My Name Is Bruce

My Name Is Bruce Quotes

B Movie Legend Bruce Campbell is mistaken for his character Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy and forced to fight a real monster in a small town in Oregon.

Bruce Campbell: Dig up a bar of soap and a bottle of Jack. And not in that order.
Clayton: I kinda liked Bubba Ho-Tep.
Jeff: *Everyone* liked Bubba Ho-Tep.
Bruce Campbell: Try not to blow anybody until I get back.
Bruce Campbell: I'm not one of those shallow, sex machines like all those other Hollywood types.
Kasey: [behind him] Hey mister, you still owe me 100 bucks! And we still have to have sex!
Clayton: So uh, why haven't I seen you around school?
Big Debbie: It's 'cause I'm never there.
Clayton: Cool. You seeing anybody?
Big Debbie: No.
Clayton: Cool.
Kasey: Hi, I'm Kasey, the famous singing prostitute.
[singing]
Kasey: I'm here to offer birthday greetings, and wish you lots of luck, and if you're really really lucky I'll even toss in a f...
Bruce Campbell: You want a disaster? Anyone here seen Assault on Dome 4?
Jeff: That's probably my favorite movie of...
Bruce Campbell: Don't answer that.
Bruce Campbell: Well, it's good to know that tofu really is good for your health.
Bruce Campbell: [When Wing arrives] Well, hello Mr. Plot Point!
Bruce Campbell: Sleep with the scorpions, bitch!
Frank: [Bruce Campbell accidentally bumps Dirt Farmer while dancing] You alright, honey?
Bruce Campbell: Ok, here's the deal. I'm gonna stall the wonton one-ton which should give you... Oh I don't know, maybe thirty seconds to find a way to stop him before he rips my head off and shoves it in my face
Bruce Campbell: [Hearing, that Jeff is Kelly's son] Uuuuhhh, young mother.
[laughs]
Kelly Graham: It's a country thing.
Bruce Campbell: Hey, a MILF is a MILF.
Bruce Campbell: [to his dog] You son of a bitch!
Bruce Campbell: Hey lady, ten cents a ride. No exceptions.
Bruce Campbell: I'll take a slow screw against the wall, and make it a double.
Bruce Campbell: Consider yourself officially exempt from my wrath sweetcakes, and if you're lucky a little later I'll let you play with my boomstick.
Scientist 1: [a scene from the fake trailer for "Cavealien 2" in the DVD extras] This thing isn't human!
Scientist 2: What is it?
Scientist 1: It's... unhuman!
Bruce Campbell: Jeff, I just have one request.
Jeff: Anything Bruce.
Bruce Campbell: Next time you unleash an ancient demon, call that Buffy chick.
Bruce Campbell: God, I miss you and the kids.
Cheryl: What kids?
Bruce Campbell: The ones we would have had, if you'd have just hung on!
Dirt Farmer: You know, they go to all the trouble to kidnap somebody, I'd have kidnapped that Jake character from Evil Dead 2.
Frank: My money'd have been on that blacksmith from Army of Darkness. Now that's one stud.
Dirt Farmer: Damn straight.
Frank: I wish I could quit you.
Bruce Campbell: Where in the heck did you find this Evil Dead shampoo?
Jeff: Bruce, that's drain cleaner.
Bruce Campbell: Well, I guess that would explain the burning sensation.
Bruce Campbell: For the love of God I can smell her Chapstick!
Bruce Campbell: I gotta make a phone call. I'll be right back, don't do anything quaint until I return.
Bruce Campbell: Come on! Hooch! Hooch for the pooch!
Cheryl: You wanna know the truth about us, Bruce? It wasn't the cheating, or the boozing, or even the endless whining that killed our marriage. You just couldn't commit. To your career, to our relationship, or really to much of anything.
Bruce Campbell: [pause] So, the cheating, boozing and endless whining were ok? Ahahahahaha-AH!
[falls off his chair]
Bruce Campbell: You know Jeff, I've gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years. Killed a lot a zombies, saved a lot of lives, but at the end of the day when push comes to shove... they're just too damn heavy.
Bruce Campbell: Have you seen Rawhide?
Wheelchair Fan: Yeah.
Bruce Campbell: You like it?
Wheelchair Fan: Yeah.
Bruce Campbell: Well, then you gotta keep those doggies rollin'!
[Pushes Wheelchair Fan]
Jeff: Sure you're ready for this, Bruce?
Bruce Campbell: Kid, I made a movie in Bulgaria. I'm ready for anything.
Bruce Campbell: Hey, light me, don't fight me.
Cinematographer: Hey, bite me.
Bruce Campbell: You don't know fear, kid. You've never worked with Sam Raimi.
Wing: [rough asian accent] Guan Di has been unleashed from his grave.
Bruce Campbell: Wait, did you say 'unreashed'?
Wing: Unleashed! Unleashed! What's matter, don't you speak Engrish?

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