Skipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private join forces with undercover organization The North Wind to stop the villainous Dr. Octavius Brine from destroying the world as we know it.

Dave: Charlize, they're on the ray! Helen, hunt them down! William, hurt them! Halle, bury them! Hugh! Jack! Man the battle stations! Kevin! Bake on! We're still going to need that victory cake!
Dave: Nicolas! Cage them!
Private: Hello! Are you my family?
[the three penguins turn, knowing that they're far away from land, and nod to each other before turning back to face Private]
Kowalski: You don't have a family, and we're all going to die. Sorry.
Private: W-What?
[Skipper elbows Kowalski]
Kowalski: What? I thought that was what we were all nodding about.
Skipper: [hits Kowalski] No one's gonna die.
[to Private]
Skipper: You know what you got, kid? You've got us. We've got each other. And if that ain't a family, I don't know what is.
[salutes Private, who salutes back]
Skipper: [tussles Private's head] So adorable.
[to Kowalski]
Skipper: Kowalski, what's our trajectory?
Kowalski: Ninety-five percent certain we're still doomed.
Skipper: And the, uh... other five percent?
Kowalski: Adventure and glory like no penguins have ever seen before.
Skipper: I'll take that action.
Private: Where are going?
Skipper: The future, boys. The glorious future.
Classified: Remain calm, penguins. You're now under the protection of the North Wind.
Skipper: Private, dibble me.
[Private takes a dibble bag out of Rico's body, gives it to Skipper, then he jumps in front of Classified]
Skipper: We're not going anywhere with you.
[munches]
Skipper: We don't even know who the heck you are.
Classified: The North Wind is an elite undercover inter-spe...
[Skipper munches]
Classified: an elite undercover inter-species...
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: task for...
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: force...
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: dedicated to help...
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: to help...
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: dedicated to...
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: dedicated to helping animals who can't
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: help
[Skipper munches again]
Classified: themselves.
[Skipper munches again for the last time, then Classified growls]
Skipper: Debbie!
Kowalski: Dave.
Skipper: Dave!
Corporal: He hacked into our system.
[There's no sound onscreen as Dave speaks]
Eva: Where's the sound?
Kowalski: Dave, your microphone, it's not on.
Classified: Click on the button with the picture of the microphone.
Short Fuse: Every time a villain calls in, this happens.
Dave: Hello?
[the screen goes off]
Dave: Hello?
Kowalski: But, now we can hear you.
Short Fuse: So annoying!
Kowalski: But we cannot see.
Short Fuse: Every time!
Classified: It's like talking to my parents.
Skipper: Follow me, boys! We're going in hot!
Private: [as his butt goes on fire] Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Skipper: No one likes a show off, Private.
[They've arrived in Shanghai]
Kowalski: We've arrived in the center of Dublin, Ireland.
Skipper: We gotta blend in. River dance.
[They start river dancing]
Skipper: Alright, you! Where's Dave?
[repeatedly slaps a baby squid]
Skipper: Give us the goods.
Kowalski: Sir, that's a baby squid.
[the baby squid starts crying, then Skipper puts the baby squid down]
Skipper: Sorry, laddie.
Classified: Short Fuse, you were supposed to handcuff them to the raft!
Short Fuse: I tried, but they don't have hands, they just have flippers, Boss! And I have flippers. So it's flipping useless!
[the Penguins are dressed as German folk musicians]
Skipper: We take this shame to our graves.
Kowalski: Agreed.
[slap dance starts]
Dave: Drew! Barry! More power!
Skipper: You're up, Private.
[Private comes out behind a "Wet Floor" sign, dressed as a mermaid]
Skipper: You just mermaid my day.
Skipper: Leopard seals! Nature's snakes.
Kowalski: Aren't snakes nature's snakes?
Skipper: How should I know? I live on a flippin' frozen tundra!
[the penguins have just blown up an old ship]
Skipper: Kowalski, analysis?
Kowalski: We are really... awesome at this!
Skipper: Boys, we did it! Mission accomplished! Hey, we could do our thing! High one!
[They all high five, until Skipper accidentally hits the egg they saved]
Skipper: Ooh. My bad.
[the penguins all look in awe as the egg is about to hatch]
Skipper: Look! It's the miracle of birth.
Kowalski: A moment of extraordinary beauty.
[Suddenly, Private's egg explodes open, much to the disgust of the three penguins]
Skipper: Daaagh! That's disgusting! I think I have amniotic sac in my mouth!
Kowalski: Sir, how long do we stand here like this?
Skipper: Until we reach maximum coolness.
[Beat]
Skipper: There it is.
Documentary Filmmaker: Antarctica, an inhospitable wasteland, but even here, on the Earth's frozen bottom, we find life. And not just any life: penguins. Joyous, frolicking, waddling, cute and cuddly life. Look at them, tumbling onto their chubby bum bums. Who could take these frisky snow-clowns...
[as the older penguins almost fall on baby Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski, they quickly move out of the way]
Skipper: Seriously? Does anyone even know where we're marching to?
Antarctic Penguin: Who cares?
Antarctic Penguin: I question nothing.
Antarctic Penguin: Me too.
Antarctic Penguin: Me too.
Skipper: Well, fine. We'll just fly to the front of the line and see for ourselves. Kowalski, Rico, engage aerial surveillance.
[they flap their wings but cannot fly]
Kowalski: Skipper, we appears to be flightless.
Skipper: [looks at his wings] Oh, well what's the point of these?
[Rico seems to have an idea. He hits Skipper's wing in some sort of high five]
Skipper: Woah, I like it! Hey, this could be our thing! What're we going to call it? Let's call it the, uh... high one.
Private: Skipper wouldn't care. Plan or no! Fancy equipment or no! He'd never leave a man behind!
Private: So... how do I look?
Kowalski: You're hideously disfigured and will probably be hunted for sport.
Private: What?
[Skipper elbows Kowalski]
Kowalski: What?
Skipper: If there's anything we've learned from this delightful adventure, KOWALSKI, it's that looks don't matter. It's what you do that counts.
[overwhelmed with emotion]
Skipper: And look at what you did.
[the penguins from different countries look at Private, to his delight. Baby penguins pop out from behind parent penguins]
Skipper: Yes, sir. You are the most meaningful and valued member of this team.
[Private salutes Skipper, who salutes back. Kowalski and Rico salute as well. Skipper does Private's salute by crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue. Private did the same and laughs. All the penguins and the North Wind cheer for Private]
Dave: The only thing that has kept me going all these years is my BURNING thirst for revenge...
[Skipper and Kowalski are confused]
Dave: ...and my precious souvenir snow globe collection.
[sees Rico swallowing all of his snow globes]
Dave: [groans] What is WRONG with you?
Rico: [mumbles] I dunno.
Classified: What is that?
[they see numerous painful weapons as they are going to be killed on the ride]
Classified: Oh, great.
Short Fuse: Oh, no! This it it!
Corporal: I don't wanna die, I'm squishy!
[before they are killed by one of the weapons, the ride stops and goes reverse to see Private knocked out the squid controlling the ride]
Classified: OH NO, WE'RE DEAD! DEAD! DEAAAAAAAAAAD!
Private: [to the North Wind team] I pushed a button!
Classified: We are the North Wind, and no one, NO ONE, breaks the Wind.
Dave: [holding a microphone] I'M HAPPY! And yet...
[realizes his revenge succeeded]
Dave: Now, that I have my revenge, I feel... empty. As if, what I needed all along was... MORE REVENGE! In fact, Robin, write this down. Tomorrow, we move on: Kittens, then Puppies, Bunnies, Pandas...
[he sees the Penguins' using his ray, gasping, then is angry]
Dave: [talking to his minions on the microphone] Charlize, they're on the ray!
[he runs and rips off his human disguise]
Dave: Helen, hunt them down! William, hurt them! Halle, bury them! Hugh! Jack! Man the battle stations! Kevin! Bake on! We're still going to need that victory cake!
Skipper: [after waking up from being tranquilized] What did North Wind do to us?
Private: [Turns around and shows the dart stuck in his back] They gave us badges!
Skipper: [Snatches the dart from his own shoulder] No, not badges... Tranquilizer darts!
[Looks around and realizes they're in a plane]
Skipper: Classified. That low-down, dirty dog is trying to kick us off the mission!
Kowalski: He thinks we can't do anything because we're just
[makes quotation marks with his flippers]
Kowalski: "penguins".
Skipper: Well, penguins are our flesh and feathers! They're US! And if anyone's going to save us, it's us.
Kowalski: But sir, we've got to be five miles up. That pretty much limits our options.
Skipper: I MAKE MY OWN OPTIONS.
[Punches the button closest to him, which opens the cargo hatch]
Skipper: Lost visuals. Kowalski! Be my eyes.
Classified: Just tell me everything you know.
Skipper: All right!
[Inaudible word]
Skipper: Never trust a Dutchman in a tulip fight.
Classified: [taking notes] Tulip fight...
Skipper: Canada is secretly training an army of Sasquatch.
Classified: Sasquatch...
Skipper: Hot dogs are, in fact, only 70% actual dog.
Classified: [exasperated] Not everything-everything! Everything regarding your abduction by Dr. Octavius Brine...
Skipper: Aaaah! Why didn't you say so?
[as Dave prepares to use his ray on Private]
Kowalski: You're the monster!
Dave: [angrily] Yes! I'm the monster. Everyone made that clear to me every day in my entire life. But now, let's see how much everyone loves YOU when YOU'RE the monster!
[when Dave breaks in his own ray to get Private]
Private: Hi-ya!
[punches Dave in the face with his butt-hand]
Skipper: [Dave drops from the ceiling in human disguise] Who are you?
Dave: The humans know me as Doctor Octavius Brine, renowned geneticist, cheese enthusiast, and frequent donor to NPR pledge drives... but you know me by a different, much older name. A name perhaps you hoped you'd never hear again. A PHANTOM! A shadow of a former life! I... AM...
[rips off disguise, but wig remains on his head]
Dave: Dave!
Skipper: [Whispers] Kowalski?
Kowalski: [Whispers back] Sorry, sir, no clue.
Dave: [Looks up, sees the wig on his head, and pulls it off] Dave!
Skipper: Dave?
Kowalski: Dave...?
Dave: Dave!
Private: [Smiles] Dave!
Dave: [Annoyed] DA-VUH!
Rico: [Rolls his eyes] Bleh.

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