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A lonely landscape architect falls for the spirit of the beautiful woman who used to live in his new apartment.
Jack Houriskey: Why do you want to do this? David Abbott: ...Because I love her, okay? I love her. [looks at Elizabeth] David Abbott: I love you. Elizabeth Masterson: [taken aback and smiling] ... No ones ever said that to me before.
Elizabeth Masterson: David? David Abbott: What? Elizabeth Masterson: Tell him thank you. David Abbott: We're really grateful, Jack. Jack Houriskey: I'm not doin' it for you. David Abbott: Then why are you doing it? Jack Houriskey: Because someday, trust me, I'm gonna need help movin' a body. When that day comes, I don't wanna hear any shit from you.
David Abbott: You ate here a lot? Elizabeth Masterson: No. I never did. I remember looking in the window and wishing I could. David Abbott: Well why didn't you? Were you like a homeless street urchin?
David Abbott: I shouldn't be seeing a little blonde control freak
Maitre D': [from trailer] Whats wrong with him? Elizabeth Masterson: It's a tension pneumothorax David Abbott: I think it's a tension nemothax, sir. Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax. David Abbott: Nuemathax, sir! Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax! David Abbott: Numathurman. Elizabeth Masterson: Never mind David Abbott: Never mind!
Katrina: She was like, totally antisocial. Elizabeth Masterson: Ok, maybe we weren't close friends Katrina: She was like a cat lady with no cats. Elizabeth Masterson: Ok. We're done here.
Elizabeth Masterson: I'm completely capable of meeting men on my own. Abby Brody: I know, I'd just like you to meet one who isn't bleeding Elizabeth Masterson: I'll have you know that I have had two marriage proposals today Mr. Clarke: Marry me Elizabeth Masterson: Yes, of course Mr Clarke. Make that three!
Elizabeth Masterson: You had no idea she was naked on your bed? David Abbott: No. Elizabeth Masterson: You're wondering what she looks like. David Abbott: No I'm not. Elizabeth Masterson: A little? David Abbott: Not enough to, to go look. Elizabeth Masterson: Tell you what: I'll do a little recon for ya. David Abbott: Please don't! Elizabeth Masterson: Don't worry, I'm a doctor.
Abby Brody: Who put Sponge-Bob in the pasta?
Abby Brody: What are you doing? Zoe Brody: Looking for the stick Abby Brody: What stick? Zoe Brody: You always said she had a stick up her... Abby Brody: Stop it! Come on. You know, tv is going to become a very dim memory to you two.
Elizabeth Masterson: Why is she wearing workout clothes? I mean, if you were gonna work out in the middle of the day, which is basically the only reason to be wearing workout clothes, do you really need a push up bra? The whole point is to strap 'em down, not push 'em up. David Abbott: You know what? You're NOT coming with me any more! Elizabeth Masterson: Why? Something might jog my memory. David Abbott: Too bad. You're like an AM radio that someone SHOVED in my head and I can't turn off. Elizabeth Masterson: You don't think she was completely unclassy and predatory? David Abbott: Those happen to be two of men's favorite things. Elizabeth Masterson: Why don't you just date a pit bull? David Abbott: Maybe I will.
David Abbott: Have you have any traumatic experiences recently? Elizabeth Masterson: Like what? David Abbott: Oh, I don't know. Like DYING?
[last lines] Darryl: Righteous.
Elizabeth Masterson: We have an address, a dry cleaning ticket and a book of matches. Do you know what that means? David Abbott: We could start a very small fire?
Elizabeth Masterson: Oh my, this is more serious than I thought David Abbott: Go away, you don't exist! Elizabeth Masterson: I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to answer honestly. Has your recent alcohol intake increased? David Abbott: Yeah. So? Elizabeth Masterson: So are you hearing voices or seeing things that aren't quite real? David Abbott: As a matter of fact, yeah Elizabeth Masterson: Well then, have you recently sought consult from a mental health care professional? David Abbott: What? How did you know that? Stay away from me! Elizabeth Masterson: Do you often feel paranoid, like people are out to get you? David Abbott: Why are you asking so many questions? Elizabeth Masterson: I'll take that as a yes. Listen to me. You have fantasised, quite convincingly that you have rented an apartment that in fact belongs to somebody else. Elizabeth Masterson: [Extra dialogue] I think you may need to come to terms with the fact that you may be mentally ill. Elizabeth Masterson: Really?
Jack Houriskey: [in the process of stealing Elizabeth's body, sees that David has just punched out Brett] Oh David, and the felonies just keep pilin' up!
Elizabeth Masterson: [after remembering that she was a doctor] I may have been a lonely home-wrecking whore, but I saved lives!
David Abbott: Your sister really wouldn't sign those papers, would she? Elizabeth Masterson: I don't know. I hope not. It won't even matter if I don't wake up soon. My brain activity's decreasing every day. David Abbott: Well maybe that's not such a bad thing, you're kind of a smarty-pants. No, it'll bring you down to my level.
Elizabeth Masterson: I think I know what my unfinished business is. David Abbott: What? Elizabeth Masterson: You.
David Abbott: Darryl! Darryl: Dude! David Abbott: Yeah. Darryl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, the spirit's with you, isn't it? You can't bring that thing in here, what're you thinking, bro? David Abbott: Listen, man, you were right about her. She's alive. Darryl: Righteous. David Abbott: But she's in a coma and her family is gonna take her off of life support. Darryl: Not so righteous. So, what, are you guys socializing now? David Abbott: We've acclimated. Darryl: Yeah, I can tell. In fact, I'm sensing some intense feelings she has for you, bro. David Abbott: Really? Elizabeth Masterson: No I don't! Darryl: Ooh, MAJOR red aura, SOMEBODY's embarrassed.
Jack Houriskey: God made alcohol as a social lubricant. To make men brave, and to make women loose.
David Abbott: I have a dinner date. Katrina: Well, I got dessert. Elizabeth Masterson: I just threw up in my mouth.
Darryl: You've got to let her go man David Abbott: How can I when she won't leave? Darryl: Not your spirit girl...
Elizabeth Masterson: I guess you got my job. Brett Rushton: Yeah. I think I've earned it. I deserve it. Elizabeth Masterson: Everything you thought it would be? Brett Rushton: It is. [she realizes he's talking on the phone] Brett Rushton: And it's time to upgrade from the to the... I'm goin' to the dealer tonight... Hold on. It's Walsh, I have to take this... Hello?... Really?... You want me to do it?... Sure, of course I can... Dude, did you know I can get a built-in jack for my iPod? Elizabeth Masterson: Did you know there's people out there dying? I'm in a coma, have you noticed? Brett Rushton: I know. Sweet!
Brett Rushton: Did you know your sister's opinion on artificially prolonging life? Abby Brody: No Brett Rushton: She was against it. Abby Brody: Really? Elizabeth Masterson: That was before! I'm totally for it now! Brett Rushton: Honestly, most in our profession feel that way. Elizabeth Masterson: Not me! I'm perfectly happy.
Father Flanagan: [while splashing holy water on the wood floor] The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! Elizabeth Masterson: [to David] You're mopping that up.
Elizabeth Masterson: But I'm in a coma David, that's not good. David Abbott: It's way better than dead!
David Abbott: Get out of my house! Elizabeth Masterson: You get out! [She tries to shove him, but passes through him and falls through the wall] David Abbott: Rest in peace! [He turns around to see her standing there] Elizabeth Masterson: I'm not leaving!
David Abbott: I don't think your sister's a very spiritual person. Elizabeth Masterson: She's just trying to be a good parent and keep her kids away from a crazy man.
Darryl: Can't you feel that, man? There's like this cancer-causing ray of spirit hate searing right towards your body.
Elizabeth Masterson: Can I do anything to make you comfortable? Mr. Clarke: Marry me? Elizabeth Masterson: [to an assistant] Decrease Mr. Clarke's morphine drip.
Darryl: Yo, do you have like a diet anything? I'm like 99.9% parched here. Could really use a CO-la.
David Abbott: Ok, I'm sorry, maybe you're not dead - maybe you're just really light
David Abbott: We were romantic Fran: What do you mean? David Abbott: You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend. Fran: Yes, I know what romantic means...
Elizabeth Masterson: [looking through a door at Katrina who is naked off-screen] Ooh! She's got a tattoo on her ass. It says "all aboard". David Abbott: Really? Elizabeth Masterson: In three languages!
Elizabeth Masterson: You think if you could ever really touch me, I might wake up from all of this. [David and Elizabeth try to touch their hands together]
Mr. Clarke: [runs up to Elizabeth] Will you marry me doctor? Elizabeth Masterson: Of course, Mr. Clarke... [sees that he is naked] Elizabeth Masterson: ...but you might want to put on a robe first.
Elizabeth Masterson: Why do I know you? David Abbott: Maybe from your dreams [flashback] Elizabeth Masterson: It wasn't a dream David Abbott: No [They kiss]
David Abbott: Ugh! Why are you still here? Elizabeth Masterson: That's a scary question, I have no idea.
David Abbott: You're dead! Elizabeth Masterson: Stop saying that!
David Abbott: [after Elizabeth falls out the window] Rest in peace
Elizabeth Masterson: She said that the only thing to do was to burn the scores and drink lots of margaritas.
David Abbott: [Elizabeth's ghost is disappearing, she is about to die] Help her! Somebody Help her! Elizabeth!
Elizabeth Masterson: [Tries to pick up phone, but her hand passes right through it] What have you done to my phone?
David Abbott: You saved lives. Elizabeth Masterson: Yeah... including my own. I saved my life, for later. I just... I never thought there wouldn't be a later.
Jack Houriskey: [in a hospital storage room] Dave, what the hell are you doing? This isn't a sale, man!
Darryl: Wow, major red aura. Somebody's embarrassed!
Katrina: Osama, communism is way over, so like give your people some toliet paper
David Abbott: I've told her to walk to the light, but she won't listen Elizabeth Masterson: There is no light! Aaaarrrggg! You're infuriating!
David Abbott: I... I can't stab a man!
[first lines] Nurse Maria: Elizabeth... Elizabeth Masterson: How long was I out? Nurse Maria: Um, about six minutes. Elizabeth Masterson: Thanks, I'll be right there. Nurse Maria: OK, I'll be outside.
Grace: [while visiting an Asian arranged apartment] This place is heaven! It has been photographed for magazines. David Abbott: I think I told you I need something furnished. Grace: Oh, it is furnished. David Abbott: Where's the couch?
Jack Houriskey: You need to stop swimming in your own mind, that is a dangerous neighboorhood that you should not go into alone!
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