Oscar Quotes
Angelo "Snaps" Provolone made his dying father a promise on his deathbed: he would leave the world of crime and become an honest businessman. Despite having no experience in making money in... See full summary »
Snaps: You're going to marry this bum, just as soon as I get my hands on him.
Lisa Provolone: Oh, Daddy, you changed your mind!
[hugs him]
Snaps: What choice do I have, you tramp.
[hugs her back]
Snaps: And after the wedding, you'll move into a nice ground floor apartment.
Lisa Provolone: Why a ground floor apartment?
Snaps: Because after I break his legs, he's not gonna make it up any steps!
Lisa Provolone: Oh, Daddy, you changed your mind!
[hugs him]
Snaps: What choice do I have, you tramp.
[hugs her back]
Snaps: And after the wedding, you'll move into a nice ground floor apartment.
Lisa Provolone: Why a ground floor apartment?
Snaps: Because after I break his legs, he's not gonna make it up any steps!
Kirkwood: I hate to say I told you so, but that's what we get for going into business with a crook!
Snaps: I'm a crook?
[standing up, buttoning his coat]
Snaps: You come into my house with your fine print and addendums and try to con me out of my dough? Geez, I'm used to dealing with mobsters, bootleggers, and gunzles, but you bankers... are scary.
Kirkwood: [rising out of the chair] I have never been so insulted in all my life.
Snaps: Wait. You're young yet.
Snaps: I'm a crook?
[standing up, buttoning his coat]
Snaps: You come into my house with your fine print and addendums and try to con me out of my dough? Geez, I'm used to dealing with mobsters, bootleggers, and gunzles, but you bankers... are scary.
Kirkwood: [rising out of the chair] I have never been so insulted in all my life.
Snaps: Wait. You're young yet.
Snaps: [after stumbling over the classic elocution exercise, "Round the rough and rugged rocks the ragged rascal rudely ran."] Aw, it's no use, Doc. I'll never learn to speak good.
Dr. Thornton Poole: Do not despair, Mr. Provolon-e. We shall try a different tack.
[takes out a book and reads]
Dr. Thornton Poole: "Rocco the rum-runner rubbed out Rico the Rat with his Rosco for robbing his rum-running receipts."
Snaps: [repeats the sentence perfectly and enthusiastically]
Dr. Thornton Poole: You've got it!
Snaps: Well, sure! You finally came up with something that made sense!
Dr. Thornton Poole: Do not despair, Mr. Provolon-e. We shall try a different tack.
[takes out a book and reads]
Dr. Thornton Poole: "Rocco the rum-runner rubbed out Rico the Rat with his Rosco for robbing his rum-running receipts."
Snaps: [repeats the sentence perfectly and enthusiastically]
Dr. Thornton Poole: You've got it!
Snaps: Well, sure! You finally came up with something that made sense!
Nora: Mr. Provolone! I'm leaving you to go to the Underwood's.
Snaps: Underwood's? You're going to work for Bruce?
Nora: I'm marrying Bruce.
Snaps: You're marrying Bruce? I found him first! I mean, for my daughter.
Nora: We met the day he called on Lisa. Oh, it was love at first sight.
Snaps: Congratulations... You're fired!
Nora: You can't fire me... I quit!
Snaps: [shouts as she leaves] Try gettin' a reference outta me, sister!
[to himself]
Snaps: Great! The maid gets a millionaire, and my daughter gets a chauffeur.
Snaps: Underwood's? You're going to work for Bruce?
Nora: I'm marrying Bruce.
Snaps: You're marrying Bruce? I found him first! I mean, for my daughter.
Nora: We met the day he called on Lisa. Oh, it was love at first sight.
Snaps: Congratulations... You're fired!
Nora: You can't fire me... I quit!
Snaps: [shouts as she leaves] Try gettin' a reference outta me, sister!
[to himself]
Snaps: Great! The maid gets a millionaire, and my daughter gets a chauffeur.
Snaps: What a day this turned out to be! Both my girls are getting married!
Sophia: [looks at Snaps suspiciously] What do you mean, "both"?
Snaps: [embraces her, indicates Theresa] Sophia, my wife, meet Theresa, my daughter.
Sophia: Your... daughter?
Snaps: I just found out myself.
Theresa: Me, too!
Sophia: If she's your daughter, then who is her mother?
Roxanne: I am.
Sophia: [shouts] You had a child with the new maid?
Overton: [the bankers have just walked into the foyer] Excuse me, have we come at a bad time?
Sophia: [looks at Snaps suspiciously] What do you mean, "both"?
Snaps: [embraces her, indicates Theresa] Sophia, my wife, meet Theresa, my daughter.
Sophia: Your... daughter?
Snaps: I just found out myself.
Theresa: Me, too!
Sophia: If she's your daughter, then who is her mother?
Roxanne: I am.
Sophia: [shouts] You had a child with the new maid?
Overton: [the bankers have just walked into the foyer] Excuse me, have we come at a bad time?
Lisa Provolone: ...I want to go to the top of the Empire State Building!
Anthony Rossano: And what am I doing during all this? Babysitting Oscar's kid?
Lisa Provolone: You always this nasty?
Anthony Rossano: YES! Get used to it!
Lisa Provolone: [gasps] I'm marrying a brute! I never want to see your face again... until the wedding!
Anthony Rossano: That's fine with me! And separate honeymoons!
Lisa Provolone: Fine!
Anthony Rossano: See you in church!
Lisa Provolone: Hmph!
Anthony Rossano: And what am I doing during all this? Babysitting Oscar's kid?
Lisa Provolone: You always this nasty?
Anthony Rossano: YES! Get used to it!
Lisa Provolone: [gasps] I'm marrying a brute! I never want to see your face again... until the wedding!
Anthony Rossano: That's fine with me! And separate honeymoons!
Lisa Provolone: Fine!
Anthony Rossano: See you in church!
Lisa Provolone: Hmph!
Nora: I'm glad to be getting out of this house. From now on, I'll have servants of me own!
Snaps: You'll find out what a picnic that is!
[Nora grabs the wrong valise and exits]
Dr. Thornton Poole: Shocking insolence! I would have terminated her immediately.
Snaps: I can't do that anymore. Best I could do is fire her.
Snaps: You'll find out what a picnic that is!
[Nora grabs the wrong valise and exits]
Dr. Thornton Poole: Shocking insolence! I would have terminated her immediately.
Snaps: I can't do that anymore. Best I could do is fire her.
Snaps: Now this guy's willing to marry you - so be nice.
Lisa Provolone: [whining] But I want Oscar.
Snaps: I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
Lisa Provolone: Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
Snaps: Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?
Lisa Provolone: [whining] But I want Oscar.
Snaps: I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
Lisa Provolone: Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
Snaps: Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?
Father Clemente: Oh, by the way? Congratulations on your daughter marrying Bruce Underwood.
Sophia: Oh, I'm afraid there's been a change, Father. She's now marrying a nice Italian boy. Anthony Rosano.
Father Clemente: It's all for the better. Nothing like a big Italian wedding! Anthony Rosano!
Snaps: Well, forget Anthony, she's not marrying him any more.
Sophia: What?
Father Clemente: Well, that's a shame. But she's young. Someday she'll find the right one.
Snaps: She's found the right one.
Sophia: Who?
Snaps: Doctor Poole!
Sophia: Doctor Poole?
Dr. Thornton Poole: [leans over railing] Hello!
Snaps: [to Poole] Get back in there!
Sophia: Oh, I'm afraid there's been a change, Father. She's now marrying a nice Italian boy. Anthony Rosano.
Father Clemente: It's all for the better. Nothing like a big Italian wedding! Anthony Rosano!
Snaps: Well, forget Anthony, she's not marrying him any more.
Sophia: What?
Father Clemente: Well, that's a shame. But she's young. Someday she'll find the right one.
Snaps: She's found the right one.
Sophia: Who?
Snaps: Doctor Poole!
Sophia: Doctor Poole?
Dr. Thornton Poole: [leans over railing] Hello!
Snaps: [to Poole] Get back in there!
