Malibu's Most Wanted Quotes

A senator arranges for his son, a rich white kid who fancies himself black, to be kidnapped by a couple of black actors pretending to be murderers to try and shock him out of his plans to become a rapper.

Tec: Hey, yo, that was ill. Hey, where'd you learn that from?
B-rad: Grand Theft Auto 3.
Tec: Word? Can I borrow that?
B-rad: You got a, uh, Playstation 2?
Tec: Nah, I got GameCast.
B-rad: GameCast? Well, there's GameCube and then there's Dreamcast. Which you got?
Tec: Well, I said I got Gamecast, man. Damn! I can't afford it!

Brad Gluckman: Traffic, traffic lookin' fo my chapstick, feelin' kinda car sick, there's a Ford Maverick.

Brad Gluckman: I got sumtin' to say, and I need the world to hear it. I'm a lyricologist. I can rap about anything. Shrink, shrink. Blinkity-blink. Tried to make me think. Wanna go to my sink. And vomit. Clean it up wit' Comet. Earth is my planet. See? I'm the shiznit.

Brad Gluckman: My name is B-rad. Not Robbie van Winkle. I like my lattes non-fat and don't fo-get the sprinkle.

PJ: What make you think you know what goes down up in the hood anyway?
B-rad: BET.

[seeing a scary movie]
B-Rad: RUN, BITCH! HE GONNA KIIILLLLL YOU!

[another car runs through Tec's house]
Tec: Damn doesn't anyone know where the damn driveway is!

Uncle Louie: What's the theme of your party, kid? Star Wars? Baseball? Superheroes?
13 yr. Old Brad: It's O.P.P., bitch!

B-Rad: [to Tec] You that weak fuck from the club.

Tec: [high-pitched scream] STOP IT! You say one more line and I'mma have to smoke myself!

PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?
B-Rad: I stole that too.

B-rad: KING KONG... AIN'T GOT NOTHIN'... ON ME! AAAAAGHHHHHH!
[starts firing pistols wildly]

Monster: Don't you talk about my mama.
Hadji: I'll talk about your mama all I want.
Monster: Hell, no! Yo mama so fat, she got every caterer on speed dial!
Mocha: Ooh!
Hadji: What? Uh-uh uh-uh. Yo mama so fat, she uses Mexico, the whole country, as her tanning bed.
Monster: Yo mama so ugly, Jose Eber won't even do her hair!
Mocha: Ooh!
Hadji: Yeah? Yo mama so ugly, she's only been married once.
Mocha: Whoo, haha.
Monster: Yo mama so poor, on Hallowe'en, her trick was the treat!
Hadji: Yo mama so poor, that your tits are real!
Mocha: Oh no!

Hadji: [to Monster] What are you supposed to be, Robo-bitch?

Sean: This ain't no picnic bitch!

B-Rad: Shondra?
Shondra: Yeah, it's Shondra. But I guess I wasn't good enough for you, huh?
B-Rad: What?
Shondra: You had to creep up in the hood and get two more!
Sister #1: Oh, no she didn't.
Sister #2: Yes, she did.
Sister #1: Yes, she did.

B-Rad: Stuart Little?
Ronnie Rizzat: Negro please. That little white rat ain't got nuttin' on me.

Sean: [in front of Shondra's house, to B-rad] You a long way from the beach now, punk! We in South Central! The ghetto! The projects!
[Shondra gives him a dirty look]
Sean: We run hardcore up in here. People get killed here errrrrrry day!
PJ: [throws up signs] YAY YAAAAAYYYYY!
Sandy: [walks past the house with two other cute little girls] Shondra, can you come over later? Princess just had puppies.
Shondra: [sweetly] Okay, Sandy. Bye.
PJ: [after B-Rad gives him a funny look] Pitbull puppies, fool!
Sean: And they mean, too.

Tec: Grab Fatback! I got Milkdud.
PJ: I'm soft.

Gary: You know who this is! I'm from Bill Gluckman's office!
Tec: Damn! He's the one that's down with the bitches and hoes!
[akward silence]
Tec: What? you think we ignint just cuz we live in tha hood?
Gary: No, I didn't say that.
Tec: Whatever

B-Rad: And If I work hard, I can be the biggest rapper there ever was?
Ronnie Rizzat: Rapper? Hell, no, you stink.
B-Rad: Don't be hatin'.
Ronnie Rizzat: I'd rather eat garbage then listen to your tired-ass rhymes.

Rap-Battle host: It's Black History Month. You out your rabbit-ass mind?