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When aliens misinterpret video feeds of classic arcade games as a declaration of war, they attack the Earth in the form of the video games.
Professor Iwatani: Pac-Man is not bad. You'll see. Sam Brenner: Professor Iwatani, what are you doing? Professor Iwatani: I will talk to him, he's my son. [to Pac-Man] Professor Iwatani: Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you've grown. Ludlow Lamonsoff: That's so sweet, he's so sweet. Professor Iwatani: I know, you're a good boy. [Pac-Man bit his hand into pixels, then he and the genius scream] Professor Iwatani: Somebody kill this stupid bitch!
Sam Brenner: We're the only ones who can do this! I'm kidding, we're all gonna die. I'm just... sorry.
[Donkey Kong appears on top of the platform] Sam Brenner: Donkey Kong. [Donkey Kong rolls a barrel down] President Will Cooper: It's just a barrel. How bad can it hurt? [Donkey Kong throws down a blue barrel to the oil drum that explodes]
Sam Brenner: Pac-Man's a bad guy?
Violet: [as a pixel Smurf dances, she kills it with her pixel blaster, then everyone looks at her] Don't tell anybody I killed a Smurf.
Sam Brenner: We got this, if we don't, the world ends.
Ludlow Lamonsoff: I believe that some alien life-force, has sent real life video games, to attack us. [Scene cuts to Pac-Man attacking the firefighters truck] Sam Brenner: [Thinks for 4 seconds] That makes sense.
Choir Kids: [On TV during the ball. Reciting] New York was in trouble. / Pac Man caused a ruckus / But the Arcaders saved us / 'Cause they're bad mother - [TV broadcast is interrupted]
Eddie Plant: [Talking about Q-Bert] Can I kill it? Sam Brenner: You can't kill Q-Bert! You gotta talk to it, get to know it better. Then kill it!
Eddie Plant: Let's hit it! [a chase begins in their cars as ghosts as Pac-Man moves around the city] Sam Brenner: Pac-Man's faster than I remember. Eddie Plant: Pac-Man's always been faster than the ghost. We're gonna have to outmaneuver. [the chase continues until they got Pac-Man cornered] Ludlow Lamonsoff: We got him! He's got nowhere to go! [Pac-Man moves and eats a power pellet, causing the cars as ghosts to turn deep blue] Sam Brenner: Oh, god, no!
Eddie Plant: At least Martha Stewart would have made me a panini or some shit like that.
Violet: Don't tell anybody that I killed a Smurf!
Q-Bert: [showing his trademark speech bubble with characters depicting cursing] Oh crap!
Sam Brenner: Why didn't you call me then? Ludlow Lamonsoff: Because the CIA has been tapping my phones ever since I found out the Zapruder film has been edited, JFK shot first. Sam Brenner: Ludlow, it is you.
Max Headroom: Well, well, well! Look who's here, Q-Bert the traitor and his cheating friends!
Matty: Classics you mean Halo and Call of Duty? Sam Brenner: No. The real classics. Defender. Pac-man. Astroids. Games you play in an arcade which was a building outside of your house. You would go there with your friends, listen to music, cute girls everywhere. In ancient times, they call it 'socializing'.
Sam Brenner: We have to take the battle to them.
Ludlow Lamonsoff: What am I looking at right now? Are you guys, soldiers or the casts of Magic Mike? Are you gonna fight or dance naked?
Sam Brenner: Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade. Here to nerd out on all your audio and visual needs. Matty: Do you have to say that every time you showed up by the house? Sam Brenner: If I wanna get paid, yes. Matty: Isn't it kind of demeaning? Sam Brenner: Only if someone brings that up. Matty: Ehh. Well, bring it up then. Sam Brenner: Thanks.
Sam Brenner: Is it your birthday? Matty: No. My parents are getting a divorce. Sam Brenner: Oh. So it's like 10 birthdays.
Sam Brenner: I was supposed to have a baby with my ex-wife. And the doctor who was helping us make the baby did help us make the baby but unfortunately I wasn't in the room.
Ludlow Lamonsoff: Look at me, I'm delicious. They'll gobble me up like space dimsum!
Ludlow Lamonsoff: Hi.Ludlow Lamonsoff. We'd actually met before but you will not remember because it was in the back of Brenner's van and I was watching through the window. *sniff* You smell so nice like the book of Genesis.
Violet: [Addressing Sam Brenner] Why are you following me? Sam Brenner: Oh God! Violet: I can't believe they even let you in here. Sam Brenner: Right. President's Assistant Jennifer: Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room. Violet: Yeah. See, they need me in the Situation Room, so have fun doing whatever you're doing. President's Assistant Jennifer: Mr. Brenner. The president is waiting for you in the Oval Office. Sam Brenner: [In a derisive tone of voice] Somebody's more important. [Moonwalks and addresses a member of the presidential detail while looking at Violet] Sam Brenner: Freddie, can you keep the riff-raff outta here?
Sam Brenner: For the record, I'm a great kisser. We're all nerds great kiss, because we are indifferent.
Sam Brenner: I learned a lot of big words at the dorm room drug parties.