Eric, a football fanatic postman whose life is descending into crisis, receives some life coaching from the famously philosophical Eric Cantona.

Eric: I am not a man... I am Cantona.
Eric: The noblest revenge is to forgive.
Unknown: God once said: "Leave your wi... you can change your wife, change your politics, change your religion. But never, never can you change your favourite football team!"
Eric Bishop: I'm up to here with your philosophy. I'm still getting over the fucking seagulls!
Spleen: You're worse than the fucking Yanks in Baghdad, you! What the fuck is going on here?
Meatballs: One word on Ryan, and it's gonna be on BlueTube!
Jess: It's YouTube. It's called YouTube.
Meatballs: Well, whatever it is, you're gonna be on it!