Osmosis Jones Quotes
A policeman white blood cell, with the help of a cold pill, must stop a deadly virus from destroying the human they live in, Frank.
Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: NO!
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: NO!
Leah: Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?
Osmosis: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!
Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.
Osmosis: Whoa! Who turned off the heat? Somebody pay the bill? It's cold in here.
Osmosis: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!
Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.
Osmosis: Whoa! Who turned off the heat? Somebody pay the bill? It's cold in here.
Drix: Where did you study?
Osmosis: Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Drix: Oh...
Osmosis: I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.
Drix: Oh?
Osmosis: No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center.
Osmosis: Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Drix: Oh...
Osmosis: I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.
Drix: Oh?
Osmosis: No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center.
Thrax: This here little DNA bead comes from a little girl in Riverside, California, didn't like to wash her hands. Took me three whole weeks. And this one, nice lady in Detroit, Mowtown - six days flat. And there's this old guy in Philly - I killed him in 72 hours. Yeah, I'm getting better as I go along, baby, but the problem is I never set a record - until my man Frank that is. I'm gonna take him down in 48 hours! Get my own chapter in the medical books!
Osmosis: Yo, where do you think you're going?
Drix: To get our cootie.
Osmosis: Looking like that? They'll tear you apart. You gotta get spiffy.
Drix: Spiffy?
[Osmosis rearranges himself to look like a germ]
Osmosis: Check it out!
Drix: Hmm. Flexible cellular dynamics. What an ingenious defense mechanism. Ooh, let me try!
[Drix tries, only succedes in mangling his face]
Drix: What do you think?
Osmosis: I think you should guard the car.
Drix: To get our cootie.
Osmosis: Looking like that? They'll tear you apart. You gotta get spiffy.
Drix: Spiffy?
[Osmosis rearranges himself to look like a germ]
Osmosis: Check it out!
Drix: Hmm. Flexible cellular dynamics. What an ingenious defense mechanism. Ooh, let me try!
[Drix tries, only succedes in mangling his face]
Drix: What do you think?
Osmosis: I think you should guard the car.
Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already.
Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already.
Anchorman: Things are looking grim, as temperatures rise to dangerous levels! We have lost contact with the lower extremities! NNN will stay on the air as long as possible!
Anchorwoman: In other news, house appliances that can improve your golf swing.
Anchorman: You... you silly twit, don't you get it! We are going to die!
Anchorwoman: I knew it, Dan! At the sight of the first dark cloud, you fall apart!
Anchorman: Moron!
Anchorwoman: Phony!
Anchorwoman: In other news, house appliances that can improve your golf swing.
Anchorman: You... you silly twit, don't you get it! We are going to die!
Anchorwoman: I knew it, Dan! At the sight of the first dark cloud, you fall apart!
Anchorman: Moron!
Anchorwoman: Phony!
Chill: Hey, I was injected into this body to rat on influenza only, and this don't sound like influenza to me. Now beat it.
Osmosis: I'm sure Johnny Streptacoccus and the Melanoma Brothers would be very interested to know about your flu shot work.
Chill: You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm on the Virus Protection Program.
Osmosis: I'm sure Johnny Streptacoccus and the Melanoma Brothers would be very interested to know about your flu shot work.
Chill: You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm on the Virus Protection Program.
Osmosis: Yo, you didn't see this thing. This ain't no ordinary household germ. This thing's bigger than all of us; it's big even for Frank's body! It's like a
[sic]
Osmosis: Al Roker germ, a Heavy D germ!
Cop: You talkin' about this?
[holds a short, dumpy germ; all laugh]
Osmosis: Yeah, uh... y'know, he's slouching right now.
[sic]
Osmosis: Al Roker germ, a Heavy D germ!
Cop: You talkin' about this?
[holds a short, dumpy germ; all laugh]
Osmosis: Yeah, uh... y'know, he's slouching right now.
Frank: Hey, partner, what you got there?
Oyster Boy: Oh, these? These are polluted oysters. Well, they WERE polluted. I replanted them in six weeks ago. That's how long the state says you gotta do it for. And every time the tide came in, it flushed all the bad stuff out.
Frank: Can you eat 'em?
Oyster Boy: Well, if my hypotenuse is correct...
[hesitantly]
Oyster Boy: sure. Y-y-yeah, definitely.
Oyster Boy: Oh, these? These are polluted oysters. Well, they WERE polluted. I replanted them in six weeks ago. That's how long the state says you gotta do it for. And every time the tide came in, it flushed all the bad stuff out.
Frank: Can you eat 'em?
Oyster Boy: Well, if my hypotenuse is correct...
[hesitantly]
Oyster Boy: sure. Y-y-yeah, definitely.
Bob: Listen. Why don't you sit her down and tell her that if anything ever happens to you, I will take care of her. Okay? I will raise her, I will nurture her, I will love her, and then when she's sixteen, I'll boot her out the door.
Frank: Sixteen?
Bob: Well, yeah. I not going to mommy her forever, okay? I mean, sixteen, sure.
Frank: Sixteen?
Bob: Well, yeah. I not going to mommy her forever, okay? I mean, sixteen, sure.
Frank: Honey, the reason that monkeys eat so many fruits and vegetables is because they're not smart enough to butcher a cow. Your mother - God bless her soul - didn't believe the old-fashioned ideas about nursing and breast-feeding and all that. Uh-uh. You were fed cheeseburgers as a baby, and look at you. You're as big as a house, you're as strong as a bull, you smell like a cow. Your cholesterol's probably a little high, but they have medicince for that now; you can get an angioplasty, get it all cleared out.
Leah: Mayor, something freaky is going on with the weather.
Mayor Phlegming: We're probably just drinking some hot coffee.
Leah: Sir, look at the maps. What if Jones is right?
Mayor Phlegming: Jones? Ha ha ha! Funny, funny.
Leah: You care more about your re-election than you care about all our lives. Something is going on, and I'm going to the hypothalamus to check it out.
Mayor Phlegming: Hypowhothewhatisit? Leah, wait! Who's gonna answer the phones?
Mayor Phlegming: We're probably just drinking some hot coffee.
Leah: Sir, look at the maps. What if Jones is right?
Mayor Phlegming: Jones? Ha ha ha! Funny, funny.
Leah: You care more about your re-election than you care about all our lives. Something is going on, and I'm going to the hypothalamus to check it out.
Mayor Phlegming: Hypowhothewhatisit? Leah, wait! Who's gonna answer the phones?
[Drix is at the bladder, about to board the next barge out]
Osmosis: Drix! Yo, Drix! Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive! Let's go!
Drix: I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you.
Osmosis: Excuse me?
Drix: I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label.
Osmosis: You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer, just because they believed they could.
Drix: Oh, I don't know, Ozzy. Look at me. I'm cherry flavored.
Conductor: Hey, pal. You on or off?
Osmosis: Fine. Flush your life down the toilet.
Conductor: The zipper's down. All ashore who's going ashore.
Osmosis: Drix! Yo, Drix! Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive! Let's go!
Drix: I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you.
Osmosis: Excuse me?
Drix: I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label.
Osmosis: You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer, just because they believed they could.
Drix: Oh, I don't know, Ozzy. Look at me. I'm cherry flavored.
Conductor: Hey, pal. You on or off?
Osmosis: Fine. Flush your life down the toilet.
Conductor: The zipper's down. All ashore who's going ashore.
Mayor Phlegming: Good evening, citizens of Frank. In the past few weeks of the campaign, my opponent has thrown around a lot of fancy words to try to confuse the issues. Words like "exercise," "low-fat," and "diet" - words designed to scare us into changing what has worked for so many years. Well, I say let's stay the course. Remember, a fat Frank is a happy Frank.
Police Chief: Hey, Ozzy, can I count on you to keep Frank in shape? You know we've got that big insurance exam next month.
Osmosis: I don't know. You'll have to talk to my new parter... if he feels like hanging around for a while.
Drix: But my work visa has expired.
Osmosis: Well, we'll go down to the hemorrhoid and get you a good lawyer.
Osmosis: I don't know. You'll have to talk to my new parter... if he feels like hanging around for a while.
Drix: But my work visa has expired.
Osmosis: Well, we'll go down to the hemorrhoid and get you a good lawyer.
