Ocean's Twelve Quotes
Daniel Ocean recruits one more team member so he can pull off three major European heists in this sequel to Ocean's 11.
Linus Caldwell: [Linus is trying to convince everyone that Danny was actually the leader of "The Benedict Job"] Well, if any of you had a problem, who did you go to?
Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy, Virgil Malloy, Reuben Tishkoff, Livingston Dell, Yen, Frank Catton: [simultaneously] Rusty.
Danny Ocean: Thanks, Linus.
Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy, Virgil Malloy, Reuben Tishkoff, Livingston Dell, Yen, Frank Catton: [simultaneously] Rusty.
Danny Ocean: Thanks, Linus.
Turk Malloy: It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.
Virgil Malloy: We got a bag man.
Turk Malloy: Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
Virgil Malloy: I have feelings.
Turk Malloy: No, you don't.
Virgil Malloy: Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?
Turk Malloy: Oh my God they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.
Virgil Malloy: Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?
Danny Ocean: Rusty's not 50 years old.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, dude, we know Rusty's not 50.
Virgil Malloy: We got a bag man.
Turk Malloy: Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
Virgil Malloy: I have feelings.
Turk Malloy: No, you don't.
Virgil Malloy: Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?
Turk Malloy: Oh my God they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.
Virgil Malloy: Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?
Danny Ocean: Rusty's not 50 years old.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, dude, we know Rusty's not 50.
Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell: Wait, why not?
Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
[walks off]
Linus Caldwell: Oooooooooo.
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell: Wait, why not?
Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
[walks off]
Linus Caldwell: Oooooooooo.
Matsui: So, business?
Danny Ocean: Business.
Rusty Ryan: A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Matsui: [to Caldwell] Would you agree?
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui: .
Danny Ocean: If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en... would fall... on the same day.
Rusty Ryan: Mm.
Matsui: Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui: When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider... with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider - it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell: [All eyes turn to him, expectantly] Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell: I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Linus Caldwell: [Outside, Ryan and Ocean join Caldwell in the street] Is he alright? Are we alright?
Rusty Ryan: Kashmir?
Danny Ocean: Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan: We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean: We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell: Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell: What?
Danny Ocean: She's seven.
Rusty Ryan: Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
Danny Ocean: No, you don't need to tell him that...
Linus Caldwell: Sorry.
Linus Caldwell: OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means you stay here.
Danny Ocean: Business.
Rusty Ryan: A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Matsui: [to Caldwell] Would you agree?
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui: .
Danny Ocean: If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en... would fall... on the same day.
Rusty Ryan: Mm.
Matsui: Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui: When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider... with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider - it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell: [All eyes turn to him, expectantly] Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell: I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Linus Caldwell: [Outside, Ryan and Ocean join Caldwell in the street] Is he alright? Are we alright?
Rusty Ryan: Kashmir?
Danny Ocean: Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan: We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean: We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell: Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell: What?
Danny Ocean: She's seven.
Rusty Ryan: Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
Danny Ocean: No, you don't need to tell him that...
Linus Caldwell: Sorry.
Linus Caldwell: OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means you stay here.
Linus Caldwell: Um, all right, let's go over the list again. Ah, Swinging Priest?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Crazy Larry?
Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Soft shoulder?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Baker's dozen?
Basher Tarr: No woman
[pause]
Basher Tarr: and not enough people.
Turk Malloy: Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus Caldwell: [sigh] We can't train a cat that quickly
[pause]
Linus Caldwell: and...
Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Crazy Larry?
Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Soft shoulder?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Baker's dozen?
Basher Tarr: No woman
[pause]
Basher Tarr: and not enough people.
Turk Malloy: Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus Caldwell: [sigh] We can't train a cat that quickly
[pause]
Linus Caldwell: and...
Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
Danny Ocean: How much is everyone short?
Turk Malloy: 14.
Virgil Malloy: You're kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?
Turk Malloy: Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You don't know what it's like starting something from scratch!
Virgil Malloy: Well, with interest, I'm short 7.
Frank Catton: Eight.
Linus Caldwell: Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!
Basher Tarr: I'm light 9.
Livingston Dell: What's the interest?
Reuben Tishkoff: 6.
Livingston Dell: Then I owe 6.
Turk Malloy: What?
Livingston Dell: I've been living with my parents.
Rusty Ryan: I owe 25.
[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]
Rusty Ryan: Hotels, man.
Turk Malloy: 14.
Virgil Malloy: You're kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?
Turk Malloy: Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You don't know what it's like starting something from scratch!
Virgil Malloy: Well, with interest, I'm short 7.
Frank Catton: Eight.
Linus Caldwell: Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!
Basher Tarr: I'm light 9.
Livingston Dell: What's the interest?
Reuben Tishkoff: 6.
Livingston Dell: Then I owe 6.
Turk Malloy: What?
Livingston Dell: I've been living with my parents.
Rusty Ryan: I owe 25.
[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]
Rusty Ryan: Hotels, man.
Molly Star: I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks.
Molly Star: We both are.
Linus Caldwell: [pauses and looks at Star]
Linus Caldwell: [revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother] You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star: I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell: [shaking his head, looks away from his mom]
Molly Star: [smiling] I'm sorry.
Linus Caldwell: Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
Linus Caldwell: Thanks.
Molly Star: We both are.
Linus Caldwell: [pauses and looks at Star]
Linus Caldwell: [revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother] You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star: I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell: [shaking his head, looks away from his mom]
Molly Star: [smiling] I'm sorry.
Linus Caldwell: Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
Reuben Tishkoff: I can handle Saul's share.
Danny Ocean: You don't have to do that.
Reuben Tishkoff: Who would I talk to if you're all dead?
Danny Ocean: That's a good point. Alright, I owe 10. Amazing?
Yen: [speaks in Mandarin]
Rusty Ryan: [chuckles] Yeah, but it's a nice place.
Livingston Dell: So that comes to?
Reuben Tishkoff: 97, give or take.
Rusty Ryan: He didn't find us on his own. Someone helped him.
Reuben Tishkoff: Another thief.
Linus Caldwell: Well, there's no-one we'd know that would violate rule number one.
Danny Ocean: What we do know is we need a job. We need a high paying job.
Linus Caldwell: Well, now we're too hot to be working anywhere in this country.
Danny Ocean: So we go abroad. How 'bout we go to...
Rusty Ryan: [cuts in] We're on the 5:00.
Danny Ocean: Good. We're we going?
Rusty Ryan: Amsterdam.
Danny Ocean: Amsterdam, it is. Clock's running guys. Let's go.
Linus Caldwell: I've never been to Amsterdam.
Turk Malloy: I hear German girls are really hot.
Danny Ocean: You don't have to do that.
Reuben Tishkoff: Who would I talk to if you're all dead?
Danny Ocean: That's a good point. Alright, I owe 10. Amazing?
Yen: [speaks in Mandarin]
Rusty Ryan: [chuckles] Yeah, but it's a nice place.
Livingston Dell: So that comes to?
Reuben Tishkoff: 97, give or take.
Rusty Ryan: He didn't find us on his own. Someone helped him.
Reuben Tishkoff: Another thief.
Linus Caldwell: Well, there's no-one we'd know that would violate rule number one.
Danny Ocean: What we do know is we need a job. We need a high paying job.
Linus Caldwell: Well, now we're too hot to be working anywhere in this country.
Danny Ocean: So we go abroad. How 'bout we go to...
Rusty Ryan: [cuts in] We're on the 5:00.
Danny Ocean: Good. We're we going?
Rusty Ryan: Amsterdam.
Danny Ocean: Amsterdam, it is. Clock's running guys. Let's go.
Linus Caldwell: I've never been to Amsterdam.
Turk Malloy: I hear German girls are really hot.
Danny Ocean: What are you doing?
Rusty Ryan: Sleeping. Why are you dressed?
Danny Ocean: It's 5:30, day of. Gotta go, let's go!
Rusty Ryan: It's 11:30. The night before.
Danny Ocean: [realizes he was given a prank wake-up call by Toulour]
Rusty Ryan: Oh! Oh he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos have you had?
Danny Ocean: Five.
Rusty Ryan: Sleeping. Why are you dressed?
Danny Ocean: It's 5:30, day of. Gotta go, let's go!
Rusty Ryan: It's 11:30. The night before.
Danny Ocean: [realizes he was given a prank wake-up call by Toulour]
Rusty Ryan: Oh! Oh he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos have you had?
Danny Ocean: Five.
Assistant Manager: After the second call, I tried knocking, but he won't open up.
Rusty Ryan: I'll handle it; I know him
[bangs on hotel room door]
Topher Grace: [from inside] Jesus Christ, are you people retarded? It says "Do Not Disturb!"
Rusty Ryan: It's me.
Topher Grace: [opens the door] Hey. Come on in.
Rusty Ryan: [looks around the trashed hotel room] Jeez, Topher, you didn't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me.
Topher Grace: I'm sorry. Russ, look, I know this is your joint. I just... there's this girl. I love her, man. I love her, but she is driving me crazy! I can't sleep. I can't work. I quit the show. I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie. I mean, it's like...
Assistant Manager: [answers phone] Hello?
Topher Grace: [rips off a bracelet] God, it's almost like this Kabbalah crap doesn't even work!
Assistant Manager: Rusty, call for you.
Topher Grace: Dude, don't leave!
Rusty Ryan: I'll handle it; I know him
[bangs on hotel room door]
Topher Grace: [from inside] Jesus Christ, are you people retarded? It says "Do Not Disturb!"
Rusty Ryan: It's me.
Topher Grace: [opens the door] Hey. Come on in.
Rusty Ryan: [looks around the trashed hotel room] Jeez, Topher, you didn't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me.
Topher Grace: I'm sorry. Russ, look, I know this is your joint. I just... there's this girl. I love her, man. I love her, but she is driving me crazy! I can't sleep. I can't work. I quit the show. I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie. I mean, it's like...
Assistant Manager: [answers phone] Hello?
Topher Grace: [rips off a bracelet] God, it's almost like this Kabbalah crap doesn't even work!
Assistant Manager: Rusty, call for you.
Topher Grace: Dude, don't leave!
Tess Ocean: [while trying to get through a crowd of fans thinking she's Julia Roberts] How is this going to get Danny out?
Linus Caldwell: We need someone famous.
Tess Ocean: Why didn't you get someone famous?
Linus Caldwell: Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Tess Ocean: [rather bewildered] She wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Linus Caldwell: 'I'. 'I wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral'! Just protect your fake baby!
Linus Caldwell: We need someone famous.
Tess Ocean: Why didn't you get someone famous?
Linus Caldwell: Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Tess Ocean: [rather bewildered] She wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Linus Caldwell: 'I'. 'I wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral'! Just protect your fake baby!
Linus Caldwell: So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr: A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell: Yeah!
Basher Tarr: You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr: He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell: No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr: You might be right. Make the call.
Basher Tarr: A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell: Yeah!
Basher Tarr: You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr: He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell: No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr: You might be right. Make the call.
Rusty Ryan: Of course, we haven't considered the most obvious solution.
Danny Ocean: Oh yeah?
Rusty Ryan: We could turn ourselves in. Go to jail. Nothing Benedict could do to us there.
Danny Ocean: Yeah, good idea. We all go to the cops and confess to the Bellagio robbery. That averages twenty years for grand larceny for each of us. Yeah, that'd teach him.
Danny Ocean: Oh yeah?
Rusty Ryan: We could turn ourselves in. Go to jail. Nothing Benedict could do to us there.
Danny Ocean: Yeah, good idea. We all go to the cops and confess to the Bellagio robbery. That averages twenty years for grand larceny for each of us. Yeah, that'd teach him.
Virgil Malloy: [At an engagement dinner]
[clinks his glass]
Virgil Malloy: All right, I know I'm just the groom, and I'm not supposed to say anything, like uh, a speech. But I don't care what the rules are, because I really wanna thank my family. My mom and dad, my Uncle Gary and Aunt Grace. Uncle Ted, Aunt Celeste, and their children Denise and Jessica. My Bishop Tom and his wife, Helen. My neighbor, John, and his new girlfriend, Tanya. And all the guys at Lean Machine Inc., Bobo, Mullethead, Big Sam.
[His brother is not mentioned]
Virgil Malloy: And everyone else who's just been great in welcoming Sara into the family. Thank you.
[clinks his glass]
Virgil Malloy: All right, I know I'm just the groom, and I'm not supposed to say anything, like uh, a speech. But I don't care what the rules are, because I really wanna thank my family. My mom and dad, my Uncle Gary and Aunt Grace. Uncle Ted, Aunt Celeste, and their children Denise and Jessica. My Bishop Tom and his wife, Helen. My neighbor, John, and his new girlfriend, Tanya. And all the guys at Lean Machine Inc., Bobo, Mullethead, Big Sam.
[His brother is not mentioned]
Virgil Malloy: And everyone else who's just been great in welcoming Sara into the family. Thank you.
François Toulour: The egg left Paris this morning on its way to Rome, it travels with heavy security and usually with one or more replicas, sometimes they even show the replica without anybody knowing, when the egg goes on display Monday morning you'll have forty eight hours to steal it before your deadline is up of course when the deadline passes, you don't have the egg LeMarque will who's the best
Terry Benedict: I'd like to say a few words... about commitment. About honor. About responsibility. About a very special someone and admitting to her...
Terry Benedict: [hits Virgil] Get up. Pull the chair out.
Terry Benedict: ...admitting her in front of everybody that her wedding... and that very special honeymoon trip to Epcot Center... will have to be postponed.
Terry Benedict: [hits Virgil] Get up. Pull the chair out.
Terry Benedict: ...admitting her in front of everybody that her wedding... and that very special honeymoon trip to Epcot Center... will have to be postponed.
Linus Caldwell: Can I talk to you for a second?
Rusty Ryan: What is it?
Linus Caldwell: This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it but I've been doing my homework and I'd really like to play a more central role this time around
Rusty Ryan: Right
Linus Caldwell: I'm ready for that and I wanted to know if I could maybe come to the meeting and help you guys negotiate
Rusty Ryan: It's just a sit down with Matsui he's got his own language
Linus Caldwell: I watched you and Danny really closely last time around
Rusty Ryan: In my professional opinion you're not ready but if you're convinced that you are ready, I can speak with Danny we can make this happen, but you've got to be sure
Rusty Ryan: What is it?
Linus Caldwell: This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it but I've been doing my homework and I'd really like to play a more central role this time around
Rusty Ryan: Right
Linus Caldwell: I'm ready for that and I wanted to know if I could maybe come to the meeting and help you guys negotiate
Rusty Ryan: It's just a sit down with Matsui he's got his own language
Linus Caldwell: I watched you and Danny really closely last time around
Rusty Ryan: In my professional opinion you're not ready but if you're convinced that you are ready, I can speak with Danny we can make this happen, but you've got to be sure
