Shallow Grave Quotes
Three friends discover their new flatmate dead but loaded with cash.
David Stephens: I am not ashamed. I have known love. I have known rejection. I am not ashamed to declare my feelings; take trust for instance, or friendship. These are the important things in life. These are the things that matter, that help you on your way. If you can't trust your friends, well, what then... What then?... Oh, yes. I believe in friends. I believe we need them. But if one day you can't trust them any more, well, what then... What then?
Master of Ceremonies: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. First of all may I thank you all for coming along tonight and supporting our appeal to raise funds for the sick children's unit.
Alex Law: You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children. I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want me money back!
Alex Law: You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children. I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want me money back!
Alex Law: So tell me, Cameron, just tell me because I'd like to know, what on earth could make you think that we would want to share a flat like this with someone like you? I mean, my first impression, and they're rarely wrong, is that you have none of the qualities that we normally seek in a prospective flatmate. I'm talking here about things like presence, charisma, style and charm, and I don't think we're asking too much, I don't think we're being unreasonable. Take David here, for instance: a chartered accountant he may be, but at least he tries hard. The point is I don't think you're trying.
Lumsden: Chartered accounting. It's often sneered at. Were you aware of that?
David Stephens: Not any real sneering as such, no.
Lumsden: There's a whole wide world out there, and it all needs to be accounted for, does it not?
David Stephens: Well, I...
Lumsden: But they sneer, do they not?
David Stephens: I'm not sure.
Lumsden: Oh, it's unfashionable, I know, but yes, we're methodical, yes, we're diligent, yes, we're serious, and where's the crime in that? Why not shout it from the rooftops? Yes, maybe sometimes we're a wee bit boring, but by God we get the job done.
David Stephens: Yes, sir.
Lumsden: And that's why I think you fit in here.
David Stephens: I'm boring?
Lumsden: You get the job done.
David Stephens: Oh, I see. I thought you meant...
David Stephens: Not any real sneering as such, no.
Lumsden: There's a whole wide world out there, and it all needs to be accounted for, does it not?
David Stephens: Well, I...
Lumsden: But they sneer, do they not?
David Stephens: I'm not sure.
Lumsden: Oh, it's unfashionable, I know, but yes, we're methodical, yes, we're diligent, yes, we're serious, and where's the crime in that? Why not shout it from the rooftops? Yes, maybe sometimes we're a wee bit boring, but by God we get the job done.
David Stephens: Yes, sir.
Lumsden: And that's why I think you fit in here.
David Stephens: I'm boring?
Lumsden: You get the job done.
David Stephens: Oh, I see. I thought you meant...
Detective-Inspector McCall: Only three people here? You're sure?
David Stephens: Yes, absolutely. Who said there were four?
Detective-Inspector McCall: Make a note of that, Mitchell. Only three, rather than four. Write it down. You can use numbers or words. I have no preference. Which are you using?
Detective-Constable Mitchell: Both, sir.
Detective-Inspector McCall: Excellent.
David Stephens: Yes, absolutely. Who said there were four?
Detective-Inspector McCall: Make a note of that, Mitchell. Only three, rather than four. Write it down. You can use numbers or words. I have no preference. Which are you using?
Detective-Constable Mitchell: Both, sir.
Detective-Inspector McCall: Excellent.
Alex Law: Look over there! It's Cameron!
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on!
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on!
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Detective-Inspector McCall: In your work you must meet lots of different people every day. New people, new faces, no?
Juliet Miller: Yes.
Detective-Inspector McCall: What do you recognize most, names or faces?
Juliet Miller: Diseases.
Detective-Inspector McCall: Like recognizing criminals by their crimes.
Juliet Miller: Yes.
Detective-Inspector McCall: What do you recognize most, names or faces?
Juliet Miller: Diseases.
Detective-Inspector McCall: Like recognizing criminals by their crimes.
Alex Law: Good, let's talk about disposal. Now we have to make that body unidentifiable and burning, dumping at sea and straight forward burial are all flawed, either by fingerprints or more commonly by dental records, this I have learned. Now what I suggest is we bury him out in the forest, but first or all we remove his hands and his feet, which we incinerate, and his teeth... which we just remove. It's as simple as that. David -
[sticks tool at Davids neck, laughs]
Alex Law: . I've always wondered what these were for. Now... oh...
[picks up saw]
Alex Law: This is what we need. And, em...
[picks up hammer]
Alex Law: this. Now, what else?
David Stephens: I don't know.
Alex Law: A spade, we need a spade - David, I wish you'd concentrate, we need a spade if we're gonna dig a pit.
David Stephens: So who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: Dig the pit? I don't know...
David Stephens: No, not that.
Alex Law: The what? Who's gonna do what?
David Stephens: You know what I'm talking about - who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: Do I? What? What are you talking about?
David Stephens: You know what. Who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: We all are David. We are all gonna do it. Each of us, you, me and Juliet will do his or her bit, okay? Fair enough?
David Stephens: I can't do it.
Alex Law: I don't hear this...
David Stephens: I won't be able to do it.
Alex Law: Are you telling me you want out already? Are you telling me you don't want the money? Hugo is going off, he smells-
[David hushes him]
Alex Law: The flat smells. We can't wait any longer.
David Stephens: I'm just telling you I won't be able to cut him up.
[sticks tool at Davids neck, laughs]
Alex Law: . I've always wondered what these were for. Now... oh...
[picks up saw]
Alex Law: This is what we need. And, em...
[picks up hammer]
Alex Law: this. Now, what else?
David Stephens: I don't know.
Alex Law: A spade, we need a spade - David, I wish you'd concentrate, we need a spade if we're gonna dig a pit.
David Stephens: So who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: Dig the pit? I don't know...
David Stephens: No, not that.
Alex Law: The what? Who's gonna do what?
David Stephens: You know what I'm talking about - who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: Do I? What? What are you talking about?
David Stephens: You know what. Who's gonna do it?
Alex Law: We all are David. We are all gonna do it. Each of us, you, me and Juliet will do his or her bit, okay? Fair enough?
David Stephens: I can't do it.
Alex Law: I don't hear this...
David Stephens: I won't be able to do it.
Alex Law: Are you telling me you want out already? Are you telling me you don't want the money? Hugo is going off, he smells-
[David hushes him]
Alex Law: The flat smells. We can't wait any longer.
David Stephens: I'm just telling you I won't be able to cut him up.
David Stephens: Well, Brian McKinley, if you want to talk to my girlfriend you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, then you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you're going to end up inside a fucking bin-bag. You didn't apply so you don't dance.
Juliet Miller: Do you think you could try to be a little more forceful next time?
Juliet Miller: Do you think you could try to be a little more forceful next time?
