Risky Business Quotes
A Chicago teenager is looking for fun at home while his parents are away, but the situation quickly gets out of hand.
Miles: Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the Fuck", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.
[first lines]
Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.
Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.
Miles: [to Joel] What happened?
Joel Goodson: Last night?
Miles: That's right - with Kessler.
Joel Goodson: She was babysitting down the street...
Miles: We know that!
Joel Goodson: So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...
[some guy off camera]
Joel Goodson: right.
Miles: That could happen.
Joel Goodson: ...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says 'I think I'm in the mood.'
Barry: She said that? What did you say?
Joel Goodson: I didn't have to say anything.
Glenn: Whatcha do?
Joel Goodson: What do you think I did?
Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.
Barry: [makes a wacking off noise with his cheek]
Miles: I disagree.
[to Joel]
Miles: Did you have your bike there?
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!
Joel Goodson: Last night?
Miles: That's right - with Kessler.
Joel Goodson: She was babysitting down the street...
Miles: We know that!
Joel Goodson: So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...
[some guy off camera]
Joel Goodson: right.
Miles: That could happen.
Joel Goodson: ...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says 'I think I'm in the mood.'
Barry: She said that? What did you say?
Joel Goodson: I didn't have to say anything.
Glenn: Whatcha do?
Joel Goodson: What do you think I did?
Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.
Barry: [makes a wacking off noise with his cheek]
Miles: I disagree.
[to Joel]
Miles: Did you have your bike there?
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!
Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Guido: A-hole?
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.
Guido: A-hole?
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.
Joel Goodson: Uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks... *Joel*.
Joel Goodson: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.
Joel Goodson: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel Goodson: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel Goodson: I don't know.
[pauses]
Joel Goodson: Could I send it to you?
Lana: [incredulous] Could you *send* it to me?
Joel Goodson: [long pause] I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not real good at waiting.
Joel Goodson: I'll be quick.
Lana: Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks... *Joel*.
Joel Goodson: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.
Joel Goodson: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel Goodson: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel Goodson: I don't know.
[pauses]
Joel Goodson: Could I send it to you?
Lana: [incredulous] Could you *send* it to me?
Joel Goodson: [long pause] I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not real good at waiting.
Joel Goodson: I'll be quick.
