The wry, comic romantic tale follows the Owens sisters, Sally and Gillian, as they struggle to use their hereditary gift for practical magic to overcome the obstacles in discovering true love.

Sally Owens: All I want is a normal life.
Aunt Frances Owens: My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage!
Sally Owens: Well, it's what I want.
Sally Owens: [Sally's letter to Gillian] Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.
Sally Owens: Can love really travel back in time and heal a broken heart? Was it our joined hands that finally lifted Maria's curse? I'd like to think so. But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can.
Young Sally Owens: He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.
Young Gillian Owens: What are you doing?
Young Sally Owens: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air. He'll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye and one blue.
Young Gillian Owens: Thought you never wanted to fall in love.
Young Sally Owens: That's the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn't exist. And if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart.
Gillian Owens: You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast?
Antonia Owens: She does it all the time.
Gillian Owens: She does? Well, that's what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall.
Children: Witch! Witch! You're a bitch! Witch! Witch! You're a bitch!
Sally Owens: You'd think after three hundred years they'd come up with a better rhyme!
Sally Owens: And I don't want them dancing naked under the full moon!
Aunt Jet Owens: No, of course. The nudity is entirely optional. As you well remember!
Sally Owens: Louis L'amour, who, by the way, was not a foreigner! He was from North Dakota, you asshole!
Gary Hallet: Curses only have power when you believe them. And I don't.
[walks away, pauses then turns to Sally]
Gary Hallet: You know what? I wished for you too.
Sally Owens: I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.
Aunt Jet Owens: And this is what comes from dabbling; I mean you can't practice witchcraft while you look down your nose at it.
Sally Owens: [cuts her hand] My Blood.
[cuts Gillian's hand]
Sally Owens: Your Blood.
[smacks their hands together]
Sally Owens: *Our* Blood.
Frances Owens: She heard the beetle ticking for your father's death all day long. She knew that when you hear the sound of the deathwatch beetle the man you love is doomed to die.
Gary Hallet: What was that, Sally? That was him, wasn't it? Is he gone or what?
Sally Owens: Yes, you killed his spirit, but I know I took his life. I'll tell you all need to know. I'll tell you how I did it, where I buried him, what I did it with. I'll tell you how...
Gary Hallet: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on just a goddamn second, all right? One step at a time. I took on oath to uphold the law. I came here to bring in the bad guy because generally that's what I do. You asked me how many times I read your letter. I must've read it about a thousand times. I know now, it was your letter anything else that brought me here. It was you. And I'm all mixed-up about that.
Young Gillian Owens: [about the Owen's ancestor, Maria] Is that why they wanted to hang her? Because she was a witch?
Aunt Frances Owens: The fact that she was a bit of a heartbreaker didn't help. Nor did it help that most of her lovers had wives on the hanging committee.
Sally Owens: I feel like I'm never going to see you again.
Gillian Owens: Of course you're going to see me again! We'll grow old together. It's going to be you and me living in a big house... these two old biddies with all these cats. I bet we even die on the same day.
Sally Owens: Dear Gillian, Today is our third anniversary and all I have to show for it are two beautiful little girls and a husband I just can't stop kissing. I don't even mind the beard. But I wish you could see us. No more stones being thrown, no taunts cried out. Everything is just so blissfully normal. Life is perfect.
Gary Hallet: Did you or your sister kill James Angelov?
Sally Owens: Yeah, a couple of times.
[making margaritas]
Aunt Frances Owens: Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog.
Aunt Jet Owens: Adder's fork and blindworm's sting...
Aunt Frances Owens: Barbados lime is just the thing.
Aunt Jet Owens: Cragged salt like a sailor's stubble!
Aunt Frances Owens: Flip the switch and let the cauldron bubble!
Kylie Owens: Mom, I'm worried about Antonia. Did you know that she put on her mouse ears and drives around town, all liquored up, NAKED?
Gillian Owens: Hang onto your husbands, girls!
Aunt Jet Owens: There's a little witch in all of us.
Sally Owens: Since when is being a slut a crime in this family?
Gary Hallet: So what kind of, uh... craft do you do?
Sally Owens: I manufacture bath oils and soaps... hand lotions... shampoo. And the Aunts, um... they like to meddle in people's love lives.
[first lines]
Aunt Frances Owens: For more than 200 years we Owens women have been blamed by everything that's ever gone wrong in this town.
Gary Hallet: I got people telling me that you're up here cooking up placenta bars, that you're into devil worship...
Sally Owens: [cuts him off] No. No, there's no devil in the craft.
Aunt Jet Owens: Be careful what you wish for.
Aunt Jet Owens, Aunt Frances Owens: [singing] Someone left it on the porch
Aunt Frances Owens: [to young Sally and Gillian] That's how you came to live with us. We tucked you into our lives then. We've raised you the best way we know how.
Aunt Jet Owens: In this house we have chocolate cake for breakfast. We never bother with silly things like bedtimes or brushing our teeth.
Aunt Frances Owens: But with the sweets comes the sour...
Aunt Jet Owens: So when you find yourself the center of attention... It's not that they hate you. It's that, well... We're different.
Gillian Owens: [possessed by Jimmy Angelov's spirit; crying] He wants me... just me. Everyone will be all right. Let him take me...
Sally Owens: Don't die on me, Gillian Owens, please. 'Cause - we're supposed to die together, remember? The same time. You promised me that. And this is not that day.
[after they make a binder ring snap on a mother's finger]
Sally Owens: [to Gillian] Don't do that.
Gillian Owens: It wasn't me, it was you!
[Both giggling]
Mother: Oh I am so please to report this, and the top of the phone tree list is... wait a minute, it's Sally Owens.
[confused; flips through phone tree and finds Sally's name at the top of each list]
Gillian Owens: Wooo! Go, Sal!
[aside to Sally]
Gillian Owens: Now that was me!
Sally Owens: [after Michael's death; brings the spell book out] You brought him into my life and now I want you to bring him back. Bring him back! I have never asked you for anything. I've never asked you for spells but do this. I know you can bring him back.
Aunt Jet Owens: No, dear. We won't do that.
Aunt Frances Owens: We don't do that.
Sally Owens: But you can. You can do this. I know you can. I remember. I found it here when mommy and daddy died.
Aunt Frances Owens: Even if we did bring him back, it wouldn't be Michael. It would be something else. Something dark and unnatural.
Sally Owens: [Starts crying] I don't care what he comes back as. As long he comes back. Please do this for me. Please? Please? Please? Please?
Sally Owens: [about Gillian] This is insane. She keeps going through all these guys.
Aunt Frances Owens: Hopefully, someday she'll find a guy who'll go through her.
Gary Hallet: You're saying what I'm feeling is just one of your spells?
Sally Owens: Yeah. It's not real. And if you stay, I wouldn't know if it was because of the spell and... you wouldn't know if it was because I didn't want to go to prison.
Gary Hallet: Yeah, well... you know, all relationships have problems.
Gary Hallet: Strange town. Never spent this much on shampoo before, in my life.
[all drunk]
Gillian Owens: You southern shrew!
Aunt Jet Owens: Ingrate!
Aunt Frances Owens: Goodie two shoes!
Sally Owens: WITCH!
Gillian Owens: [to Sally, after they've killed Jimmy Angelov, resurrected him, and killed him again] I know this sounds really stupid, and everything, right now, but I just, I just really wanted to say, um... Thank you. Thanks for being my sister.
Sally Owens: [Looks at Gary's eyes in the middle of kissing him] One green eye, one blue... no, I can't. I have to go.
[Leaves in haste]
Gary Hallet: [Confused] I was born with them!
Aunt Jet Owens: Gillian, Sally. The only curse in this family is sitting there at the end of the table. Your Aunt Fanny.
Old Man Wilkes: [Getting interviews by Officer Hallet about the Owens] Go arrest her! Their niece owns a shop where they cook up a special placenta. And that's why the Aunts don't age! I tell you, they just don't age!
Gary Hallet: [Doubtful] She's selling placentas?
Old Man Wilkes: [With gleeful conviction] A placenta bar!
Gillian Owens: [possessed by Jimmy] Yee-haw. I'm feeling very into sisters right now.
Sally Owens: You should know she has the worst taste in men.
Sally Owens: [to Gillian] Well, you do.
Linda Bennett: Ladies... let's clean HOUSE!
Sally Owens: What would you do, Gilly?
Gillian Owens: What wouldn't I do... for the right guy?
Aunt Frances Owens: [about the hanging of Maria; the Owen's ancestor] They feared her because she had a gift, a power that has been passed on to you children. She had the gift of magic. And it was this very gift that saved her life. She was banished to this very island. With her unborn child growing inside her belly. She waited for her lover to rescue her. But he never came. No one came. In a moment of despair, she cast a spell upon herself that she would never again feel the agony of love. But as her bitterness grew the spell turned into a curse. A curse on any man who dared love an Owens woman.
Jimmy Angelov: I was just thinking about you.
Gillian Owens: You're always thinking about me.
Sally Owens: We were going to open a botanical shop. Where Mike would get all the ingredients and I'd make the stuff. He really loved my mint-oatmeal shaving cream. He couldn't stop eating it.
Sally Owens: [to Gary] The reason you're here and you don't know why is because I sent for you.
Aunt Jet Owens: You see that couple here? Well, he's having an affair with the babysitter and she can eat a pound cake in under a minute.
Sally Owens: It was the curse, wasn't it? He died because I loved him so much.
Carla: But Sally never gets picked cause everyone knows she's a w...
[pauses after Linda give her a look]
Carla: different!
Gillian Owens: [Before performing the resurrection spell] Okay, Jimmy, I will get you out of this but when I do, we are *definitely* breaking up.
Gillian Owens: Please, God, if you get us out of this, I'll be good. I'll have babies!
Sally Owens: I have babies, Gillian. I had normal. And I worked really hard to get that normal.
Aunt Frances Owens: Oh come on, Jetty, even you have to admit that any man who gets involved with an Owens woman is bound to end up 6 feet under.
Aunt Jet Owens: Spare me.
Aunt Frances Owens: What about my poor Ethan?
Aunt Jet Owens: It was an accident.
Aunt Frances Owens: It was fate.
Aunt Jet Owens: [More forcefully] It was an accident.
Aunt Frances Owens: [Also more forceful] No, no, no, it was fate.
Aunt Jet Owens: [yelling] Accident!
Aunt Frances Owens: [also yelling] It was fate!
Sally Owens, Gillian Owens: [Reciting a spell to resurrect Jimmy] Black as night, erase death from our sight. White as light, Mighty Hectate make it right.
Gillian Owens: [about Jimmy Angelov] And he's strong. So much stronger than me. He can survive the curse.
Gary Hallet: Where is James Angelov?
Sally Owens: [matter-of-fact] I think he's in the spirit world.
Gary Hallet: You think he's dead?
Sally Owens: No, I think he's haunting us.
Gary Hallet: [about the herb Belladonna] Some people also use it as a poison.
Sally Owens: Which people?
Gary Hallet: Witch people.
Sally Owens: Ah-ha.
Gary Hallet: Witches.
Sally Owens: I guess you found me out, huh? Yeah.
Gary Hallet: Yes, I did
Sally Owens: [Tone hardens] You should come round here on Halloween. You'd really see something then.
Gillian Owens: [Angrily] Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're always right, Sally. Oh, I'm just a mess. Just one big mess! Well, at least I've lived my life. And you hate me for that because... because it scares the hell out of you.
Sally Owens: Gillian, I don't hate you.
Sally Owens: [Still angry] Look at you! You spend all your energy just trying to fit in, be normal! But you're never gonna fit in, Sal, because we're different!
Sally Owens: [to Gillian, while burying Jimmy] You have... the worst taste... in men.
Sally Owens: [When Gillian interrupts her parents meeting at school] All that's missing now is me naked without my homework .
Gillian Owens: We've been driving for 2 weeks straight. I mean, not even straight. In these zigzags, back and forth.
Carla: Witch, yeah. Evil, no. I mean, you get your psychos now and then - you know, animal slaughter, ritual human disembowelment, but that's really not her. You see, it's a Pagan label, but Sally - she's definitely not into that stuff.
Aunt Frances Owens: [about Jimmy] We have to banish him.
Aunt Jet Owens: We have to force his spirit back into the grave.
Aunt Frances Owens: We need a full coven.
Aunt Jet Owens: Nine women. Twelve's better.
Aunt Frances Owens: [to Sally] Do you have any friends?
Sally Owens: [Cut to the Kitchen, Sally on the phone] Linda! Hi, it's Sally. I'm activating the phone tree. Look, uh, you know the - the stuff that everyone's always whispering about me... the hexes, the spells, the...? Well, here's the thing. Uh... I'm witch!
Antonia Owens: [Answering the door] You came for breakfast! We're having pancakes!
Gary Hallet: No, actually, I just came here to talk to your mom.
Antonia Owens: Great! She's having pancakes, too. Come in, come in!
Sally Owens: You really should stop smoking so much.
Gillian Owens: Why? I'll probably get life. I should smoke two at once. It'll shorten the sentence.
Gillian Owens: [about Officer Hallet] Is he cute?
Sally Owens: Yeah, he's... nice... in a very penal code sort of way, yeah.
Pharmacist: [Reading] If any man dared take on an Owens woman, he'd live briefly in the euphoria of her love... until meeting an untimely death.
Gary Hallet: [Dubious] The curse?
Sara: [to Officer Hallet] I don't know about the Bulgarian, but I would not be surprised if he turned up in a ditch somewhere.
Patty: Sara, that is not true! She's not saying they murdered him, just that maybe they shook his hand, and then... he died. It's very mysterious.
Ice Cream Boy: [about the Owen's] On Hallowe'en they all jump off the roof and fly!
Gillian Owens: [Fearfully] Blood on the moon!
Gillian Owens: [to Officer Hallet, slightly menacing in tone] If a man hits me, he only does it once.
Aunt Frances Owens: We Owens women have always created a stir.
Sally Owens: [Annoyed] Gillian, if you're going to work here, maybe you could... I dunno... Work?
Gillian Owens: I am. I'm testing the merchandise.
Sally Owens: [Performing a spell] Okay! I need for you to get me something white to write on top of the star. Chop-chop!
Gillian Owens: [Grabs a can of whip cream] This is all I could find.
Gillian Owens: I love you.
Sally Owens: I love you too, Gilly Bean.
Aunt Jet Owens: Oh, dear. It seems we've not arrived in the nick of time.
Aunt Frances Owens: Well. I see our instincts are getting a little rusty.
Young Sally Owens: What about my homework?
Aunt Jet Owens: Oh, pish! Tosh! You're both going to learn things in this house that you will never learn in school.
Patty: [after performing a spell to remove Jimmy's spirit from Gillian] I wonder if that would work on my ex-husband?
Sally Owens: [to Gary] Your badge - it's just a star, just another symbol. Your talisman. It can't stop criminals in their tracks, can it? It has power because you believe it does. Wish you could believe in me.
Sally Owens: [to Gillian, about Jimmy] So you're drugging your boyfriend to get a little shut-eye? Doesn't that seem a little strange to you?
Sally Owens: I want you both to watch what you say to those girls. I don't you filling their heads with any of your nonsense, okay?
Aunt Jet Owens: We'd never tell them nonsense, dear.

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