The alumni of Commandant Lassard's Police Academy (1984) return to the school to train new recruits and prevent its closure.

[Cmndt Lassard drops his fish bowl out of his office window]
Cmndt. Lassard: AHH. MAHONEY.
[Sgt Mahoney catches the Cmdt's fishbowl]
Cmndt. Lassard: Thanks, Mahoney.
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: Your welcome, sir.
Capt. Proctor: Mahoney must think he's as dumb as we are.
Cadet Zed: [passing Sweetchuck's moped on his motorcycle] Nice bike! Where do you put the batteries?
Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry: Excuse me sir, this is a non-smoking area. I'm gonna' have to ask you to distinguish that cigar.
Man with Cigar: Drop dead! I'll put it out when I'm finished.
Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry: You'll put it out now mister!
[Tackleberry fires a crossbow bolt into the cigar]
Cadet Karen Adams: You see this ear, Mahoney? It's a finely tuned crap detector.
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: Oh, and what a lovely ear it is. If I blow in it, will you follow me anywhere?
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: Why beat around the bush, Mauser? Just get down on your knees and kiss his ass.
Cmndt. Mauser: I don't need any tactical advice from *you*, Callahan.
Cadet Zed: Get out of my way!
Sgt. Laverne Hooks: Oops, I've got the wrong keys. I'll be right back.
Cadet Zed: Hey, that's no problem.
[Zed hotwires the police cruiser while Sgt Hooks looks on in horror]
[Capt. Proctor accompanies Cmndt. Mauser as he observes new cadets in a line-up]
Cmndt. Mauser: ...good tall, good strong. And who might you be?
Cadet Nogata: Atochigowa Noagata, of Tochigowa, Nogatas. And is this your lovely wife?
Cmndt. Mauser: Proctor.
Capt. Proctor: Yes sir.
Cmndt. Mauser: What's the story here with Fun Manchu?
Capt. Proctor: Fu Manchu? I don't have a Fu Manchu.
Cmndt. Mauser: I'm talking about the stir-fried shrimp from outta' town.
Capt. Proctor: Oh, he's part of an international exchange programme - here to study our methods.
Cmndt. Mauser: I'm not teaching our cadets how to use a wok.
Capt. Proctor: Nyuuuugh.
Cmndt. Mauser: Ship him off to Lassard's academy, he'll fit in perfectly over there. They could use a good sushi chef. No offense, huh?
Cadet Nogata: Arigatoo, thank you.
Cmndt. Mauser: Kiss my what?
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: You had impressive moves for a cadet.
Cadet Nogata: Thank you. You see, it's a matter of the mind being mightier than the bosom.
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: Interesting theory.
Sgt. Larvelle Jones: [speaking as though he is an actor in a Japanese martial-arts film being overdubbed in English by moving his mouth when not speaking] At this time... I would like to introduce... to all of you... my instructor... the man who taught me... how to fight.
[throws a straight punch, then continues the same way]
Sgt. Larvelle Jones: Please welcome... if you will... Sgt. John Turney.
[after he is given courting lessons from Jones, Nogata visits Callahan at her room, holding a rose]
Cadet Nogata: In my country it is written: only kiss from beautiful woman can compare to a petal of a rose.
[Nogata looks at his notepad]
Cadet Nogata: Babe.
[Callahan grabs Nogata's hand firmly, pulls him into the room, then takes off his dark glasses and her glasses. Nogata stares at Callahan, somewhat scared by her aggressiveness, thinking incorrectly that he made her angry]
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: In America, talk is cheap!
[Callahan grabs Nogata's head, falls backward onto her bed, pulling Nogata on top of her, so his face is buried in her bosom. Callahan is smiling widely]
Cadet Nogata: I love America!

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