Rain Man Quotes
Selfish yuppie Charlie Babbitt's father left a fortune to his savant brother Raymond and a pittance to Charlie; they travel cross-country.
Charlie: Who took this picture?
Raymond: D-A-D.
Charlie: And you lived with us?
Raymond: Yeah, 10962 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Charlie: When did you leave?
Raymond: January 12, 1965. Very snowy that day. 7.2 inches of snow that day.
Charlie: Just after Mom died.
Raymond: Yeah Mom died January 5, 1965.
Charlie: You remember that day. Was I there? Where was I?
Raymond: You were in the window. You waved to me, "Bye bye Rain Man", "Bye bye."
Raymond: D-A-D.
Charlie: And you lived with us?
Raymond: Yeah, 10962 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Charlie: When did you leave?
Raymond: January 12, 1965. Very snowy that day. 7.2 inches of snow that day.
Charlie: Just after Mom died.
Raymond: Yeah Mom died January 5, 1965.
Charlie: You remember that day. Was I there? Where was I?
Raymond: You were in the window. You waved to me, "Bye bye Rain Man", "Bye bye."
Charlie: Listen... Ray, I don't know if I'm gonna have a chance to talk to you again. Because you see, these... Dr. Bruner really likes you a lot, and he's probably gonna take you back. You know?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: What I said about being on the road with you I meant. Connecting. I like having you for my brother.
Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: [smiling] Yes, you are. I like having you for my big brother.
Raymond: C-H-A-R-L-I-E. C-H-A-R-L-I-E. Main man.
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: What I said about being on the road with you I meant. Connecting. I like having you for my brother.
Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: [smiling] Yes, you are. I like having you for my big brother.
Raymond: C-H-A-R-L-I-E. C-H-A-R-L-I-E. Main man.
Doctor: Ray, can we try something?
Raymond: Yeah.
Doctor: Do you know how much 312 x 123 is?
Raymond: [saying digit after digit] 3-8-3-7-6.
Doctor: [amazed] He's right.
Charlie: What?
Doctor: He's right!
Charlie: He's right?
Doctor: Yeah.
[the calculator shows 38376]
Doctor: Ray... How much is 4343 x 1234?
Raymond: [saying digit after digit] 5-3-5-9-2-6-2
Charlie: He's a genius...
Doctor: Right.
Charlie: He's a genius!
Doctor: Ray! Do you know how much a square root of 2130 is?
Raymond: 4-6 point 1-5-1-9-2-3-0-4.
[the calculator shows 46.15192304]
Raymond: 2-3-0-4.
Charlie: That's amazing! He is amazing! He should work for NASA or something like that.
Doctor: [walking to Raymond] If you had a dollar... and you spent 50 cents, how much money would you have left?
Raymond: About 70...
Doctor: 70 cents?
Raymond: 70 cents.
Raymond: Yeah.
Doctor: Do you know how much 312 x 123 is?
Raymond: [saying digit after digit] 3-8-3-7-6.
Doctor: [amazed] He's right.
Charlie: What?
Doctor: He's right!
Charlie: He's right?
Doctor: Yeah.
[the calculator shows 38376]
Doctor: Ray... How much is 4343 x 1234?
Raymond: [saying digit after digit] 5-3-5-9-2-6-2
Charlie: He's a genius...
Doctor: Right.
Charlie: He's a genius!
Doctor: Ray! Do you know how much a square root of 2130 is?
Raymond: 4-6 point 1-5-1-9-2-3-0-4.
[the calculator shows 46.15192304]
Raymond: 2-3-0-4.
Charlie: That's amazing! He is amazing! He should work for NASA or something like that.
Doctor: [walking to Raymond] If you had a dollar... and you spent 50 cents, how much money would you have left?
Raymond: About 70...
Doctor: 70 cents?
Raymond: 70 cents.
[In a telephone booth with the door closed]
Raymond: Uh oh fart. Uh oh fart.
Charlie: Did you fart, Ray? Did you fucking fart?
Raymond: Fart.
Charlie: [Trying unsuccessfully to open the door] How can you stand that?
Raymond: I don't mind it.
Charlie: How can you stand it?
Raymond: Ten minutes to Wapner. We're definitely locked in this box with no TV.
Raymond: Uh oh fart. Uh oh fart.
Charlie: Did you fart, Ray? Did you fucking fart?
Raymond: Fart.
Charlie: [Trying unsuccessfully to open the door] How can you stand that?
Raymond: I don't mind it.
Charlie: How can you stand it?
Raymond: Ten minutes to Wapner. We're definitely locked in this box with no TV.
John Mooney: Are you disappointed?
Charlie: Disappointed? Why should I be disappointed? I got rose bushes didn't I? I got a used car, didn't I? This other guy, what'd you call him?
John Mooney: The beneficiary.
Charlie: Yeah him, he got $3,000,000 but he didn't get the rose bushes. I got the rose bushes. I definitely got the rose bushes. Those are rose bushes!
John Mooney: Mr. Babbitt, there's no reason to...
Charlie: To what? To get upset? If there is a hell, sir, my father is in it and he is looking up right now and he is laughing his ass off. Sanford Babbitt, you wanna be that guy's son for five minutes? I mean did you hear that letter? Were you listening?
John Mooney: Yes I was. Were you?
Charlie: Um, no, can you repeat it because I can't believe my fucking ears.
Charlie: Disappointed? Why should I be disappointed? I got rose bushes didn't I? I got a used car, didn't I? This other guy, what'd you call him?
John Mooney: The beneficiary.
Charlie: Yeah him, he got $3,000,000 but he didn't get the rose bushes. I got the rose bushes. I definitely got the rose bushes. Those are rose bushes!
John Mooney: Mr. Babbitt, there's no reason to...
Charlie: To what? To get upset? If there is a hell, sir, my father is in it and he is looking up right now and he is laughing his ass off. Sanford Babbitt, you wanna be that guy's son for five minutes? I mean did you hear that letter? Were you listening?
John Mooney: Yes I was. Were you?
Charlie: Um, no, can you repeat it because I can't believe my fucking ears.
Raymond: Of course I don't have my underwear. I'm definitely not wearing my underwear.
Charlie: I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?
Raymond: They're in the pocket of my jacket. Here.
Charlie: I don't want them back.
Raymond: These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32.
Charlie: Underwear is underwear, Ray.
Raymond: My boxer shorts have my name and it says Raymond.
Charlie: All right, when we pass the store, we'll pick you up a pair of boxer shorts.
Raymond: I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.
Charlie: We're not going back to Cincinnati, Ray, so don't even start with that.
Charlie: I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?
Raymond: They're in the pocket of my jacket. Here.
Charlie: I don't want them back.
Raymond: These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32.
Charlie: Underwear is underwear, Ray.
Raymond: My boxer shorts have my name and it says Raymond.
Charlie: All right, when we pass the store, we'll pick you up a pair of boxer shorts.
Raymond: I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.
Charlie: We're not going back to Cincinnati, Ray, so don't even start with that.
[Raymond has jumped in the car with Susanna]
Charlie: Hey, who is this guy?
Susanna: He just jumped in the car.
Charlie: Yeah well he can jump out. Come on!
Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: That's good. Come on! Susanna, why'd you let him get in this car? It's not a toy.
Susanna: He says he drives this car.
Raymond: Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. 'Course the seats were originally brown leather now they're a pitiful red.
Charlie: [surprised] Hey, these seats were brown leather. You know this car?
Raymond: I know this car.
Charlie: How do you know this car?
Raymond: It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. Straight 8. Fireball 8. Only 8,985 production models. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.
Charlie: Who's your dad?
Raymond: Sanford Babbitt. 10961 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnati Ohio.
Charlie: That's my address. Hey, who's your mother?
Raymond: Eleanor Babbitt. Died January 5, 1965 after short and sudden illness.
Charlie: Who the hell are you?
Raymond: Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.
[Raymond proceeds back to Walbrook, ignoring Charlie]
Charlie: Wait, I wanna ask you a question! Hey! Dr. Bruner, who is he?
Dr. Bruner: Raymond is your brother.
Charlie: Hey, who is this guy?
Susanna: He just jumped in the car.
Charlie: Yeah well he can jump out. Come on!
Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: That's good. Come on! Susanna, why'd you let him get in this car? It's not a toy.
Susanna: He says he drives this car.
Raymond: Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. 'Course the seats were originally brown leather now they're a pitiful red.
Charlie: [surprised] Hey, these seats were brown leather. You know this car?
Raymond: I know this car.
Charlie: How do you know this car?
Raymond: It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. Straight 8. Fireball 8. Only 8,985 production models. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.
Charlie: Who's your dad?
Raymond: Sanford Babbitt. 10961 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnati Ohio.
Charlie: That's my address. Hey, who's your mother?
Raymond: Eleanor Babbitt. Died January 5, 1965 after short and sudden illness.
Charlie: Who the hell are you?
Raymond: Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.
[Raymond proceeds back to Walbrook, ignoring Charlie]
Charlie: Wait, I wanna ask you a question! Hey! Dr. Bruner, who is he?
Dr. Bruner: Raymond is your brother.
Charlie: Hey Raymond, remember today when the doctor was asking you those questions? How'd you know the answers?
Raymond: [while brushing his teeth at the same time, Charlie can't make out what he said] I see it.
Charlie: What? Stop that for a second.
Raymond: I see it.
Charlie: Raymond!
[Grabs tooth brush from him]
Charlie: When I say stop it, why don't you stop it? Why do you always have to act like an idiot?
[Raymond begins to laugh]
Charlie: You think that's funny?
Raymond: Yeah funny Rain Man, funny teeth.
Charlie: What'd you say? Funny teeth? What?
Raymond: I didn't say funny teeth, funny Rain Man.
Charlie: You? You're the Rain Man?
Raymond: [while brushing his teeth at the same time, Charlie can't make out what he said] I see it.
Charlie: What? Stop that for a second.
Raymond: I see it.
Charlie: Raymond!
[Grabs tooth brush from him]
Charlie: When I say stop it, why don't you stop it? Why do you always have to act like an idiot?
[Raymond begins to laugh]
Charlie: You think that's funny?
Raymond: Yeah funny Rain Man, funny teeth.
Charlie: What'd you say? Funny teeth? What?
Raymond: I didn't say funny teeth, funny Rain Man.
Charlie: You? You're the Rain Man?
Sally Dibbs: Good Morning! Coffee?
Raymond: [looks at her nametag] Sally Dibbs, Dibbs Sally. 461-0192.
Sally Dibbs: How did you know my phone number?
Charlie: How did you know that?
Raymond: You said read the telephone book last night. Dibbs Sally. 461-0192.
Charlie: He, uh, remembers things. Little things sometimes.
Sally Dibbs: Very clever boys. I'll be right back.
Raymond: [looks at her nametag] Sally Dibbs, Dibbs Sally. 461-0192.
Sally Dibbs: How did you know my phone number?
Charlie: How did you know that?
Raymond: You said read the telephone book last night. Dibbs Sally. 461-0192.
Charlie: He, uh, remembers things. Little things sometimes.
Sally Dibbs: Very clever boys. I'll be right back.
Raymond: Gotta get my boxer shorts at K-Mart.
Charlie: [Pulls over, gets out of the car and yells] WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CINCINNATI OR WHEREVER!
Raymond: K-Mart!
Charlie: You know what I think, Ray? I think this autism is a bunch of shit! Because you can't tell me that you're not in there somewhere!
Raymond: Boxer shorts. K-Mart!
Charlie: [Pulls over, gets out of the car and yells] WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CINCINNATI OR WHEREVER!
Raymond: K-Mart!
Charlie: You know what I think, Ray? I think this autism is a bunch of shit! Because you can't tell me that you're not in there somewhere!
Raymond: Boxer shorts. K-Mart!
Charlie: I just realized I'm not pissed off anymore. My father cut me out of his will. You probably knew he tried to contact me over the years. I never called him back. I was a prick. If he was my son and didn't return my calls, I'd have written him out. But it's not about the money anymore. You know, I just don't understand. Why didn't he tell me I had a brother? Why didn't anyone ever tell me that I had a brother? Because it'd have been nice to know him for more than just the past six days.
Charlie: I'll tell you a story about my father, that car in the garage, was off limits to me. He said it was a classic, it demands respect. One day, I'm a sophomore in high school, I bring home a report card, it's almost all A's so I go to the old man, ask him if I can take the car out as sort of a victory drive. He says no. So I stole the keys and snuck it out.
Susanna: You took the car with no permission? Why?
Charlie: Because I deserved it! Nothing I did was ever good enough for this guy. Don't you understand, We're on Columbia Parkway, four kids, and we get pulled over.
Susanna: Accident? What is pulled over?
Charlie: You know, siren, police. Can I finish? Okay so we're taken to jail. The other kids' fathers bail them out, mine left me there for two days.
Susanna: He left you in prison for two days? Were you scared?
Charlie: Yeah.
Susanna: You took the car with no permission? Why?
Charlie: Because I deserved it! Nothing I did was ever good enough for this guy. Don't you understand, We're on Columbia Parkway, four kids, and we get pulled over.
Susanna: Accident? What is pulled over?
Charlie: You know, siren, police. Can I finish? Okay so we're taken to jail. The other kids' fathers bail them out, mine left me there for two days.
Susanna: He left you in prison for two days? Were you scared?
Charlie: Yeah.
Charlie: [talking to the woman who answers the door] I'm sorry ma'am, I lied to you. I'm very sorry about that. That man right there is my brother and if he doesn't get to watch 'People's Court' in about 30 seconds, he's gonna throw a fit right here on your porch. Now you can help me or you can stand there and watch it happen.
Charlie: Now casinos have house rules: they don't like to lose. So you never show that you're counting cards. That is *the* cardinal sin, Ray.
Raymond: Counting cards is bad.
Charlie: Yes.
Raymond: I like to drive slow on the driveway.
Charlie: If you get this right, Ray, you can drive anywhere you want as slow as you want.
Raymond: Counting cards is bad.
Charlie: Yes.
Raymond: I like to drive slow on the driveway.
Charlie: If you get this right, Ray, you can drive anywhere you want as slow as you want.
Raymond: Maple syrup is supposed to be on the table before the pancakes.
Charlie: We haven't ordered yet, Ray.
Raymond: Of course when they bring the maple syrup after the pancakes, it'll definitely be too late.
Charlie: How is that gonna be too late? We haven't ordered the pancakes yet.
Raymond: We're gonna be here the entire morning with no maple syrup and no - no toothpicks, I'm definitely, definitely not gonna have my pancakes w-with...
[Charlie grabs him by the neck]
Raymond: OW!
Charlie: Don't make a scene!
Raymond: OW!
Charlie: Stop acting like a fucking retard.
Raymond: UH-OH!
[Pulls out red book and writes in it]
Charlie: What are you writing?... What the fuck is this? "Serious Injury List"? *Serious* injury list? Are you fucking kidding me?
Raymond: Number eighteen in 1988, Charlie Babbitt squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck in 1988.
Charlie: Squeezed and pulled and hurt your neck in 1988?
Charlie: We haven't ordered yet, Ray.
Raymond: Of course when they bring the maple syrup after the pancakes, it'll definitely be too late.
Charlie: How is that gonna be too late? We haven't ordered the pancakes yet.
Raymond: We're gonna be here the entire morning with no maple syrup and no - no toothpicks, I'm definitely, definitely not gonna have my pancakes w-with...
[Charlie grabs him by the neck]
Raymond: OW!
Charlie: Don't make a scene!
Raymond: OW!
Charlie: Stop acting like a fucking retard.
Raymond: UH-OH!
[Pulls out red book and writes in it]
Charlie: What are you writing?... What the fuck is this? "Serious Injury List"? *Serious* injury list? Are you fucking kidding me?
Raymond: Number eighteen in 1988, Charlie Babbitt squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck in 1988.
Charlie: Squeezed and pulled and hurt your neck in 1988?
[Raymond doesn't want to go outside when it rains]
Charlie: Hey, Ray, you take a shower right?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Well the rain is a lot like the shower, you get a little wet. What do you say, Ray? What do you say?
Raymond: Of course the shower is in the bathroom.
Charlie: That's the end of that conversation.
Charlie: Hey, Ray, you take a shower right?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Well the rain is a lot like the shower, you get a little wet. What do you say, Ray? What do you say?
Raymond: Of course the shower is in the bathroom.
Charlie: That's the end of that conversation.
Charlie: He's not crazy, he's not retarded but he's here.
Dr. Bruner: He's an autistic savant. People like him used to be called idiot savants. There's certain deficiencies, certain abilities that impairs him.
Charlie: So he's retarded.
Dr. Bruner: Autistic. There's certain routines, rituals that he follows.
Charlie: Rituals, I like that.
Dr. Bruner: The way he eats, sleeps, walks, talks, uses the bathroom. It's all he has to protect himself. Any break from this routine leaves him terrified.
Dr. Bruner: He's an autistic savant. People like him used to be called idiot savants. There's certain deficiencies, certain abilities that impairs him.
Charlie: So he's retarded.
Dr. Bruner: Autistic. There's certain routines, rituals that he follows.
Charlie: Rituals, I like that.
Dr. Bruner: The way he eats, sleeps, walks, talks, uses the bathroom. It's all he has to protect himself. Any break from this routine leaves him terrified.
Charlie: That's amazing. He should work for NASA or something like that.
Doctor: Ray, if you had a dollar and you spent fifty cents, how much would you have left over?
Raymond: About seventy.
Doctor: Seventy cents?
Raymond: Seventy cents.
Charlie: So much for the NASA idea.
Raymond: [to Charlie] K-Mart, we should go to K-Mart. 400 Oak Street.
Charlie: What did I tell you? After this!
Doctor: Ray, if you had a dollar and you spent fifty cents, how much would you have left over?
Raymond: About seventy.
Doctor: Seventy cents?
Raymond: Seventy cents.
Charlie: So much for the NASA idea.
Raymond: [to Charlie] K-Mart, we should go to K-Mart. 400 Oak Street.
Charlie: What did I tell you? After this!
Charlie: Does Raymond know how much money he's inherited?
Dr. Bruner: No, he doesn't understand the concept of money.
Charlie: He doesn't understand the concept of money? He just inherited $3,000,000 and he doesn't understand the concept of money? Wow, good work, Dad. I'm getting fucking poetic here.
Dr. Bruner: No, he doesn't understand the concept of money.
Charlie: He doesn't understand the concept of money? He just inherited $3,000,000 and he doesn't understand the concept of money? Wow, good work, Dad. I'm getting fucking poetic here.
Raymond: [to Susanna] Are you taking any prescription medication?
Vern: He likes you, that's just his way of showing it.
Susanna: When I touched him, he pulled away.
Vern: Don't take it personal. He never touched me and I'm closer to him than anyone in the world, known him for nine years. It's not in him. If I left tomorrow without saying goodbye, he probably wouldn't notice.
Susanna: He wouldn't notice if you left?
Vern: I'm not sure but I don't think people are his first priority.
Vern: He likes you, that's just his way of showing it.
Susanna: When I touched him, he pulled away.
Vern: Don't take it personal. He never touched me and I'm closer to him than anyone in the world, known him for nine years. It's not in him. If I left tomorrow without saying goodbye, he probably wouldn't notice.
Susanna: He wouldn't notice if you left?
Vern: I'm not sure but I don't think people are his first priority.
Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe.
Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.
Charlie: QANTAS?
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!
Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.
Charlie: QANTAS?
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!
Charlie: What's it going to be Ray? What's it going to be?
Raymond: This is a very dangerous highway.
Charlie: How am I going to get to LA?
Raymond: Course driving your car on this interstate is very dangerous.
Charlie: You want to get off the highway will that make you happy?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, well you gotta GET IN THE CAR SO THAT WE CAN GET OFF THE HIGHWAY!
Raymond: Course in 1986 46,400 male drivers were definitely involved in fatal accidents.
Raymond: This is a very dangerous highway.
Charlie: How am I going to get to LA?
Raymond: Course driving your car on this interstate is very dangerous.
Charlie: You want to get off the highway will that make you happy?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, well you gotta GET IN THE CAR SO THAT WE CAN GET OFF THE HIGHWAY!
Raymond: Course in 1986 46,400 male drivers were definitely involved in fatal accidents.
[Location: on a back road, nineteen minutes to eleven o'clock]
Charlie: We're not in the air, we're not on the highway, I'm on some shit secondary road. I gotta make up some time. I have to get to LA, I should've been there this afternoon, my business needs me. I gotta make up some time.
Raymond: Definitely watch TV but you have to be in bed at eleven. Lights out at eleven.
Charlie: Forget it.
Raymond: Uh oh, nineteen minutes to eleven.
Charlie: We're not in the air, we're not on the highway, I'm on some shit secondary road. I gotta make up some time. I have to get to LA, I should've been there this afternoon, my business needs me. I gotta make up some time.
Raymond: Definitely watch TV but you have to be in bed at eleven. Lights out at eleven.
Charlie: Forget it.
Raymond: Uh oh, nineteen minutes to eleven.
Charlie: You've got a date, Ray, you're gonna go dancing.
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: You know how to dance, Ray?
Raymond: No.
Charlie: I'll have to teach you sometime.
Raymond: Definitely have to dance on my date. Have to learn how to dance. Definitely. Now.
Charlie: Ray, you're not gonna have to dance, but I will teach you sometime.
Raymond: Definitely have to dance with Iris.
Charlie: Sorry I even brought this up. You're right, Ray, you got a date with the only famous dancing hooker in Las Vegas.
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: You know how to dance, Ray?
Raymond: No.
Charlie: I'll have to teach you sometime.
Raymond: Definitely have to dance on my date. Have to learn how to dance. Definitely. Now.
Charlie: Ray, you're not gonna have to dance, but I will teach you sometime.
Raymond: Definitely have to dance with Iris.
Charlie: Sorry I even brought this up. You're right, Ray, you got a date with the only famous dancing hooker in Las Vegas.
Charlie: [on phone with Raymond's place] Dr. Bruner, it's Charlie Babbitt.
Dr. Bruner: Where are you, son?
Charlie: That's not important. What matters is who I'm with.
Dr. Bruner: You have to bring him back, Mr. Babbitt. Do you understand me?
Charlie: Certainly. No problem. That will be $1.5 million please. I'll take it in cash, check, or a transfer.
Dr. Bruner: Why are you doing this?
Charlie: I'm not greedy. I just want my half.
Dr. Bruner: Where are you, son?
Charlie: That's not important. What matters is who I'm with.
Dr. Bruner: You have to bring him back, Mr. Babbitt. Do you understand me?
Charlie: Certainly. No problem. That will be $1.5 million please. I'll take it in cash, check, or a transfer.
Dr. Bruner: Why are you doing this?
Charlie: I'm not greedy. I just want my half.
Iris: So, what are you doing in Las Vegas?
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: You're counting cards?
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: That's interesting.
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: I know you're counting cards, what else are you doing?
Raymond: Are you taking any prescription medication?
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: You're counting cards?
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: That's interesting.
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: I know you're counting cards, what else are you doing?
Raymond: Are you taking any prescription medication?
Raymond: Definitely not.
Susanna: But we an watch TV here, we're allowed.
[Turns on Wheel of Fortune]
Raymond: Wheel Of Fortune. Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise. Fabulous and exciting bonus prizes. Thousands of dollars in cash. Over $150,000 just waiting to be won as we present our big bonanza of cash on Wheel Of Fortune.
Susanna: But we an watch TV here, we're allowed.
[Turns on Wheel of Fortune]
Raymond: Wheel Of Fortune. Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise. Fabulous and exciting bonus prizes. Thousands of dollars in cash. Over $150,000 just waiting to be won as we present our big bonanza of cash on Wheel Of Fortune.
Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: When did you drive?
Raymond: I drove slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook.
Charlie: Was Dad in the car?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: I'll have to let you drive sometime.
[Raymond grabs the wheel and nearly steers them into an oncoming car]
Charlie: Raymond, you NEVER! NEVER touch the steering wheel when I'm driving. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?
Charlie: When did you drive?
Raymond: I drove slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook.
Charlie: Was Dad in the car?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: I'll have to let you drive sometime.
[Raymond grabs the wheel and nearly steers them into an oncoming car]
Charlie: Raymond, you NEVER! NEVER touch the steering wheel when I'm driving. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?
[Raymond is afraid of riding in a car on the freeway]
Charlie: Hey Ray, I got a great idea. Stay in front of the car until we get off the exit, you'll get in and we'll take a not so dangerous road, whatever that might me. Is that an idea?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Give me five, that's a great idea. Give me five.
[Raymond doesn't comply so Charlie jogs back to the car]
Charlie: This guy's a fucking fruit cake.
Charlie: Hey Ray, I got a great idea. Stay in front of the car until we get off the exit, you'll get in and we'll take a not so dangerous road, whatever that might me. Is that an idea?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Give me five, that's a great idea. Give me five.
[Raymond doesn't comply so Charlie jogs back to the car]
Charlie: This guy's a fucking fruit cake.
Lenny: Charlie, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting by this phone for 3 hours man.
Charlie: Take it easy, I was just buying some clothes.
Lenny: Charlie we are in serious trouble. Serious trouble and you're buying clothes.
Charlie: What trouble?
Lenny: The cars. The cars are gone, the buyers want their deposits back, they all do. That's eighty thou, Charlie.
Charlie: $80,000. I don't have it.
Lenny: You gotta pay these people or we're out of business! What am I gonna tell them?
Charlie: I don't know.
[Storms about the desert then yells]
Charlie: SON OF A BITCH! SON OF A BITCH!
Charlie: Take it easy, I was just buying some clothes.
Lenny: Charlie we are in serious trouble. Serious trouble and you're buying clothes.
Charlie: What trouble?
Lenny: The cars. The cars are gone, the buyers want their deposits back, they all do. That's eighty thou, Charlie.
Charlie: $80,000. I don't have it.
Lenny: You gotta pay these people or we're out of business! What am I gonna tell them?
Charlie: I don't know.
[Storms about the desert then yells]
Charlie: SON OF A BITCH! SON OF A BITCH!
[In a phone booth]
Raymond: It's definitely very small in here.
[Tries to leave]
Charlie: Small, and safe. Don't wanna miss the party. You know that, there's a party in your honor Ray. When we get to LA, there'll be a little custody hearing. Lawyers are setting it up right now. Know why there's a party for you? Because you're the $3,000,000 man.
Raymond: It's definitely very small in here.
[Tries to leave]
Charlie: Small, and safe. Don't wanna miss the party. You know that, there's a party in your honor Ray. When we get to LA, there'll be a little custody hearing. Lawyers are setting it up right now. Know why there's a party for you? Because you're the $3,000,000 man.
Charlie: This is a good one. We don't go out when it rains, this is a real good one. I hope you appreciate this because my business is going down the fucking toilet. I should be in L.A., instead I'm in the Honeymoon Haven motel in Bumblefuck, Missouri because you won't go out when it rains. Mystifying. Fucking mystifying.
[Raymond blows their ruse to get into a farmhouse to watch The People's Court]
Charlie: That's it. You blew it. You don't get to see your program. Finished.
Raymond: One minute to Wapner.
Charlie: Yes, one minute to Wapner. I had you in there, Ray! You were in there! The defendant, the plaintiff, you had it all. They are in there making legal history. *Legal history!*
Charlie: That's it. You blew it. You don't get to see your program. Finished.
Raymond: One minute to Wapner.
Charlie: Yes, one minute to Wapner. I had you in there, Ray! You were in there! The defendant, the plaintiff, you had it all. They are in there making legal history. *Legal history!*
Charlie: What was it we cleared, eight-six thousand and change?
Raymond: Eighty-six thousand, five hundred...
Charlie: So, eighty thousand to pay the cars off. What did I say I had to pay to get the Rolex out of hock?
Raymond: Thirty-five hundred dollars.
Charlie: Thirty-five hundred. Don't have to pay for the rooms, they're comped. I'm free and clear, I'm going to go take a celebration piss. Don't go anywhere. While I'm gone, the sign says, "Don't walk."
Raymond: Don't walk.
Charlie: Don't walk.
Raymond: Eighty-six thousand, five hundred...
Charlie: So, eighty thousand to pay the cars off. What did I say I had to pay to get the Rolex out of hock?
Raymond: Thirty-five hundred dollars.
Charlie: Thirty-five hundred. Don't have to pay for the rooms, they're comped. I'm free and clear, I'm going to go take a celebration piss. Don't go anywhere. While I'm gone, the sign says, "Don't walk."
Raymond: Don't walk.
Charlie: Don't walk.
[first lines]
Charlie: [on telephone] Now it's five and a half weeks and I'm still sitting on four Lamborghinis that can't meet spot emissions standards. Now, how many times you wash out with EPA?
Lenny: [on a separate line] Uh, yes sir, they're finally, uh, clearing EPA; uh, just one or two more days.
Charlie: Three times? You're really on a roll here, my friend; four cars, three times each - that's zip for twelve. What are you, a... mechanic, or a NASA engineer? Now listen, now, I told you I've never dealt with these Lamborghinis before, and yet you assured me that you can deliver these cars within that time frame. Don't, don't tell me that, 'cause I - I'm not even listening.
Charlie: [on telephone] Now it's five and a half weeks and I'm still sitting on four Lamborghinis that can't meet spot emissions standards. Now, how many times you wash out with EPA?
Lenny: [on a separate line] Uh, yes sir, they're finally, uh, clearing EPA; uh, just one or two more days.
Charlie: Three times? You're really on a roll here, my friend; four cars, three times each - that's zip for twelve. What are you, a... mechanic, or a NASA engineer? Now listen, now, I told you I've never dealt with these Lamborghinis before, and yet you assured me that you can deliver these cars within that time frame. Don't, don't tell me that, 'cause I - I'm not even listening.
