Mars Attacks!

Mars Attacks! Quotes

Earth is invaded by Martians with unbeatable weapons and a cruel sense of humor.

Marsian Ambassador: Ack! Ack! Ack!
President Dale: I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.
Grandma Florence Norris: They blew up Congress! Ha ha ha ha!
President Dale: Why can't we work out our differences? Why can't we work things out? Little people, why can't we all just get along?
Martian Translator Device: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
General Decker: What the hell does that mean?
[Challenging a Martian to a fistfight]
Byron Williams: No weapons! No tricks! Just you and me! Byron Williams! The heavyweight champion of the world!
Richie Norris: I want to thank my Grandma for always being so good to me, and, and for helping save the world and everything.
Rude Gambler: You wanna conquer the world, you're going to need lawyers, right?
President Dale: What do you think, Marcia?
First Lady: Kick the crap out of 'em.
Grandma Florence Norris: [after a Martian's head explodes] I think it must be my music!
Rude Gambler: HEY! You're Tom Jones Right? "It ain't unusual", Hey Tom, Tom! Can I have an autograph? Anyone Got A Pen?
Martian Translator Device: Don't run! We are your friends!
[last lines]
Richie Norris: Is that OK?
Taffy Dale: Yea. Do you got a girlfriend?
Richie Norris: No.
Richie Norris: Should I go get Grandma?
Richie's Dad: Oh forget Grandma! She's halfway into space already!
Billy Glenn Norris: Bye bye, Grandma.
Grandma Florence Norris: Goodbye, Thomas.
Billy Glenn Norris: It's Billy Glenn, Grandma.
Grandma Florence Norris: I know, Thomas.
[Watching an alien on TV]
First Lady: [after seeing the Martians for the first time] I'm not allowing that thing in my house.
President Dale: Sweetie, we may have to. The people expect me to meet with them.
First Lady: Well they're not going to eat off the Van Buren china.
Professor Donald Kessler: We know they're extremely advanced technologically, which suggests - very rightfully so - that they're peaceful. An advanced civilization, by definition, is not barbaric.
Billy Glenn Norris: [about to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother] So long, retard.
Grandma Florence Norris: [as Taffy is giving her the Medal of Honor] Thank you, honey. But don't you dare let anything like this happen again.
Art Land: Even in a time of intergalactic crisis, people still want to roll them bones.
Barbara Land: Hello, my name is Barbara,
AA Meeting: Hello Barbara,
Barbara Land: I am an alcoholic, but I haven't had a drink in three months!
First Lady: [as the chandelier is falling on her] The Nancy Reagan chandelier!
Gen. Decker: Liberals! Intellectuals! Peacemongers! IDIOTS!
Taffy Dale: [Opening the door in the background] Can you keep it down? People live here!
[Closes the door]
Grandma Florence Norris: Richie, I think these guys are very sick.
Nathalie Lake: Jason, hi. It's me.
Jason Stone: Are you wearing a bra?
Richie's Dad: Martians. Ha ha. Funny looks little critters, aren't they?
Rude Gambler: [after running into a martian] Holy shit!
General Casey: [talking on phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen. Yeah... Ok
[makes kissing noises and ends the phone call]
Art Land: I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference.
Billy Glenn Norris: Die, you alien shithead!
Taffy Dale: Guess it wasn't the dove.
[Pitching a hotel-casino idea]
Art Land: If the Martians land, the're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else.
Art Land: [Repeatedly] Wow!
General Decker: We should nuke these assholes with everything we got, sir.
Richie Norris: I bet you're psyched about the Martians coming Grandma? I mean, you've seen a lot of crazy stuff already. Everyone must have been real scared when they invented the train!
Grandma Florence Norris: Come on kid I'm not that old!
Jason Stone: [to Jerry Ross] When the Martians land, will the press have access? Can we do interviews?
Martian Translator Device: We come in peace! We come in peace!
Sue Ann Norris: I'll tell you one thing, they ain't gettin' the TV.
[overhearing the destruction of France via telephone]
President Dale: ...Mon dieu...
Press Secretary Jerry Ross: My finger!
Byron Williams: Barbara, you alright?
Barbara Land: Huh? I need a drink...
Rude Gambler: You and me both baby!
President Dale: Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real outcome.
President Dale: General Decker, if you do not shut up I am going to relieve you of your commands
Gen. Decker: We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!
President Dale: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Jason Stone: [Reporting in Pahrump where the Martians are landing] The teeming masses have gathered from who knows how many states. Waiting and watching. Why have they come? Curiosity? Or is it something more? Or is it simply to say "I was there. I was there when first man met Martian." Jason Stone, GNN. Pahrump.
Cedric Williams: What are you guys gawking at? Get that president outta here!
Richie Norris: Wow, he just made the international sign of the doughnut.
Barbara Land: Know anyone who can fly a plane?
Byron Williams: Yeah, your husband Art.
Barbara Land: No... he's dead. I told him this was gonna happen.
Richie Norris: [after watching the Martians kill Congress on TV] Why did they do that?
Hispanic woman at donut shop: Maybe they no liking the human being.
Professor Donald Kessler: [as the Martians disintegrate the Congressmen] Mr. Ambassador, please! What are you doing? This doesn't make sense! It's not logical! It's not -
[a Martian knocks out the Professor]

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