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An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who may be surfers.
Johnny Utah: Wars of religion always make me laugh because basically you're fighting over who has the best imaginary friend.
Bohdi: Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.
Johnny Utah: Vaya con Dios.
Ben Harp: You're a real blue flame special, aren't you, son? Young, dumb and full of come, I know. What I don't know is how you got assigned here. Guess we must just have ourselves an asshole shortage, huh? Johnny Utah: [quietly] Not so far.
Bodhi: If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love.
Bodhi: Back off Warchild, seriously.
Diving Instructor: Heads up, Pappas. I want to see you retrieve at least two bricks. Pappas: [puts on blindfold] I've been on the job for over 20 years, and I fail to see what fishing bricks from the bottom of a pool has got to do with bank robbery. And on top of that, they got me babysitting some quarterback punk, named Johnny Unitas or something. Johnny Utah: The shit they pull, huh? Pappas: Yeah! Diving Instructor: Pappas... meet your new partner. Pappas: What? [removes blindfold] Johnny Utah: [waves] Pappas: Pappas. Angelo Pappas. Johnny Utah: Punk. Quarterback Punk.
Ben Harp: Do you think that taxpayers would like it Utah, if they knew that they were paying a federal agent to surf and pick up girls? Johnny Utah: Babes. Ben Harp: I beg your pardon? Johnny Utah: The correct term is Babes, sir.
Pappas: [of Johnny, after the last robbery] Don't ride him in with the black and whites like some punk, let *me* ride him in. Ben Harp: Yeah sure, Angelo, why not? That is why I put you 2 screw-ups to begin with. You deserve each other, don't you? You're just as bad as he is, though you're a little fatter, a little slower and a little more pathetic. For Christ sake, it's like the blind leading the blind with you. Pappas: Harp, I want to tell you something. I was in this bureau when you were still popping zits on your funny face and jerking off with the lingerie section of the sears catalog. Ben Harp: Is that right, Pappas? Pappas: Yes, that's right "Harp", and out of all these years, I have learned something that you still haven't got. Ben Harp: Yeah? Why don't you astonish me, shitface? Pappas: [punches Harp in the face] Respect for my elders.
Bodhi: Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it?
Pappas: Utah! Get me two!
Bodhi: It's basic dog psychology, if you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that's how people get hurt. Roach: Peace, through superior firepower.
Bodhi: Little hand says it's time to rock and roll.
Bodhi: [getting ready for their next robbery] 90 seconds Johnny. That's all I ask for, just 90 seconds of your life Johnny, that's it. This is our tactic, is we strike fear. Once you get them peeing down their leg, they submit. Also about fear, fear causes hesitation, and hesitation, causes your worst fears to come true. [hands Johnny a shot gun] Johnny Utah: I can't do this. Bodhi: Yes you can, who knows, you might like it. Johnny Utah: Bodhi, this is your fucking wake-up call man. I am an F, B, I, Agent! Bodhi: Yeah, I know man. Ain't it wild? That's what makes it so interesting. You can do what you want, and make up your own rules. Why be a servant to the law, when you can be its master? Grommet: Fuckin' a! Nathanial: I love this job.
Johnny Utah: I'm not armed. [lifts up his shirt to Bodhi] Bodhi: But, you're not alone. Johnny Utah: Good guess. There is a guy on you now. [pause] Johnny Utah: Where is Roach? Bodhi: He's around somewhere. Listen Johnny, we're in a kind of a hurry; is there anything you need? Johnny Utah: You gotta tell me where she is. Bodhi: Oh yeah, and let my policy expire. Good idea. Johnny Utah: Look Bodhi, people are dead, the ride is over. Bodhi: Oh, no no no. I say when it's over. Johnny Utah: They will nail you wherever you land. They'll use something new called radar, maybe you've heard of it. Bodhi: What is your... Johnny Utah: Bodhi, I know you man. When they fall on you, you won't back down and they'll have to burn your ass to the ground. Bodhi: Shit happens. Johnny Utah: You got a death wish. You want to ride to glory, fine. But, don't take Tyler with you. I'm begging you. Tell me where she is, and I walk away. Bodhi: You walk away? Johnny Utah: I walk away. Bodhi: That's beautiful Johnny.
Pappas: 22 years. Man, L.A. has changed a lot during that time. The air got dirty and the sex got clean.
Ben Harp: Special agent Utah! This is not some job, flipping burgers at the local drive-in! Yes! - your surf board bothers me! Yes! - your approach to this whole damn case bothers me! And yes! - YOU BOTHER ME! And Pappas! Oh, for the love of Christ. How the hell did I even let you talk me into this whole bone-headed idea to begin with. Pappas: Harp! We are working under-cover. It takes time. We've produced a few... Ben Harp: NO! No no no no no no NO! Let me tell you what you've produced... Over the last two weeks, you two have produced exactly squat! SQUAT! During which time the ex-presidents have robbed two more banks. Now for Christ's sake, does either one of you have anything even remotely interesting to tell me? [brief pause] Johnny Utah: I caught my first tube today... Sir.
Nathanial: You acted like nothing happened. Bodhi: Relax, Nathanial. Nathanial: [shouting] Don't tell me to relax Bodhi! He's a fuckin' federal agent! Roach: I should've shot him when I had a chance. Grommet: I feel like running. Rosie: You do and you die. Bodhi: Did you know that we've hit thirty banks in three years and they weren't able to touch us, and all this does is raise the stakes of the game. Grommet: [nervously shouting] Fuck the stakes Bodhi! The only one that thinks that this is a game is you, man. This is real. This is serious shit, and I am scared. Bodhi: What's the matter with you guys? This was never about the money, this was about us against the system. That system that kills the human spirit. We stand for something. We are here to show those guys that are inching their way on the freeways in their metal coffins that the human sprit is still alive. Don't worry about this guy, okay? I know exactly what to do with him.
Bodhi: [during a skydiving game of chicken with Johnny, both falling with no parachute open] Six seconds. We're going to be meat waffles.
Pappas: Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face.
15: Surfing's the source man... swear to God.
Johnny Utah: [Drops an ex president mask at Bodhis feet] Lose something, brah?
Bodhi: Look at it! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in. I mean, come on man, where I am I gonna go? Cliffs on both sides! I'm not gonna paddle my way to New Zealand! Come on, compadre. Come on!
[Walking Utah through the FBI office] Ben Harp: You know nothing. In fact, you know less than nothing. If you knew that you knew nothing, then that would be something, but you don't.
Roach: [after robbing a bank disguised as Nixon quoting his famous phrase] I am not a crook!
DEA Agent Deets: You think your real cowboys, huh? Batman and Robin, huh! You know what this is? You know what this is, punk? This is two kilos, uncut, crystal meth! Pappas: Awwwww, Shit! Ben Harp: Special agent, Utah! I like you to meet Agent Deets. He *was* working deep cover until... DEA Agent Deets: [Interrupts] You think I like this hair, man! You think I like these clothes? My wife wants me to stay at Ramanda! I've been working on these fuckers for THREE MONTHS! THREE MONTHS! Now I finally got them to play wheel of fortune with me so I could find out who their suppliers is. Then you fuckin' cowboys show up! Pappas: Nice tattoo, Deets! DEA Agent Deets: Oh, you like that Pappas, huh? Fuck you! Pappas: Jesus! DEA Agent Deets: All I wanna know, smart guy! All I wanna know is how these guys could be robbin' Tarzana City National on August 2nd when they were in Fort fuckin' Lauderdale August 2nd? Why don't you figure that out, huh? Ben Harp: That's not an easy thing to do, is it Utah? DEA Agent Deets: [Slams bags of meth into Utah's chest] Fuckin' jerks!
Pappas: Reagan usually does the driving. Stolen switch car. They leave it running... on the curb. It look sparked from the distance. When they run they dump the vehicle and they vanish... like a virgin on prom night. I mean they vanish, swishh...
Pappas: Welcome to Sea World, Kid.
Australian cop at the end of the movie: We'll get him when he comes back in! Johnny Utah: He's not coming back.
Tyler Ann Endicott: Okay, too much testosterone around here for me.
Tyler Ann Endicott: What's this pig board piece of shit?
Pappas: ...last time you had a feeling I had to kill a guy, and I hate that... It looks bad on my report.
Bodhi: That's, ahh... that's a surfboard all right! Looks like a '57 Chevy I used to have.
Johnny Utah: I've been to every city in Mexico. I came across an unclaimed piece of meat in Baja, turned out to be Rosie. I guessed he picked a knife fight with somebody better. Found one of your passports to Sumatra, I missed you by about a week at Fiji. But, I knew you wouldn't miss the fifty year storm, Bodhi.
Pappas: Let me tell you something, Harp. I was in this bureau while you were still popping zits on your funny face and jacking off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalog. But there's something I've learned in all my years... Ben Harp: Why don't you astonish me, shitbrains. Pappas: [Pappas punches Harp] Respect for my elders!
Pappas: I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino, I should have had you get me three of these things!
Bodhi: They only live to get radical.
Johnny Utah: [while night surfing] I gotta be fucking crazy! Bodhi: But are you crazy enough?
[after a long discussion about which parachute Johnny Utah should use] Johnny Utah: You gonna jump or jerk off?
Johnny Utah: Okay. I get it. This is where you tell me that "locals rule", and that Yuppie insects like me shouldn't be surfing the break, right? Bunker Weiss: [smiling] Nope. Surf gang: That would be a waste of time... Lupton "Warchild" Pittman: We're just gonna fuck you up!
Roach: [his feeling about jumping with parachutes] Sex with gods, you can't beat that!
Bodhi: 100% pure adrenaline!
[Angelo Pappas is aiming the gun at a surfer] Pappas: Speak into the microphone, squid brain!
Johnny Utah: [to Bodhi] You crossed the line. People trusted you and they died. You gotta' go down.
Bodhi: You want me so bad, its like acid in your mouth.
Bodhi: I hate this Johnny. I really do. I hate violence. That is why I had Rosie do this, I could never do that man, I could never hold a knife to Tyler's throat, she was my woman. We shared time together. But, Rosie, he's like a machine. He's got this gift of blankness. Once you set him in motion, he will not stop. So, when three o'clock comes, he will gut her like a pig, and try not to get any on his shoes and there is nothing I can do.
Nathanial: Lawyers don't surf. Bodhi: This one does.
Bodhi: I know Johnny. I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth. But, not this time.
Johnny Utah: You're sayin' the FBI's gonna pay me to learn to surf?
Surfer: You're about to jump out a perfectly good airplane Jonny, how do you feel about that?
Bodhi: Goddamn! You are one radical son of a bitch!
Roach: Hey man, I'm cold. Really cold. Bodhi: Here's your jacket. [helps Roach put his jacket on] Bodhi: Johnny, hand me that bag of money. Johnny Utah: [getting the bag] You're cold because all of the blood is running out of your body, Roach. You're gonna be dead soon. I hope it was worth it. Bodhi: Don't listen to him, he's just scared. [helps Roach put his parachute pack on] Roach: What the fuck are you looking at?
[Johnny Utah and Bodhi just beat the hell out of 4 surfers] Bodhi: This is stimulating, but we're out of here.
Bodhi: Yo, Johnny! I see you in the next life!
Johnny Utah: I went to law school - I got a football scholarship!
Johnny Utah: Bohdi! This is your wakeup call I AM AN F... B... I AGENT! Bodhi: I know, isn't it wild!
Johnny Utah: [shouts from the shore] The name's Johnny Utah! Tyler Ann Endicott: [paddling away] Who cares!
Johnny Utah: [analyzing a hair sample] The beaches are always being closed because of waste spills, right? And surfers are territorial, they stick to certain breaks. If we can get some hair samples, and get a match to a certain beach, we'd know which break the Ex-Presidents surf. You buyin' this? Pappas: No. But let's do it anyway; it'll drive Harp crazy.
Roach: [dying] I'll see you in hell, Johnny! [cackles] Roach: [Bodhi shoves Roach out of the plane] Woahh!
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