Kindergarten Cop Quotes
A tough cop is given his most difficult assignment ever: to masquerade as a kindergarten teacher in order to find a drug dealer.
Detective John Kimble: How do I look?
Phoebe O'Hara: Take off the gun.
[Kimble realizes he has strapped on his shoulder holster]
Detective John Kimble: That's a good idea.
Phoebe O'Hara: Little bastards are gonna eat you alive.
Detective John Kimble: Get some rest and don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-olds. How much trouble can they be?
Phoebe O'Hara: On second thought, take the gun.
Phoebe O'Hara: Take off the gun.
[Kimble realizes he has strapped on his shoulder holster]
Detective John Kimble: That's a good idea.
Phoebe O'Hara: Little bastards are gonna eat you alive.
Detective John Kimble: Get some rest and don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-olds. How much trouble can they be?
Phoebe O'Hara: On second thought, take the gun.
[to some kids who keep bumping his airplane seat]
Detective John Kimble: Hey, come here.
[he beckons a kid with one finger, while holding a pencil in the other]
Detective John Kimble: If you don't stop screwing around back there, this is what I'm gonna do with you.
[he snaps the pencil in two with his thumb. The kid sits back, wide-eyed]
Detective John Kimble: Hey, come here.
[he beckons a kid with one finger, while holding a pencil in the other]
Detective John Kimble: If you don't stop screwing around back there, this is what I'm gonna do with you.
[he snaps the pencil in two with his thumb. The kid sits back, wide-eyed]
[Kimble knocks out two gang members with ease, then turns to two others standing by his car]
Detective John Kimble: Oh, excuse me. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is John Kimble...
[racks shotgun]
Detective John Kimble: And I love my car!
Street Tough #3: Yo, man, I'm just gonna keep a eye on it for you, all right?
Street Tough #4: You got a beautiful ride.
[as soon as Kimble is out of hearing range]
Street Tough #3: Shit. Who he think he is? He's lucky I didn't kick his ass.
Detective John Kimble: Oh, excuse me. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is John Kimble...
[racks shotgun]
Detective John Kimble: And I love my car!
Street Tough #3: Yo, man, I'm just gonna keep a eye on it for you, all right?
Street Tough #4: You got a beautiful ride.
[as soon as Kimble is out of hearing range]
Street Tough #3: Shit. Who he think he is? He's lucky I didn't kick his ass.
Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor Crisp enters locker room, where she finds and unloads Kimble's gun, and also finds her dead son's bullet-ridden body and Kimble slumped and bleeding on floor against the shower wall] Where's my grandson?
Detective John Kimble: [gasping] I don't know!
Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor fires gun into wall, just inches above Kimble's head, hissing] Where's... my... grandson?
Detective John Kimble: [gasping continues] Go to hell!
Eleanor Crisp: That's exactly where you're going, you son of a bitch!
[moves towards Kimble and taking aim with pistol, suddenly accosted by an injured and bat-wielding Phoebe, who strikes her in the shoulder and knocks her to the floor]
Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car, are you?
Detective John Kimble: [gasping] I don't know!
Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor fires gun into wall, just inches above Kimble's head, hissing] Where's... my... grandson?
Detective John Kimble: [gasping continues] Go to hell!
Eleanor Crisp: That's exactly where you're going, you son of a bitch!
[moves towards Kimble and taking aim with pistol, suddenly accosted by an injured and bat-wielding Phoebe, who strikes her in the shoulder and knocks her to the floor]
Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car, are you?
Zach's Father: You must be the new teacher.
[Puts out his hand to shake Kimble's hand, but Kimble pushes the guy against his car]
Detective John Kimble: You hit a kid, I hit you.
Zach's Father: You bastard.
[Kimble blocks his punch and Kimble punches the guy in the stomach, then grabs him by the shirt and about to punch the guy in the face, but looks back to the kids and the principle]
Detective John Kimble: [Lets go of the guy] You're not worth it. I'm pressing charges against you.
[Puts out his hand to shake Kimble's hand, but Kimble pushes the guy against his car]
Detective John Kimble: You hit a kid, I hit you.
Zach's Father: You bastard.
[Kimble blocks his punch and Kimble punches the guy in the stomach, then grabs him by the shirt and about to punch the guy in the face, but looks back to the kids and the principle]
Detective John Kimble: [Lets go of the guy] You're not worth it. I'm pressing charges against you.
Joyce: Cullen.
Cullen Crisp: [Pointing his gun] Rachael. Good, just what I need.
Joyce: Please Cullen let him go.
Cullen Crisp: [Looking to find a way to get out of the school] How the hell you get out of here?
Joyce: Stop. You're scaring him!
Cullen Crisp: He's scared? Of course, he's scared. You told him all these lies about me, my son doesn't even know me because of you.
Joyce: Please, please, don't do this.
Cullen Crisp: I'm his father, you stole him from me.
Joyce: Please, let him go.
[Reaches for Dominic]
Cullen Crisp: Don't touch him!
[Punches Joyce in the face, and Dominic sreams and runs away]
Cullen Crisp: Dominic, I didn't want to, she made me do it. Everything's gonna be okay, Dominic. We'll start a whole new family.
Cullen Crisp: [Pointing his gun] Rachael. Good, just what I need.
Joyce: Please Cullen let him go.
Cullen Crisp: [Looking to find a way to get out of the school] How the hell you get out of here?
Joyce: Stop. You're scaring him!
Cullen Crisp: He's scared? Of course, he's scared. You told him all these lies about me, my son doesn't even know me because of you.
Joyce: Please, please, don't do this.
Cullen Crisp: I'm his father, you stole him from me.
Joyce: Please, let him go.
[Reaches for Dominic]
Cullen Crisp: Don't touch him!
[Punches Joyce in the face, and Dominic sreams and runs away]
Cullen Crisp: Dominic, I didn't want to, she made me do it. Everything's gonna be okay, Dominic. We'll start a whole new family.
Cullen Crisp: Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing! I'll be out of here in a week, and you'll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah! I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn't even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.
[Crisp's mother is buying a heap of pediatric medication]
Cullen Crisp: The boy's not sick.
Eleanor Crisp: Doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Cullen Crisp: Mother, you are going to make him sick. You stuffed all this crap down my throat for years, and there was nothing wrong with me!
Eleanor Crisp: That's why there was nothing wrong with you.
Cullen Crisp: Now, how can you argue with that?
Cullen Crisp: The boy's not sick.
Eleanor Crisp: Doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Cullen Crisp: Mother, you are going to make him sick. You stuffed all this crap down my throat for years, and there was nothing wrong with me!
Eleanor Crisp: That's why there was nothing wrong with you.
Cullen Crisp: Now, how can you argue with that?
Cullen Crisp: [Seeing Kimble coming in and holding Dominic at gunpoint] Kimble!
Detective John Kimble: He's not your hostage, he's your son.
Cullen Crisp: Drop it, on the floor.
Detective John Kimble: You want to do this to your own son?
Cullen Crisp: Drop it, I'm losing it. Hurry.
Detective John Kimble: [Puts his gun down] Okay. Now let him go.
Cullen Crisp: The boy, is mine. He's "my" boy, you get your own goddamn family.
[Then, Kimble's Ferret bites Cullen, who shoots Kimble in the leg, and Kimble shoots Culen dead]
Detective John Kimble: He's not your hostage, he's your son.
Cullen Crisp: Drop it, on the floor.
Detective John Kimble: You want to do this to your own son?
Cullen Crisp: Drop it, I'm losing it. Hurry.
Detective John Kimble: [Puts his gun down] Okay. Now let him go.
Cullen Crisp: The boy, is mine. He's "my" boy, you get your own goddamn family.
[Then, Kimble's Ferret bites Cullen, who shoots Kimble in the leg, and Kimble shoots Culen dead]
[after his first day, John comes back and collapses on his bed]
Phoebe O'Hara: How'd it go?
Detective John Kimble: Go away.
Phoebe O'Hara: That well, huh?
Detective John Kimble: You take over tomorrow.
Phoebe O'Hara: And blow our cover? Can't do it.
Detective John Kimble: They're horrible. They're like little terrorists.
Phoebe O'Hara: Tell me about it.
Phoebe O'Hara: How'd it go?
Detective John Kimble: Go away.
Phoebe O'Hara: That well, huh?
Detective John Kimble: You take over tomorrow.
Phoebe O'Hara: And blow our cover? Can't do it.
Detective John Kimble: They're horrible. They're like little terrorists.
Phoebe O'Hara: Tell me about it.
