Quiz Show Quotes
A young lawyer Jim Goodwin investigates a potentially fixed game show. Charlie Van Doren, a big time show winner is under Goodwin's investigation.
Charles Van Doren: They gave me the answers.
Mark Van Doren: They gave you the answers... they gave YOU the answers?
Charles Van Doren: Well, no... no, at first they'd ask me questions they already knew I knew the answers to. We ran through those, and I really didn't want them to give me the answers, so they gave me the questions and I'd look up the answers on my own, as if that were any different. Well, we ran through those in a couple of weeks and I just didn't have the time, finally, and it just seemed silly, so...
Mark Van Doren: They gave you all that money to answer questions they knew you knew... now, that's inflation!
Charles Van Doren: You're not being very helpful!
Mark Van Doren: They gave you the answers... they gave YOU the answers?
Charles Van Doren: Well, no... no, at first they'd ask me questions they already knew I knew the answers to. We ran through those, and I really didn't want them to give me the answers, so they gave me the questions and I'd look up the answers on my own, as if that were any different. Well, we ran through those in a couple of weeks and I just didn't have the time, finally, and it just seemed silly, so...
Mark Van Doren: They gave you all that money to answer questions they knew you knew... now, that's inflation!
Charles Van Doren: You're not being very helpful!
Mark Van Doren: I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm an old man, it's all a little difficult for me to comprehend!
Charles Van Doren: It's television, Dad. It's... it's just... just television...
Mark Van Doren: You make it sound like you didn't have a choice!
Charles Van Doren: What was I supposed to do at that point, disillusion the whole goddamn country?
Mark Van Doren: Charlie, you took the money!
Charles Van Doren: Yes, yes, I took the money!
Mark Van Doren: Is that what this was about?
Charles Van Doren: No... no, um, I don't know...
Mark Van Doren: It was a goddamn quiz show, Charlie.
Charles Van Doren: An ill-favored thing, sir...
Mark Van Doren: This is not the time to play games!
Charles Van Doren: At mine own, it was mine!
Mark Van Doren: Your name is mine!
Charles Van Doren: It's television, Dad. It's... it's just... just television...
Mark Van Doren: You make it sound like you didn't have a choice!
Charles Van Doren: What was I supposed to do at that point, disillusion the whole goddamn country?
Mark Van Doren: Charlie, you took the money!
Charles Van Doren: Yes, yes, I took the money!
Mark Van Doren: Is that what this was about?
Charles Van Doren: No... no, um, I don't know...
Mark Van Doren: It was a goddamn quiz show, Charlie.
Charles Van Doren: An ill-favored thing, sir...
Mark Van Doren: This is not the time to play games!
Charles Van Doren: At mine own, it was mine!
Mark Van Doren: Your name is mine!
Toby Stempel: I know what you're gonna accomplish, I just don't know what he's gonna accomplish.
Herbie Stemple: You want to know what? If I do nothing else I will convince them that Herbert Stemple knows what won the God-damned Academy Award for best God-damned picture of 1955; that's what I'm gonna accomplish.
Herbie Stemple: You want to know what? If I do nothing else I will convince them that Herbert Stemple knows what won the God-damned Academy Award for best God-damned picture of 1955; that's what I'm gonna accomplish.
Dick Goodwin: Hey, you don't have to be a genius to connect the dots.
Charles Van Doren: Well, don't connect them through me.
Dick Goodwin: Hey, don't treat me like some member of your goddamn fan club. Are you telling me everybody got the answers but you?
Charles Van Doren: You're so persistent, Dick. You know, I really envy that.
Dick Goodwin: Was it just the money, Charlie?
Charles Van Doren: You'll forgive me, but anyone who thinks money is ever "just money" couldn't have much of it.
Dick Goodwin: Charlie, you wanna insult me, fine, but you can't envy me at the same time.
Charles Van Doren: Well, don't connect them through me.
Dick Goodwin: Hey, don't treat me like some member of your goddamn fan club. Are you telling me everybody got the answers but you?
Charles Van Doren: You're so persistent, Dick. You know, I really envy that.
Dick Goodwin: Was it just the money, Charlie?
Charles Van Doren: You'll forgive me, but anyone who thinks money is ever "just money" couldn't have much of it.
Dick Goodwin: Charlie, you wanna insult me, fine, but you can't envy me at the same time.
Mark Van Doren: [reciting poetry at his birthday party] Now see summer bloom upon this lee, three score rings around this tree, once green, now bare, once lush, now sere, consoled only that I am planted here...
John Van Doren: You certainly are!
Mark Van Doren: Roots thick...
Thomas Merton, The Monk: And bold...
Mark Van Doren: And deep...
John Van Doren: And doddering...
Mark Van Doren: Assuage my woes...
Bunny Wilson: And termites nibbling at my toes!
Mark Van Doren: Et tu, Bunny!
John Van Doren: You certainly are!
Mark Van Doren: Roots thick...
Thomas Merton, The Monk: And bold...
Mark Van Doren: And deep...
John Van Doren: And doddering...
Mark Van Doren: Assuage my woes...
Bunny Wilson: And termites nibbling at my toes!
Mark Van Doren: Et tu, Bunny!
Mark Van Doren: What these books have conclusively proven is that the diffence between men and women is exactly 38 pages.
Man 1: Can I quote you, Mark?
Mark Van Doren: Not before I quote me.
Dorothy Van Doren: His own quotes are his greatest pleasure.
Man 2: Did you hear the market dropped 30 points today. There's a rumor Eisenhower died.
Dorothy Van Doren: How could they tell?
Mark Van Doren: Oh, please. Don't get Dorothy started on politics. There'll be a raid.
Man 1: Can I quote you, Mark?
Mark Van Doren: Not before I quote me.
Dorothy Van Doren: His own quotes are his greatest pleasure.
Man 2: Did you hear the market dropped 30 points today. There's a rumor Eisenhower died.
Dorothy Van Doren: How could they tell?
Mark Van Doren: Oh, please. Don't get Dorothy started on politics. There'll be a raid.
Jack Barry: Eleven points will bring you to 21 and you will be our new champion! Because of a disagreement with his commanding general, Ulysses S. Grant was virtually placed under arrest for a brief time early in 1862. Who was the commanding general of the Union army at that time? Tough question.
Charles Van Doren: Just so oddly familiar.
Charles Van Doren: Just so oddly familiar.
Charles Van Doren: Last week alone, I had 11 proposals of marriage!
Mark Van Doren: Perhaps you should accept one of them.
Dorothy Van Doren: [to Mark] And to think, they unleash you on those impressionable young minds.
Mark Van Doren: Well, why not? He's 33 years old, Jesus Christ had a girlfriend at 33 years old.
Dorothy Van Doren: Look how that turned out.
Thomas Merton, The Monk: And, he shared an office with His Father!
Mark Van Doren: Perhaps you should accept one of them.
Dorothy Van Doren: [to Mark] And to think, they unleash you on those impressionable young minds.
Mark Van Doren: Well, why not? He's 33 years old, Jesus Christ had a girlfriend at 33 years old.
Dorothy Van Doren: Look how that turned out.
Thomas Merton, The Monk: And, he shared an office with His Father!
Dick Goodwin: [Dick Goodwin questions Dan Enright about evidence of Twenty One being fixed] Dan, I have it on the kinescope, it's clear as day. The man literally did a double-take.
Enright: [laughing] He did a double-take? And who told you this? Is this Herb again? Or is this the Greenwich Village Beatnik?
Dick Goodwin: That's interesting, why is he a beatnik? Because he's not Charlie Van Doren?
Enright: Yeah, you're damn right he's not Charlie Van Doren. You know, you got these crackpots coming out of the woodwork, you're snooping around asking questions. You don't have a shred of concrete evidence.
Dick Goodwin: Dan, let me tell you something. In this envelope are all the questions that James Snodgrass was asked on Twenty One. The odd thing about this envelope is that he appeared on the show January 13th, if you recall. Yet, he somehow mailed this to himself on January 11th via registered mail. I'd say that's pretty goddamn concrete, wouldn't you?
Enright: [laughing] He did a double-take? And who told you this? Is this Herb again? Or is this the Greenwich Village Beatnik?
Dick Goodwin: That's interesting, why is he a beatnik? Because he's not Charlie Van Doren?
Enright: Yeah, you're damn right he's not Charlie Van Doren. You know, you got these crackpots coming out of the woodwork, you're snooping around asking questions. You don't have a shred of concrete evidence.
Dick Goodwin: Dan, let me tell you something. In this envelope are all the questions that James Snodgrass was asked on Twenty One. The odd thing about this envelope is that he appeared on the show January 13th, if you recall. Yet, he somehow mailed this to himself on January 11th via registered mail. I'd say that's pretty goddamn concrete, wouldn't you?
Cornwall Cousins: Charles, is Jack Barry single?
Charles Van Doren: I think so.
Cornwall Cousins: My roommate has a huge crush on him, she wants you to introduce her.
Cornwall Cousins: What's Dave Garroway like?
Charles Van Doren: Cheap.
Cornwall Aunt: 'Cheat'?
Mark Van Doren: Wasn't I talking?
Bunny Wilson: You were, just talking, and talking, and talking...
Cornwall Cousins: Charlie's famous, like Elvis Presley!
Mark Van Doren: And like Leopold of Belgium, usurped by his son before his time!
Charles Van Doren: Oh, that makes me King Baudouin!
Mark Van Doren: Next birthday, you all get a dirty limerick.
Thomas Merton, The Monk: I certainly hope so!
Charles Van Doren: I think so.
Cornwall Cousins: My roommate has a huge crush on him, she wants you to introduce her.
Cornwall Cousins: What's Dave Garroway like?
Charles Van Doren: Cheap.
Cornwall Aunt: 'Cheat'?
Mark Van Doren: Wasn't I talking?
Bunny Wilson: You were, just talking, and talking, and talking...
Cornwall Cousins: Charlie's famous, like Elvis Presley!
Mark Van Doren: And like Leopold of Belgium, usurped by his son before his time!
Charles Van Doren: Oh, that makes me King Baudouin!
Mark Van Doren: Next birthday, you all get a dirty limerick.
Thomas Merton, The Monk: I certainly hope so!
Announcer: Geritol. America's #1 tonic. Geritol, the fast-acting, high-potentcy tonic, that helps you feel... stronger... fast... presents the exciting quiz program..."Twenty-One." Brought to you by NBC, The National Broadcasting Company, broadcasting nationally coast to coast, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St. Petersburg... via a vast network of affiliates crisscrossing the country. Coming up next, "Twenty-One," starring master of ceremonies Jack Barry!
[music cues build dramatically]
Announcer: Two players racing to score 21 points... each in a soundproof television studio, not knowing the other one's score... with $500 riding on each point... as they both play..."Twenty-One!"
[lively theme music plays]
Announcer: And here's your host... Jack Barry!
[the audience applauds as Jack runs on to the stage and stands behind his podium]
Jack Barry: [looking at us] Good evening. I'm Jack Barry. Due to a series of ties, Herbert Stempel, our 29-year-old ex-G.I. college student, must play at $3,000 a point, which means that in a few brief minutes, he can either win as much as $100,000 - the most money won on television to date - or lose everything he's won in the last eight weeks.
[as Jack continues to speak, Herbert and his opponent wait to be introduced]
Stempel's opponent: You nervous?
Herbie Stemple: [chuckles as he clean's his glasses] It's only money.
Jack Barry: Isolated in their soundproof studios, neither player is aware of the other's score. I've been assured by our friends at the encyclopedia... that they've concocted some real brain-breakers this week, so we'll find out in the next 30 minutes... if the unstumpable Herbert Stempel can be stumped. Could I have the questions, please?
[a drumroll plays as the questions are handed to Jack by a stagehand]
Jack Barry: Thank you, gentlemen. Remember the questions on "Twenty-One" are secured each week in a Manhattan bank vault 'til just before show time. So right now, let's meet Herbert Stempel and his challenger as Geritol, America's #1 tonic, presents "Twenty-One."
[a fanfare plays and the audience applauds as Herbert and his opponent make their entrances]
[music cues build dramatically]
Announcer: Two players racing to score 21 points... each in a soundproof television studio, not knowing the other one's score... with $500 riding on each point... as they both play..."Twenty-One!"
[lively theme music plays]
Announcer: And here's your host... Jack Barry!
[the audience applauds as Jack runs on to the stage and stands behind his podium]
Jack Barry: [looking at us] Good evening. I'm Jack Barry. Due to a series of ties, Herbert Stempel, our 29-year-old ex-G.I. college student, must play at $3,000 a point, which means that in a few brief minutes, he can either win as much as $100,000 - the most money won on television to date - or lose everything he's won in the last eight weeks.
[as Jack continues to speak, Herbert and his opponent wait to be introduced]
Stempel's opponent: You nervous?
Herbie Stemple: [chuckles as he clean's his glasses] It's only money.
Jack Barry: Isolated in their soundproof studios, neither player is aware of the other's score. I've been assured by our friends at the encyclopedia... that they've concocted some real brain-breakers this week, so we'll find out in the next 30 minutes... if the unstumpable Herbert Stempel can be stumped. Could I have the questions, please?
[a drumroll plays as the questions are handed to Jack by a stagehand]
Jack Barry: Thank you, gentlemen. Remember the questions on "Twenty-One" are secured each week in a Manhattan bank vault 'til just before show time. So right now, let's meet Herbert Stempel and his challenger as Geritol, America's #1 tonic, presents "Twenty-One."
[a fanfare plays and the audience applauds as Herbert and his opponent make their entrances]
Mark Van Doren: Why don't you just put it in the bank Charlie? That's what I've always done with my prize money.
Charles Van Doren: It's just, you don't understand dad, it's, there are all sorts of tax implications
Mark Van Doren: You Think I can't understand the concept of taxes.
Charles Van Doren: At this level it's a bit more complicated.
Mark Van Doren: And at my level? I never thought of myself as having a level. What level might that be?
Charles Van Doren: It's just, you don't understand dad, it's, there are all sorts of tax implications
Mark Van Doren: You Think I can't understand the concept of taxes.
Charles Van Doren: At this level it's a bit more complicated.
Mark Van Doren: And at my level? I never thought of myself as having a level. What level might that be?
