A man and woman share a telephone line and despise each other, but then he has fun by romancing her with his voice disguised.

Brad Allen: [on the phone pretending to be Rex] Am I gonna see you tonight?
Jan: I'd love to Rex, but I already have a date.
Brad Allen: Who with?
Jan: A client. You don't know him. Jonathan Forbes.
Brad Allen: Of course, you're not the kind of girl who would break a date.
Jan: No I'm not.
Brad Allen: And I ain't the kinda guy who'd ask you to.
Jan: I know you're not.
Brad Allen: I'll pick you up at 8.
Jan: I'll be ready.
Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.
Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.
Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.
Brad Allen: Are you getting out of that bed, or am I coming in after you?
Jan: You wouldn't dare!
Jan: He was a perfect gentleman.
Brad Allen: That's even worse than I thought.
Jan: What do you mean?
Brad Allen: Well there are some men who... hmmm how shall I put it? Well they're very fond of their mothers... They like to share bits of gossip... collect recipes.
Jan: What a vicious thing to say!
Jonathan Forbes: You've been crying for 60 miles.
Brad Allen: I've had hangovers before, but this time, even my hair hurts.
Hotel clerk: There's no phone number, but I have a forwarding address.
Jonathan Forbes: 241 Stoneybrook Road.
Hotel clerk: Why yes sir.
Jonathan Forbes: [slams counter] And you let her go.
Hotel clerk: Well, it wasn't my place...
Jonathan Forbes: No, it's my place, and I helped him pack.
Alma: If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it.
Jan: Mr. Allen, this may come as a surprise to you, but there are some men who don't end every sentence with a proposition.
Jonathan Forbes: In New York, you have air you can sink your teeth into. It has character.
Jonathan Forbes: Well, they didn't hit the moon with the first missile shot either.
Jan: At least my problems can be solved in one bedroom. You couldn't solve yours in a thousand!
Jonathan Forbes: Brad, she is the sweetest, she is the loveliest, she is the most talented woman I have ever met.
Brad Allen: That's what you said when you married that stripper.
Jonathan Forbes: She wasn't a stripper. She was an exotic dancer... with trained doves.
Jan: Officer, arrest this man - he's taking me up to his apartment!
Police Officer: Well, I can't say that I blame him, miss.
Jonathan Forbes: Owww!
Brad Allen: What?
Jonathan Forbes: That chair. It just bit me.
Brad Allen: Why don't you take her over for the rest of the evening?
Jonathan Forbes: Me?
Brad Allen: Yeah! Take her dancing maybe. She's dying to learn how to dance.
Jonathan Forbes: Wait wait. She doesn't know how to dance?
Brad Allen: Well naturally, she doesn't get out of the house very often.
Jonathan Forbes: What do you mean, "naturally"?
Brad Allen: Jonathan, believe me, you and Moose - I mean Miss Taggett will get along...
Jonathan Forbes: "Moose"?
Brad Allen: So what the girl picks up a nickname? You know, how cruel kids can be. Especially, when some is a little different.
Jonathan Forbes: Different? How Different?
Brad Allen: Well... You know
[hesitatingly points to face]
Brad Allen: , just different.
Jonathan Forbes: [Pointing to a fat lady sitting at a table] That couldn't be her, could it?
Brad Allen: How can you tell?
[waves at the lady, who waves back]
Brad Allen: See, she's so friendly. C'mon.
Jonathan Forbes: Oh no! Its your muse. Happy Hunting!
[leaves]
Brad Allen: Yes, indeed.
Jan: Wonder how it would be to have someone to pillow talk with me?
Jan: I'm yours tonight. My darling possess me.
[Trying to convince Alma she loves living alone]
Jan: Well, what am I missing?
Alma: If you have to ask, you're missing it!
Brad Allen: [regarding Thelma Ritter's Alma] The State Department could use her. What a party girl she'd make - in Moscow!
Jan: If you'll excuse me, I better go to the powder moon. I mean room. Fix my lipstick.
Jan: Can you believe that? They sent a woman. That's like sending a marshmallow to put out a bonfire.
[Jan and Brad are on the phone discussing a phone schedule]
Jan: We're just going to have to live with each other...
[Jan pauses, waiting for a response]
Brad Allen: Well?
Jan: I was waiting for you to say some off-color remark.
Brad Allen: Is that all you have on your mind?
Jan: Never mind my mind! You just stick to your half hour and I'll stick to mine!
Jan: Would you please get off this line!
Jonathan Forbes: What a delightful situation! The great Brad Allen, chopped down to size, floating down the river with the rest of us logs.

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