Knights of Badassdom

Knights of Badassdom Quotes

Live-action role players conjure up a demon from Hell by mistake and they must deal with the consequences.

Eric: And Guinevere the fearless, who's plus-three ass of perfection should keep the memory of she who should not be mentioned at bay.
Gwen: Plus-three? Clearly you underestimate my endowments.
Ronnie Kwok: [in distress] You just summoned a succubus from Hell!
Eric: [pauses] Sorry.
Hung: 'Tis not the size of the young knave's blade, but the lust in his thrust by which legends are made!
Hung: I can hear the breeze on my skin. 'Tis burnt orange.
Lando: And in English?... What the fuck's he saying?
Ronnie Kwok: [whispering] I don't know.
Hung: There's electricity in the air.
Ronnie Kwok: If you don't stop complaining, the gods of Vincebus are going to curse all your characters with a case of evil herpes!
Beth: You live in a fake castle leeching off your accidental millionaire loser friend playing black metal in your bedroom. You'll never change.
Gilberto: Uh, it's *doom* metal.
Beth: Who the fuck asked you?
Joe: Well, he's right. Gilberto, you're the fucking man! It *was* black. Then we went through a sludge phase. Now it's more doom.
Ronnie Kwok: Joe Revitt's here? What the frack, Eric. I hate that guy!
Eric: Ronald, Ronald, why be so petty? I mean, surely, you're not still sore about your syphilitic paladin. Perhaps the pages of your monster manual remain... stucketh together?
Ronnie Kwok: [pause] For old time sake, he's in.
Eric: [listening to Joe play on his guitar] That's a power ballad.
Hung: What's wrong with him?
Eric: Oh, she dumped you, didn't she?
Hung: We'll be back, you redneck cocksuckers. This I vow.
Eric: Fear not, Sir Reginald, for I have just the magic needed. Excuse me, while I whipeth this out.
Ronnie Kwok: [sung] And your appeasement of the gods of Vincebus...
[normal voice]
Ronnie Kwok: have failed.
Eric: What? Seven blood packs not enough, Ronnie?
Eric: Fuck. Shit! We gotta go back for the book!
Hung: What book?
Eric: I brought that kick-ass old book I was gonna to use for my spells! Fuck! I must have dropped it when the paintballers attacked us! Shit!
Hung: Hey, is this it?
Eric: [calmly] That's it.
[pause]
Eric: Whoo. Thank god.
Hung: 'Tis a cruel act of the gods to waste such a sweet backside on such a filthy beast.
Hung: Adventuring is exactly what thou needst!
Joe: "Needst" is not a word.
Hung: Where we are, it is.

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