go on. Make a move. MAKE A MOVE!
[takes a deep breath]
Jamie Palamino: What's on your mind?
Chris: [awkwardly] Bush. President Bush. The first family, really.
Jamie Palamino: [Jamie sighs and rolls over]
Chris: [thinking] Dude! You're killing me! This is the girl of your dreams! Ravish her! What if she doesn't want to be ravished? What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other. Friends watch New Years Rockin' Eve. I wonder who's hosting this year.
Jamie Palamino: Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.
Chris: Yeah.
[thinking while cuddling up behind Jamie]
Chris: Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold. This is it. Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's going to be.
Jamie Palamino: Chris?
Chris: [thinking as he slowly rolls over off of her] Oh God. Oh, God. What are you doing? Where are you going?
Jamie Palamino: Is everything alright?
Chris: Oh, everything's fine. Yeah. You okay? Uh, you need another blanket or anything?
Jamie Palamino: No, I'm fine.
Chris: Ah.
[thinking]
Chris: You're not going to make a move are you?
[to Jamie]
Chris: Good night, Jamie.
Jamie Palamino: Good night, Chris.
Chris: [thinking] You don't deserve a penis!
[takes a deep breath]
Jamie Palamino: What's on your mind?
Chris: [awkwardly] Bush. President Bush. The first family, really.
Jamie Palamino: [Jamie sighs and rolls over]
Chris: [thinking] Dude! You're killing me! This is the girl of your dreams! Ravish her! What if she doesn't want to be ravished? What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other. Friends watch New Years Rockin' Eve. I wonder who's hosting this year.
Jamie Palamino: Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.
Chris: Yeah.
[thinking while cuddling up behind Jamie]
Chris: Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold. This is it. Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's going to be.
Jamie Palamino: Chris?
Chris: [thinking as he slowly rolls over off of her] Oh God. Oh, God. What are you doing? Where are you going?
Jamie Palamino: Is everything alright?
Chris: Oh, everything's fine. Yeah. You okay? Uh, you need another blanket or anything?
Jamie Palamino: No, I'm fine.
Chris: Ah.
[thinking]
Chris: You're not going to make a move are you?
[to Jamie]
Chris: Good night, Jamie.
Jamie Palamino: Good night, Chris.
Chris: [thinking] You don't deserve a penis!
Samantha James: But I'm not ready for a gig.
Chris: Of course you are.
Samantha James: No... no. No! This is a bad idea Chris!
Chris: God I am so stupid!
Samantha James: No you aren't baby.
Chris: Here I am trying to make you into an artist when you're just a pop bubblegum sensation. But that's okay. Paris, here we come.
Samantha James: But I am an artist... I am an artist... Hey! I am an artist!
Chris: Good. You ready to do this?
Samantha James: I was born ready bitch.
Chris: Of course you are.
Samantha James: No... no. No! This is a bad idea Chris!
Chris: God I am so stupid!
Samantha James: No you aren't baby.
Chris: Here I am trying to make you into an artist when you're just a pop bubblegum sensation. But that's okay. Paris, here we come.
Samantha James: But I am an artist... I am an artist... Hey! I am an artist!
Chris: Good. You ready to do this?
Samantha James: I was born ready bitch.
Clark: How'd the big date go?
Chris: It was terrible. I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. I don't know what that is, then I ended up *shaking* her entire body!
Clark: So you gave her a body shake?
Chris: Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?
Clark: It looks like you picked up right where you left off. You're back in the friend zone.
Chris: It was terrible. I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. I don't know what that is, then I ended up *shaking* her entire body!
Clark: So you gave her a body shake?
Chris: Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?
Clark: It looks like you picked up right where you left off. You're back in the friend zone.
Rhonda: Here we go! One grilled cheese with ranch on the side. And one sugar mountain supreme for the chubby bunny!
[Rhonda makes noises imitating a bunny]
Chris: Excuse me. Umm, this isn't gonna work for me.
Rhonda: But this is what you always order.
Chris: Yeah! Ten years ago when I was a whale!
Jamie Palamino: The pancakes are fine. He's just kidding.
Chris: [to Jaime] What?
Jamie Palamino: [Rhonda walks away from the table] Be more rude!
Chris: She's rude! She's rude! I haven't had sweets for ten years, ok? You know what this would do to my stomach?
Jamie Palamino: Relax little girl. I'll have the pancakes, and you can have my sandwich, ok?
Chris: I'll just enjoy this glass of water.
[Chris takes a small sip of water and swallows audibly]
Chris: I'm stuffed!
[Rhonda makes noises imitating a bunny]
Chris: Excuse me. Umm, this isn't gonna work for me.
Rhonda: But this is what you always order.
Chris: Yeah! Ten years ago when I was a whale!
Jamie Palamino: The pancakes are fine. He's just kidding.
Chris: [to Jaime] What?
Jamie Palamino: [Rhonda walks away from the table] Be more rude!
Chris: She's rude! She's rude! I haven't had sweets for ten years, ok? You know what this would do to my stomach?
Jamie Palamino: Relax little girl. I'll have the pancakes, and you can have my sandwich, ok?
Chris: I'll just enjoy this glass of water.
[Chris takes a small sip of water and swallows audibly]
Chris: I'm stuffed!
Jamie Palamino: We need to talk about what you wrote. Is that really how you feel?
Chris: I don't know. Maybe. Why?
Jamie Palamino: Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me.
Chris: It was?
Jamie Palamino: Yes. I love you Chris -
[goes to kiss him. Chris goes for her lips and she moves to his cheek]
Jamie Palamino:
Chris: Hmm?
Jamie Palamino: We're friends right?
Chris: For sure!
Chris: I don't know. Maybe. Why?
Jamie Palamino: Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me.
Chris: It was?
Jamie Palamino: Yes. I love you Chris -
[goes to kiss him. Chris goes for her lips and she moves to his cheek]
Jamie Palamino:
Chris: Hmm?
Jamie Palamino: We're friends right?
Chris: For sure!
Jamie Palamino: Why do you keep messing with my head?
Chris: I messed with your head for three days. You've been *torturing* me for twenty years!
Jamie Palamino: Is this all because I didn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!
Chris: After being the biggest tease for so long, trust me, I am so over myself.
Jamie Palamino: Oh, so I'm the tease? I practically throw myself at you the other night and you did nothing!
Chris: And now you know how it feels.
Chris: I messed with your head for three days. You've been *torturing* me for twenty years!
Jamie Palamino: Is this all because I didn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!
Chris: After being the biggest tease for so long, trust me, I am so over myself.
Jamie Palamino: Oh, so I'm the tease? I practically throw myself at you the other night and you did nothing!
Chris: And now you know how it feels.
Mike: Dude I think she left you hanging.
Chris: It's probably just an important businees call. Get off the phone.
Mike: What, the bar ran out of curly fries?
Chris: Get off the phone!
[losing his temper]
Mike: Dude are you gonna boink Jamie or what?
Chris: Yes! Are you happy now?
Mike: Alright.
Mike: Dude the Notebook is so gay.
Chris: GET OFF THE PHONE!
Mike: Homo, homo...
[Mike makes noises down the phone with his tongue]
Mike: [Chris kicks down the bathroom door]
Chris: It's probably just an important businees call. Get off the phone.
Mike: What, the bar ran out of curly fries?
Chris: Get off the phone!
[losing his temper]
Mike: Dude are you gonna boink Jamie or what?
Chris: Yes! Are you happy now?
Mike: Alright.
Mike: Dude the Notebook is so gay.
Chris: GET OFF THE PHONE!
Mike: Homo, homo...
[Mike makes noises down the phone with his tongue]
Mike: [Chris kicks down the bathroom door]
Chris: [writing in her yearbook] Dear Jamie, When we're together, I feel like we're not in high school, but in our own little Chris and Jamie world. Whether we're watching 'Party of Five' or practicing our cheers, I feel like I can just be myself. Jamie, we've been friends for a really long time, but I want to be more than that. Hoping to be your boyfriend... Sincerely, Chris Brander. BFF!
Chris' Mom: Dusty, what kind of car is this?
Dusty: Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
Chris' Mom: I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
Chris: I love the environment.
Chris' Mom: But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
Chris: [pause] Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
Dusty: Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
[Chris takes out his retainer]
Dusty: And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!
Dusty: Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
Chris' Mom: I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
Chris: I love the environment.
Chris' Mom: But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
Chris: [pause] Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
Dusty: Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
[Chris takes out his retainer]
Dusty: And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!
