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When a young man agrees to housesit for his boss, he thinks it'll be the perfect opportunity to get close to the woman he desperately has a crush on - his boss's daughter. But he doesn't ... See full summary »
Jack Taylor: [to Audrey, his secretary] Are you retarded? [She stares at him] Jack Taylor: It's not a rhetorical question. Are you retarded?
[Jack Taylor introduces his pet owl] Jack Taylor: This is O.J. Tom Stansfield: O.J.? Like the murderer? Jack Taylor: No, like a football player. O.J. Simpson.
Tom Stansfield: I appreciate all your help, but could you make sure that your friends stay out of the house? Audrey Bennett: All of them or just the colored guy? Tom Stansfield: No, all of them. Audrey Bennett: Oh, that's smart. That way the colored guy won't take it personal.
T.J.: You rat me out, I'm gonna carve you like a turkey and beat your kids with what's left of you. Tom Stansfield: I don't have any kids. T.J.: I can wait.
Audrey Bennett: Speed, tell Tom about Kennedy's assassination. This is so cool, Tom, Speed knows who killed JFK. No ask him, Tom, ask him! Ask him who killed him! Tom Stansfield: Alright, alright. Who killed JFK? Speed: Desi... Arnaz. [Tom sees a mouse running loose, runs away to catch it] Speed: [to Audrey] His life just changed.
Tom Stansfield: Hey put the crowbar down, or I will blow your ass to fucktown!
Jack Taylor: What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47? Tom Stansfield: Oh... well, I was just making a joke. Jack Taylor: Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets? Tom Stansfield: I never make fun of midgets! Jack Taylor: You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.