When eccentric man-child Pee-Wee Herman gets his beloved bike stolen in broad daylight, he sets out across the U.S. on the adventure of his life.

Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.
Dottie: I don't understand.
Pee-wee: You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.
[after Pee Wee passes out]
Cowboy #1: What's your name?
Pee-wee: I can't remember.
Cowboy #2: Where are you from?
Pee-wee: I can't remember.
Cowboy #1: Can you remember anything?
Pee-wee: I remember... the Alamo.
[Texans cheer]
[Pee-wee has been picked up by a trucker]
Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this same stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building...
[cut to a few minutes later]
Large Marge: And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...!
[Turns to Pee-wee and makes grotesque face]
Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!
Large Marge: Yes, Sir! The worst accident I ever seen.
[Dottie answers the phone]
Dottie: Hello?
Pee-wee: Hi, Dottie, it's Pee-wee!
Dottie: Pee-wee? Where are you calling from?
Pee-wee: Texas!
Dottie: Huh?
Pee-wee: Honest! I'll prove it!
Pee-wee: The stars at night are big and bright...
Passersby: [singing and clapping] ... deep in the heart of Texas!
Simone: Do you have any dreams?
Pee-wee: Yeah, I'm all alone. I'm rolling a big doughnut and this snake wearing a vest...
Pee-wee: I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!
Francis: Then you're crazy!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You're a nerd!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You're an idiot!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Pee-wee, Francis: I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? Pee-wee: Infinity!
Francis: No, I'm not.
Pee-wee, Francis: You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!
Francis: Shut up, Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Why don't you make me.
Francis: You make me!
Pee-wee: Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.
Francis: Pee-wee listen to reason.
[Pee-Wee cuffs his hand around his ear in a listening motion]
Francis: Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Sh! I'm listening to reason.
Francis: Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: That's my name, don't wear it out.
Francis: Remember the first time I saw your bike? You came riding past my house and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?
Pee-wee: I love that story.
[jumps on bike and pedals away]
Francis: You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!
Pee-wee: I'm here to see Francis!
Butler: Francis is busy.
Pee-wee: Busy doing what?
Butler: He's having his bath.
Pee-wee: Oh, really?
Pee-wee: Where are they hosing him down?
Biker #2: [the whole gang holds Pee-wee hostage] I say we kill him!
Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
Biker #3: I say we hang him, *then* we kill him!
Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
Biker #4: I say we stomp him!
Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
Biker #4: Then we tattoo him!
Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
Biker #4: Then we hang him...!
Biker Gang: [shout] YEAH!'!
Biker #4: And then we kill him!
Biker Gang: [shout] YEAH!'!'!
Pee-wee: [tries to throw voice without moving lips] I say we let him go.
Biker Gang: [shout] NO!'!'!
Biker Mama: [whistles] I say ya let me have him first!
Biker Gang: [break out in raucous laughter]
Francis: Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.
Pee-wee: Good for you and your father.
Francis: So guess what I want.
Pee-wee: A new brain?
Francis: No. Your bike!
[Pee-wee is offering a $10,000 reward to whoever finds his bike]
Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!
Biker #1: Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of the Satan's Helpers?
Pee-wee: Nobody hipped me to that, dude.
Biker #1: It's off-limits!
Simone: I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big "But...? C'mon, Simone, let's talk about *your* big "But".
Pee-wee: The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting...
Pee-wee: Have a nice day.
Large Marge: Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh!
Pee-wee: Aren't we gonna see the basement?
Tina: [laughs] There's no basement at the Alamo!
[last lines]
Pee-wee: Come on, Dottie. Let's go.
Dottie: Let's go? Don't you wanna see the rest of the movie?
Pee-wee: I don't have to see it, Dottie. I lived it.
Pee-wee: How do ya like school, Billy?
[as BIlly]
Pee-wee: Closed!
Pee-wee: Is this something you'd like to share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?
Mother Superior: Oh Rusty, you are an inspiration to us all!
Pee-wee: I'll say! I'm going to start a paper route right now.
Madame Ruby: For twenty dollars I can tell you a lot of things. For thirty dollars I can tell you more. And for fifty dollars I can tell you *everything*.
Pee-wee: Tell me why I'm here first.
Madame Ruby: You're here because you... want something!
[Pee-Wee looks at Mickey's hand as he is wearing one handcuff]
Pee-wee: What did you do?
Mickey: Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they put on mattresses?
Pee-wee: Yeah.
Mickey: Well I CUT one of them off!
Pee-wee: Jee.
Mickey: Yeah, I have a real bad temper.
Pee-wee: Boy, I always thought that was the dumbest law.
[Mario shows Pee-wee a box of new items]
Mario: Fake blood. Or is it?
Pee-wee: Ecchh! No.
Mario: Super stink bomb?
Pee-wee: Have some.
Mario: Shrunken head?
Pee-wee: No.
Mario: Regular size?
Pee-wee: No.
Mario: [brings out an enormous head; laughs deeply]
Pee-wee: NOOOOO!
Mario: Trick gum?
Pee-wee: Okay.
Mario: Headlight glasses?
Pee-wee: Yeah!
Mario: And direct from Australia... The Boomerang Bow-Tie!
Pee-wee: Come in red?
Mario: [Mario extracts a red boomerang bow-tie]
Pee-wee Herman: [as hotel desk clerk; in deep voice] Paging Mr. Herman! Mr. Herman, you have a telephone call at the front desk!
Pee-wee: I know you are, but what am I?
[Everyone is leaving Pee-wee's basement, just as Pee-wee goes on with his evidentiary meeting]
Dottie: Pee-wee, let's go up and get some fresh air, alright?
Pee-wee: What for?
Dottie: Because it's hot in here.
Pee-wee: Hot? Who's hot? Feels just fine to me.
Pee-wee: I feel just PERFECT! In fact, I can't remember when I felt quite so COZY down here!
Dottie: Pee-wee, I think I can get Chuck to give you a good break on one of the bikes in the shop.
Pee-wee: I don't want some other crappy bike!
Dottie: Well, Pee-wee, listen, if you want my help...
Pee-wee: [shouting] I DON'T want your help! I don't need the police and I DON'T NEED YOU!
[three hours into Pee-wee's long evidentiary meeting, Pee-wee shows a scale-model of the mall where his bike was stolen, with arrows pointing certain spots as well as the X showing where his bike was]
Pee-wee: Exhibit Q: a scale-model of the entire mall! X marks the scene of the crime. These arrows here show the exact position of the sun at the hour of the crime. Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The moon was in the seventh...
Chuck: Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Please save your questions until I'm THROUGH, Chuck!
Chuck: Well, when will that be? A long time, we wait! We've been here for over three hours now, and I'm not sure if any of us can see what all this is supposed to mean.
Pee-wee: Supposed to mean? Supposed to MEAN?
[breaks his pool cue]
Radio DJ: [Pee-wee goes to a radio station to post a $10,000 reward for the recovery of his bike] Well, that is some story Pee-wee and with the kind of reward money you're offering, I'm sure a lot of our listeners will be searching.
Pee-wee: Oh, my name's engraved on the back of the seat. That's Pee-wee Herman. P-E-E,
Francis: [turns off radio] That does it! He just won't let up. I changed my mind. I don't want the stupid bike anymore.
Francis' Accomplice: Well, a deal's a deal. So... fork over my money for lifting it for you... Buxton!
Francis: [Pays his friend] Here. Take the bike with you. Just get rid of it.
Francis' Accomplice: [Takes some more money from Francis] That'll cost you extra. See you later sucker!
Mickey: [comes out of the window of a prison bus after seeing the first part of Pee-wee's movie] Great so far, Pee-wee. Action-packed!
Pee-wee Herman: [hands Mickey his refreshments] One soda. One foot-long.
Policeman #2: Hold it.
[he sees a small metal file and picks it out of the footlong]
Mickey: Good try, Pee-wee.
Pee-wee Herman: Look, Mickey!
Mickey: [after seeing a scene in the movie with Pee-wee] Wow! That's fantastic, Pee-wee!
Pee-wee Herman: Thanks!
Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.
Thug in alley: [Seeing Pee-Wee walking in the alley] Hey, man. You're new to this turf! We don't take kindly to strangers coming 'round here!
[Pee-Wee hisses]
Thug in alley: Ah! Run!
Pee-wee: [Knocks on the door to Francis' house and his butler comes to the door] I wanna see Francis.
Butler: Francis is busy.
Pee-wee: Busy doing what?
Butler: Busy having his bath.
Pee-wee: Really, where are they hosing him down?
[the Butler slams the door, and Pee-wee knocks on it again, and the Butler answers again]
Pee-wee: Me again.
Pee-wee: [falls off bike after attempting tricks] I meant to do that.
Pee-wee: This box contains over 217 bits and pieces of information, evidence. Exhibit A: A photograph of the victims, my bike and me.
[Speck growls]
Pee-wee: Exhibit B: Another photograph. What's missing from this picture? It's just me... WITHOUT MY BIKE!
[Amazing Larry whispers something to Mario]
Pee-wee: Is this something you can share with the rest of us Amazing Larry?
Amazing Larry: Uh... no.
Pee-wee: Exhibit C: The horn I was picking up at Chuck's Bikeorama when my bike was actually stolen!
[Honks the horn loudly scaring everyone]
Pee-wee: Exhibit D: Jimmy what is this? Too late! Chip!
Chip: It looks like a pen.
Pee-wee: Exactly! I bought this pen exactly one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I DON'T KNOW!
Pee-wee: Go ahead and scream your head off! We're miles from where anyone can hear you!
[At a life-size diorama in the Alamo]
Tina: This is one of my personal favorite parts of the tour. Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife Inez. Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of. She has carefully detailed it with lots of paint and glaze. And Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me? "Adobe".
[Tour group responds, "Adobe."]
Mr. Breakfast: Good morning, Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Good morning, Mr. Breakfast!
Mr. Breakfast: Can I have some Mr. T cereal?
Pee-wee: Okay!
[imitates Mr. T as he prepares his Mr. T cereal]
Pee-wee: I pity the poor fool who don't eat my cereal!
[first lines]
Pee-wee: Look out, Mister Potato Head!
Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?
Pee-wee: Large Marge sent me.
Trucker: Did you say Large Marge?
Pee-wee: She just dropped me off.
Trucker: That's impossible. Large Marge? She's...
Man in Diner: It was ten years ago on a night just like tonight. Why, tonight's the anniversary. Worst accident I ever seen.
Pee-wee: But that means the Large Marge I was riding with was...
All: Her ghost!
Mr. Buxton: [after Pee-wee and Francis wrestle in the bathtub and Pee-wee is trying to open a window] Pee-wee, Pee-wee! What is going on here?
Pee-wee Herman: He's a thief! He stole my bike!
Francis: You liar! I swear I didn't do it, Dad!
Mr. Buxton: Pee-wee, this is a serious accusation. Do you have any proof?
Pee-wee Herman: Well, not exactly.
Mr. Buxton: Pee-wee, the Buxtons are not thieves. Just look at him.
[Francis gives a sad puppy face]
Mr. Buxton: He couldn't have stolen your bike. He hasn't left this house since yesterday. We've been setting up Francis' birthday plans all day.
Pee-wee Herman: Gee, I guess I was wrong. We don't have to involve the authorities in this matter, do we, Mr. Buxton? It was an honest mistake, and I'm very sorry.
Mr. Buxton: Well... I still think you should apologise to Francis, and then I want to see the two of you shake hands.
Pee-wee Herman: I'm sorry, Francis.
[Shakes his hand, and reaches for his trick gum]
Pee-wee Herman: Here, would you care for some gum?
[Francis takes a piece of trick gum]
Pee-wee Herman: Would you like some, Mr. Buxton?
Mr. Buxton: Oh, thank you.
Pee-wee Herman: Spearmint or fruit?
Mr. Buxton: Uh, fruit please.
[Takes a piece of trick gum]
Pee-wee Herman: [leaving] Well... goodbye!
Mr. Buxton: Goodbye.
Francis: You do believe me, don't you, Dad?
[as Francis chews the spearmint trick gum, the saliva in his mouth turns black. Mr Buxton screams as he realizes his own fruit trick gum is spicy]
Kevin Morton: Well, is everything straightened out?
Director: We are ready whenever you are.
Kevin Morton: Doesn't it look like I'm ready?
Kevin Morton: I am ALWAYS ready! I have BEEN ready since first call! I AM READY! Roll!
Director: Quiet, please! This is a take. Roll, please.
Cameraman: Speed!
Kevin Morton: ACTION!
Director: Action!
P.W. Herman: [is handed the desk phone] Yes? Uh-huh. Yes, I understand.
[hangs up]
P.W. Herman: That was the president again. I've got to steal back the X1 before the Soviets find the secret compartment containing the microfilm. The future of the free world is riding on this one.
Simone: [in French] Ah! Pee-Wee! Haha! C'est magnifique! Voici Pierre.
Pierre: Bonsoir.
Pee-wee: Ditto. Here, brought you guys French Fries! Hahaha!
Simone, Pierre: [together] Merci beaucoup, Pee-Wee!
Pee-wee: Merci-bleh-bleh!
Simone: [sees her ex-boyfriend] Andy!
Pee-wee: ANDY?'!

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