Monster House Quotes
Three teens discover that their neighbor's house is really a living, breathing, scary monster.
Jenny: But back to business: eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper. Without candy, I'm afraid your house is a bulls-eye with shingles.
Zee: Nice try. It's not my house.
Jenny: Babysitter?
Zee: Mmm-hmm.
Jenny: Okay, let's cut the crap. Maybe the parents you work for left you forty dollars in emergency money...
Zee: Maybe they left me thirty.
Jenny: Maybe you give me twenty, I write a receipt for thirty, and you pocket ten.
Zee: Maybe... and I want two extra bags of peanut clusters.
Jenny: One bag, and I'll toss in a licorice whip.
Zee: You're good.
Zee: Nice try. It's not my house.
Jenny: Babysitter?
Zee: Mmm-hmm.
Jenny: Okay, let's cut the crap. Maybe the parents you work for left you forty dollars in emergency money...
Zee: Maybe they left me thirty.
Jenny: Maybe you give me twenty, I write a receipt for thirty, and you pocket ten.
Zee: Maybe... and I want two extra bags of peanut clusters.
Jenny: One bag, and I'll toss in a licorice whip.
Zee: You're good.
DJ: We haven't left this room once! Not even to go to the bathroom.
[Points to 2L bottle filled with something]
DJ: Don't drink that!
Zee: Oh gross! Whatever disease you guys have I'm sure its got letters and that they make pills for it!
DJ: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!
Zee: [Sarcastically] That's excellent, I'm really happy for you.
[Points to 2L bottle filled with something]
DJ: Don't drink that!
Zee: Oh gross! Whatever disease you guys have I'm sure its got letters and that they make pills for it!
DJ: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!
Zee: [Sarcastically] That's excellent, I'm really happy for you.
Chowder: [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?
[turns around]
Chowder: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?
[noticing Jenny]
Chowder: Well, hello there...
DJ: [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...
Chowder: Charles, to the ladies...
Jenny: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.
DJ: That's a tough school to get into.
Chowder: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.
Jenny: It's a girl's school.
Chowder: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...
[another nervous pause]
Chowder: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...
[turns around]
Chowder: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?
[noticing Jenny]
Chowder: Well, hello there...
DJ: [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...
Chowder: Charles, to the ladies...
Jenny: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.
DJ: That's a tough school to get into.
Chowder: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.
Jenny: It's a girl's school.
Chowder: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...
[another nervous pause]
Chowder: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...
Chowder: We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!
DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.
Jenny: Listen.
[rumbling sound]
Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.
DJ: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive, is if we find the heart, and put out the fire.
Chowder: Maybe we should examine our other options?
DJ: Sure. Other option: we wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.
Chowder: Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.
DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.
Jenny: Listen.
[rumbling sound]
Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.
DJ: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive, is if we find the heart, and put out the fire.
Chowder: Maybe we should examine our other options?
DJ: Sure. Other option: we wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.
Chowder: Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.
[Jenny emerges from the closet after calling her mother on the phone]
Jenny: [rolls her eyes] She didn't believe me.
Chowder: [sighs] Authority can be so...
[makes armpit noises]
Jenny: Okay, normally I don't spend time with guys like you, but a house just tried to eat me, so... you've got one hour.
Jenny: [rolls her eyes] She didn't believe me.
Chowder: [sighs] Authority can be so...
[makes armpit noises]
Jenny: Okay, normally I don't spend time with guys like you, but a house just tried to eat me, so... you've got one hour.
Zee: I'm just creeped out. You know, I saw an ambulance here today.
Bones: So...
Zee: So, maybe Nebbercracker really did die.
Bones: We should be so lucky, the guy was evil.
Zee: No, he was just a grumpy old dude.
Bones: Oh really? Zee? When I was 10 years old. I had a kite. Awesome kite. I could fly it so high you couldn't see it. One day, it crashed down, I followed the string, and it landed right over there, across the street right on the edge of his lawn.
Zee: Awww, did he take your kite?
Bones: Yeah, he takes everything that lands on his lawn. But that's not the point, the point is, I saw him talking to his house, and kissing it. Besides, everybody knows what he did to his wife.
Zee: Why? What? What did he do to her?
Bones: He ate her!
[jumps on top of Zee]
Bones: So...
Zee: So, maybe Nebbercracker really did die.
Bones: We should be so lucky, the guy was evil.
Zee: No, he was just a grumpy old dude.
Bones: Oh really? Zee? When I was 10 years old. I had a kite. Awesome kite. I could fly it so high you couldn't see it. One day, it crashed down, I followed the string, and it landed right over there, across the street right on the edge of his lawn.
Zee: Awww, did he take your kite?
Bones: Yeah, he takes everything that lands on his lawn. But that's not the point, the point is, I saw him talking to his house, and kissing it. Besides, everybody knows what he did to his wife.
Zee: Why? What? What did he do to her?
Bones: He ate her!
[jumps on top of Zee]
Skull: [Playing arcade machine] You're gonna die! You're gonna die!
Skull: [kills someone in game] Aw, did you see that? I just chopped off your head again! Your head's rolling. You can't even see it 'cuz your eyes are on your head!
DJ: [interupts] Sir?
Skull: [looks at DJ] What? I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.
Skull: [kills someone in game] Aw, did you see that? I just chopped off your head again! Your head's rolling. You can't even see it 'cuz your eyes are on your head!
DJ: [interupts] Sir?
Skull: [looks at DJ] What? I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.
