Scary Movie 2 Quotes
Four teens are tricked by their professor into visiting a haunted house for a school project.
Dwight Hartman: Okay, thanks, "Handyman".
Hanson: I'm actually the caretaker. Oh, aren't those cool new skates? Now you be careful with those, you don't want to fall and break something.
Dwight Hartman: Oh, that's funny, that's real funny. Um, let me give you a "hand."
[starts clapping]
Hanson: Why, that's awful kind of you. Why don't you give me a "standing ovation?"
Dwight Hartman: Why don't you "lift me up?"
Hanson: Ha, ok, I see where you're going with this one. You look familiar to me. Were you in "STOMP"?
Dwight Hartman: Hey you can kiss my grits!
Hanson: I think I'll be the bigger man, now, and walk away. "Walk" away.
Hanson: I'm actually the caretaker. Oh, aren't those cool new skates? Now you be careful with those, you don't want to fall and break something.
Dwight Hartman: Oh, that's funny, that's real funny. Um, let me give you a "hand."
[starts clapping]
Hanson: Why, that's awful kind of you. Why don't you give me a "standing ovation?"
Dwight Hartman: Why don't you "lift me up?"
Hanson: Ha, ok, I see where you're going with this one. You look familiar to me. Were you in "STOMP"?
Dwight Hartman: Hey you can kiss my grits!
Hanson: I think I'll be the bigger man, now, and walk away. "Walk" away.
Dwight Hartman: Let's split up.
Brenda Meeks: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?
Theo: She's right, we should stick together.
Dwight Hartman: She's right. Okay.
[pointing to the white people in the group]
Dwight Hartman: You three, follow me!
[the three black people are left alone]
Shorty Meeks: Ain't that a bitch.
[the three of them begin to cry]
Brenda Meeks: We gonna die, y'all.
Brenda Meeks: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?
Theo: She's right, we should stick together.
Dwight Hartman: She's right. Okay.
[pointing to the white people in the group]
Dwight Hartman: You three, follow me!
[the three black people are left alone]
Shorty Meeks: Ain't that a bitch.
[the three of them begin to cry]
Brenda Meeks: We gonna die, y'all.
Ray Wilkins: Let's do something freaky...
Brenda Meeks: Like what, Ray?
Ray Wilkins: I don't know... why don't you talk dirty to me?
Brenda Meeks: I don't know what to say, Ray.
Ray Wilkins: C'mon, just make something up.
Brenda Meeks: Oh Ray, why do you make me so bad?
Ray Wilkins: C'mon, 'cause you a bad girl.
Brenda Meeks: Okay... I'ma work this. I'ma make this mine!
Ray Wilkins: Yeah, work it. Ooh, it's all yours.
Brenda Meeks: I'ma piss on your face... and I'ma fart in your mouth,
[shouting]
Brenda Meeks: I'ma shit on these walls, Ray!
[Ray looks disgusted]
Brenda Meeks: ...too dirty?
Brenda Meeks: Like what, Ray?
Ray Wilkins: I don't know... why don't you talk dirty to me?
Brenda Meeks: I don't know what to say, Ray.
Ray Wilkins: C'mon, just make something up.
Brenda Meeks: Oh Ray, why do you make me so bad?
Ray Wilkins: C'mon, 'cause you a bad girl.
Brenda Meeks: Okay... I'ma work this. I'ma make this mine!
Ray Wilkins: Yeah, work it. Ooh, it's all yours.
Brenda Meeks: I'ma piss on your face... and I'ma fart in your mouth,
[shouting]
Brenda Meeks: I'ma shit on these walls, Ray!
[Ray looks disgusted]
Brenda Meeks: ...too dirty?
Ray Wilkins: [doing push-ups] 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... Brandon. 10... 9... Brandon. 10... 11... Brandon. Come on, count with me.
Clown Voice: [whispering] Hey, you. Come here. Heheheheh...
[Ray looks under the bed]
Clown Voice: Gotcha!
[the Clown doll pulls Ray in]
Clown Voice: Come on! Let's play!
[there is a struggle and then a pause]
Clown Voice: Hey, what are you doing?
Ray Wilkins: [voice] Uncle Ray's got a game for you!
Clown Voice: Hey, get your finger out of there!
Ray Wilkins: Tickle, Tickle. Tickle.
[the Clown tries to run]
Ray Wilkins: You're running from Uncle Ray! Here's a balloon animal. Dada... dada... dada.
Clown Voice: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Clown Voice: [whispering] Hey, you. Come here. Heheheheh...
[Ray looks under the bed]
Clown Voice: Gotcha!
[the Clown doll pulls Ray in]
Clown Voice: Come on! Let's play!
[there is a struggle and then a pause]
Clown Voice: Hey, what are you doing?
Ray Wilkins: [voice] Uncle Ray's got a game for you!
Clown Voice: Hey, get your finger out of there!
Ray Wilkins: Tickle, Tickle. Tickle.
[the Clown tries to run]
Ray Wilkins: You're running from Uncle Ray! Here's a balloon animal. Dada... dada... dada.
Clown Voice: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
[while exorcising Megan]
Father Harris: Holy Lord, Almighty Father, everlasting God and Father of our lord Jesus Christ, and the virgin Mary's baby daddy, holy Lord, Almighty Father, everlasting God, who once concerned that fallen tyrant to the flames of hell, who sent your only son in the world to crush that roaring tiger, and who got that unholy bitch Jerri kicked off of Survivor!
Father Harris: Holy Lord, Almighty Father, everlasting God and Father of our lord Jesus Christ, and the virgin Mary's baby daddy, holy Lord, Almighty Father, everlasting God, who once concerned that fallen tyrant to the flames of hell, who sent your only son in the world to crush that roaring tiger, and who got that unholy bitch Jerri kicked off of Survivor!
Exorcist Party Go-ers: [singing] Shake ya ass! Watch ya step! Shake ya ass! Show me what you working with!
Mrs. Voorhees: [singing] Attention, all you young players and pimps. Right now is the place to be.
Father Harris: [singing] I thought I told y'all niggas before, y'all niggas don't fuck with me.
Mrs. Voorhees: [singing] Attention, all you young players and pimps. Right now is the place to be.
Father Harris: [singing] I thought I told y'all niggas before, y'all niggas don't fuck with me.
Dwight Hartman: Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing?
Little Bird: Fuck off, four eyes.
Dwight Hartman: H... h... I beg your pardon?
Little Bird: I said: "Fuck off... four eyes"
Dwight Hartman: You know, I oughta kick your ass!
Shorty Meeks: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi little birdy... Polly want a cracker?
Little Bird: Polly want your momma's sweet ass.
Shorty Meeks: ...what did Polly say to me?
Little Bird: I said: "Polly wants your momma's... sweet ass".
Shorty Meeks: You don't be talking 'bout my momma son, you don't know my momma son!
Little Bird: Yeah, I know your momma, I fucked her last night.
Shorty Meeks: You want beef? I'll fuck you up!
Little Bird: Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking.
Shorty Meeks: Aw no fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, ya'll. Hold my tooth son.
Little Bird: Yeah come on bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me? Come on, bring it on!
Shorty Meeks: What you hardcore? Gimme somethin'!
Little Bird: Lemme outta here, come on pussy. Lemme outta here, I'll fuck you up!
Little Bird: Fuck off, four eyes.
Dwight Hartman: H... h... I beg your pardon?
Little Bird: I said: "Fuck off... four eyes"
Dwight Hartman: You know, I oughta kick your ass!
Shorty Meeks: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi little birdy... Polly want a cracker?
Little Bird: Polly want your momma's sweet ass.
Shorty Meeks: ...what did Polly say to me?
Little Bird: I said: "Polly wants your momma's... sweet ass".
Shorty Meeks: You don't be talking 'bout my momma son, you don't know my momma son!
Little Bird: Yeah, I know your momma, I fucked her last night.
Shorty Meeks: You want beef? I'll fuck you up!
Little Bird: Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking.
Shorty Meeks: Aw no fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, ya'll. Hold my tooth son.
Little Bird: Yeah come on bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me? Come on, bring it on!
Shorty Meeks: What you hardcore? Gimme somethin'!
Little Bird: Lemme outta here, come on pussy. Lemme outta here, I'll fuck you up!
Cindy Campbell: You know, you really are my best friend, Cindy.
Cindy Campbell: Thanks, Brenda.
Buddy: Hey are you guys okay?
Brenda Meeks: Hell, yeah. It's gonna take more than a bag of bones to scare me.
Hell House Ghost: Wedgie!
Cindy Campbell: Oh my God! Brenda, do something!
Brenda Meeks: Okay!
Hell House Ghost: [Brenda runs away]
Cindy Campbell: I thought I was your best friend?
Brenda Meeks: Was. I'ma miss you, girl!
Cindy Campbell: Thanks, Brenda.
Buddy: Hey are you guys okay?
Brenda Meeks: Hell, yeah. It's gonna take more than a bag of bones to scare me.
Hell House Ghost: Wedgie!
Cindy Campbell: Oh my God! Brenda, do something!
Brenda Meeks: Okay!
Hell House Ghost: [Brenda runs away]
Cindy Campbell: I thought I was your best friend?
Brenda Meeks: Was. I'ma miss you, girl!
Father McFeely: Hi, I'm Father McFeely.
Mrs. Voorhees: I'm so glad you're here.
Father McFeely: I came as fast as I could. But you know at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin' before it starts pumpin'. I do find though, that if I tickle my asshole just before I unleash the dog of war...
Mrs. Voorhees: I'm so glad you're here.
Father McFeely: I came as fast as I could. But you know at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin' before it starts pumpin'. I do find though, that if I tickle my asshole just before I unleash the dog of war...
Cindy Campbell: [singing terribly along with the radio to Vitamin C and swerving all over the road] As we go on! We remember! All the time we! Spent To-geee-therrr! And as the time goes...
[suddenly the music comes to an abrupt stop]
Colleen Fitzpatrick: [voice] Hey! Will you shut the fuck up and let me sing?
[suddenly the music comes to an abrupt stop]
Colleen Fitzpatrick: [voice] Hey! Will you shut the fuck up and let me sing?
Cindy Campbell: [Sees the parrot] Hi little guy, look at you!
Little Bird: Little? I'm not little, I'm hung like a bull lady! Check it out, you ever seen a bird get this big? Too much for ya, huh baby?
Cindy Campbell: Yeah...
Little Bird: Alright well step off then sweet cheeks! Come back when you want some real love!
Cindy Campbell: K...
[Walks away]
Little Bird: Fuckin tease.
Little Bird: Little? I'm not little, I'm hung like a bull lady! Check it out, you ever seen a bird get this big? Too much for ya, huh baby?
Cindy Campbell: Yeah...
Little Bird: Alright well step off then sweet cheeks! Come back when you want some real love!
Cindy Campbell: K...
[Walks away]
Little Bird: Fuckin tease.
Buddy: Hey, Cind.
Cindy Campbell: Hey, Buddy.
Buddy: [punches her in the boob] Open chest! Oh, come on. You gotta be quicker than that A cup.
[Cindy crawls up]
Theo: Hey, guys.
[all the guys say hello and look at her sexually]
Theo: Well, are you boys gonna sit there with your mouths open or is someone gonna offer me a seat?
[everyone pushes their chairs towards her]
Dwight Hartman: [Dwight pushes wheelchair towards her and sits on Ray's leg] I warmed it up for you. It's the best seat in the house.
Ray Wilkins: Second best.
[Ray touches Dwight's hair]
Cindy Campbell: Hey, Buddy.
Buddy: [punches her in the boob] Open chest! Oh, come on. You gotta be quicker than that A cup.
[Cindy crawls up]
Theo: Hey, guys.
[all the guys say hello and look at her sexually]
Theo: Well, are you boys gonna sit there with your mouths open or is someone gonna offer me a seat?
[everyone pushes their chairs towards her]
Dwight Hartman: [Dwight pushes wheelchair towards her and sits on Ray's leg] I warmed it up for you. It's the best seat in the house.
Ray Wilkins: Second best.
[Ray touches Dwight's hair]
[deleted scene]
Alex: God is good. God is great. But not all the time, sometimes he could be a real asshole. Praying for 24 years, not one goddamn message on my answering machine. If you're listening and I know you're up there, thanks for all this food, since it's the least you could do. Amen. Let's eat.
Alex: God is good. God is great. But not all the time, sometimes he could be a real asshole. Praying for 24 years, not one goddamn message on my answering machine. If you're listening and I know you're up there, thanks for all this food, since it's the least you could do. Amen. Let's eat.
