Red State Quotes
Set in Middle America, a group of teens receive an online invitation for sex, though they soon encounter fundamentalists with a much more sinister agenda.
Joseph Keenan: [at the inquest, staring into space]
Agent Carol: And then what happened? Special Agent Keenan? Special Agent Keenan?
Joseph Keenan: [breaks out of it]
Agent Carol: What happened?
Joseph Keenan: I subdued the suspect... with a head butt.
Agent Carol: [amused] A head butt?
Joseph Keenan: Yes sir. The suspect was standing... unnaturally close. And then the trumpet blast sounded three more times, and a fourth and a fifth. By then it was pretty clear that the Rapture wasn't going to happen, so we rounded up the remaining Five Pointers.
Agent Carol: Hey, what was it? The trumpet blasts?
Joseph Keenan: Pardon?
Agent Carol: The trumpet blast, what was it really?
Joseph Keenan: Oh, that. Well some new neighbors, these eco kids from the university with a compost collective - they've got an acre off of the ass end of the Five Point property, other side of the hill. Abin's been giving them a bunch of guff because of the smell of the compost.
Agent Hammond: Was it bad?
Joseph Keenan: [laughs] Gets so you could taste it. But Abin's been harassing these kids, sending some of his bigger boys over to bitch at first, maybe break a window or two. Then I guess they went old school - lots of sugar in gas tanks, burning bags of dog shit.
Agent Carol: The college kids?
Joseph Keenan: No, that was Cooper and his church. The eco kids never so much as called the cops. They got creative instead. They thought it'd be funny to take a page out of Revelations and get Cooper and his family's hopes up with the trumpets. So they got this big-ass rusty old siren from a fire house that just got a new one. The fire chief said they could take the damn thing so long as they carted it off, it's as big as a Mini Cooper. So they trucked this thing down to their compost collective, they put it in a barn, they hook it up to an iPod of all things. And they played these single note trumpet blasts they pulled off the Internet.
Agent Hammond: And they had no idea that you were even there?
Joseph Keenan: [shrugs] Just dumb luck...
Agent Carol: And then what happened? Special Agent Keenan? Special Agent Keenan?
Joseph Keenan: [breaks out of it]
Agent Carol: What happened?
Joseph Keenan: I subdued the suspect... with a head butt.
Agent Carol: [amused] A head butt?
Joseph Keenan: Yes sir. The suspect was standing... unnaturally close. And then the trumpet blast sounded three more times, and a fourth and a fifth. By then it was pretty clear that the Rapture wasn't going to happen, so we rounded up the remaining Five Pointers.
Agent Carol: Hey, what was it? The trumpet blasts?
Joseph Keenan: Pardon?
Agent Carol: The trumpet blast, what was it really?
Joseph Keenan: Oh, that. Well some new neighbors, these eco kids from the university with a compost collective - they've got an acre off of the ass end of the Five Point property, other side of the hill. Abin's been giving them a bunch of guff because of the smell of the compost.
Agent Hammond: Was it bad?
Joseph Keenan: [laughs] Gets so you could taste it. But Abin's been harassing these kids, sending some of his bigger boys over to bitch at first, maybe break a window or two. Then I guess they went old school - lots of sugar in gas tanks, burning bags of dog shit.
Agent Carol: The college kids?
Joseph Keenan: No, that was Cooper and his church. The eco kids never so much as called the cops. They got creative instead. They thought it'd be funny to take a page out of Revelations and get Cooper and his family's hopes up with the trumpets. So they got this big-ass rusty old siren from a fire house that just got a new one. The fire chief said they could take the damn thing so long as they carted it off, it's as big as a Mini Cooper. So they trucked this thing down to their compost collective, they put it in a barn, they hook it up to an iPod of all things. And they played these single note trumpet blasts they pulled off the Internet.
Agent Hammond: And they had no idea that you were even there?
Joseph Keenan: [shrugs] Just dumb luck...
Joseph Keenan: Who fired? *Who fired*, goddamn it?
ASAC Brooks: Local Agent Three!
Sherrif Wynan: [Keenan storms over to Wynan and grabs him by ear] Ah! Goddamn it! What is-?
Joseph Keenan: [sweeps Wynan's hat off] Who the fuck are you?
Sherrif Wynan: I'm...
Joseph Keenan: Did he fire at us?
Sherrif Wynan: No, he-he was armed...
Joseph Keenan: Did he open fire on us?
Sherrif Wynan: That son of a bitch had a machine gun!
Joseph Keenan: They got *kids* in there, asshole!
Sherrif Wynan: Sorry! I'm s...
Joseph Keenan: Kids you just turned into hostages!
Sherrif Wynan: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Joseph Keenan: Asshole!
Sherrif Wynan: You can't talk to me, you son of a bitch, I am a King's County elected official!
Joseph Keenan: [wrests Wynan's rifle from him] Sit your ass back in your vehicle!
[tosses rifle to tactical agent]
Joseph Keenan: *Now!*
ASAC Brooks: Local Agent Three!
Sherrif Wynan: [Keenan storms over to Wynan and grabs him by ear] Ah! Goddamn it! What is-?
Joseph Keenan: [sweeps Wynan's hat off] Who the fuck are you?
Sherrif Wynan: I'm...
Joseph Keenan: Did he fire at us?
Sherrif Wynan: No, he-he was armed...
Joseph Keenan: Did he open fire on us?
Sherrif Wynan: That son of a bitch had a machine gun!
Joseph Keenan: They got *kids* in there, asshole!
Sherrif Wynan: Sorry! I'm s...
Joseph Keenan: Kids you just turned into hostages!
Sherrif Wynan: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Joseph Keenan: Asshole!
Sherrif Wynan: You can't talk to me, you son of a bitch, I am a King's County elected official!
Joseph Keenan: [wrests Wynan's rifle from him] Sit your ass back in your vehicle!
[tosses rifle to tactical agent]
Joseph Keenan: *Now!*
