Muriel's Wedding

Muriel's Wedding Quotes

Muriel finds life in Porpoise Spit, Australia dull and spends her days alone in her room listening to Abba music and dreaming of her wedding day. Slight problem, Muriel has never had a date... See full summary »

Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.
[repeated line]
Joanie: You're terrible, Muriel.
Tania: Why don't you come have a drink with us?
Rhonda: [excited] You want to have a drink with me?
Tania: Well, yeah. We wouldn't want you to spend the entire holiday alone. It's not like in high school where you should feel your not good enough to talk to us.
Rhonda: I don't.
Tania: If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you. I'm honest. Unlike some people, I tell it like it is.
Rhonda: The truth? I tell the truth too. Nicole's having an affair with Chook. Muriel saw them fucking in the laundry room on your wedding day. Stick your drink up your ass, Tania! I'd rather swallow razor blades than have a drink with you. Oh, by the way... I'm not alone. I'm with Muriel.
Muriel: I can't stay married to you, David. I have to stop lying now. I've told so many lies... I don't love you.
David: I don't love you either, but I think I could like having you around.
Coach Ken Blundell: All the guests are on her side. I should have bought you more friends.
Rhonda: Cancer? Oh my God! I am gonna go bald and have to eat macrobiotic food!
Rhonda: I had cancer... it's all right, they cut it out.
Cheryl: You were so full of life.
Rhonda: I'm not DEAD, Cheryl.
Bridal Manageress #2: Now, now, now... just a minute. You can't come in here and threaten brides. I don't care how unfortunate, you are!
Rhonda: Fuck off!
Rhonda: Sorry, Mum. You know I love you, but you drive me crazy. And you three, what a bunch of cocksuckers.
Rhonda: You're right, you are a new person, and you stink. "Mariel VanArkle" stinks. And she's not half the person Muriel Heslop was.
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, no one looked at me. But when I moved to Sydney, Brice asked me out and that proves that I changed and I'm not her anymore.
Rhonda: Her?
Muriel: Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again! Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one?
David: What kind of person marries someone they don't know?
Muriel: You did.
David: I want to win. All my life I've wanted to win.
Muriel: Me too.
Muriel: He said if I ever left him, he would find out who I was living with and shoot them. Then, he'd shoot me, then himself.
Rhonda: Shit, he really loved you, didn't he?
Dierdre: Beauty consultant. I advise women on their lipstick, base and eye liner.
[to Japanese businessmen]
Dierdre: But you should all know about make-up. Your wives must be geishas.
Muriel: Are you black?
David: What?
Tania: I'm divorcing Chook. I suppose I have *you* to thank for that. I hope I can do the same for you one day.
[last lines]
Muriel, Rhonda: Goodbye, Porpoise Spit!
Tania: If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you. I'm honest. Unlike some people, I tell it like it is.
Nicole: Muriel...
Cheryl: Wait. Let her finish her Orgasm.
Tania: He says they're not sleeping together. She only sucks him off.
Cheryl: Why?
Tania: Out of respect for me.
Nicole: Bitch.
Rhonda: [regarding her tumor] How did I get it? I mean, it's nothing to do with too much sex, is it?
Bill: Push over, Penelope.
Bill: I was nearly in State Government. Four million votes I needed. No one knew who won for three days 'till the postal vote came in. For three days I was almost there... You reap what you sow. You'd think I'd learn that growing up on a farm. You reap what you sow.
Rhonda: Are you Muriel Heslop?
Muriel: No.
Rhonda: Yes, you are!
Muriel: Why?
Rhonda: I dunno why, you just are.
[repeated line]
Bill: Deidre Chambers. What a coincidence.
Peter 'Chook' Vernell: I love ya.
[Muriel looks through the small gap in the door and looks shocked]
Nicole: Yeah but you love Tanya too.
Peter 'Chook' Vernell: Don't worry about it.
[Chook and Nicole start going at it on the washing machine]
Nicole: [Out of breath] Chook
Peter 'Chook' Vernell: What?
Nicole: Shut the door
[Chook leans over and they both slam the door shut Muriel leans back and hears Chook and Nicole grunting in the laundry room]
Tania: I'm a bride.
Bill: Did Perry interview for the police force yet?
Betty: Yes, but they said he couldn't join because he was too tall.
Nicole: People invite us to parties because they know we have a good time. We're mad.
Janine: Pah-ty, pah-ty, pah-ty.
Nicole: It's our ee-mage.
Muriel: We're mad!
Tania: I'm married! I'm beautiful!
Rhonda: I've seen your book. You've tried on every dress in Sydney!
Muriel: That doesn't mean I'm gonna get married.
Rhonda: Then what DOES it mean?
Muriel: It means I WANT to get married. I've always wanted to get married.
Victor Keinosuke: You do a lot for the people of this town, Bill.
Bill: Who told you that?
Victor Keinosuke: You did.
Muriel: Bikkie?
Brice: Maybe after... I mean later.
Tania: Muriel, you're beautiful.
Tania: Well we, you know... and he couldn't so I...
[makes hand to mouth gesture]
Tania: ... and I noticed there was lipstick on it.
Janine: On what?
Tania: His dick!

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