Two friends and business partners find their lives turned upside down when strange circumstances lead to them being placed in the care of 7-year-old twins.

Zach: I think "scat" is poop.
Dan: Really, son?
Zach: Yeah.
Charlie: You wiped poop on my face?
Dan: Yeah. Scat happens, man.
[from trailer]
Dan: If I'm gonna be an old dad, you're gonna be Uncle Charlie. We can do this.
Charlie: We?
Charlie: The kids have never seen Friday the 13th, part 1 or 2!
Vicki: Oh, my God!
Dan: He's kidding. He's a kidder. He was scared of The Wizard of Oz. He's kidding. The monkeys got him nuts.
Charlie: You crying, man?
Jimmy Lunchbox: [holding back tears] I ain't cryin'!
[from trailer]
[reading fine print from one of Dan's prescription bottles]
Charlie: Watch out for sudden loss of depth perception?
[from trailer]
[after tackling Dan]
Yancy Devlin: How's that feel, Gilmore Girl?
[from trailer]
Yancy Devlin: You ladies ready to play a little Ultimate Frisbee?
Dan: I think so, Mr. Testosterone!
Dan: Whoa. Does this drink come with a diving board? It's insane!
Jimmy Lunchbox: [to Charlie] Did ya see the show?