Vada Sultenfuss must go to LA to stay with her Uncle Phil to do some research on her mother's life, but finds much more...

Vada Sultenfuss: Why is it boys talk so much, when they have nothing to say? And girls have plenty to say, but no one will listen?
Kevin: Vada, if bullshit wore a bra, you'd be top heavy.
Harry Sultenfuss: Your Dad's a paranoid nitwit who has never let his baby girl out of his sight for the simple reason that he's a paranoid nitwit.
Alfred Beidermeyer: UCLA. My Cardigan-Sweater period.
Vada: If I get married, I'll never change my name.
Nick: Why? You think the guy should change his name?
Vada: I don't think anybody should change their names, that way you can't find them when you need them!
Nick: What if you don't want to be found?
Vada: Why do you argue with everything I say?
Rose Zsigmond: And you. I don't suppose your father gave you permission to pierce your ears?
Vada Sultenfuss: Not exactly.
Rose Zsigmond: Well, just don't shave your legs. Your father will never let you visit us again if I send you back hairless and full of holes.
Nick: Who are you? Hitler's hall monitor?
Hary Sultenfuss: Hey, you're not eating your meatloaf.
Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: If I eat it I'll throw up.
Hary Sultenfuss: Well you should at least try a little bit.
Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: Then I'll throw up a little bit.
Vada: Shelly's already told me all about about sex.
Harry Sultenfuss: She told me too. I mean, she told *me* she told *you* about sex. I - I personally knew about sex long before I met Shelly.
Vada: I figured you did.
Alfred Beidermeyer: Don't be a poet, be a TV repairman.
Vada Sultenfuss: Life's full of barbaric customs. But I hope they all end with a kiss like that.
[first lines]
Vada Sultenfuss: [narration to audience] I remember before I was born, wounded up like a fur ball in the highly overrated fetal position, luckily I'm not claustrophobic, but on rainy days I still felt a tightness in my left shoulder. So now that my stepmother's pregnant, I understand what the baby's going through, and I'm not jealous at all, really, not at all.
Nick: Are you waiting for someone?
[Vada stays turned away and does not reply]
Nick: Excuse me, I asked you a question.
Vada: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, not even nuns.
Vada: I love the fragrance of vintage books.
Nick: I love the fragrance of chili dogs.
Harry Sultenfuss: [At the hospital, finally noticing her ears] Hey what's on your ear?
Rose Zsigmond: [Lecturing Nick after he and Veda come in late] How can I do my job as a mother, if you don't do your job as a kid?
Hary Sultenfuss: [after finding out Veda and Shelly bought Veda airline tickets to LA] I thought it was illegal to sell airline tickets to minors!