Role Models Quotes
Wild behavior forces a pair of energy drink reps to enroll in a Big Brother program.
Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?
Augie Farks: Naysayers tell me "You should be embarrassed." "You should not be fighting." "You look like Marvin Hamlisch." You know what I say to the naysayers? I say "Nay! I am not embarrassed." "I will fight." "Who the hell is Marvin Hamlisch?"
Danny: He wrote the music for The Sting.
Wheeler: That's a good movie.
Danny: He wrote the music for The Sting.
Wheeler: That's a good movie.
Danny: Where am I going to find a girl who hates all the same things I do?
Beth: You're so romantic.
Danny: Hey. Hey... You complete me... You had me at hello.
Beth: Oh, god. Danny you're not hearing what I'm saying to you.
Danny: I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy telling her that... to... love her.
Beth: You don't even know that one.
Danny: Hey, come on. Who are you going to call... Ghostbusters.
Beth: You're so romantic.
Danny: Hey. Hey... You complete me... You had me at hello.
Beth: Oh, god. Danny you're not hearing what I'm saying to you.
Danny: I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy telling her that... to... love her.
Beth: You don't even know that one.
Danny: Hey, come on. Who are you going to call... Ghostbusters.
Ronnie Shields: Damn, she got some boobies on her.
Wheeler: You sure are a fan of the boobies, kid.
Ronnie Shields: Oh yeah. Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher". I even have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher".
Wheeler: Okay. You know, I have a theory about boobies.
Ronnie Shields: Really?
Wheeler: Oh yeah. You see, there are as many women as there are men in this world.
Ronnie Shields: True dat, true dat.
Wheeler: And every woman has two boobs, for the most part. So there are twice as many boobs as there are men. We're outnumbered and it's overwhelming. We're powerless, and we have to accept it.
Ronnie Shields: I like yo' take on boobies. And I like boobies.
Wheeler: Kid, you got a lot to learn.
Ronnie Shields: I know what I'm doin'.
Wheeler: Oh really? So you don't realize you've just committed one of the most common rookie boob-watching errors?
Ronnie Shields: What you mean?
Wheeler: Never stare at the boobies, kid. Once you get caught, the game's over.
Ronnie Shields: But how?
Wheeler: It's called training. You know, being aware without drawing attention. You don't think I've noticed those 34 C's in the camouflage tank top setting up a tent directly to the left of us? Or how about those twin cannons hiking up a mountain ridge 50 yards due west? Or the ridge itself? Round mounds of grass shaped like...
Ronnie Shields: Boobies!
Wheeler: Don't look over there. Look here. Focus... You'll get it.
Wheeler: You sure are a fan of the boobies, kid.
Ronnie Shields: Oh yeah. Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher". I even have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher".
Wheeler: Okay. You know, I have a theory about boobies.
Ronnie Shields: Really?
Wheeler: Oh yeah. You see, there are as many women as there are men in this world.
Ronnie Shields: True dat, true dat.
Wheeler: And every woman has two boobs, for the most part. So there are twice as many boobs as there are men. We're outnumbered and it's overwhelming. We're powerless, and we have to accept it.
Ronnie Shields: I like yo' take on boobies. And I like boobies.
Wheeler: Kid, you got a lot to learn.
Ronnie Shields: I know what I'm doin'.
Wheeler: Oh really? So you don't realize you've just committed one of the most common rookie boob-watching errors?
Ronnie Shields: What you mean?
Wheeler: Never stare at the boobies, kid. Once you get caught, the game's over.
Ronnie Shields: But how?
Wheeler: It's called training. You know, being aware without drawing attention. You don't think I've noticed those 34 C's in the camouflage tank top setting up a tent directly to the left of us? Or how about those twin cannons hiking up a mountain ridge 50 yards due west? Or the ridge itself? Round mounds of grass shaped like...
Ronnie Shields: Boobies!
Wheeler: Don't look over there. Look here. Focus... You'll get it.
Ronnie Shields: [Ronnie sees a "KISS" pinball machine] Who are these clowns?
Wheeler: KISS? You don't know who KISS is?
Ronnie Shields: No, never heard of them. They look like idiots to me.
Wheeler: No, no, no, dude, these are four of the smartest guys who ever lived. They're these Jewish guys who grew up in New York, and they put on guitars and makeup to get girls, and all their songs are about fucking.
Ronnie Shields: I'm listening.
Wheeler: ["Love Gun" starts playing on the stereo] Seriously, this song is called "Love Gun" and it's about Paul Stanley's dick and how this girl's gonna get some of his dick
Ronnie Shields: Cool. I didn't know Jews could sing like that.
Wheeler: No, no, they couldn't at the time. That's why they had to dress like clowns.
Ronnie Shields: This got them girls?
Wheeler: Get this: they've been getting pussy non-stop for 30 years. They're probably fucking right now and they're old dudes! They put makeup on and it's all good!
Ronnie Shields: No, shit!
Wheeler: [singing] You pulled the trigger on my love gun! See Ronnie, his dick is the gun!
Wheeler: KISS? You don't know who KISS is?
Ronnie Shields: No, never heard of them. They look like idiots to me.
Wheeler: No, no, no, dude, these are four of the smartest guys who ever lived. They're these Jewish guys who grew up in New York, and they put on guitars and makeup to get girls, and all their songs are about fucking.
Ronnie Shields: I'm listening.
Wheeler: ["Love Gun" starts playing on the stereo] Seriously, this song is called "Love Gun" and it's about Paul Stanley's dick and how this girl's gonna get some of his dick
Ronnie Shields: Cool. I didn't know Jews could sing like that.
Wheeler: No, no, they couldn't at the time. That's why they had to dress like clowns.
Ronnie Shields: This got them girls?
Wheeler: Get this: they've been getting pussy non-stop for 30 years. They're probably fucking right now and they're old dudes! They put makeup on and it's all good!
Ronnie Shields: No, shit!
Wheeler: [singing] You pulled the trigger on my love gun! See Ronnie, his dick is the gun!
Danny: God dammit Ronnie!
Ronnie Shields: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?
Danny: No, because you did it is why I think you did it.
[Ronnie jumps on tent pole]
Danny: Let me tell you something, I am not your big, but I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will punch you in the face.
Ronnie Shields: Let's dance, Ben Affleck!
Ronnie Shields: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?
Danny: No, because you did it is why I think you did it.
[Ronnie jumps on tent pole]
Danny: Let me tell you something, I am not your big, but I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will punch you in the face.
Ronnie Shields: Let's dance, Ben Affleck!
Wheeler: Did you know that bald eagles are known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons, and fall towards the earth while rotating, separating almost before they crash into the ground, if and only if they consummate their bird fuck. If they don't, they are willing to accept their death by hard ground. It's the ultimate race against the clock.
Augie Farks: Why are you telling me this?
Wheeler: Why would I not?
Augie Farks: Why are you telling me this?
Wheeler: Why would I not?
Linda the Teacher: You have been a bad boy.
Wheeler: Oh yes I have.
Linda the Teacher: You have been misbehaving, and now you need to stay after class.
Wheeler: While this is one of my top fantasies, I need to get back to my friend.
Linda the Teacher: Are you sure?
[She takes off her dress]
Wheeler: Oh he'll be fine. He's 10.
Wheeler: Oh yes I have.
Linda the Teacher: You have been misbehaving, and now you need to stay after class.
Wheeler: While this is one of my top fantasies, I need to get back to my friend.
Linda the Teacher: Are you sure?
[She takes off her dress]
Wheeler: Oh he'll be fine. He's 10.
